Wednesday, December 28, 2016

FFTs and Goofs Swap Outfielders

The FFTs and SuperGoofs swapped Steven Souza for Eddie Rosario, outfielders so insignificant the players' mothers won't even take their calls.

Souza is the newest Goof. The soon to be 28-year old is taking his rf-2 and 17 homers to Disney World, where he will vie for a roster spot.

Rosario, who suffered the indignity of playing with the Inmates last year, goes to the FFTs. His lf/cf-3 will help the OF-deprived FFTs. Rosario is 25.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Sometimes We Trade Out Of Boredom

The Sidewinders traded David Peralta to the Warpigs for their 9th round pick, #143 overall.

Peralta, who had already been moved to the "Probable Cuts" list by the Snakes, missed much of 2016 with a wrist injury. If Peralta makes the Warpig roster, the Pigs will have 4 of the first 5 batters in the proposed batting order for the Diamondbacks. The main problem with that, of course, is that only 1 of those first 5 is any good, and it's the one the Pigs don't have.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Wahoos and Drillers make a Mama's Pizza Deal

The Wahoos reached out for a platoon catcher and landed Cameron Rupp. The Wahoos sent lefty reliever Tony Watson to the Drillers for Rupp in a straight up, 1-for-1 deal consummated at the Mama's Pizza gathering Wednesday night.

Rupp, the Dallas native and UT alum, pounded LHP last season to the tune of 324/361/632 and should fit in nicely on the 2017 NASOMA titlists.

Watson, who still has a noticeable tic when Adrian Beltre's name is mentioned, had a fine year as well, except for allowing way too many home runs. I wonder if he still has a BP HR at 6-2.

The Chief on this deal, "It's just one more guy we have to get sized for a ring. I seriously don't know why anyone else is even trying to build a contender for 2017. The guys I'm cutting could start for most of the other teams in the league."

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Bees Make it a Gray Christmas

The Killer Bees today acquired Sonny Gray from the Tweeners. The Tweeners received the 18th overall pick in the 2017 Draft.

Gray, who had been one of the top starting pitchers in the league from 2013-2015, struggled mightily in 2016, including two trips to the disabled list. Unreported up until now is the fact that Gray spent the entire season stumping for Presidential candidate Vermin Supreme. Vermin is a registered Republic/Anarchist who wanted to assure that every American get a free pony and that we FINALLY do some time travel research. Gray seemed to be distracted by the killer weekly schedule of  stump speeches and photo-ops, just barely finding enough time to pitch. "We think he's past that now," said Beeboy. "The country has spoken, and Sonny has come to terms that this just wasn't the right time for his guy."

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Pigs and Nads Swap Players

The Warpigs made their third trade of the day at the Winter Meetings today. They sent SP/RP Jaime Garcia and their own 3rd round pick to the Nads for Josh Harrison and a reserve pick.

Garcia, last year's 3rd overall pick after a great 2015, had a disappointing 2016 and has been since dealt to the Braves. He will have relief on his card, and could find his form again in Nadville. Said Garcia, "Going from the Warpigs to the Nads is fine by me, because I've always kinda preferred Nads. I can't get enough of them."

Harrison will turn 30 next summer, and his most telling stat is that his Batting Average, OnBase Percentage, and Slugging Percentage have ALL declined in each of the last three years. "It's hard to find that kind of consistency," said the Pigman at JayHay's presser. "Add to that the fact that he can no longer play multiple positions, and you've got a guy that fits in perfectly on our team. We're lucky to have him."

Another Dead Cuban Gets Traded

After Jose Fernandez was obtained by the Wahoos, the Warpigs felt the need to get their own dead Cuban, so they traded their 6th round pick (#95) to the Rhinos for Fidel Castro.

(Editor's note - Please note the error on the previous announcement. The Castro traded was Starlin, not Fidel. My bad.)

The Skyscrapers Make First Deal

It didn't take the Skyscrapers long to jump into the Winter Meetings with their first trade.

The newest team in NASOMA liked their roster but had concerns about their up-the-middle defense. They quickly targeted the guys they wanted, and just like that, a deal was done.

The Skyscrapers received Jason Kipnis and Andrelton Simmons from the Warpigs for Ozzie Albies, J.P. Crawford, Mitch Moreland, and Carlos Rodon.

Kipnis, a 2b-2, and Simmons, a ss-1, immediately make the Skyscrapers a force with a legitimate chance to repeat those 100 wins. Kipnis hit .275/.343/.469, leading the Indians AND Warpigs to the World Series. Simmons, considered the best defensive shortstop in baseball, also helps with the bat, showing improvement every year. The 27-year old hit a career high .281 last season.

Albies and Crawford are both uncarded, but the young middle infielders should both get a shot to play in the majors in 2017. Moreland has moved on to Fenway Park, and should pepper the Pesky Pole when not showing off his gold glove at 1b. Rodon hopes to surrender a few of those Moreland homers when not surrendering homers to Mitch's new teammates... and old teammates... and other American Leaguers... and maybe a few National Leaguers.

Friday, December 09, 2016

A New Rule to Consider

Strat-O-Matic has introduced a new Defensive Shift Rule. Please read up on it and discuss. We will need to vote on this new rule at our Draft. It will be employed as a NASOMA rule unless it receives 11 "No" votes at the Draft.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Team Names

On the computer game next year, how about we make a slight change from the past. Instead of all the teams being listed by our first names, why don't we go with our team's location? Or at least our imagined location. It won't change much, except those game stories that say things like, "Garth jumped all over Phillip."

Here are some suggestions. Feel free to suggest an alternative for your team.

Mansfield Buckeyes
Midlothian Mavs
Oklahoma Drillers
New York Skyscrapers

Stanley Sidewinders
Logan County Tweeners
Nashville Killer Bees
Disney SuperGoofs

Waco Inmates
Waxahachie Fungoes
Chicago Nads
Belldale Rhinos

Hooterville Warpigs
South Grand Prairie Wahoos
Dallas FFTs
Tulsa DVs

Welcome Skyscrapers!

Meet the new owner, Robert Emrich.

With the resignation of the Zapper, a new owner was needed to take over that franchise. In comes Robert Emrich and the Skyscrapers. Robert becomes our first new member since 2008 when the SuperGoofs came into the league.

Robert is a Grand Prairie resident, having moved here from New York a year and a half ago with his wife and two sons, ages 7 and 3. He has played Strat for 20 years and has been in two FTF leagues in NYC. He's still part of one of those.

Up until this past September, he worked for, mostly writing about Minor League Baseball.

Some of us are getting together next Wednesday night (12/14) around 6:30 at the Mama's Pizza in Mansfield to meet Robert. Join us if you can.

3 Days of Sweet Sneak Peek Tweets from SOM

Strat tweeted out some sneak peek defensive ratings over the last three days. They are listed below. A complete list of defensive rating will be released next week.

Daniel Murphy, 2b/1b/3b-4
BCrawford, ss-1
RSchimpf, 3b-3, 2b/lf-4
Aledmys Diaz,  ss-3, 2b-4
McCutchen, cf-3(!)
Galvis, ss-1
Asdrubal, ss-3
Villar, ss/3b/2b-3,
Yelich, lf-1, cf-2
J.Turner, 3b-2, 1b-4
Story, ss-3
Votto, 1b-3(!)
J.Baez, 2b-1, ss/3b-2, 1b-4
Markakis, rf-2, 1b-4
Goldschmidt, 1b-1
Encarnacion, 1b-3
Odor, 2b-4(!)
Forsythe, 2b-2
Nellie Cruz, rf-5(!)
K.Davis, lf-3
Gregorius, ss-1
Buxton, cf-2
A.Simmons, ss-1
Orlando, rf/cf-2
Gattis, c-4(-2)
Miggy, 1b-3, 3b-5
Lindor, ss-1
Tim Anderson, ss-3
Xander, ss-3
C.Davis, 1b-1
Adam Jones, cf-2
Pedroia, 2b-1
Eaton, rf-1, lf-3, cf-4
Kipnis, 2b-2
JD Martinez, rf-4
CCorrea, ss-2
Hosmer, 1b-2
Trout, cf-1
Healy, 3b-3
Kepler, rf-2, cf-3, 1b-4
SCastro, 2b/ss-3
KMarte, ss-4
Longoria, 3b-2
Moreland, 1b-1
Donaldson, 3b-2
Lamb, 3b-4
Swanson, ss-2
Fowler, cf-3
Duvall, lf-2, rf/3b/1b-4
Blackmon, cf-3
CSeager, ss-3
DGordon, 2b-2
Gennett, 2b-3
Cespedes, lf-2, cf-4
Cesar Hernandez, 2b-3, ss-4
JHarrison, 2b-2, rf-4
YMolina, c-2(-3), 1b-4
HRenfroe, rf-3
MMargot, cf/rf-2
Panik, 2b-1
TTurner, cf-3, ss/2b-4
Segura, 2b-1, ss-3
Zobrist, 2b-3, lf/rf -3(0), ss-4
KBryant, 3b-3, lf-3(-1), rf/1b-4, ss-5
Betts, rf-1(-3)
WMyers, 1b-2, rf-3, lf-4, 3b-5
Semien, ss-3
Desmond, cf/lf-3(-3)
Altuve, 2b-2, ss-4
Dozier, 2b-2
Gary Sanchez, c-3(-3)

Monday, November 28, 2016

Zach Britton Traded to the Wahoos

After the flurry of trades this weekend (no doubt done to see if I'd keep writing reports for each one), the Wahoos and Mavs saved the biggest deal for Cyber Monday.

The Mavs dealt Zach Britton to the Wahoos for the 2018 1st, 4th, and reserve picks of the Wahoos. The Hoos will  also get a 2018 9th back in the deal.

Britton, who will turn 29 next month, easily had the best year of any reliever in 2016. Adding his card to the already stout Wahoo pen (Melancon, Betances, Osuna, Watson, TWoods, Familia) creates a bullpen better than the Snakes'. Not to mention the elite rotation of Arrieta, Verlander, Estrada, and the Weekend at Bernies guy.

The Wahoos are set up for another trip to the post season.

The Mavs have their eye on 2018.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

League Stats Posted

There are two new links on the main page for individual stats and team stats.

Spoiler Alert:

Batting champion - Xander Bogaerts, DVs
Home Run champion - Chris Davis, Mavs
RBI champion - Chris Davis, Mavs

Most wins - Clayton Kershaw, Fungoes
ERA - Zack Greinke, Zaps
Saves - Hector Rondon, Nads

In addition, the league records pages in the Archives section of the website have been updated. No new records were set. Well, at least not for "best" ever. There are a few new entries for "worst" ever. And there were some new entries in the top 5 of some categories. Mostly pitching, I think.

Young for Ruiz

The Buckeyes traded catcher Carlos Ruiz to the SuperGoofs for platoon outfielder Chris Young.

Young's 2016 was marred by injury, but his numbers vs LHP will make him a valuable asset to the Buckeyes as they rise from the ashes. Young is still bitter about being left off the Warpig playoff roster, a move that was even more troubling when the Pigs faced lefties in 8 of their last 10 games. "If I had been active, the we would have won every game. I'm that good," tweeted Young.

Ruiz, who will turn 38 in January, hit .264 in 201 AB last year and is just happy to have a job. Said Ruiz, "At my age, I really should just be doing TV ads for erectile dysfunction. But I guess playing for the Goofs is about the same thing. I'm glad to join up again with my old buddy Joaquin Benoit. It's nice to have an older guy to look up to."

Saturday, November 26, 2016

The World Champs Get Better

The fourth overall pick didn't stay in Russellville long. The Tweeners, who picked up the pick from the FFTs just minutes earlier for Nelson Cruz, moved it on to other parts of Kentucky. The Sidewinders acquired the pick in exchange for their 2018 1st round pick, their 2018 2nd round pick, and both of their 2017 reserve picks.

Big Innings caught up with pick 1-4 at the airport...

B.I.: So what's it feel like to get traded twice in less than an hour?

1-4: I tell ya, BI, it's a bit humbling. On the one hand, it's great to be wanted, but that means at least 2 teams just didn't want me.

B.I.: So how do you live with that?

1-4: Are you kidding? I'm going to the best team in NASOMA! Why the hell wouldn't I be overjoyed?

B.I.: Any ideas who the Snakeman might use you to get in the Draft?

1-4: He told me when he called that he'd just hafta wait and see who Big Innings told him to take. Something about how that strategy worked just fine last year.

Big Trade Day Continues with 3-team Deal

The FFTs, SuperGoofs, and Warpigs combined to make a 3-team trade today.

The Warpigs sent their 5th round pick (5-79) to the FFTs and receive back local hero Francisco Cervelli.

The SuperGoofs sent Cervelli to the Pigs and their 5th round pick (5-69) to the FFTs in exchange for Yunel Escobar.

The FFTs lose Escobar to the Goofs but get two 5th round picks (5-69 and 5-79).

Escobar had a great year. The 34-year old Cuban third baseman slashed 304/355/391, and should be the everyday hot corner starter for the Goofs.

Francisco Cervelli, who will turn 31 in March, had an injury-plagued year, but hit .385 against LHP, with an OBP of .484. More importantly, the Venezuelan had quite a post season for the Warpigs, hitting .438 against the Fungoes and .400 vs the Sidewinders. The Hooterville locals had been clamoring for Cervelli's return in 2017, so a deal was brokered. Plus, he makes a nice platoon partner for new catcher J.T. Realmuto.

2017 Hall of Fame Ballot

The top returners and newcomers for the 2017 Hall of Fame induction are in a poll on the left side of this page. You may vote for up to 10.

The first 9 names on the poll are the returning candidates who received over 30% of the vote in 2016. The last 5 names are the best of the newcomers.

The ballot will include these returning candidates (the ones in yellow are in the poll on the left):

Jeff Bagwell
Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Trevor Hoffman
Edgar Martinez
Mike Mussina
Tim Raines
Curt Schilling
Lee Smith
Jeff Kent
Fred McGriff
Gary Sheffield
Sammy Sosa
Billy Wagner
Larry Walker

and 1st year guys:

Vladimir Guerrero
Jorge Posada
Manny Ramirez
Ivan Rodriguez
Magglio Ordonez
Casey Blake
Pat Burrell
Orlando Cabrera
Mike Cameron
J.D. Drew
Carlos Guillen
Derek Lee
Melvin Mora
Edgar Renteria
Arthur Rhodes
Freddy Sanchez
Matt Stairs
Jason Varitek
Tim Wakefield

Wieters to the Wahoos

The FFTs dealt Matt Wieters today to the Wahoos for their 2nd round pick (2-27).

Wieters slashed 244/302/409 last year. The good news is he's relatively balanced; the bad news is, he's relatively balanced.

But now the Wahoos have a catcher.

FFTs acquire Nellie Cruz from Tweeners

Nelson Cruz will take his 43 homers and 105 RBI to the FFTs next year. The cost was steep: the fourth overall pick and a reserve now belong to the Tweeners.

Cruz's presence on the FFT roster probably mean Ichiro slides over to LF and Josh Reddick most likely becomes depth. It definitely means the FFTs are going to score some runs. Now, whether they can keep the other team from scoring will be the key.

FFT offense:
Yadier, c
Miggy, 1b
Cano, 2b
Beltre, 3b
Tulo, ss
DH & depth, Hanley/Yunel/Holt/Forsythe

FFT pitching:
Lackey, Smarja, Hill, DDuffy, Pomeranz, Gio, Leake...

Granderson to the Buckeyes

Curtis Granderson, one of the good guys in baseball, is moving from one 1-20 homer park to another 1-20 homer park.

The Wahoos parted ways with Grandy because the Buckeyes were willing to part with a 4th round pick and a reserve.

Granderson, who will turn 53 in March, offers very little beyond home runs, experience, and stories about when he used to hit against Gaylord Perry.

In a press release, Chief Wahoo commented, "It was either cut him or accept lots of good stuff from the Buckeyes for him. It was a tough decision."

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Galvis for Souza in Blockbuster Deal!

The Buckeyes put a number of quality specimens on the trading table today, and the best of the bunch, Steven Souza, was gobbled up right away. The FFTs were the interested party and had to summon the nerve to part with Freddy Galvis to acquire Souza.

Steven Souza, who will be heading into his 28-year old season in 2017, is a right-handed hitting right fielder who hit .247 with 17 homers last year. Steven is a solid citizen who rarely gets caught using drugs. The FFTs have been searching for a good LFer to complement his already full roster. Unfortunately, Souza is neither good nor a left fielder.

Freddy Galvis, 7 months younger than Souza, is a full-time shortstop who epitomizes mediocrity. His slash line of 241/274/399 means he hits quite well for a pitcher. The Venezualan did have 20 homers, and has a history of getting good defensive ratings. If the Buckeyes are indeed ready to return to relevancy in NASOMA, they're going to need a quality shortstop. Galvis will have to fill the spot until they find one.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Draft Grid Updated

There's a link now on to the 2017 Draft Grid. Also, all draft picks have been converted on the roster page (at the bottom, under your roster). This year, I designated each pick by its round and overall pick number. For instance, pick 4-51 means it's in the 4th round, and it's the 51st overall pick in the draft.

To make things easier, use these numbers when reporting trades.

As always, let me know if you find any mistakes.

Final stats are due this Friday. We're only missing stats for the Wahoos, Drillers, and Bees.


The Wahoos traded Justin Turner and a 4th round pick to the Buckeyes for Raisel Iglesias and Marcel Ozuna.

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - World Series

The Sidewinders are playing in their third consecutive World Series. They lost in 2014 to the Fungoes, and then dropped the 2015 Series in criminal fashion to the Warpigs. In fact, this is the third time the Snakes and Warpigs have met in the World Series, with the Pigs winning the first two. But with the familiar Pigs in the opposing dugout, 2016 was a chance at revenge, redemption, and a chance to prove that "third time's a charm" idiom.

Game 1 @ The BallPork - The Warpig "7 pitchers a game" strategy and the omnipresent Pig Luck were both on display in game 1. Garrett Richards and 6 relievers combined to hold the Snakes to 5 hits and 1 run. In the 8th inning, some of the luck came into play. Nick Hundley led off with a single, and pinch runner Slidin' Billy Hamilton stole 2nd, advancing to 3rd on the overthrow. With the tying run at 3rd, nobody out, and the heart of the Snake order coming up, the Warpigs called on luck to get them thru. Antonio Bastardo retired David Ortiz on a pop up before walking Mark Teixeira. Pedro Strop then came in to strike out Franklin Gutierrez and retire Starling Marte to strand the runner. But the Pig Luck REALLY appeared earlier in the game. Ian Kinsler hit a 2-run ballpark homer (1-2) for the only Pig runs of the game. Even the stoic Snakeman cursed. Warpigs win 2-1.

Game 2 @ The BallPork - I should really let the Snakeman tell you what happened from here on in. One, I don't remember a lot of it - I was pretty tired. And two, I don't want to remember it. It wasn't fun. I kept picturing that Pepsi commercial: "This must be what the Fungo man felt like when he was getting his ass kicked." Heroes from earlier in the day, Tyler Clippard and Pedro Strop, pitched batting practice, and the Snakes took advantage. According to my game sheet, the Snakes hit 4 homers in this game, but I'm not sure who hit them. Ortiz, Gutierrez, Teixeira, Hundley... it was all the fucking same anyway. I know Francisco Cervelli and Jarrett Parker both homered for the good guys. The game went back and forth until Adam Wainwright surrendered a homer in the 8th. Sidewinders win 8-6.

Game 3 @ The Snake Pit - Thanks to a bunch of Pig doubles off of Johnny Cueto and good pitching from Jaime Garcia, the Pigs had another lead in this game. But again, the Snake long ball brought them back. Two solo homers in the 8th inning sealed the win because one doesn't come back against the Sidewinder bullpen. Sidewinders win 4-3.

Game 4 @ The Snake Pit - No blown saves this game, as the score was 2-2 from the 2nd inning until the 7th when Nick Hundley hit a 2-run triple. Chris Young was the unlikely pitching star for the Sidewinders, bailing Hector Santiago out of a bases loaded situation in the 2nd inning and then pitching 4 innings of shutout ball. Sidewinders win 4-2, and the champagne bourbon is being put on ice.

Game 5 @ The Snake Pit - Chris Sale and the million dollar bullpen throw a shutout, Mark Teixeira (who resembles a dildo) swats 3 homers, yada yada yada... Sidewinders win 6-0. All hail the Sidewinders. Whatever.

Amazing how much this series resembled last year's. First, it was only the second time in NASOMA history that the same 2 teams squared off in back-to-back years. But last year, the Sidewinders dominated the Warpigs in the regular season only to fall to them in the Series in part because they had to play a first round series and were running short on bullpen innings. This year, the Pigs went 9-1 in the regular season against the Snakes (on the same table with the same dice!), but couldn't stay with them in the series. Rich Hill, who dominated the Sidewinders in the regular season, was already on the floor by the start of the World Series. Not that it would have mattered. What we needed was for those Sean Doolittle and Aaron Loup cards to find their way back onto the team. Wasn't going to happen because we use different rules for the playoffs than we do the regular season. Or something like that.

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - Round Two

The #2 seed Fungoes faced the Warpigs in the 2nd round for the right to advance to the World Series. The 2014 Champion Fungoes and the 2015 Champion Warpigs had an interesting year, starting back in February with a joint trip to Railroad Head, NY, and Strat-O-Matic's Opening Day. During the season, the Pigs won the first 3 match-ups before the Fungoes destroyed the Warpigs by winning the final 7. The head-to-head playoff match-up was a great way to finish up the year.

Game 1 @ WTF Field - Because the Wahoo series went 7 games, the Warpigs were "forced" to start Adam Wainwright in game 1 instead of using him out of the pen. Waino, in a blast from the past, responded with 6 no-hit innings. But this is the playoffs, and the Pigs went to the Pigpen despite the no-hitter, and although the Fungoes did finally get 2 hits, they did not score. On the other hand, Clayton Kershaw was tossing up goose eggs himself. After 9, the game was still scoreless. In the top of the 10th, with Kershaw still on the mound, Francisco Cervelli blooped a 2-out single. The Warpigs then turned to Jarrett Parker to pinch hit, but he was intentionally walked, putting a runner in scoring position. Kershaw finally made way for Carter Capps, but the reliever was greeted by an A.J. Pollock single to load the bases. Lorenzo Cain was up next, and he launched a grand slam into the seats in left field to quiet the crowd and send Capps to the showers. Tyler Clippard pitched the final 2.1 innings for the Pigs and earned the win. Each team struck out 13 times. Warpigs win 4-0 in 10 innings.

Game 2 @ WTF Field - David Price continued the shutdown pitching for the Fungi with 6.2 innings of scoreless ball. Eric Hosmer went 4-4, all singles. Ender Inciarte's solo homer in the 8th was the only Pig run. Fungoes win 5-1 to even the series.

Game 3 @ The BallPork - The Fungo offense sputtered against Josh Tomlin and the Pigpen, getting only 5 hits. The Pig offense got a homer from Martin Prado and a 3-run double from Ender Inciarte and cruised to victory. Warpigs win 6-2.

Game 4 @ The BallPork - Another great Kershaw game goes to waste because the Fungoes can't score. Both teams scored a run in the 1st. The Pigs plated their run when Francisco Cervelli tripled and Darin Ruf singled him home. The Fungoes scored an unearned run. Both teams had chances to add to the run column - the Fungi left the bases loaded in the 3rd and 4th innings - but the game stayed locked 1-1 until the 13th inning. Jarrett Parker led off the bottom of the 13th for the Pigs, and for the third time in three appearances, he was walked intentionally - this time to lead off the inning. Andrelton Simmons bunted him over, and A.J. Pollock ended the game with an RBI single. Clayton Kershaw threw 10 innings, striking out 13 and allowing only the 1st inning run. The Pigs used a team record 9 pitchers in the game, and the standouts were Tyler Clippard and Pedro Strop. Clippard went 3 innings of 2-hit, shutout relief; and Strop bested that by going 4 innings of 1-hit shutout ball, striking out 7. Antonio Bastardo pitched the top of the 13th and got the win. Warpigs win 2-1 in 13 innings to take a surprising 3-1 lead in the series.

Game 5 @ The BallPork - With their season on the line, the Fungoes turned to David Price, who had pitched so well in game 2. This time, however, he ended up with Pig shit all over him. Price gave up 4 runs on 5 hits and 2 walks in only 2.1 innings. The Fungo bullpen kept the game close, though, and when Rougned Odor homered off of Brandon Maurer in the 9th, it was suddenly a 1-run game. The Fungoes even got 2 more base runners after the homer, but couldn't score them. Rich Hill got the final out - his last out of the postseason - without retiring a batter when Jarrod Dyson pulled a Babe Ruth and tried to steal 3rd with 2 outs. Yadier Molina gunned him down, and the game - as well as the series - was over. Warpigs win 5-4 and move on to the World Series for the 16th time in their history.

Clayton Kershaw's stats: 2 starts, 19.2 innings (he went beyond the 9th in both games), 3 runs (1.37 ERA), 11 hits allowed, and 25 strikeouts. Oh, and he was 0-1 with a no decision.

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - Round Two

Sidewinders 4, Mavs 2. Game stories coming.

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - Round One

The day-long festivities at WTF got kicked off with a first round series between the Warpigs and the Wahoos. The Warpigs were the #3 seed, but the Wahoos had dominated the season series, going 11-3.

Game 1 @ The BallPork - Jake Arrieta had a no-hitter with 2 outs in the 7th inning before surrending the first of 2 hits. The Wahoos only managed 4 hits themselves, but two of them were back-to-back solo homers in the first inning by Mike Mahtook and Curtis Granderson. That was enough support for Arrieta who threw a complete game shutout. Wahoos win 2-0.

Game 2 @ The BallPork - The Wahoos plated 2 runs in the 4th on back-to-back RBI hits by Curt Casali and Brandon Crawford. It could have been more, but Darren O'Day came on with runners at 2nd and 3rd with 1 out, and stranded the runners. In fact, after the Wahoos didn't get another base hit after the 4th inning. The Warpigs tied the game in the 5th. Jake Lamb tripled and was singled home by Lorenzo Cain. A sac bunt, a walk, and an RBI single by Francisco Cervelli scored Cain. Neither team came close to scoring again until the bottom of the 9th. Ender Inciarte singled off of Dellin Betances to lead off the inning. After Jeurys Familia relieved Betances, another sac bunt put Inciarte in scoring position. Martin Prado scratched out an infield single to put runners at the corners with 1 out before Cain was able to come thru again with an RBI hit, this one a walk-off single. Warpigs win 3-2.

Game 3 @ The Reservation - In a great showing of bi-partisan support, it was Adeiny Hechavarria Day at The Reservation - a rare honor for a visiting 98-pound, good-field, no-hit shortstop. Hechavarria, hitting out of the 9 hole, made the most of it. Adeiny went 4-4, with a homer, two doubles, 2 runs, 2 RBI, and a stolen base. Jarrett Parker also had a big day, going 3-4 with a double and a homer. Jason Kipnis added a 2-run homer for the visitors. Seven Pig pitchers held the Hoos to 6 hits (including another Mahtook homer). Things got tight in the bottom of the 9th. With the Wahoos trailing by 3, Rich Hill made his first appearance of the series. After an out, Hechavarria, trying to fill every stat column, booted a grounder for the first error in the series. Hill struck out Derek Norris, but Kendrys Morales got a 2-out single to bring up Curt Casali. A homer would tie it, and Casali is all about the homer. In a surprise move, Casali is intentionally walked. A Brandon Crawford homer would end the game now, but Hill got him out to end the game and earn the save. Warpigs win 5-2 and go up 2 games to 1.

Game 4 @ The Reservation - This was the kind of game you'd expect from the Wahoos at their park. The Hoos scored 9 runs on 12 hits with 2 homers. Kyle Seager hit a solo shot in the 1st, and Brandon Crawford put the game out of reach with a 3-run shot in the 7th. Trevor Wood pitched well, tossing 5.2 shutout innings, scattering 5 hits. Lorenzo Cain homered late for the Pigs. Kendrys Morales scored 3 times, and Curt Casali joined Crawford with 3 RBI. Wahoos win 9-2 to even the series.

Game 5 @ The Reservation - It turns out beating up on Jake Arrieta, striking out 16 Hoo batters, and having your stud reliever on the mound with a 3-run lead in the 9th isn't enough to beat the Wahoos. The Pigs, on the strength of 2-run homers by Martin Prado and Jarrett Parker, led the Hoos 4-1 into the bottom of the 9th. After 2 batters reached off of Darren O'Day, Rich Hill was summoned to put out the fire. But after an out, Dustin Pedroia rolled 6-5, the HR 1-7/fly which is pretty much the only thing on Hill's card. And Pedroia nailed it, tying the game. Then in the 11th, Tommy Pham rolled that same damn 6-5, with the same damn result: a walk-off homer to give the Wahoos a 3 games to 2 lead headed back to the BallPork. Wahoos win 5-4 in 11 innings.

Game 6 @ The BallPork - For the first time in the series, a Warpig starting pitcher makes it into the 4th inning. Josh Tomlin, in fact, goes 6.1 innings of shutout ball before giving way to the bullpen. Adeiny Hechavarria performs his bat magic again, blasting a 2-run homer in the 3rd inning, and that was all the Pigs needed. Rich Hill goes 2 quick and quiet innings for the save. Warpigs win 3-0, and the series is headed for a game 7.

Game 7 @ The BallPork - It was an epic pitchers' duel in game 7, with Marco Estrada putting up a row of zeroes to match the ones being put up by the stream of Warpig relievers. Each team managed only 3 hits. The Wahoos threatened in the 5th. Dustin Pedroia doubled with 1 out and Tommy Pham walked. Darren O'Day came on to get pinch hitter Justin Turner to bounce into 2 and end the threat. In the bottom of the 6th, A.J. Pollock was hit by an Estrada pitch. Even without a good lead, Pollock swiped 2nd. Ender Inciarte then lofted a fly ball to right. It looked like Nori Aoki was going to get to it, but he pulled up at the last second, allowing the ball to drop for an RBI single. The Wahoos couldn't answer, as they didn't get a hit after the 5th inning and struck out 13 times. Rich Hill struck out 5 of the 6 hitters he faced for the save. Warpigs win 1-0.

The Wahoos scored 16 runs on 28 hits in the 3 games at The Reservation, but totaled a meager 4 runs on 16 hits in the 4 games at The BallPork.

As the Warpigs move on to face the Fungoes, Rich Hill has only 2.1 innings left, and Jarrett Parker has 3 AB remaining.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Steal a base, get a taco...

The good news is... With Lindor's first inning stolen base, the whole country gets a free Doritos Locos Taco from Taco Bell.

The better news is... You don't have to actually eat it.

Friday, October 21, 2016

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - Round One

The Snakeman is coming to Dallas! The Sidewinders advance to the 2nd round in 7 games.

Game 1 - Snakes lose 6-2

Game 2 - Snakes win 4-0

Game 3 - Snakes win 3-2

Game 4 - Snakes lose 2-1

Game 5 - Snakes lose 18-0

Game 6 - Snakes win 8-1

Game 7 - Snakes win 8-6.

The Sidewinders' 2nd round opponent will be either the Mavs or Fungoes, depending on the outcome of the other 1st round series.

The rest of the playoffs will be held November 19th.

That's What She Said

Thursday night's Cub/Dodger game... John Smoltz speaking... "Big hitters get the best wood."

Three nights earlier following the Indian/Blue Jay game... Terry Francona speaking... "When I saw blood on the rubber, that's not a real good sign that things are going very well."


The Warpigs traded Adeiny Hechavarria to the SuperGoofs for Luis Severino.

The Wahoos traded Hisachi Iwakuma and a 5th round pick to the Tweeners for a 4th round pick.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Regular Season Finished

The 2016 NASOMA regular season wrapped up today.

In the post season, the first round features the #3 seeded Warpigs vs the #6 Wahoos, and the #4 Sidewinders against the #5 Zaps.

The Fungoes earned the #2 seed and a bye. The Mavs had the best record in the league; they'll be seed #1.

The playoff date (I think) is November 19th. I'm still not sure where the games are being played. The Zaps can't make the trip, but the Snakeman will be flying in because flicking the bean away from home is way more enjoyable. He'll play his series with the Zaps via TeamViewer.

The Draft Order for the first the non-playoff teams is...

1. Buckeyes (It takes work and talent to lose this many games.)

2. Killer Bees (I wonder who will be available for me to draft online in March?)

3/4. FFTs and Drillers (a 20-sided die will be rolled by the commissioner to break the tie - winner picks 3rd in odd rounds and 4th in even rounds. "I only went 5-5 with one damn team this year, and it had to be the Drillers.")

5. Goofs (If I cut Matt Duffy, am I allowed to use this pick to get him back?)

6. Nads (The Nads are picking 6th. This is NASOMAspeak for "best year ever!")

7. DVs (He remains the posterboy for mediocrity.)

8. Tweeners (Finished 5-19 to grab this illustrious spot in the draft.)

9. Inmates (When your team strikes out almost a thousand times more than they walked, pick 9 is pretty much what you deserve.)

10. Rhinos (Wait... 90 wins didn't get me into the playoffs?!? Can I replay those last 5?)

This list, of course, does not reflect any trades.

As a bonus, here is my prediction for picks 11-16...

11. Sidewinders (Win or lose, I love the idea of the Snakeman flying from Kentucky to Dallas to play a guy from Los Angeles via the internet. Nothing has ever made more sense to me or could be a stronger indication of what makes NASOMA so great.)

12. Warpigs (In 14 games, we beat the Wahoos 3 times. How the hell do I now beat him 4 times in 7 games? The answer is, I don't.)

13. Zaps (After beating the Snakes online, the Zapper bows out due to "more important shit to do" and allows the Fungoes to play against his CM. The Fungoes, of course, sweep.)

14. Mavs (They may have been the best team in the league, but this is the Year of the Wahoo.)

15. Fungoes (While watching homer after homer by the Wahoos - and getting shut out twice by Arrieta, the Fungoes spend the remaining time reminding the Wahoos how to spell Fungoes since he'll be having it put on the Higdon in 2018.)

16. Wahoos (It's not often that a 24-year plan comes to fruition right on time like this. All Hail the Wahoos!)

Mavs 5, Goofs 0

The Mavs roll into Disneyworld pleased to find that you can purchase an adult beverage there because hey if you’ve got to stand in line with the wife and kids for hours listening to “It’s a Small World After All” a buzz is in order. 
June 25th:  2nd Amendment Rights advocate Chris Heston faces Jason Hammel.  Although it is a bit unnerving to see Minnie Mouse packing heat, it isn’t the first time the Mavs have played before an armed audience.  WTF are the numbers in this park?  Communist Goofs have nothing but zeroes.  The running Mavs score first in the top of the third on an Upton single, SB and Valencia double and tack on an additional run with infield hits by ARod (boo) and Davis.  Winged feet.  The Mavs add a run in the fourth on a walk to Miller, Lucroy sac and Wong double and oh my Bernice Brewer appears to be trying to strike up some kind of event with Huey, Dewey and Louie.  This is what happens when you don’t allow home runs.  In the bottom of the fourth the Goofs get their first baserunner on a Valencia error but strand him.  Their first hit comes in the bottom of the fifth on a Duda double but the Goofs strand him.  In the top of the seventh ARod (boo) drives in a run on a ballpark fly ball B and the cameras catch Bernice Brewer smoking three cigarettes at once.  The Mavs hold on to win 6-0 as four pitchers combine on a two hitter.  Jason Hammel wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going seven innings allowing just one hit, striking out seven and walking none.
June 26th:  The Mavs go for the coveted NASOMA D Cup for the best record in the regular season.  Eduardo Rodriguez takes the hill against Jake Odorizzi who after giving up 38 homers in 169 innings has to be happy to be in Disneyworld.  The Goofs score first in the bottom of the second when Bryce Harper fails to chase down a looping single.  It is still 1-0 at the end of the fifth although it is hard to see how.  The Goofs have stranded eight plus hit into a double play as nine of the first 23 batters have reached base for the Goofs.  The Mavs get an infield hit, a walk, a sacrifice bunt by ARod (boo) and pitcher X where we sent James McCann 1-9 and he made it to tie the game in the top of the sixth.  I’m glad the Goofs didn’t have to see that.  In the eighth still tied, McCann draws a walk, Harper gets an X hit off Duda (3e4), after ARod (boo) and Davis hit ground ball C’s, Jackie F. Bradley greets Franklin Morales (the right move by Hal) with 2-8 double chasing in two runs.  The Goofs get one run back in the bottom of the eighth on a double by Duda and a single by Phillips.  The Goofs get the tying run on the ninth with a walk by Choo but Kang strikes out and Duda grounds out.  The Mavs win 3-2 and get their hands on the D Cup at last.  JF Bradley gets the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for the two out double off a lefty.
Sept 6th:  The badly hungover Mavs send Hammels out to face Luis Severino.  The Goofs strike first on a Cameron Maybin homer 1-3 flyB (split of 3) to lead off the first.  In the top of the third Chris Davis hits a 1-6 straight out tater scoring Harper who had doubled.  Mickey reaches for his hip flask.  The Mavs add a run in the top of the fourth on an Upton double.  Mickey careens to the luxury box bar.  The Mavs add a run in the top of the fifth on a sacrifice fly by JF Bradley.  Mickey kicks Goofy and passes out with a bean burrito in his left hand and a Tres Generaciones bottle in his right.  The Mavs hold on to win 4-1.  Davis wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-3 with two walks, a homer (number 54) and a double.
Sept 7th:  In a reprise of the D Cup clincher it is Eduardo Rodriguez vs. Jake Odorizzi.  The Mavs open the scoring in the top of the first with an ARod (boo) 1-9 straight out homer (number 33).  Chris Davis follows with his 55th homer.  In the top of the third Nick Castellanos hits a 2-6 two run homer.  The Goofs cut the lead in half with a single by Phillips and back to back doubles by Maybin and Parra.  The Mavs hang on from there and win 4-2.  I counted three ball park homers by the Goofs.  The game would have been different in the Rastadome.  ARod (boo) wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-3 with a homer and a walk.
Sept 8th:  Steven Wright (he likes to skate on the other side of the ice) vs. Yovanni Gallardo (16-3 with a 2.98 ERA – explain that).  The Mavs open the scoring in the first on a 1-5 straight out homer by Bryce Harper (number 44).  Chris Davis followed with a 1-10 straight out homer (number 56).  The Mavs tack on two runs in the top of the ninth on a Harper double and seven Mav pitchers (September baseball) combine to throw a shutout.  Mavs win 4-0.  Gallardo wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game by picking up his seventeenth win.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Zaps 3, Nads 2

ZAPS go 3-2 at NADS. Tristan must have pissed off HAL – as his team hit into 10 double plays and made 10 errors in 5 games
and that allowed the miserable NADS to win 2.

May 19th –Five errors by the visiting team opened the door as Anthony Gose had 2 base hits and 2 RBI as the NADS defeated 
the VIVAZAPASTAS by the score of 8 to 2 at The Ball Sack. TRISTAN found themselves trailing quickly as the DAVE bats 
came through in the first inning plating 2 runs on 2 hits.
May 20th -Travis D'Arnaud had 4 hits and 3 RBI as the VIVAZAPASTAS outscored the NADS 6 to 3. Ken Giles(2-0) was the 
winner allowing no runs in 3 and 1/3 innings. Kevin Jepsen(2-6) was the losing pitcher in relief.
August 12th – Zaps made four errors and hit into three double plays while the NADS stole five bases and had 21 hits. 
Final score – NADS 13 Zaps 3
August 13th – Zaps win 12-7   12 runs – 18 hits – 3 errors  NADS 7 runs – 10 hits – 0 errors Manny Machado added four ribbies
 to his seasonal total with one swing of the Bat with a Grand Slam in the 8th. NADS scored 4 runs in the bottom of the ninth but fell short
August 14th - Asdrubal Cabrera connected with a 'big fly' and had 6 RBI and Max Scherzer had a complete game as the VIVAZAPASTAS 
beat the NADS by the count of 10 to 5.

Sunday, October 16, 2016


The FFTs traded J.T. Realmuto to the Warpigs for Yadier Molina.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Fungoes 5, Inmates 2

Fungoes and Inmates finished up their season series today and also completed 
their respective 2016 regular season.  Here are the results:

July 8 at Inmates:
Fungoes break out to a 5-0 lead and hold on to win 5-4.  Kyle Gibson picks up 
the win improving to 12-9 for the Fungoes.  Carter Capps goes 2 innings claiming 
his 22 save.  Matt Carpenter smashed a solo blast in the first and a 2 run double
in the fifth inning.

July 9 at Inmates:
Fungoes score early and often winning it 8-3.  Matt Harvey improves to 11-7.  Sal
Perez blasted 2 home runs while Freddie Galvis collected 3 hits.

July 10 at Inmates:
Inmates blast Clayton Kershaw for 5 early runs and hold on to win it 6-3.  

September 9 at Fungoes:
Fungoes win this one 7-3 and Kyle Gibson picks up win number 13.  Will Harris 
collects save number 22.  Eric Hosmer collected 4 hits and scored 2 runs for
the Fungoes.

September 10 at Fungoes:
David Price finishes up his season with 7 shutout innings as the Fungoes win it
7-0.  Sal Perez and Eric Hosmer both homer for the Fungoes.

September 11 at Fungoes double header game 1:
Clayton Kershaw collects win number 24.  Shawn Kelley picks up his first 
save of the season in game #161.  Mookie Betts bangs out 3 hits while Trout
doubles, triples and scores 2 runs.

September 12 at Fungoes double header game 2:
Matt Harvey throws batting practice for the Inmates as they earn a split.  

Fungoes finish up with a 101-61 record!


Cards and dice:

Fungoes 5 – Inmates 4 (Baptist Bowl): Pineda gives it up like a 50 cent floozy, the Inmates can’t catch up, and the Fungus win.

Fungoes 8 – Inmates 3 (Baptist Bowl): Salazar pitches like shit, the Inmates hit three solo homers and commit three errors, and Fungus runs rampant in the Beakless Chicken’s abode.

Inmates 6 – Fungoes 3 (Baptist Bowl): The Inmates close out their 2016 home schedule by kicking Kershaw’s ass for four runs in the 1st, but the Fungoes still have a bye in the first round of the playoffs.

Fungoes 7 – Inmates 4 (WTF): Salazar pitches like shit, Chapter 2, and the Inmates lose. Again.

Fungoes 7 – LDMF 0 (WTF): The Little Leaguers from Central Texas show up and get an old-fashioned ass-wuppin’ as the Fungoes celebrate their team’s 100th victory. BFD. . .

Fungoes 6 – Inmates 4 (WTF): At least this looks a little better on paper, but the Inmates still lose.

Inmates 8 – Fungoes 1 (WTF): Finally the Inmates click on all cylinders, but who the fuck cares? The season is over and the Inmates get the 10th pick of the draft.

Of interest (?) – The Inmates out-tatered the Fungoes 13-7 in the series, out-stole the Fungoes 2-1, and got outscored by the Fungoes 37-30. Hmm. Cargo finished the year with 48 homers and 84 RBI. Hmm.


Sidewinders 12, Tweeners 2

Finished up our season last Friday/Saturday morning in Russellville. Snakes got hot and went 6-1 at HooverDome and 6-1 at home in the ChurchLot.

Tweeners won 7/12 by score of 6-1 and 5/30 game one of DH 4-3

SSWs won the other games 7-5, 12-5,6-0,13-6,8-4,3-1,5-1,5-3,7-3,6-2,3-1 and 5-3.

Earlier in the year we went 1-9 vs Warpigs. Never remember having two such streaks in one season.

Now that he is retired, we need to hire the MavMan as Director of Media Relations and Marketing so he can write up our game stories and develop business relationships and sponsorships.  He has developed into the Hunter S. Thompson of baseball reporting.


Sunday, October 09, 2016

Fungoes 4, Nads 3

Fungoes and Nads finished up today via TeamViewer with the Fungoes winning 4 of 7.

May 30 game 1:
Third baseman Todd Frazier had 2 base hits as the NADS beat the
FUNGOES by a score of 4 to 2.
The Nads totaled 7 hits on the afternoon.
Kevin Jepsen(2-3) went 1 and 1/3 innings allowing no runs for the victory.
Hector Rondon preserved the game for Jepsen, recording his his 19th save.
Will Harris(5-3) was the losing pitcher in relief.  He allowed 2 runs and 2
hits in 1/3 of an inning.  

May 30 game 2:
Mookie Betts hit for the cycle and had 4 RBI at The Ball Sack where the
Fungoes beat the Nads 11 to 5.
Betts had a big day at the plate.  He doubled in the 2nd inning, tripled
scoring a run in the 4th inning, smacked a three-run homer in the 5th inning
and singled in the 8th inning.  Trevor Rosenthal(4-2) got credit for the victory, 
pitching 1 and 2/3 innings allowing no runs. Kevin Jepsen was the loser in relief.

May 31:
R.A. Dickey tossed a complete game as the NADS beat the FUNGOES by
a score of 5 to 1.  The game started off with DAVE taking the lead in the 
first as they scored 2 runs on 2 base hits.  That scoring would be all that 
was needed.  Neither team managed to score after the 2nd inning. 
Dickey(7-5) picked up the complete game victory, allowing 1 run. Lance
McCullers(7-7) took the loss.  He pitched 7 innings allowing 8 hits and 3

June 1:
Clayton Kershaw went 7 strong innings at The Ball Sack where the FUNGOES
beat the NADS in 13 innings 5 to 3.  The score was tied at 2 after nine.  The
Fungoes won the hard fought contest in the 13th inning.  Matt Carpenter kicked 
off the action when he delivered a solo blast.  Mike Trout stepped up next and he 
tripled.  Mookie Betts then ripped a base-hit scoring the final run of the inning.  
The win went to Will Smith(5-1) who allowed no runs in 1 and 2/3 innings.
Smith got help from David Robertson who was credited with his 5th save.
Jared Hughes(0-2) was the loser in relief. 
September 12:
In a lop-sided win the NADS ripped the FUNGOES by a 6 to 1 count.
Mike Fiers(7-3) pitched a solid game.  He went 7 innings allowing 4 hits and 3
walks.   Lance McCullers(7-8) took the loss.  He surrendered 2 runs and 4 hits 
in 5 and 1/3 innings.

September 13:
David Price was able to finish what he started and was credited with a
complete game and Matt Carpenter cleared the bases with his grand slam as the
FUNGOES man-handled the NADS - the final score was 13 to 1.
Carpenter had a good day at the plate.  He lashed a single plating a run in
the 2nd inning and blasted a Grand Slam homerun in the 3rd inning.  The Fungoes
had 15 hits for the afternoon.  Price(18-11) finished the game allowing 1 run in the 
victory. R.A. Dickey(7-6) was tagged with the loss.  He was touched for 9 hits and 
3 walks in 2 and 2/3 innings. 

September 14:
Clayton Kershaw whiffed 10 batters as the FUNGOES defeated the NADS
by a score of 4 to 2 at The Ball Sack.  Kershaw(23-8) gave a fine effort.  He went 
7 innings and surrended up 5 hits and 1 walk and allowed 2 homeruns.  Carter 
Capps came through with a perfect ninth inning to earn his 21st save. 
Taylor Jungmann(7-8) was charged with the loss.  He allowed 6 hits and 4 walks
in 7 innings.  'Everything felt great' Kershaw said. 'I had a good fastball,
I felt I could throw it by everybody tonight.'
Fungoes punched their ticket to the post season and have improved to 96 - 59.