Tuesday, May 31, 2016

GoofEyes 8, Buckeyes 2

Goofs go 8 and 2 versus Buckeyes

5/11 Buckeyes 5 Goofs 2
5/12 Goof 6 Buckeyes 4

6/22 Goofs 8 Buckeyes 2
6/23 Goofs 4 Buckeyes 1
6/24 Goofs 6 Buckeyes 5

8/3 Buckeyes 5 Goofs 4
8/4 Goofs 3 Buckeyes 2
8/5 Goofs 7 Buckeyes 5 (11 Innings)

9/4 Goofs 2 Buckeyes 1 (10 Innings)
9/5 Goofs 2 Buckeyes 1

GoofEyes 5, Killer Bees 2

Goofs go 5 and 2 at home versus Bees.

5/30 Goofs 6 Bees 1
5/30 Bees 12 Goofs 4 (15 innings)
5/31 Goofs 3 Bees 2
6/1 Goofs 5 Bees 3

9/12 Bees 5 Goofs 3
9/13 Goofs 4 Bees 0
9/14 Goofs 7 Bees 5 

Mavs 5, Killer Bees 0

5/8 – the Killer Bees infest the Rastadome with Jared Weaver facing Jake Odorizzi on PED appreciation day leading up to the Olympics.  Chris Davis sends Betty’s well endowed sister Bernice Brewer down the slide with his 24th homer in the bottom of the first 2-0 Mavs.  In the bottom of the third Chris Davis hits number 25.  4-0 Mavs.  After an X chart single (the third of the game for the Bees), a Chris Davis error and a De Aza ballpark homer the Bees pull to within one.  Terry Miller is heard to say “he drove in four and gave up three that is plus one”.  A fifth X chart hit and Correa error (the third of the game for the Mavs) ties the game in the sixth.  Despite the Mavs giving up two more X chart hits (when the head groundskeeper gets out of rehab maybe things will get better) it is still tied in the bottom of the ninth thanks largely to three innings of two hit relief by Liam Hendricks.  Manager Dick Cheney of the Bees leaves Liam in but after a single and a walk he tires.  George Kontos comes in to face Chris Davis with two on and one out.  Kontos uncorks a wild pitch and manager Cheney pops open the Old Grandad in the dugout and walks Davis to face Carlos Correa.  Correa hits a walk off BP homer winning both the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game and the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game.  Mavs win 8-4.
5/9 – Ubaldo Jimenez takes on Jason Hammel on Cross Dressing Appreciation Day (J. Edgar Hoover Bobblehead giveaway).  The Mav players are in dresses and heels which based on last game can’t really hurt the defense any.  Neil Walker tags Hammel with his 22nd homer allowed in the top of the second.  The Bees string together three singles to score another run in the fifth and chase Hammel.  Meanwhile Ubaldo is untouched through four.  Make that five.  Make that six.  Make that seven.  ARod finally breaks up the no hitter with a 6-7 single 1-10 (split of 3) with one out in the eighth.  Howie Kendrick follows with a BP single and in comes Liam Hendricks again.  A Solarte X chart single loads the bases and Heyward clears them with a 5-8 double.  I’m glad the Bees weren’t here to see this travesty.  Mavs win 3-2.  Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game to Jason Heyward.
5/10 – Jordan Zimmerman vs. the Human Five Hour Energy Drink for Bats Clay Buchholz.  Buchholz holds the Bees to just two in the first and the Mavs get one back as Jason Heyward sends Bernice Brewer down the slide.  2-1 after one.  Buchholz settles down and holds the Bees to one run in the top of the second.  The Mavs get one back as Davis sends Bernice back down the slide but leave the bases loaded.  3-2 after two.  Neither team scores for three innings in a row.  In the top of the sixth manager Chris Christie tries a one out squeeze with Chirinos that fails.  In the bottom of the sixth the Mavs get two infield hits and a walk to tire Zimmerman.  Manager Cheney brings in Joe Blanton to face Brad Miller who hits a fly ball B to tie the game 3-3.  In the bottom of the eighth Blanton hits Bryce Harper and Valencia follows with a run scoring double.  Chris Davis sends Bernice down the slide and manager Cheney reaches for his bottle Oxycodone and an underage hooker.  Mavs win 6-3.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game is Chris Davis who is 3-4 with two home runs and 3 RBIs.
8/1 – Weaver against Odorizzi on Roller Derby Appreciation Night (Betty and Bertha were both former stars of the Bay City Bombers).  The Mavs score on an Upton sacrifice fly in the bottom of the first.  The Bees counter with a run on a Neil Walker double.  In the top of the fifth the Bees take the lead on a Robinson Chirinos BP tater with a runner on.  In the bottom of the seventh ARod ties it up as he sends Bernice down the slide with a runner on for his 24th homer of the year.  3-3.  In the bottom of the eighth Lucroy chases Weaver with a double.  Manager Dick Cheney goes to Liam Hendricks and the Mavs counter by putting Wong in.  A Solarte error ensues.  After a Heyward fly, Upton singles through the drawn in infield (1B X and Santana was there after pinchhitting for Freeman in the top of the eighth).  Upton steals second and manager Cheney walks Harper to get to Valencia.  The Mavs pinch hit Brad Miller who gets a ballpark single.  And Chris Davis sends Bernice down the slide and Dick Cheney reaches for his package of methadone.  When the dust settles the Mavs win 9-4.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game (you ring, we spring) is the hated ARod who goes 3-3 with a homer.
8/2 – Getaway day and not a moment too soon for the star-crossed Bees.  Jimenez vs. Clay Buchholz in Mail Order Bride appreciation night.  Coupon’s handed out to the first ten thousand males over 21.  Valencia starts the scoring with a 2-4 straight out two run homer in the bottom of the first.  The Bees come back with two runs on a Gregory Polanco double and a sacrifice fly.  In the top of the third, Burns singles and Freeman hits a ballpark tater.  4-2 Killer Bees.  Valencia doubles home a run trimming the lead by one in the bottom of the third.  In the bottom of the fifth, Chris Davis sends Bernice back down the slide with home run number 29 – a three run shot giving the Mavs a 6-4 lead.  Correa singles, ARod gets an infield hit (how deep did they have to be playing?) and Correa homers.  Mavs 9-4.  The Bees chase Buchholz (usually this is for the best) in the top of the sixth with three singles.  Mavs 9-5.  The Mavs add two, the Bees add two.  11-7 at the seventh inning stretch.  Chris Davis adds homer 30 in the bottom of the eighth (2 run shot) sending beleaguered Bernice back down the slide.  The Mavs close it out 13-7 and Chris Davis with two homers and five RBI’s wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.


Buckeyes trade Soler and the Snakes 7th in 2017 we acquired at the draft for the Snakes 2nd rounder in 2017. 

Tweeners 4, GoofEyes 3

Tweeners take 4 of 7 from Goofs at The Hooverdome.  Several good games, several extra innings.
5/27 – Goofs 5, Tweeners 2 (14 inn.)  Both teams had scored 2 runs after nine full innings.  PHIL -SG ended up
winning it in the 14th inning.  Angel Pagan led off and he doubled.  Ryan
Raburn was next and he drew a walk.  After another out, David Freese then hit
a sacrifice fly which plated a run.  Shin-Soo Choo was up next and he drew a
walk.  Brandon Phillips stepped into the box and doubled with two more
runners crossing home.  PHIL -SG had 10 hits for the game and NORM had 4, including homers by Zobrist and Lind.

Joaquin Benoit(2-0) got credit for the victory, pitching 5 and 2/3 innings and
allowing no runs. Benoit got help from Koji Uehara who earned his 3rd save.
Andrew Chafin(1-1) ended up with the loss in relief.  He was not very
effective, surrendering 3 runs in 2 and 1/3 innings.
5/28 – Tweeners 4, Goofs 2 (12 inn.).  deGrom vs. Felix lived up to the billing, but neither were around for the decision.  The score was knotted at 2 after nine innings.  NORM ended up winning it in
the 12th inning.  Stephen Vogt got things going when he smacked a single.
Chris Colabello followed and he blasted a two-run home run resulting in a
mighty exciting win for NORM and the 48,868 home town fans in attendance.
Overall NORM out-hit PHIL -SG 8 to 2. Duda and Phillips launched Goof-balls.

Dalier Hinojosa(1-0) allowed no runs in 1 and 1/3 innings, and picked up the
victory. Joaquin Benoit(2-1) was the loser in relief.  He surrendered 2 hits
and no walks in 3 and 2/3 innings.
5/29 – Tweeners 4, Goofs 0.  Sonny Gray(5-3) and Chris Heston(0-3) dueled it out with Gray and the NORM
TWEENERS coming out on top of the PHIL -SG SUPER GOOFS by the score of 4 to

Gray earned his pay with a solid performance for NORM.  He went 6 innings, pitching around 4 hits and 7 walks.  Gray mowed down 7 PHIL -SG batters lowering
his ERA from 3.08 to 2.76.  Carson Smith earned the save with a perfect
ninth, his 7th save.  Nolan Arenado went deep for the 16th time.
9/9 – Goofs 8, Tweeners 6.  Third baseman David Freese cracked 2 homeruns and had 4 RBI as the PHIL -SG
SUPER GOOFS topped the NORM TWEENERS by a score of 8 to 6 at The Hoover

Freese was a thorn in the side of the hometown fans as he enjoyed a fine day
at their team's expense.  He lost the ball over the fence for three runs in
the 1st inning and cracked a solo homerun in the 3rd inning.  Masahiro
Tanaka(1-3) got help from Koji Uehara who pitched a perfect ninth and was
credited with his 4th save. 

Madison Bumgarner(3-1) was charged with the loss.  He served up 3 homeruns in
his 7 innings.  Duda, Arenado, gomes, and Pillar also took advantage of the closer fences in the renovated and venerated Hooverdome.
9/10 – Tweeners 3, Goofs 0.  Sonny Gray again led the way for the combined shutout.  Homers by  Andre Ethier and Stephen Vogt provided the necessary offense.

NORM took the lead for keeps in the 3rd inning scoring one runner.  That early
scoring was all that Sonny Gray(6-3) needed.  The PHIL -SG offense proved no
trouble in the 9th. 

Andrew Chafin got the save, his 3rd.  Chris Heston(0-4) was the losing
pitcher.  He surrendered 2 runs and 5 hits in 5 innings.
9/11 #1 – Goofs 8, Tweeners 0.  In part one of the twin bill, it was a laugher out at The Hoover Dome.  The PHIL -SG SUPER GOOFS squad
ripped NORM pitching for a total of 8 runs.  Jacob Degrom(3-1), with relief
help from Koji Uehara, whitewashed NORM.

Degrom gave PHIL -SG a solid outing.  He surrendered 6 hits and no walks in 7
innings seeing his ERA drop from 1.76 to 1.43.  PHIL -SG had a total of 9
hits for the game, with big flies from Duda and Pierzynski. 

Shelby Miller(3-3) was the losing pitcher.  He allowed 4 runs and 7 hits in 6
and 2/3 innings.
9/11 #2 – Tweeners 8, Goofs 6.  In the nightcap, Chris Colabello had 2 base hits and 4 RBI as the NORM TWEENERS defeated the
PHIL -SG SUPER GOOFS 8 to 6 at The Hoover Dome.  The home team also used Earl Weaver Specials by Cozart, Vogt, and Arenado in overcoming an early 5 run deficit.

Dalier Hinojosa(2-0) did a nice job in relief and was credited with the win.
He allowed no hits and 1 walk in 1 inning.  NORM had 15 hits for the night
while PHIL -SG had 10. 

Hinojosa was helped out by Carson Smith who recorded his 8th save.  The loss
was charged to Joaquin Benoit(2-2) in relief.

Killer Bees 2, DVs 1

Bees 2 and 1 vs DVs at home. 

FFTs 6, Killer Bees 4

FFTs take 3 of 5 at the Hive and 3 of 5 at home.

Wahoos 4, Warpigs 0

Wahoos sweep 4 at Warpigs.

Game 1 - Wahoos win 6-0. Jerad Eickhoff allowed a 1st inning single, and that was the only hit the Pigs would get.

Game 2 - Wahoos win 6-1. When you go from being 1-hit to facing Jake Arrieta in a pitcher's park, nothing good can happen. Especially when you surrender a BP (1-2) grand slam. Everything is going the Wahoos' way.

Game 3 - Wahoos win 4-3 in 19 fucking innings. There's gonna be some ugly batting stats from this series. Despite the loss, the Warpig hurlers struck out 22 while walking only 2.

Game 4 - Wahoos win 2-0. Still no action in the Pig dice. But hey, we turned 5 double plays. So there's that.

Sunday, May 29, 2016


The Warpigs traded their 2017 4th round pick to the Nads for a reserve pick.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Killer Bees 4, Goofs 3

Bees take 4 of 7 at the Hive.

1- Bees win 7-3
2- Goofs win 6-3
3- Bees win 8-7
4- Bees win 4-3
5- Bees win 3-2
6- Goofs win 6-2
7- Goofs win 6-3

Friday, May 27, 2016

Sidewinders 3, Zaps 2

Game 1-Nick Hundley started the scoring in the top of the second when he 
blasted a shot deep into the left field stands. Rendon walked to open 
the third and then Starling Marte allowed a two base single and an error 
on a x-chart chance to tie the game. The Snakeman refused to bring in 
the infield to score Russell Martin from third to put the good guys 
ahead. Ortiz and Belt hit back-to-back two out doubles in the sixth to 
tie it up. Rondon came on to face lefties and a backwards righty and got 
creamed giving up two runs in the eighth. Wade Davis came on for a 
two-inning save.

Game 2-A single, double, and sac fly put the Zaps ahead 1-0 after two 
innings. In the third Bautista walked and scored on a 1-12 chance on 
Dickerson’s double. In the seventh, Cutch singled and D’Arnaud’s pinch 
hit single sent Andrew to third and weaken Chapman. Allen promptly gave 
up a double to Machado scoring Cuthc, and a two-run single to Moreland 
that put the good guys ahead 5-0. All the while Hamels spun a one-hitter 
through seven. Giles came in after a Gregorius single in the eighth and 
nailed down the last five outs for the home team combined shut out.

Game 3-Bautista tripled and Piscotty drove him in with a ground out in 
the first. Gregorius hit a solo shot in the sixth to tie the game. The 
Snakes used two singles, a walk, and a ground out to score two runs in 
the eighth. Martin and Moreland hit back-to-back taters off Miller and 
Davis in the bottom of the frame to tie it up. Machado’s two-out dinger 
off Wade in the bottom of the ninth gave the good guys a stunning 4-3 

Game 4-Bautista turned an Ortiz flyball into a double, and Brantley’s 
single made the Zaps pay in the top of the fourth as the out of towners 
took a 1-0 lead. Bautista blasted an Earl Weaver special followed an out 
later by Piscotty’s solo tater to put the good guys back on top 4-1 
after five. Some really shaking fielding by Blanco at short set the 
table for Hundley’s three-run shot to put the Snakes in front 5-4 in the 
top of the sixth. Goldie’s bases empty swat knotted the score after 
eight. Miller and Davis walked the bases full in the home half of the 
night, but a ground set the stage for Rendon to miss a ballpark chance 
at a granny  to end the threat. Belt scored from first on a 1-12 chance 
after a double by Brantley. After Chapman gave up a triple and a walk 
Kimbrel got the save in the 13 inning thriller.

Game 5- Two walks and two singles plated a pair for the Snakes in the 
first. Aaron Altherr’s two run tater in the bottom of the frame knotted 
the score. The Snakes used three singles and a walk to go ahead 4-2 in 
the fourth. In the bottom half of the frame Goldie doubled and 
Piscotty’s single drove him in and got the good guys within one. With 
two-out in the seventh, Cutch hit a double and Altherr scored him on a 
single rare play where he slipped round first and Brantley threw him out 
trying to get back to the bag from leftfield. The game was tied through 
the 14th inning when Franklin Gutierrez doubled and with two outs 
Longorie doubled him in.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Killer Bees 3, DVs 2

Bees get hot at the right times and DVs learn that resting the starters to avoid overusage concerns  (Stanton records 0 ABs in the series) isn’t a way to stay in contention. Here is the summary:
Game 1 – Bees win 7-5 as Freeman hits 2 home runs and drives in all 7. One would think we could find the “IBB” button somewhere around here…
Game 2 – TheBaldOne Jimenez twirls a 4 hit shutout as the Bees win 4-0
Game 3 – DVs are down 6-1 in the 5th, only to rally against the soft underbelly of the Bees bullpen and go on to win 8-7
Game 4 – Pujols has 3 hits and McCann and Seager hit home runs as the DVs win 5-3
Game 5  - Bees score 6 in the 8th against a hapless John “Let me introduce you to my homely” Niese and win going away- 11-5.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Sidewinders 4, Buckeyes 1

Snakes take 4 of 5 at Buckeyes
5/8 Snakes 6 Buckeyes 0
5/9 Snakes 5 Buckeyes 2
5/10 Buckeyes 3 Snakes 2

8/1 Snakes 10 Buckeyes 8
8/2 Snakes 5 Buckeyes 4

Friday, May 20, 2016

Fungoes 4, Killer Bees 1

Fungoes take 4 of 5 from the Bees at WTF

May 4th at WTF:
Jared Weaver goes the distance holding the Fungoes to 3 hits.  Bees win it 3-1.  David Price takes the loss for the Fungoes.  Billy Burns homered for the Bees.

May 5th at WTF:
Fungoes take a 3-1 lead and then hold on to win it 3-2.  Kyle Gibson gets the win for the Fungoes while Ubaldo Jimenez takes the loss.  Will Harris picks up his 10th save.  

July 27th at WTF:
Fungoes win it 4-0 behind Kyle Gibson.  Gibson improves to 5-4.  Jared Weaver goes the distance but takes the loss for the Bees.  Sal Perez hit a 2-run homer for the home team.

July 28th at WTF:
Fungoes win it 9-3 giving Clayton Kershaw a win.  Kershaw improves to 9-2.  Ubaldo Jimenez takes the loss.  Maikel Franco, Matt Carpenter and Francisco Lindor all homered.

July 29th at WTF:
Fungoes break open a close game with 2 in the 7th and 2 in the 8th to win it 6-3.  Matt Harvey gets the win while Jordan Zimmerman takes the loss.  Will Harris collects his 11th save.  Neil Walker homered for the Bees.  Matt Carpenter, Brett Gardner and Eric Hosmer all homered for the home team.

Zaps 4, Mavs 3

Game 1- The Zaps used a single, a double, and a groundball C to plate a 
run in the first. Asdrubel Cabrera smacked a two-run tater in the 
second. Machado cracked a three-run shot in the third. All the while 
Kluber spun a no-hitter until a two out Davis double in the 7th. 
Goldschmidt capped the scoring in the bottom of the 7th with an Earl 
Weaver special, and Kluber finished the one-hitter.

Game 2-Liriano and Hammel threw up donuts threw the first six. After 
Hammel walked two in the seventh HAL brought out the hook and Martinez 
ended the threat. In the home half Davis smacked a two-run shot to give 
the out of towners the lead. A Machado error opened the floodgates for 
Castellano to smack a base clearing triple. The Mavs tacked on three 
more in the 9th.

Game 3-Aaron Altherr cracked a two-run shot in the first to open the 
scoring. The next time up in the third Altherr hit a double and Goldie 
picked him up. Machado then doubled, and Piscotty drove in two with a 
triple. Rendon walked after a Martin out, and Cabrera’s single to right 
scored another run. Harper led off the fourth with a solo shot, Valencia 
singled, and Davis cracked a two-run dinger. Altherr banged his second 
round-tripper in the sixth. Greinke turned over a 7-3 lead to the pen in 
the eighth. The Mavs got one run off Ziegler in the ninth, but could 
climb the mountain.

Game 4-In the third after a Rendon single and a Miller error, Asdrubel 
Cabrera stroked a two-run triple. Cutch hit a sac fly to score Asdrubel. 
Harper and Davis sandwiched doubles around a Valencia out to get a run 
on the board for the Mavs in the fourth. Cutch hit a two-run shot in the 
fifth to make it a 5-1 game. Upton hit a solo shot in the sixth and 
A-Rod belted a two-run ding dong to get the Mavs within a run. The Zaps 
walked in a run in the 7th to tie it up. Doubles by Goldie and Rasmus in 
the eighth put the home team ahead and Ziegler pitched a scoreless ninth 
for the win.

Game 5-Bautista doubled in the third and scored on a Goldie single. 
Bradley doubled in Davis and Kendrick followed with a two-run tater. 
Castellano doubled in a run in the seventh to stretch the lead to three. 
The Zaps opened the eighth double, double, single, to score two runs but 
that was it.

Game 6-Golide and Machado missed back-to-back ballpark tater chances 
with two on in the bottom of the first. Heyward missed one with a man on 
in the top of the fifth. Danny Valencia snapped the deadlock with a solo 
shot in the sixth. Lucroy hit another one-run homer in the seventh. The 
Mavs used six arms out of the pen to complete the combined shutout.

Game 7-Bautista walked, stole second, and scored on an Altherr single to 
start the scoring in the first. Carrasco lost his control in the third, 
walked in two runs, and let another score on a single before getting 
yanked. Lucroy broke up Scherzer’s no-no in the sixth with a double and 
Wong ended the shutout when he followed with a double. Harper drove in 
Wong with the third double of the inning before Max stopped the 
bleeding. Justin Upton singled in a run in the eighth to bring the Mavs 
within one. A-Rod missed a bases empty, two-out home chance in the 9th 
to end it.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Mavs 4, Goofs 1

5/13  The SuperGoofs come to the Rastadome with Tanaka taking the hill against Odorizzi.  It is Disney day at the ballpark in honor of the Goofs visit and posters of Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears are being handed out to the first ten thousand boys under 18.  The Mavs jump on top as Bernice Brewer comes down the slide in her Daisy Duke outfit for Chris Davis’s 21st tater in the bottom of the second.  ARod follows with a double and Jackie Fucking Bradley sends Bernice back down the slide with a tater.  Wong gets a two-bagger and the Goofs go to the pen in the bottom of the second bringing in Benoit.  Harper greets Benoit with a triple bringing home Bradley and the Goofs manager Goofy looks behind the bubble gum to find his bottle of Suaza Conmemorotivo (a standard Mav perq for the visiting manager).  Mavs 4-0 going to the top of the third.  Meanwhile the Goofs come back with four of their own in the top of the fourth and Mav manager Jeb Bush looks for his hydrocodone.  Third Goofs pitcher Houston Street gives up a two run homer to Danny Valencia in the bottom of the fifth.  JFB sends Bernice back down the slide and knocks Street out of the game in the bottom of the sixth with another tater.  Brad Miller sends Bernice back down the slide in the bottom of the seventh with a homer off of the Goofs fourth pitcher Drew Storen.  Mavs bullpen throws 3 2/3 innings of 1 hit ball.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game is JFB who hits two homers and drives in three runs.  Mavs 8 Goofs 4.
5/14 Jacob DeGrom brings his nasty looking card in to face Jason Hammel (whose card looks looks much more mortal than DeGrom).  It is Hispanic Heritage night for Los Mavs.  Unfortunately the city fathers built a wall around the stadium and the fans are having a hard time getting in.  The Mavs strike first as Harper sends Bernice Brewer down the slide in her Daisy Dukes in the bottom of the first.  Maybin and Choo homer in the top of the third.  Goofs 2 Mavs 1 and DeGrom on the hill.  Jeb is in the hydrocodone early today.  In the bottom of the seventh ARod sends Bernice down the slide in her Daisy Dukes – Goofs 2 Mavs 2 into extra innings we go.  10th inning – no one scores.  11th inning – no one scores.  12th inning – Valencia sends Bernice down the slide with a ballpark homer off of Benoit who had thrown 3 2/3 of one hit ball until then.  The Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game goes to Valencia for his 9th tater.  Mavs 3 Goofs 2 in 12.
5/15 Charlton Heston vs Clay Buchholz in Right to Bear Arms night – toy Glocks handed out to all kids under 14.  A two base error by Harper leads to two runs in the top of the first.  You can hear the Glocks being cocked as Harper comes to the plate in the bottom of the first.  Brad Miller sends Bernice down the slide and eases the tense atmosphere in the bottom of the third.  The Goofs explode for four runs in the top of the fourth and add another in the top of the fifth as they spit roast Buchholz.  ARod hits his 19th homer in the bottom of the fifth and the Mavs add two more in the bottom of the sixth.  Goofs 7 Mavs 4 heading to the top of the seventh.  In the bottom of the seventh Heyward sends Bernice down the slide with a homer off of the ever present Benoit.  Bottom of the eighth ARod sends Bernice down the slide with a homer off of Morales.  Goofs 7 Mavs 6.  The Goofs tack on an insurance run with a Choo single in the top of the ninth.  In comes Koji Uehara.  After Heyward goes on a grounder, Upton singles, Harper walks and Valencia sends Bernice down the slide with a 2-5 homer 1-12 (rolling 11) to win both the game and the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game.  Mavs 9 Goofs 8.
8/6 Tanaka vs. Jake Odorizzi.  Cam Maybin hits a homer 1-3 fly to start the scoring off in the top of the first and misses the exact same roll with a runner on in the second.  The Goofs score a run in each of the first three frames to make a tidy looking linescore.  Not to be outdone, the Mavs put up three zeroes.  The Mavs finally shut out the Goofs for an inning in the fourth and Davis doubles in a run 3-1 Goofs going to the fifth.  The Mavs bring in Justin Wilson because you have to pitch him eventually and he gives up a three run homer to Duda in the seventh.  The Goofs triumph 6-1.  Lucas Duda is the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.  By the way, get your Grumpy’s calendar right here featuring a picture of the Mavs ball girl: http://grumpysbailbonds.com/calendar.php.
8/7 DeGrom  vs. Jessica Hahn.  Can the Mavs beat that card twice?  Well in the sixth we finally got our first hit on a Ramirez X chance.  Heyward followed sending Bernice down the slide in her Daisy Dukes and tied the game up despite the Goofs badly outplaying the Mavs.  The Mavs go to the pen in the seventh while DeGrom has fanned eleven Mavs in the first seven innings.  Nonetheless Goofy brings in the ubiquitous Joaquin Benoit to pitch the eighth.  He mows down the Mavs.  Britton mows down the Goofs.  The Mavs strand a runner at third in the ninth and tenth but Heyward sends Bernice down the slide in her Daisy Dukes and walk off in the eleventh.  Mavs 3-2 in eleven.  Heyward’s to homers earn him the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.