Thursday, March 22, 2007


The Zaps trade their 2008 5th round pick to the FFTs for Lastings Milledge.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Notes from the Draft

I have no hesitation in saying the Draft was a success, despite the fact that I had to call the little Wahoo to come over and play a couple games Monday afternoon just so I could officially end Draft Weekend with a winning record.

The Fungoes had another hellacious draft, putting himself in position to defend his title. The Bees, despite not taking a carded player for the first hour, also did an incredible job, landing both Dice-K and Phil Hughes.

And, as always, there were some memorable moments and events...

Shortstops, for as few as there were in the draft, caused a couple of migraines. The Drillers were cursing the Rhinos for taking Tulowitzki. ("Why the hell does he need another shortstop?!?") A short time later, the DVs were cursing themselves for trying to finesse the 1e10 Alex Gonzalez one more round and losing him to the Drillers. The Rhinos paid for it the next morning when the Driller Dude paid some little kid to loiter in front of the waffle iron for 30 minutes, causing the Rhinos a migraine of his own.

The Snakeman proved that one can get thru an entire weekend, including mass on Sunday morning, with only one pair of pants. Although he did admit they would have to be sent to the dry cleaners twice before they could be worn again. The DVs noted that the Snakes were a .500 team in those pants and that he shouldn't be allowed to change. But then, he only had the one pair so he couldn't change. Stupid DVs.

By the way, when the Snakeman finally went home, he was no longer hovering around .500; he was soaring above it thanks to the generosity of the Pigs. It was never about the pants.

Friday night, after being told to remove the beer from the meeting room ("I just think this whole thing is stupid!"), the Snakes turned an ice bucket into a beer mug. Later on the Tweeners shared from the ice bucket/mug. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The Zapper drank his alcohol from shampoo bottles.

Running the gamut of fetishes, the room included both 3-D porn and Girl Scout cookies. Or was that 3-D cookies and Girl Scout porn? I really don't know. All I know is the cookies were good, and I still don't know who Beyonce is.

Dialogue from the series between the Zaps and Drillers:
Zapper: The Driller Dude should be embarrassed because he tried to bat after there were already three outs.
DD: Well you pitched to him!

That's the same series where the Zaps had only 8 men in their lineup for one game (NADball!). It was the 5th inning before either team noticed.

Here's something you don't often see at a Draft. The FFTs traded the player they drafted #76 (Nolasco) to the Tweeners for the guy the Tweeners drafted #153 (Meche). Not surprisingly, Meche started the year 0-9 with an ERA over 7, fulfilling the promise that goes with being pick #153.

Another rare sight: A game ended on a caught stealing of home. Not a failed squeeze attempt, but an actual failed steal attempt by a Buckeye, who realized a successful steal was more likely than that particular batter driving in the tying run.


There was a no-hitter tossed at the Draft this year. Scott Kazmir no-hit the Nads in a shutout victory, walking only 1, and giving the DVs their first ever no-no.

When you look at the roster sheets I will be sending out, you may notice that the reserve slots at the bottom come up one short. There should be 33 names listed, but there are only 32. Someone elected to keep one less player than they were allowed. Here's what happened: The Zaps, late in the draft, traded picks 118, 150, and 152 to move up to pick 111, thus relieving himself of the need to cut two players after the draft. No problem - it helped both teams, blah blah blah. Now, the Zaps still had a draft pick to go. Pick #165. The Zaps passed. And on the official roster he turned in, there are 32 names - 27 carded players and 5 uncarded. The thing is, he had THREE reserve spots on his team, so he could have kept 33 players. THAT'S why he still had a pick left. But he passed on it, cheating himself out of a player. If you can remember back to a snowy day in January when accusations about disappearing draft picks were spewing left and right, then maybe the irony won't be lost on you. I guess the draft pick really DID disappear.

Or, as the DVman suggested, maybe Esque Jr. was right: We shouldn't have beer in the meeting room.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Talking Baseball with the DVs

The following transcript is from an actual phone conversation between the Pigman and the DVs.

DV: Hello?
Pigman: Hey man, what's going on?
DV: (now whispering) Not much. Just working on baseball stuff. Getting ready for the draft. What's going on there?
Pigman: Umm.. Not m... Why are you whispering?
DV: (still whispering) It's nothing. Don't worry about it.
Pigman: Yeah, okay.
DV: (still whispering) So have you decided who's going with picks 1 and 2?
(a voice calls out from another room at the DV house): Bryan!!!
DV: (still whispering) Hold on. (now calling back to the voice) I'm in here!
Voice: You're not on the phone, are you?
DV: (sheepishly) Umm... no.
Voice: Liar. You're not talking baseball, are you?
DV: (becoming even weaker) Umm... no.
Voice: Liar.
DV: Well, yes... But it's not the Warpigs.
Voice: Liar. Get off the phone and finish cleaning this toilet bowl!
DV: Right now? I need a break. I did the dishes. And the yard. And the laundry. (pleading now) May I please talk a little longer?
Voice: Hey, you're not on the computer TOO, are you?
DV: Umm...
Voice: I told you 15 minutes a night on that thing. No more!
DV: [sigh]
Voice: Do you WANT to continue to play golf on the weekends? Do you WANT to go to your little baseball draft thingy? Do you WANT to continue to get an allowance?
DV: [sighing resignedly] I'm getting off.
Voice: And if I find out you're talking to the Warpigs, you're sleeping on the couch!
DV: (talking back into the phone now) Hey, are you still there?
Pigman: Yeah, is everything okay?
DV: Umm... yeah, but I hafta go.
Pigman: You do?
DV: Yeah... I hafta... umm... finish planning out my rotation for the year and decide what pitchers will still be there in the 8th round and find a back-up for McCann... I'm seriously looking at a lotta baseball stuff here and I don't have time to talk.
Pigman: Umm... Okay, but...
Voice: (yelling) BRYAN!
DV: (hurriedly) Crap.

Dial tone.