The following transcript is from an actual phone conversation between the Pigman and the DVs.
DV: Hello?
Pigman: Hey man, what's going on?
DV: (now whispering) Not much. Just working on baseball stuff. Getting ready for the draft. What's going on there?
Pigman: Umm.. Not m... Why are you whispering?
DV: (still whispering) It's nothing. Don't worry about it.
Pigman: Yeah, okay.
DV: (still whispering) So have you decided who's going with picks 1 and 2?
(a voice calls out from another room at the DV house): Bryan!!!
DV: (still whispering) Hold on. (now calling back to the voice) I'm in here!
Voice: You're not on the phone, are you?
DV: (sheepishly) Umm... no.
Voice: Liar. You're not talking baseball, are you?
DV: (becoming even weaker) Umm... no.
Voice: Liar.
DV: Well, yes... But it's not the Warpigs.
Voice: Liar. Get off the phone and finish cleaning this toilet bowl!
DV: Right now? I need a break. I did the dishes. And the yard. And the laundry. (pleading now) May I please talk a little longer?
Voice: Hey, you're not on the computer TOO, are you?
DV: Umm...
Voice: I told you 15 minutes a night on that thing. No more!
DV: [sigh]
Voice: Do you WANT to continue to play golf on the weekends? Do you WANT to go to your little baseball draft thingy? Do you WANT to continue to get an allowance?
DV: [sighing resignedly] I'm getting off.
Voice: And if I find out you're talking to the Warpigs, you're sleeping on the couch!
DV: (talking back into the phone now) Hey, are you still there?
Pigman: Yeah, is everything okay?
DV: Umm... yeah, but I hafta go.
Pigman: You do?
DV: Yeah... I hafta... umm... finish planning out my rotation for the year and decide what pitchers will still be there in the 8th round and find a back-up for McCann... I'm seriously looking at a lotta baseball stuff here and I don't have time to talk.
Pigman: Umm... Okay, but...
Voice: (yelling) BRYAN!
DV: (hurriedly) Crap.
Dial tone.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
The REAL transcript:
RING!RING!
DVs: Hello
Pigs: Hey DV's, what's going on?
DVs: Nothing - are you still grinding on trying to figure out who will be available at pick 35?
Pigs: Yeah, there better be a righthanded batter with more than 5 ballpark homers, less than 6 double play chances who also hits in the clutch available or I'll be pissed.
(Voice in the background): "Dad, I'm hungry - you haven't fixed me any food in 3 days since you started looking at baseball stuff"
Pigs: Go away, kid, you're bothering me!
DVs: That seems a bit harsh- don't you need to go?
Pigs: No, that kid needs food like I need to make another trade - by the way, is Beltran available?
DVs: No - not unless Pujols is in the deal.
Pigs: Never mind.
(Voice again in the background) "Dad, I need the PC to work on my homework and you took the good monitor"
Pigs: Just squint - it will make your eyes look smaller, or sit real close to the 8 inch screen I gave you, those CRT rays will give you a nice suntan.
DV's: Maybe you should take a break, the draft isn't until later this week.
Pigs: Nah, the kid doesn't really like school anyway, so doing the homework really won't help.
DV's: Well suit yourself
(Voice in the background on the DV end) "Is that the Pigs?"
DVs: Yes Mrs. DV
Voice in the background - loud enough for the Pigs to hear: "Tell him that he's pathetic and needs to get a life"
Pigs: Tell me something I don't know.
Voice: How about 'what it takes to win the 2007 title?"
Dial tone.
I'm fairly sure that the Bush presidency has this phone conversation on tape somewhere............
Post a Comment