Friday, September 30, 2016

Mavs 5, Tweeners 1

The Mavs and the Tweeners played six games via TeamViewer and the Internet did not break.  After an approximately 23 minute technical delay while the Mavs and Tweeners attempted to figure out how team viewer works, how not to ask Cortana to help and a massive manhunt for Norm’s microphone (missing in action as it turns out however the icon for it was there all night blocking the pitchers card from 6-9 through 6-12), the series got underway.
5/6 in the Rastadome with Sonny Gray facing off against Clay Buchholz.  Buchholz came into the game having given up 150 hits in 108 so many of the savvy Mav fans stayed with the tailgate party.  True to form Buchholz allowed 9 hits in six innings to take another loss.  Gray, Chafin and Smith combined to hold the Mavs to three hits as the Tweeners won 6-2.  Leadoff hitter Chris Colabello won the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game hitting a leadoff homer and going 2-4 with two runs scored and two RBI’s.  Carlos Correa made another error (27 now for those of you keeping score at home).
5/7 after a hard night celebrating down at Betty’s, the Tweeners returned bleary eyed with Robby Ray facing Yovanni Gallardo.  The badly hungover Tweeners (and haven’t we all seen that) were shut out by Gallardo and a quartet of Mav relievers.  Gallardo is now 15-2.  Go figure.  Maybe a reality star can be a president if Gallardo can go 15-2.  AWad wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.  He only went 1-3 but he stole second and you have to give him something for that.
5/7 Unfortunately for the Tweeners, it was a double header  and the hangover persisted.  The Mavs bombed Shelby Miller for 16 runs (12 hits, four of them homers and 7walks) but Shelby did pitch a complete game as the Tweeners manager was too busy playing on-line slots to get to the mound.  Harper wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game with a double, two homers and seven RBI’s.  Mavs win 16-4.
6/17  The Mavs travel to the Hooverdome and Jessica Hahn took on Shelby Miller.  The Tweeners jumped out to a 3-1 lead powered primarily by a Jonathan Schoop home run.  In the top of the ninth with a large contingent of Mav fans on hand, the Mavs staged a rally.  Chris Davis doubled.  The Tweeners brought in Carson Smith’s shutdown card against righties to face AWad and Correa.  AWad doubled Davis home.  Tweeners lead now 3-2.  Correa homers.  Mavs take the lead 4-3 and the Mavs fan club president hands out complimentary Carlos Correa Condoms.  Unfortunately, just like his glove, they leak.  Jackie F. Bradley adds another run on a homer which turns out to be important because the Tweeners got a run in the bottom of the ninth on another Schoop homer.  5-4 Mavs.  Correa wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game.
6/18  Gallardo faces King Felix.  Gallardo gets tired in the fifth and leaves the game with the Mavs ahead.  Felix went seven innings but took the loss allowing nine hits and four runs.  Zach Cozart hit his second home run of the series which tied him with Arenado and Schoop for the team lead.  AWad (boo) had the big two run homer to put the Mavs on top but he sucks and he already won a Grumpy’s award so the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Jason Heyward who went 2-4 with a rare home run.  Mavs win 5-4. 
6/19  Cookie Carrasco against Sonny Gray.  This one was actually a fine pitchers duel.  Both starters went seven innings.  Cookie allowed five baserunners, no runs and struck out nine.  Sonny was almost as good allowing five hits, three walks and one run.  It was 1-1 heading to the top of the ninth after the Tweeners tied it the bottom of the eighth on a Colabello double.  In the top of the ninth, Valencia singled, Davis got on via HBP, AWad doubled in Valencia and Correa drove in the insurance run with a sac fly.  The Mavs hung on to win 3-1.  Cookie wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game because, once again, AWad sucks. 

Thursday, September 29, 2016


The Killer Bees traded Jose Fernandez to the Wahoos for Jerad Eickhoff and a reserve.

The Killer Bees traded Alex Wood to the Inmates for a reserve.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Just For Fun

A little crystal ball gazing here...

The Zaps go 9-1, 3-2, and 4-1 down the stretch to finish with 103 wins.

The Mavs go 5-5, 6-4, 4-1, 4-1, and 3-2 to finish with 102 wins.

The Fungoes go 8-2, 4-3, 5-2, and 2-2 for 100 wins.

The Wahoos go 2-2 and 7-2 for 99 wins.

The Warpigs go 2-1 and 2-7 for 97 wins.

The Inmates go 8-2, 7-3, and 3-4 for 95 wins.

The Sidewinders go 6-8, 12-2, 3-2 and 3-2 to finish with 94 wins.

The Tweeners go 8-6 and 4-6 to finish with 93 wins.

The Rhinos go 5-5, 7-3, 2-3, 4-1, and 4-1 to finish with 91 wins.

All of these outcomes are possible. Very possible. And the result would be NINE teams winning over 90 games. And not 1... not even 2... but THREE teams would win 90+ games and NOT make the playoffs.

The Zaps would win the MFD and be the #1 seed. The Fungoes' 100 wins would get him the #2 seed and a bye because the Mavs would be a wildcard with 102 wins. Crazy.

The Wahoos would be seed #3 and the Snakes #4, with the Warpigs sneaking in at seed #6.

The Inmates would win 95 and not make the playoffs... and we would never, ever hear the end of it.

The Tweeners (93 wins) and the Rhinos (91 wins) would also miss the post season for a wild and crazy season.

By the way, if this were the outcome, the Wahoos and Warpigs would face off in the first round - then the victorious Wahoos would beat up on the Fungoes to get to the World Series where they would face the Zaps. Congratulations to the Wahoos, the 2016 NASOMA Champs!

Nads 3, Tweeners 2

Game 1: The NADS won by the slimmest of margins, 4 to 3.
Game 2: George Springer smashed 2 homeruns and had 3 RBI as the TWEENERS
 beat the NADS 6 to 2.
Game 3: Madison Bumgarner(1-1) and C.J. Wilson(6-9) treated the fans to a fine
pitching duel. The TWEENERS eventually emerged as victors by the score of 3 to 1.

Game 4: NADS scored 2 runs in the bottom of the 7th inning.  The crucial at-bat was
provided by Trayce Thompson who made the crowd come alive when he popped a
two-run clout over the fence.

Game 5: The NADS edged the TWEENERS by the score of 3 to 2.

Rhinos 4, Sidewinders 1

Snake playoff hopes take a hit. Rhinos take 4 of 5 at the Church Lot

4/27 Rhinos win 4-2. Cole goes the distance and Lester takes the loss.Votto homers

4/28  Rhinos win3-2. Syndergaard with the CG. Volquez the loser.

7/19 Rhinos 7 SSWs 4. Cole is winner, Jansen gets a 2 inning save. The Rhinos score 5 in a 6th rally keyed by a Longoria error.

7/20  SSWs win 8-2. Sale strikes out 15 in CG. Grandal with HR. Ortiz tripled off Thor(fucking computer!)

7/21 Heaney shuts us out 2-0

We really need the Mavs to beat up on the tweeners!

Nads 3, Killer Bees 2

Game 1: The NADS bested the Killer Bees by a 9 to 5 score at The Ball

Game 2: R.A. Dickey(8-8) and Alex Wood(0-1) dueled it out with Dickey as the 
NADS coming out on top of the Killer Bees by the score of 3 to 1.

Game 3: Kole Calhoun smashed 2 homeruns at The Ball Sack where the NADS beat the
Killer Bees by the score of 11 to 4.
Game 4: Yangervis Solarte had 2 base hits and Alex Wood pitched a complete game
shutout at The Ball Sack as the Killer Bees beat the NADS 1 to 0.
Game 5: The Killer Bees topped the  NADS by the slimmest of margins, 2 to 1. The
 deciding run was scored in the 9th.  

Rhinos 5, Nads 2

RHINOS go 5-2 at NADS   -       NADS SUCK!!!!
Game 1: Chris Archer reeled off a total of 11 strikeouts as the RHINOS defeated
the NADS 6 to 2 at The Ball Sack.

Game 2 : Right fielder Kole Calhoun blasted 2 homeruns and had 5 RBI 
as the NADS beat the J RHINOS by the count of 13 to 5.
Game 3: Noah Syndergaard struck out 11 batters at The Ball Sack as the RHINOS
beat the NADS by the count of 5 to 1.
Game 4: In a good matchup it was the JOSE RHINOS 6, the DAVE NADS 4 at The Ball
Game 5: Gerrit Cole allowed just 2 hits and Carlos Gomez collected 2 extra-base hits
as the RHINOS defeated the NADS by the score of 6 to 1 at The Ball

Game 6: Josh Collmenter(1-1) and Noah Syndergaard(2-3) treated the fans to a fine
pitching duel at The Ball Sack.  The E NADS eventually emerged as victors by the score of 2 to 1.

Game 7: Nick Markakis slammed a homerun and had 5 RBI and Andrew Heaney had an impressive outing at The Ball Sack as the RHINOS beat the NADS by
the count of 9 to 0.

Monday, September 19, 2016


The Buckeyes traded Miguel Sano to the Killer Bees for Mark Trumbo.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Tweeners 5, Killer Bees 2

Tweeners take 5 of 7 at home vs. Killer Bees.
4/22 – Tweeners 4, Bees 2.  Third baseman Nolan Arenado cracked a homer and had 2 RBI as the NORM TWEENERS
defeated the PHILIP Killer Bees 4 to 2 at The Hoover Dome.

PHILIP found themselves trailing quickly as the NORM bats came through in the
first inning when they tallied 2 runs on 2 hits.  The crucial at-bat was
provided by Arenado who made the home-town crowd a happy bunch when he
blasted a two-run home run.  Adam Lind also homered for the home team. The pitchers took over after the 4th inning as
neither team was able to score again. 

Felix Hernandez(14-5) went 6 innings allowing 2 runs for the victory. Fernando
Rodriguez got the save, his 5th.  Julio Teheran(0-1) was the loser.  He
allowed 4 runs and 8 hits in 8 innings.

4/23 – Bees 8, Tweeners 5.  Neil Walker touched them all and had 2 RBI as the PHILIP Killer Bees bested
the NORM TWEENERS in 10 innings 8 to 5 at The Hoover Dome.

The Tweeners staged a dramatic 2-out rally in the 9th to tie the game.  PHILIP won the hard
fought contest in the 10th inning.  Billy Burns started the inning off right
when he drew a walk.  Freddie Freeman came next and he drew a walk.  After an
out was recorded, Yangervis Solarte then drew a walk to load the bases.
Gregory Polanco was up next and he laced a base-hit scoring two teammates.
Walker stepped into the box and hit a sacrifice fly scoring the final run of
the inning.  PHILIP banged out 8 hits on the night. 

The win was credited to Liam Hendriks(1-0) who went 1 and 1/3 innings allowing
no runs. The loss was charged to Dalier Hinojosa(3-1) in relief.
4/24 – Tweeners 3, Bees 2.  Jose Iglesias had 2 base hits at The Hoover Dome where the NORM TWEENERS beat
the PHILIP Killer Bees by the score of 3 to 2. All 3 Tweener runs scored in the 5th inning on 2-out hits by Iglesias and Lind.
Shelby Miller(6-6) delivered a fine performance for NORM.  He went 6 innings
and surrended up 4 hits and 3 walks.  Miller racked up 8 strikeouts.  For the
game NORM out-hit PHILIP 8 to 5.  
Sean Gilmartin earned his 1st save. Ubaldo Jimenez(0-1) took the loss.  He
pitched 8 innings and surrendered 8 hits and 1 walk.
4/25 – Tweeners 3, Bees 2.  One run was the difference at The Hoover Dome as the NORM TWEENERS defeated
the PHILIP Killer Bees 3 to 2.
The NORM offense was carried by home runs from Adam Lind and George Springer.
PHILIP threatened in the 9th but NORM was able to put down the rally.
Robbie Ray(6-4) got credit for the victory, pitching 6 innings and allowing no
runs. Ray got help from Carson Smith who earned his 17th save.  Jordan
Zimmermann(0-1) was hit with the loss.  He gave up just 3 runs and 4 hits in
8 innings.
7/15 – Tweeners 5, Bees 1.  Stephen Vogt smashed 3 homeruns and had 4 RBI as the NORM TWEENERS bested the
PHILIP Killer Bees 5 to 1 at The Hoover Dome.
Vogt had a big day at the plate.  He cracked a solo homerun in the 2nd inning,
smashed a two-run homer in the 6th inning and smashed a solo-shot out of the
park in the 8th inning.  NORM out-hit PHILIP for the game, 7 hits to 4.
The victory went to Sonny Gray(10-8) who went 7 innings, allowing 1 run. Jered
Weaver(0-1) was the losing pitcher.  He served up 4 gopher balls in 7 and 2/3
'Actually, I didn't feel that comfortable at the plate today' Vogt said after
the game.  'Despite that, I'm happy with the results!
7/16 – Bees 6, Tweeners 4. In a tight game it was the PHILIP Killer Bees 6, the NORM TWEENERS 4 in 14
innings at The Hoover Dome.
The score was knotted at 4 after nine innings. NORM squandered multiple scoring opportunities in extra innings. PHILIP was victorious in the
14th inning.  Robinson Chirinos opened up the inning nicely when he drew a
walk.  Jimmy Rollins stepped into the batter's box and he doubled.  Kyle
Schwarber then was hit by a pitch.  Billy Burns was next to the plate, but
was promptly struck out.  Freddie Freeman stepped into the box and banged out
a single plating a run.  Jhonny Peralta contributed to the rally and reached
on an error scoring the final run of the inning.  Despite losing, NORM
out-hit PHILIP 13 to 10.  
The win went to George Kontos(1-0) who allowed no runs in 4 innings. Sean
Gilmartin(4-1) took the loss in relief.  He allowed 1 hit and 1 walk in 1 and
2/3 innings.
7/17 – Tweeners 5, Bees 2.  Stephen Vogt hit a homerun and had 4 RBI as the NORM TWEENERS beat the PHILIP
Killer Bees by a score of 5 to 2.
NORM jumped on top to stay in the bottom of the 3rd inning when they scored 2
runs on 3 hits.  That scoring would be all that was needed.  NORM rapped out
8 hits for the afternoon.  
The win went to Robbie Ray(7-4) who allowed 2 runs in 6 and 1/3 innings. Ray
got help from Fernando Rodriguez who earned his 6th save.  The losing pitcher
was Jordan Zimmermann(0-2).

Extra Reserve Contest Update

With two weeks left in the regular season, the battle for the extra reserve pick is down to two teams: the DVs and the Rhinos.

The DVs have held the lead for most of the second half of the season, and are currently ahead of the Rhinos by 8, 1009 to 1001. The Sidewinders are in third place with 991.

The two contending teams have six different picks, which means there could be a significant swing down the stretch. If you're keeping score at home...

In the category of counting wins, the DVs have the Tigers, Astros, and Nationals. The Rhinos counter with the Indians, Rangers, and Mets.

On the side of counting losses, the DVs have the Rays, Phillies, and Padres. The Rhinos have the Orioles, Braves, and Rockies.

I'll try to update the standings page every day from here on out.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Inmates 4, Killer Bees 1

All games via CM at the Baptist Bowl.

Bees 3 – Inmates 2: Wood and Blanton combine on a three-hitter in what was to be the nadir of Bee success in the series. Peralta tatered in the 2nd, and the Bees never trailed.

Inmates 6 – Bees 2: Cargo hit a go-ahead two-run homer in the 5th, and the Beakless Chicken Gang added a three-spot in the 8th to dispose of the Bees.

Inmates 12 – Bees 6: With a 4-1 lead heading into the top of the 4th, Salazar decided he needed to pitch BP. De Aza, Walker, and Rollins all hit homers in the inning for the Bees (Rollins had already homered in the 3rd), sending Salazar to an early shower. The Inmates put on their hitting shoes and, lead by a pair of JMart taters, ended up tattooing the Bee pitching staff for the win.

Inmates 13 – Bees 0: Quintana pitched a CG shutout, Rizzo homered twice, and Castro (!) hit his second grand slam of the year as the Bees were totally exterminated. Teheran failed to get an out in the 1st before HAL removed him from the game after allowing four runs. It was all downhill for the Buzzing Blunderers after that.

Inmates 6 – Bees 2: A two-run Valbuena homer in the 4th put the Inmates in front for good. ‘Nuff said.


Thursday, September 15, 2016

A quick look at where we are at this moment...

Inmates 6, Mavs 4

An odd series featuring lumbering oaf softball, clutch lousy fielding, and really bad pitching. Both teams homered in every game with the Inmates totaling 28 to the Mavs’ 17. Cargo torched the Mav pitching staff for ten (!!) homers in the ten games. Errors contributed directly to two of the Inmate wins, while the Mavs scored over 15% of their total runs because of Inmate blunders. Jeff Manship allowed more homers in an inning (two) than he’d allowed the entire previous MLB season; Matt Thornton allowed the same number of homers in an inning (two) as he’d allowed the previous MLB season.
Mavs 6 – Inmates 1 (Baptist Bowl): Only a Cargo solo tater in the 6th prevented a shutout. Gallardo and Company held the Punchless Chicken Gang to five hits, and were in total control from the get-go.
Inmates 10 – Mavs 9 (12 innings – Baptist Bowl): Both teams pulled on their softball jerseys and started the power barrage with four jacks each. A two-run tater off of Grimm, the Inmates’ eighth pitcher of the day, put the good guys down by a pair in the 12th. Correa to the rescue! After Suarez led off the last of the inning striking out, Cespedes hit a routine grounder to short for what should have been the second out. Alas! and Alack! Correa’s hooks touched the ball allowing Cespedes to be on base when Rizzo hit a 600-ft homer to tie the game. The wheels totally fell off of Strickland’s pitching card at this point, as he allowed a double, intentional walk, and another double to ice the game for the Mutant Barnyard Fowl.
Mavs 5 – Inmates 2 (Baptist Bowl): Taking a cue from Correa, Segura’s kick in the 6th allowed the Mavs to score four unearned runs. The LDMF were incapable of catching up.
Inmates 15 – Mavs 4 (Rastadome): UUUGGGLLLYYY game. Cargo hit a two-run HR in the 1st, a three-run jack in the 3rd, and a solo-shot in the 6th; the Inmates scored eight in the 3rd, with Martinez and Ramos adding two-run taters to go along with Cargo’s; and Pineda pitched a complete-game victory. Correa kicked another grounder, and the Mavs were humiliated, embarrassed, and generally suffered a buttock-pummeling.
Inmates 5 – Mavs 1 (Rastadome): Cargo followed his three-homer game with two more, and the Mavs looked as if they were suffering shell-shock.
Inmates 6 – Mavs 3 (Baptist Bowl): Despondency started to take hold of the Mav dugout. A three-run lead evaporated, with the final coffin nail being a JMart three-run HR in the 7th that gave the Beakless Chicken’s Minions the victory.
Inmates 4 – Mavs 3 (Baptist Bowl): Nursing a 3-2 lead in the 6th, the Inmates played small-ball for the first and only time of the series. Escobar-Jones-Ramos-Valbuena singled in succession with two outs to score a pair of runs and ensure the Inmate win.
Mavs 8 – Inmates 2 (Rastadome): The Revenge of the Mavs. Back in the friendly incense-filled confines of home, Mav bats awoke and blasted McHugh and friends for an easy win.
Inmates 6 – Mavs 5 (Rastadome): Inmates love Correa! With a seemingly safe 5-2 lead and a fully-stocked bullpen, the Mavs looked to win their second straight over a faltering Inmate team. But wait – Altuve led off the Inmate 9th with a grounder to short. Correa to the rescue again, as he kicked the ball into left field for the error. Suarez, pinch-hitting for Cargo after Britton was brought in to pitch to the Mav nemesis, hit the first pitch over the leftfield wall and into the cesspool behind the men’s barkless tree. Still, the Mavs led 5-4. Not to worry; Cespedes singled and Rizzo followed with a two-run shot to Mars. Britton was led away in a catatonic state muttering something unintelligible, AJ Ramos stumbled through the last of the 9th for a save, and the Mavs started to actually look forward to fighting the I-35 traffic for their return trip to the metroplex.
Mavs 6 – Inmates 4 (Rastadome): What goes around comes around. Holding a 3-2 lead into the 7th, Manship comes on to pitch for the seemingly easy hold and another Inmate win. Nope. Despite having allowed only one HR in 2015, two Mavs teed off and blasted round-trippers in what was to become a four-run inning to lead the Mavs to a series-ending win.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Tweeners 4, Drillers 1