Inmates 4, Mavs 1

The Inmates took 4 out of 5 at the Rastadome.

June 23^rd:  The Inmates drive the getaway truck straight to the Rastadome.  Taking the mound for the Inmates in the first game is convicted Ponzi scheme baron and curveballer (I don’t know which is worse) Colin McHugh against clean living Jason Hamel.  Both pitchers mow through the first six innings.  In the top of the seventh the Mavs decide to let Hammels pitch to Rizzo and then go to a right handed reliever.  We still get to do that but only after Rizzo homers.  Meanwhile with a one run lead, the Inmates go to convicted Meth Lab cooker Justin Grimm.  Jessica Hahn has a bad hair day in the top of the eighth and gives up an insurance run.  The Inmates go to convicted polygamist Pat Neshek to save it.  One double and two infield hits later and Neshek is heading to the showers and looking for the tunnel from the clubhouse to Betty’s  Brothel.  The Inmates go to Neil Ramirez – surely there is something better than that in the pen.  The Inmates have placed undue faith in the Mavs and authorized them to override Hal’s foolishness.  This is despite the Mavs starting Chris Davis at third most of the year (slash line of .123/.343.226 with 21 errors).  Ramirez against Bryce Harper with the game on the line and not much on the bench is foolishness.  Sure enough convicted statutory rapist JP Howell is on the bench for the Inmates.  In comes Howell.  The Mavs make the only move they really can and bring in Country Breakfast who hits into an alarming amount of double plays (16% chance here).  And sure enough it is a 3-2 lomax.  Inmates win 3-2.  Rizzo wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for his solo homer and McHugh gets the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the game giving up four hits and striking out six.  I never could hit curves.  And if you are wondering, Harper singles on 3-2 against a righty (lomax against a lefty).

June 24^th:  Homer Allowed Bailey against Alfredo Simon who was unjustly incarcerated for shooting the guy next to him who pulled up playing his music so loud that his truck shook.  There is a little known provision on the books that makes that illegal. The Mavs however know better and will honor Alfredo as an American hero in the bottom of the fourth.  Homer allows a three run ballpark tater to Rizzo in the top of the first.  Michael Morse doubled and Marcel Ozuna homered (both off the pitcher’s card) in the bottom of the fourth causing a few of the less drunk Mav fans to wake up.  When Howie Kendrick followed a batter later with a home run off of his card the fans went wild – and Mav fans unlike Blue Jay fans know the value of a full beer can so there was no littering.  The Mavs go to Carlos King Carrasco and he shuts down the Inmates in the top of the sixth.  In the bottom of the sixth with two on and two out the Inmates bring in reverse righty Justin Grimm and the Mavs counter with Country Breakfast.  Fly out.  Oh no, Jackie F. Bradley is going into the game.  In the top of the seventh a Carrasco error leads to two unearned runs.  Meanwhile Justin Grimm keeps the Mavs in check.  Rizzo adds yet another homer in the 8^th and Neshek shuts the Mavs out.  Inmates 6-3.  Rizzo, the rat bastard, wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going yard twice and driving in four runs.

June 25^th:  Convicted Zoophile Bud Norris takes the mound against Clay Buchholz.  The Mavs take their first lead of the series with a two out stolen base by Justin Upton followed by a Michael Morse single.  Beers all around in the ballpark – a lead.  Unfortunately, two HBP’s and a single in the top of the sixth results in a tie. The Mav fans go on drinking.  In the top of the seventh two singles and a bunt hit squeeze play and the Mavs are down one.  The Mavs drink even more heavily.  In the top of the eighth a walk, Elvis error, walk and bases clearing triple.  The Mav fans begin freebasing.  In the ninth the Rat Bastard Rizzo adds his fourth homer of the series.  The Inmates win 6-1.  Josh Reddick wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-4 with three RBI’s.

August 30^th:  Mercifully there are only two games left.  Convicted Racketeer and Cartel Leader Jose Quintana vs. Yovanni Gallardo.  A Vargas two run homer in the top of the first gives the Inmates yet another lead.  A Lucroy (??) triple followed by a Wong groundball cuts the lead in half in the bottom of the first.  Lucroy leads off the fourth with his 61^st double.  Wong moves him to third with a grounder and Upton hits a sacrifice fly.  Tie game!!  Tequila flows in the stands.  And then a miracle occurs.  Ozuna doubles.  Castellanos walks and Marte makes a three base error.  A Mav lead!!!  Hide the women and children (always a good idea at a Mav game), bedlam breaks out.  Michael Morse hits a homer.  The stands look like back stage at a Motley Crue concert in the 80’s.  Two more errors lead to a total of seven unearned runs (the Inmates were heard to holler “fuck me”).  The Mavs bring on Greg Holland to get five outs.  He can’t do it but Jessica Hahn can and the Mavs win 9-5.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Lucroy for his double and triple.

August 31^st:  Ponzi scheme baron Colin McHugh vs. Jason Hammel.  A single and two base error by Rusney Castillo (3e14 such things will happen) leads to an early Inmate lead. Surprise.  Carlos King Carrasco comes in to give up four unearned runs in the top of the sixth.  The Mavs need to fire their dope smoking groundskeeper.  This is twelve unearned runs in the last two games.  The Inmates give up one meaningless run and win going away 5-1.  Josh Reddick wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game with another 2-4 three RBI performance

Inmates 3, Mavs 2

All games at the Baptist Bowl via HAL and CM.

 

MAVS 2 – INMATES 0: A Bryce Harper solo HR in the 2^nd was all the Mav pitching staff needed to shut down the LDMF. Norris wasted a decent start as the Dickless Chicken Gang managed only three hits.

 

INMATES 5 – MAVS 4 (10 innings): Gallardo went the distance in a great performance for the Mavs because HAL forgot how to find the Mav bullpen. A seesaw battle, with Martinez’s three-run tater in the last of the 5^th propelling (?!) the game into extra innings. Marte’s lead-off blast in the 10^th won it for the Inmates.

 

OZUNA 3 – INMATES 0: Ex-Inmate Ozuna drove in all three Mav runs with a two-run spud and a SAC fly to ruin another decent start by an Inmate pitcher (Quintana). The highlight of the game for the LDMF was a light bulb in the second deck women’s restroom burning out.

 

INMATES 6 – MAVS 2: Reddick hit two HRs and Martinez added a two-run shot of his own in a game the Mavs were never really in. Salazar tossed a CG for the victory.

 

INMATES 4 – MAVS 3: The series’ prophylactic match saw solo taters by Upton, Davis, Rizzo, and Escobar, but the game winning hit was a double by Vargas in the 6^th. 158 stalwart Inmate fans braved the threat of mediocrity to see the Inmates win.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Regular Season Winding Down

There is finally a light at the end of the regular season tunnel. Even though 3 of the division champs have been crowned, almost none of the playoff seeds have been determined.

This is where we stand:

• The Pigs will have the #1 seed and a first round bye.
• The Zaps will either be the #2 or #3 seed.
• The Snakes will either be the #3 or #4 seed. They cannot get a bye, but according to the Snakeman, "Playing the Wahoos or Goofs is like getting a bye."
• The Inmates' magic number over the Fungoes to win the HWD is 6, and with 17 games to go, they could be anything from the #2 seed to out of the playoffs. Best bet is the Inmates with the #2 or #3 seed. The Inmates need to go 9-8 to finish ahead of the Sidewinders, and 12-5 to beat the Zaps and get the first round bye. The Inmates have to the head-to-head tie-breaker advantage with the Snakes, but not with the Zaps.
• The Fungoes could still win the HWD, but is more realistically fighting for a playoff spot.
• The Goofs's regular season is completed with 88 wins. The Goofs are probably headed toward a 5-6 seed, but could still mathematically be left out in the cold.
• The Wahoos have 20 games remaining and need to go 15-5 to catch the Goofs. The good news for the Hoos is that 10 of those 20 remaining games are head to head with the Fungoes, the other team he is chasing.
• The Tweeners have 12 games to play and could still challenge for a spot in the post season.
• The Drillers need the Wahoos to go 10-0 vs the Fungoes and 0-10 vs the Mavs or they are done.
• Nads... see Drillers. Not mathematically eliminated, but it would take some weird shit.

Games remaining:

• Wahoos (20) - 10 each with the Mavs and the Fungoes
• Mavs (20) - 10 each with the Wahoos and the Inmates
• Inmates (17) - 10 with the Mavs and 7 with the Rhinos
• Rhinos (17) - 10 with the Tweeners and 7 with the Inmates
• Tweeners (12) - 10 with the Rhinos and 2 with the Bees
• Fungoes (10) - 10 with the Wahoos
• Bees (7) - 5 with the Nads and 2 with the Tweeners
• Nads (5) - 5 with the Bees

Inmates 1, Wahoos 1

Inmates and Wahoos split their remaining two games via netplay at the Baptist Bowl.

 

Inmates 2 – Wahoos 1: An old-fashioned pitcher’s duel. Wahoos threatened in the 9^th, loading the bases with one out after scoring a run. Neshek got Blanks to hit into the 6-2-3 DP with the infield in to end the game. Jones tatered for the Beakless Chicken Gang.

 

Wahoos 7 – Inmates 3: Wahoos owned this from the start. Jones and Reddick homered for the LDMF, but no other offense or pitching existed. Davis and Norris both hit HRs for the Screaming Featherheads.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Congrats Goofs

The SuperGoofs won the Extra Reserve Pick with a whopping 10 points. Boy, did we all suck this year! Last year, the Rhinos won with 20 points, and we thought THAT was sad.

The FFTs were the last team eliminated. The Tweeners and Inmates tied for 2nd with 9 points.

Extra Reserve Contest

Down to 2.

The win this afternoon by the Blue Jays eliminated the Tweeners. Then the win tonight by the Royals took out the Inmates.

The FFTs are still alive. If the Dodgers win game 5 against the Mets, and then beat the Cubs, the FFTs win. Otherwise, your contest winner will be the SuperGoofs.

Extra Reserve Pick Contest

The Cubs' win over the Cardinals gets us down to 4 teams...

The FFTs win if the Dodgers win the NL pennant. If LA loses before the World Series, the FFTs are done.

The Goofeyes need the Royals to win game 5 against the Astros, and the Dodgers to lose to either the Mets or the Cubs.

The Inmates need the Blue Jays to win game 5 against the Rangers, the Royals to lose to the Astros, and the Dodgers to fall short of the World Series.

The Tweeners need the Dodgers, Royals, and Blue Jays to all lose.

Sidewinders 2, Fungoes 1

Games played via Netplay.

Wahoos and Killer Bees Trade

The Wahoos traded Jordan Zimmermann, Alejandro De Aza, their 5th, and a reserve to the Killer Bees for Curtis Granderson, Jeurys Familia, and their 2nd.

Warpigs and Killer Bees Trade

The Killer Bees traded Jake Diekman to the Warpigs for the Bee 10th round pick.

Draft Weekend Availability

Here's an image of the spreadsheet the FFTs sent out. Please let him know which weekends are good/bad for you so he can fill in the blanks.

 

Extra Reserve Contest - And Then There Were Six

The Cub win over the Pirates eliminated the Mavs from contention and put the Tweeners in first place by themselves. The DVs vaulted into 2nd. They are technically tied with the Buckeyes, who are already eliminated because they cannot finish ahead of the Tweeners.

The bad news for the Tweeners is the American League. If the Royals beat the Astros or the Blue Jays beat the Rangers, the Tweeners are eliminated. A Royals win would also eliminate the Inmates. A Royal loss to Houston would eliminate the Goofs.

If the Cubs beat the Cardinals, the Pigs and DVs are done. If the Dodgers lose to the Mets... well, for sure the FFTs would be out.

And if this comes down to Cubs vs Mets in the NL, and Rangers vs Astros in the AL, the winner will already be set... and it will be the Tweeners with a whopping 9 points. Best of all, he'll be able to credit his victory to his faith in... the Yankees.

FFTs and Tweeners Trade

The Tweeners traded Gio Gonzalez to the FFTs for their 5th round pick.

Extra Reserve Contest Update (The Bye Bye Angels version)

I gotta say, it was very satisfying to turn all the Angel picks to red.

The Killer Bees join the group of eliminated teams, leaving 7 still alive.

It's complicated, but here's what each remaining team needs to happen (I think) to get the win...

• The FFTs win if the Dodgers win the World Series. They also win if the Dodgers just GET to the WS as long as the Cubs beat the Pirates or the Rangers beat the Blue Jays.
• The Warpigs win if the Cardinals just make it to the World Series.
• The Inmates win if the Pirates beat the Cubs, the Jays beat the Rangers, and the Dodgers beat the Mets as long as the Dodgers then lose to somebody other than the Cardinals in the NLCS.
• The Mavs win under the same circumstances as the Inmates (above) except they need the Rangers to beat the Blue Jays. The Mavs didn't pick the Rangers, but a Blue Jay loss allows the Mavs to be tied with the Inmates, and the Mavs hold the tie-breaker between the 2 of them.
• The Goofs can win if the Royals beat Hou/NYY and the Dodgers beat the Mets, as long as the Dodgers then lose to somebody other than the Cardinals.
• The Tweeners win if the Cubs beat the Pirates and the Dodgers beat the Mets, as long as the Dodgers then lose to somebody other than the Cardinals.
• The DVs need the Cubs to beat the Pirates, the Cardinals beat the Cubs, then the Cardinals lose to the Mets (not the Dodgers).

If neither the Cardinals nor the Dodgers make it to the NLCS... well... the FFTs, Pigs, and DVs are all out. The Inmates would win with wins by both Toronto and Pittsburg (over the Cubs). The Goofs could win with a KC win over Hou/NYY and a Blue Jay loss to Texas. The Tweeners would win with a Cubs win over the Pirates and all of the home teams losing in the Division Series. The Mavs would win if the Pirates beat the Cubs and all the home teams lose in the DS.

I think.

Tweeners 4, Killer Bees 3

Tweeners can only manage to take 4 of 7 from Hal’s Bees.  Lunging toward pick #10.

5/26 – Bees 3, Tweeners 1.  Julio Teheran(2-0) and Gio Gonzalez(9-8) locked horns in a pitcher's duel with Teheran and the PHILIP Killer Bees coming out on top of the NORM TWEENERS 3 to 1. PHILIP came up with 2 runs in the 4th inning when they came up with 4 base hits.  The big moment was provided by Mark Trumbo who deflated the spirits of the home town crowd when he blasted a two-run home run.  Jake Diekman pitched a perfect ninth to earn his 1st save.  Gio fanned 12 in 6.2, while also allowing 12 hits.  He’s all yours, Terry.

5/27 – Tweeners 8, Bees 4.  Ben Zobrist had 4 hits and scored 3 times as the NORM TWEENERS bested the PHILIP Killer Bees 8 to 4 at The Hoover Dome. NORM had 3 runs cross the plate in the bottom of the 6th inning when they had 3 base hits.  It was enough scoring to earn the victory.  NORM had a total of 12 hits for the game, including homers by Avisail and Vogt.  4 hits also for Pennington. Zach Duke(2-4) went 2 and 2/3 innings allowing no runs for the win. Santiago Casilla was credited with his 27th save.  Alex Wood(0-2) was the loser.  He was knocked around pretty good, giving up 6 runs in 5 innings. 

5/28 – Tweeners 5, Bees 2.  Madison Bumgarner whiffed 12 batters and Michael Saunders cracked a homer and had 2 RBI as the NORM TWEENERS defeated the PHILIP Killer Bees by a score of 5 to 2 at The Hoover Dome. Bumgarner(14-15) pitched a solid game.  He was reached for 8 hits and no walks in 7 and 1/3 innings.  Santiago Casilla pitched a perfect ninth and was credited with his 28th save.  Jered Weaver(0-1) absorbed the loss.  He got hit pretty hard, allowing 11 hits and 2 walks in 8 innings.  The NORM fans were thrilled by the performance put forth by Bumgarner, but it was clearly his strikeouts that they enjoyed most. When he reached 10 strikeouts the fans showed him their appreciation with a loud cheer.' George Brett said following the game, as he always says when a Tweener starter fans a bunch.

8/3 – Bees 4, Tweeners 0.  Bees score 3 off Felix before an out is recorded, although 1 would have been plenty for “Cy” Minor.

8/4 – Tweeners 6, Bees 0.  Pablo Sandoval touched them all and Hisashi Iwakuma allowed 3 hits while blanking PHILIP as the NORM TWEENERS defeated the PHILIP Killer Bees by a score of 6 to 0 at The Hoover Dome.  George Springer also went yard. Iwakuma(9-10) was tremendous on the mound for NORM.  He was stingy on the mound, allowing just 3 hits and 3 walks in 9 innings.  NORM banged out 14 hits on the night. Julio Teheran(2-1) was the losing pitcher.  'When Iwakuma is on like that it is a tough game to play, no doubt about it,' PHILIP's manager said. 'He always pitches well against us.'

 8/5 – Bees 3, Tweeners 2.  37 fans watched an exciting game at The Hoover Dome.  The PHILIP Killer Bees topped the NORM TWEENERS by the slimmest of margins, 3 to 2. Both teams were tied at 2 runs apiece after nine innings.  PHILIP ended up winning it in the 10th inning.  After an out was recorded, Carlos Santana drew a walk.  Curtis Granderson stepped into the batter's box and he doubled. Robinson Chirinos then hit a deep fly.  Gregory Polanco followed next and he drew a walk.  PHILIP had a total of 8 hits for the game.  The win went to Jake Diekman(1-1) who allowed 1 run in 3 and 1/3 innings. Dr. Kevin Quackenabush(5-5) was the loser in relief.  He pitched 1/3 of an inning giving up 1 hit and 1 walk.

 8/6 – Tweeners 5, Bees 0.  Madison Bumgarner retired 13 batters on strikeouts at The Hoover Dome as the NORM TWEENERS beat the PHILIP Killer Bees 5 to 0. It was a good day for NORM thanks to Michael Saunders.  He cracked a solo homerun in the 1st inning and tripled scoring two baserunners in the 4^th inning.  After the 4th inning, neither team was able to score. Bumgarner(15-15) went the distance for the shutout. Jered Weaver(0-2) took the loss.  He allowed 1 hit and 2 walks in 2/3 of an inning.  The NORM fans were thrilled by the performance put forth by Bumgarner, but it was clearly his strikeouts that they enjoyed most. 'When he reached 10 strikeouts the fans showed him their appreciation with a loud cheer.' George Brett said following the game, as he always says when a Tweener starter fans a bunch.

 

Warpigs 2, DVs 1

Both teams finish their seasons with 3 netplay games at DV Park by Viagara.

Game 1 - Warpigs win 7-1. Justin Morneau homered and drove in 3. Garrett Richards started with only 1.2 innings remaining, but he and 4 relievers held the DVs to 5 hits. Trevor Plouffe homered for the lone DV run.

Game 2 - DVs win 2-1. Yordano Ventura went 7 innings for the win. Tyler Clippard went the final 2 innings for the save. Jose Fernandez allowed only 4 hits in his 7 innings, but 1 of those was a J.J. Hardy homer.

Game 3 - Warpigs win 7-0. Lance Lynn threw 8 shutout innings, allowing only 3 hits. Joe Smith finished up for the Warpigs' league record 31st shutout. Troy Tulowitzki hit a 3-run homer on his next to last at bat of the season.

Extra Reserve Pick Update

In a word, we all SUCK at predicting Major League Baseball.

Not a single person picked the Mets or Rangers. Only 1 team picked the Royals. 3 teams picked the Blue Jays. 1 team picked the Yankees to be a Wild Card. And while several teams picked the Cubs or the Pirates, nobody picked them both.

There are only 3 teams who have their World Series Champion pick still alive. 1 Dodger, 1 Cardinal, and 1 Angel.

Now that all the division winners are set (and almost all of the Wild Card teams), the point standings are:

1st. Goofs and Tweeners, 6 points

3rd. Buckeyes, Drillers, DVs, FFTs, Inmates, Mavs, Warpigs, Zaps, 5 points

11th. Snakes and Wahoos, 4 points

13th. Fungoes and Bees, 2 points

15th. Rhinos and Nads, 0 points

The team with the most possible points (if everything broke right the rest of the way) is the FFTs, who could earn a whopping 33 points. The Warpigs are next with 27 possible, then the Inmates (26), and the Bees (24).

If the Angels don't make the playoffs, there will be some more changes. Nobody has the Astros or Twins, so that won't make any difference.

The Nads, the Rhinos, and the Fungoes have already been eliminated. There are probably some others who are mathematically out (because they have the same picks as somebody already ahead of them), but it's late and I'm going to bed.

DVs 4, Wahoos 3

Feet were swift. Bats were mighty. Balls were plentiful.

Rhinos 3, DVs 2

All games via Rhino CM.

All games EQA.

All games stinky.

Mavs 3, Rhinos 2

The Mavs go 3-2 vs the Rhinos

May 13 - Rhinos 8 - Mavs 2

May 14 - Rhinos 4 - Mavs 3

May 15 - Mavs 3 - Rhinos 2

Jul 22 - Mavs 3 - Rhinos 2

Jul 23 - Mavs 5 - Rhinos 4

Col Rhino

Berra vs Bench

Sparky Anderson once said, "Never embarrass a man by comparing him to Johnny Bench." But what the hell, let's do it anyway.

Let's start with longevity. Bench played 17 seasons, 15 of which he appeared in over 100 games. Berra played 19 seasons and had 14 seasons of 100+ games. Their number of games played are close: 2,158 for Bench; 2,116 for Berra. Berra had 7,555 career at bats; Bench had about a hundred more with 7,658.

The first thought I had when seeing those numbers was that Berra played a lot of outfield, but the truth is, Bench started 1,627 games at catcher; Berra started 1,641 behind the plate.

With the lengths of their careers being so close, the counting numbers can be compared straight up.

Berra hit .285 for his career, getting 2,150 hits. Bench had a career batting average of .267, getting 2,043 hits.

Bench had more doubles (381 to 321) and more home runs (389 to 358), but not a higher career slugging percentage. Berra leads there .482 to .476. Berra also had more RBI than Bench, 1,430 to 1,376).

Bench drew more walks (891 to 704), but again, Berra had the higher OB% (.348 to .342). Berra scored more runs than Bench (1,175 to 1,091).

Okay, so offensively, Berra was better than Bench. Not by a lot, but with a higher BA, OBP, SLG... and with more runs scored and runs batted in, Berra gets the nod here.

On to defense. Johnny Bench is considered the greatest defensive catcher in the history of baseball, and with good reason: he won 10 consecutive Gold Gloves - signifying his place among the other catchers of his era. Berra never won a Gold Glove, but to be fair, there was no Gold Glove Award until the tail end of Yogi's career.

As for defensive stats, the most compelling stat for catchers is stolen base percentage. Berra had 425 bases stolen against him and threw out 406. Bench threw out 469 but had a surprising 610 bases stolen against him. Now, I realize we're talking about different leagues and different eras, but the fact that Berra had better SB/CS numbers than Bench is shocking to me.

Johnny Bench was the NL MVP twice. Yogi Berra was the AL MVP three times. Bench's Cincinnati Reds won 2 World Series titles, while Berra's Yankees won 10. Bench was a 12-time All Star. In Berra's time, there were several years in which two All Star games were played, so while Berra was an All Star in 13 different years, he actually played in 14 games.

Comparing players of different eras presents plenty of problems. One has to consider the league averages for batting averages, homers, runs, stolen bases... the list goes on and on. And frankly, this comparison is just an informal one, and... well, I didn't feel like working that hard.

And yet... while both were Hall of Fame players, and you couldn't go wrong with either, I had always assumed (and been told) that Bench is the greatest catcher ever. After comparing the numbers, I'm not so sure Berra wasn't better. In fact, I'm convinced he was. I'd definitely rather have Berra's career than Bench's, if for no other reason than I would have 10 rings as opposed to 2.

Mavs and Buckeyes Trade

The Mavs traded Marcell Ozuna to the Buckeyes for Brad Miller.

It's Over...

May 12, 1925 - September 22, 2015

1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
2. “It’s deja vu all over again.”
3. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
4. “Never answer an anonymous letter.”
5. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
6. “You can observe a lot by watching.”
7. “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
8. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
9. “It gets late early out here.”
10. “If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.”
11. “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
12. “Pair up in threes.”
13. “Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.”
14. “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
15. “All pitchers are liars or crybabies.”
16. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
17. “Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.”
18. “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”
19. “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”
20. “I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won 25 games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five.”
21. “I don’t know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.”
22. “I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.”
23. “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”
24. “In baseball, you don’t know nothing.”
25. “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
26. “I never said most of the things I said.”
27. “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
28. “I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”
29. “I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I’d never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.”
30. “So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.”
31. “Take it with a grin of salt.”
32. (On the 1973 Mets) “We were overwhelming underdogs.”
33. “The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”
34. “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
35. “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Sidewinders 6, Killer Bees 1

Snakes win 6 of 7 at home vs bees

 

5/19 Snakes win 3-1

 

5/20 Bees win 7-6 in 11 innings. Offensive stars for Bees are Freeman,Solarte and Bonifacio who homer.

5/21 Snakes win game started by 2 pitchers traded for each other: Cueto andTeheran. Ortiz and Belt each homer twice.Snakes win 6-1

 

7/27 Snakes win 13-4, Belt homers twice

 

7/28 Santana breaks up no hitter in 7th. Cueto and 2 relievers combine for2 hit shutout. Snakes win 5-0

 

7/29 Snakes beat Mike Minor and the Bees 9-4. Gyorko homers for Bees

 

7/30 Ortizpowers offense in2-1 win.Kimbrel saves Miller's win. Teheran is the tough luck loser.

Zaps 4, Killer Bees 1

Game One- Bonifacio opened the scoring with a two-run shot in the 2nd,
but the Zap bats woke up to score five runs on four taters and the pen
sealed the 5-2 deal for the home team in the opener.

Game Two- The Bees had a 2-1 lead going into the fifth, but the Zaps
scored multiple in the next four frames to take control led by Cutche’s
two taters and triumph 11-2.

Game Three-Granderson opened the scoring with a tater in the 2nd, but
the Zaps score four in the bottom of the frame. The flood gates opened
in the 8th when the Zaps scored eight to demolish the visitors 15-1.

Game Four-Bautista hit a solo shot, and Pearce later hit an Earl Weaver
special in the first inning to set the tone for Niese to pitch a lights
out five-hit shutout as the good guys won 6-0.

Game Five- The Bees scored three runs on two taters in the sixth, and a
three run eighth sealed the deal as the Bees salvaged the getaway game 7-5.

Wahoos 3, Warpigs 1

First two games at The BallPork

Gm 1 - Wahoos win 1-0. The Wahoos are held to 3 hits, but got 2 of them in the same inning for the win.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 3-0. Adam Wainwright (26-7) finishes his season in style, as the Warpigs record their 30th shutout of the season. Cano and VMart both homered in the home finale for the Pigs.

Last two games at The Reservation

Game 3 - Wahoos win 13-2. Lance Lynn took one for the team.

Game 4 - Wahoos win 6-3. Jonathan Schoop, who made his career debut the day before, went 3-4 with a double, triple, and homer, driving in 4. R.A. Dickey (17-15) went the distance for the Pigs.

Mavs 3, Rhinos 2

6/26 – Matt Garza takes the hill against Jake Odorizzi.  The Mavs imported the Rhinos manager three times to confirm that the Colonel only brought 4 relievers with him.  I suppose a lineup where Michael Morse hits cleanup can inspire that kind of confidence.  Grumpy’s Bail Bonds is handing out free Alex Johnson tshirts to the first 20,000 in attendance to celebrate the 44^th anniversary of the Angels suspending Alex Johnson after 5 benchings and 29 fines.  The Sultans string together a single 1-5, single 1-9, HBP, Castellanos X (oh hide the women and the children) and an infield single for 3 in the top of the third.  The Mavs answer with a trifecta of scoreless innings while the Sultans tack on three more with homers by Gordon and Gomez.  The Mavs finally force the Sultans to bring in 25% of their bullpen in the eighth.  Kenley Jansen comes in to pitch the last two and the Mavs lose 6-3.  Alex Gordon wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-4 with a homer and two RBI’s.

6/27 – Gerritt Cole vs. Yovanni Gallardo.  The good folks at the Top Hat Bar and Saloon are handing out souvenir Bill Lee cigarette lighters (useful for all kinds of cigarettes we have been told).  Gerritt Cole throws a 3 hitter with the only run scoring on an Upton homer.  The profligate Rhinos waste their bench strength carrying all of these needless relievers.  The offensive heroics once again go to Alex Gordon who goes two for four with another homer and three RBI’s but the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game and the Betty’s Brothel Pitcher of the Game both go to Gerritt Cole who was seen with one of Betty’s girls after the game.  We hold out hopes of scoring two runs off of him next time.  Oops there goes another of Betty’s girls.  Cole is holding out hopes for two as well.

9/1 – Roenis Elias vs. Wily Peralta.  It is Back to School Night at the Rastadome.  The first 15,000 kids under 13 will receive a complimentary Mavericks Betty’s Brothel Backpack.  The Rhinos strike first with three straight singles leading to a run.  The Rhinos strike second in the fourth with a Matt Kemp double, a steal of third (1-12 but Hal knows best) and a ballpark single.  Suddenly in the fifth Elias, who was throwing a no-hitter, walks two and gives up a double.  His arm falls off from fatigue but Rhino manager General George Patton leaves him in.  Country Breakfast singles in two (not a dot hit).  Old Blood and Guts heads to the mound to take Elias out and kicks his limp arm for good measure.  3-2 Mavs going to the sixth.  Fangraphs has the Mavs with a 25% chance of winning because they know if we have the lead, Holland will come in and get whipped.  Sparing Holland that indignity the Mavs bring in Carrasco and he gives up four quick runs including a three run homer by Alex Avila.  6-3 heading to the bottom of the sixth.  In the bottom of the eighth Kendrick walks and Ozuna homers.  Castellanos singles and General Patton brings in a righty to face Harper.  He gets Harper but amazingly Elvis gets a hit off of a righty.  The Mavs pinch hit Heyward for Country Breakfast with two on and two out.  General Patton walks him intentionally.  Big sissy.  Brings up Lucroy with the bases juiced.  Fffftttt.  6-5 heading to the top of the ninth.  The Mavs bring in Britton to face the accursed Alex Avila who gets a hit, one sac bunt and a single by Markakis and the Rhino’s pad their lead.  Down two Upton draws a lead off walk.  The Mavs pinch hit Crush Davis looking for the two run tater but get a 3-11 HBP instead.  Homer Allowed Bailey pinch runs and the Mavs put their Wong in.  1-7 single plates a run and puts Homer Allowed at third with no outs as the tying run.  It also tires Jansen.  Aaron Sanchez comes in.  Yikes!  Have you seen that card?  We need an A bunter and quickly.  In comes Matt Cain.  The squeeze is successful.  Tie game.  Thank goodness it is September.  We can field a line up but it involves playing Jackie F. Bradley in a tie game.  After two scoreless innings the Mavs are forced to bring in Greg Holland.  Meanwhile after three scoreless innings by Sanchez (who only has 33 innings) General Patton brings in Trevor Cahill.  In the bottom of the thirteenth, Vazquez walks (can’t pinch run for him because Lucroy has to play first).  Wong swings away because Bradley is on deck and CarGo (1e6) drops it.  Second and third, nobody out and Jackie F. Bradley is due up.  How can a guy with a .198 batting average be a D bunter?  Rusney Castillo pinch hits for Bradley.  Thank God it is September.  Cahill hits him to bring up the porn star Alexi Amarista.  Outfield in, infield in and Amarista hits a fly b? to left field. Vazquez is on third.  Safe chance: 1-1.  The Mavs hold.  Bryce Harper singles through the drawn in infield.  Greg Holland wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game because he didn’t get hammered for a change.  Mavs win 8-7 in 13.

9/2 – Archer vs. Odorizzi – two Rays pitchers square off.  The start of the game is delayed a bit while Mavs management apologizes to the PTA for the graphic on last night’s give away.  Tonight’s give away is a pair of handcuffs sponsored by Grumpy’s Bail Bonds.  When the phone rings, the handcuff’s spring.  The Mavs score first on a Billy Butler double followed by an Elvis single that actually scored Butler from second.  The Mavs then string together four more hits and take a 5-0 lead.  The Rhinos get two back in the fourth including a Markakis solo shot.  The Mavs lead 6-2 going to the ninth and put in all of their defense, give up to X hits and a ballpark single and Odorizzi is done for.  In comes Holland.  An Elvis X bails the Mavs out and they prevail 6-3.  Odorizzi wins the Betty’s Brothel Pitcher of the Game going 8 innings and Elvis wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game for not choking in the clutch.  Mavs win 6-3.

 

9/3 – Cole vs. Gallardo in the Betty’s Brothel Rubber Game.  The Mavs strike first on a single, steal and single in the second.  The Rhinos tie it in the fifth with a leadoff triple by Lemahieu and a single by Escobar through the drawn in infield.  1-1 heading to the bottom of the fifth.   It stays that way until the ninth.  Alex Gordon gets a catcher X single off of Holland but before I can bitch about my bad luck Flores swings through a hit and run and Gordon is out on a 1-4 chance to steal second.  Cole gives up a hit in the ninth as Ryan Braun came into pinch run and stayed in the game to “play rightfield”.  Mostly he was checking out the ballgirl though and Andrus’s hit falls in front of him.  Andrus steals second.  Andrus steals third.  Lucroy at the plate with one out and the winning run on third.  Outfield in, infield in.  5-9.  Lucroy singles off of the wall.  The Mavs win 2-1.  Elvis wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game scoring the winning run and getting two of the Mavs seven stolen bases.  The girls at Betty’s gave Cole the crabs and he was too distracted to hold well.

FFTs and Warpigs Trade

The FFTs traded James Loney to the Warpigs for Jayson Werth.

Sidewinders 6, Killer Bees 1

This is just a rumor, really.

Zaps 8, FFTs 2

Game 1-Zaps score two in the first with three hits. The FFT’s fight back
to take the lead in the 5th, but the Zaps tie it up with a run in the
bottom of the frame and take the lead in the 6th on a wild pitch.
Dickerson’s solo tater in the 7th ends the scoring, and the pen ices it
to take the opener 5-3.

Game 2-The Zaps chase Lackey in the third with a five-run outburst. The
FFT’s claw their way back to a one-run deficit, but Giles nails down his
second save in two games as the good guys triumph 6-5.

Game 3-The FFT’s chase Greinke with four runs in the first inning. The
Zaps fight back to take the lead 5-4 in the 5th, and then use a four-run
outburst to take command in the 6th. The FFT’s get within three, but
Giles notches his third straight save in a 9-6 victory for the home team.

Game 4- The Zaps score in the 1st inning, but the FFT’s build a two-run
lead before the Zaps tie it up in the 6th. Tazawa loads the bases in the
top of the 9th, and Fernando Rodney comes in and promptly walks in the
lead run. The FFT’s get two-runs in the home half off Giles to take the
opener 5-4.

Game 5- Cutch leads off the game with a tater, and Goldie adds an Earl
Weaver special three batters later. Lackey gets yanked before recording
an out. Goldie adds two more taters as the Zaps beat the home team 9-4.

Game 6- The Zaps chase Leake by the third inning building a four-run
lead. Dickerson’s Earl Weaver special in the eighth iced Greinke solid
start for a 9-2 win.

Game 7-Dickerson opens up a one-run game with a two-run tater in the
7th.  The pen makes it stand up for a 3-1 victory for the home team.

Game 8-The Zaps pound Lackey for seven runs, four unearned, to back up
Hamels complete game for a 9-1 triumph.

Game 9-Lackey leaves the game in the 6th with a 2-1 lead, but Dunn gives
up the lead on a two-run big fly to Bautista. Giles comes on for a
two-inning save.

Game 10-Leake pitches the FFT’s to a 1-0 lead in the fifth when HAL let
the tying run score on a 1-12 chance to end the inning, and instead gets
the trailing runner. The FFT’s load the bases in the bottom of the 9th
and  Laroche drives in the winning run of Abad to take the finale 2-1.

Rhinos 5, Drillers 0

Rhinos SWEEP the Ghost of Drillers at Mud Pit

Straight HAL vs HAL, confirmed lineups, EQAs at 2am…

Kazmir, Torres, Gregerson, Puig, Posey, Abreu on floor.

11 May  The SHAWN DRILLERS pitching coach might be looking for a new job soon.  His

team allowed 8 runs while Chris Archer(1-2), with relief help from Trevor

Cahill, constrained SHAWN in a laugher 8 – 0.

12 May  Matt Garza allowed JOSE's manager to rest his bullpen, tossing a complete game

and D.J. Lemahieu had 2 base hits as the JOSE RHINOS outscored the SHAWN

DRILLERS 5 to 3.

 

19 July  Gerrit Cole blanked SHAWN in a very well-pitched complete game as the JOSE

RHINOS defeated the SHAWN DRILLERS by a score of 2 to 0 at Driller

Park.

20 July  Carlos Gomez cracked a homer and had 2 RBI as the JOSE RHINOS outscored the

SHAWN DRILLERS 6 to 2.

21 July  Catcher Alex Avila homered and had 2 RBI as the JOSE RHINOS defeated the SHAWN

DRILLERS in 10 innings by a score of 7 to 4 at Driller Park.

Drillers 3, Nads 2

Drillers take 3 of 5 at home vs Nads

Straight up HAL vs HAL, confirming lineups, EQAs at 1:30am…

Torres, Gregerson, Puig, Posey, and Abreu on floor.

9 May  In a dramatic ending at Driller Park the SHAWN DRILLERS won in their last

at-bat beating the DAVE NADS by the count of 2 to 1.  The deciding run was scored

by SHAWN in the bottom of the 9th.  Christian Yelich slapped a single.  Maikel

Franco stepped up next and he singled.  Josh Donaldson was a strikeout victim,

unable to help out.  Melky Cabrera came up and he hit a sacrifice fly giving SHAWN

the win as 40,400 happy fans joyfully celebrated.  DAVE had 8 hits in the game

while SHAWN had 5, but SHAWN had the more timely hits.

10 May  In an entertaining game at Driller Park the final score was the SHAWN DRILLERS

4, the DAVE NADS 1.  SHAWN promptly took the lead in their half of the first as they scored 3 runs

on 2 base hits.  That was all the offense they were to need.  SHAWN had 7

hits for the night.

 

16 July  Erick Aybar had 2 base hits as the DAVE NADS defeated the SHAWN DRILLERS by

the score of 6 to 3 at Driller Park.

17 July  The DAVE NADS nipped the SHAWN DRILLERS 3 to 2 at Driller Park in a hard

fought contest.  DAVE wasted no time and took the lead in the first inning scoring a single run

utilizing 2 base hits.  SHAWN threatened in the 9th but their rally came up

short.

18 July  Dallas Keuchel went 9 strong innings and right fielder Charlie Blackmon

homered and had 2 RBI as the SHAWN DRILLERS outscored the DAVE NADS 9 to

0.

Inmates 4, Drillers 1

Inmates go 4 and 1 at Drillers

Straight HAL vs HAL, confirming lineups, EQAs at 1am…

13 May  Pat Neshek quieted any hopes that SHAWN may have had of a comeback as the

STEVE INMATES beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by a score of 5 to 4.

14 May  Alfredo Simon had a complete game and J.D. Martinez hit 2 doubles and had 2

RBI at Driller Park as the STEVE INMATES beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by the count

of 8 to 1.

15 May  Third baseman Aramis Ramirez went deep and had 3 RBI and Collin McHugh pitched

a 3 hitter as the STEVE INMATES beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by a score of 8 to

1.

 

22 July  At Driller Park the STEVE INMATES were battered 7 to 2 by the SHAWN

DRILLERS. SHAWN took the lead for keeps in the bottom of the 3rd inning when they

tallied 2 runs on 3 hits.  Overall SHAWN out-hit STEVE 10 to 5.

23 July  Center fielder Adam Jones hit 2 doubles and had 2 RBI as the STEVE INMATES

defeated the SHAWN DRILLERS in 11 innings by a score of 5 to 4 at Driller

Park.

Drillers 5, Fungoes 0

Drillers SWEEP Fungos at home!

Straight up HAL vs HAL EQAs and confirming correct lineups.

 

6/28 Puig goes 4 for 5 leading the Drillers to a 7-2 victory!

6/29 Kershaw and Kazmir in a duel of lefties.  Kazmir comes out on top with some bullpen help.  Drillers win 3-2.

 

9/4 Drillers won the game with a run in the bottom of the 9th inning.  Melky Cabrera

slapped a single.  Chris Owings stepped up to the plate and he drew a walk.

After an out was recorded, Jimmy Rollins then ripped a one-base hit giving

Drillers the 3 – 2 victory.

9/5 Fungoes Koehler, Roosenthal,and Robertson get rocked early.  Kazmir with another win.  Drillers win 7-5.

9/6 Neil Walker cracked 2 homeruns and had 3 RBI as the red-hot SHAWN DRILLERS

beat the DEREK FUNGOES by a score of 5 to 3.

Wahoos 6, Drillers 4

Drillers go 4 and 6 in elbow to elbow PC play.

 

We were lucky to get 4.  Encarnacion and Seager combined for 23 rbi.

 

dd

FFTs and Inmates Trade

The FFTs traded Brett Lawrie to the Inmates for Josh Reddick.

Pigs and FFTs Trade

The Warpigs traded Adrian Beltre and Jeff Samardzija to the FFTs for Martin Prado, Josh Rutledge, the Inmate 9th round pick, and the Killer Bee 10th round pick.

Update

The Warpigs have clinched the #1 seed, but there is a great race for the other all-important 1st round bye.

Here are the standings for the #2 seed:

All three teams have mostly cupcakes remaining favorable schedules to finish out the year.

The Inmates have games remaining with the Mavs (10), the Rhinos (7), the Drillers (5), and the Wahoos (2)

The Zaps have the FFTs (10) and the Killer Bees (5)

The Snakes have the Killer Bees (14) and the Fungoes (3)

As for the 2 wild card spots, the standings look like this:

The Fungoes have games remaining with the Wahoos (10), the Drillers (5), and the Sidewinders (3).

The Goofs have completed their regular season.

The Drillers still have to play the Wahoos (10), the Nads (5), the Rhinos (5), the Fungoes (5), and the Inmates (5). 25 of their remaining 30 games are at Driller Park. If he can win 18 of those, he can tie the Goofs. Win 19, and he's in the post season.

The Nads are only 5 games back of the Goofs for the final spot, but they only have 10 games left and would have to sweep them just to tie. And that's not going to happen. Great season, Nadman. Maybe next year.

The Tweeners are 5.5 back, but with 19 games remaining, they have a chance. Not a great chance, since they would have to go 15-4 just to tie the Goofs, but it's possible. Especially since their remaining games are against the Rhinos (10) and the Bees (9), two teams who really suck with draft position on their minds.

Among the teams with winning records, the Wahoos have the most games remaining, but they would need to go 28-15 to leapfrog the Nads and Tweeners and catch the Goofs for the final spot. They are only 1 game over .500 after 119 games, but stranger things have happened.

Now, we can't overlook two other possible scenarios: The Fungoes could still win the HWD. They are only 4 games in back of the Inmates. But the Inmates have the easier remaining schedule. It's a shame they don't have any remaining face to face games. And over in the AWD, the Snakes haven't clinched the division just yet. He needs to go 7-10 the rest of the way to clinch, but he'll probably get 7 wins in his first 6 games against the pork-sucking Bees.

For those of you wondering about the draft order, the Buckeyes have sewn up the 1st pick. In fact, he nailed that down about 10:00 Saturday morning of Draft Weekend. So the rest of you can forget about getting your shot at drafting ARod. The Killer Bees have been criminally throwing games working hard to earn pick #2, holding the edge over the Rhinos (who have 37 games remaining, but ran out of innings 20 games ago), the FFTs (who haven't played a game in 3 months, but somehow still only have 10 to play), the DVs (who have been trying to throw games, but apparently even suck at sucking), and Mavs (who have already figured out that in next year's draft, pick 6 won't be that much worse than pick 1).

Zaps 3, Fungoes 2

Game 1-Jaso get a two-run tater on a 1-3 chance in the first inning and that sets the tone. Perez is safe at second on a 1-5 decide roll in the second to continue the trend. The Zaps try to climb back in the fourth but Perez blocks the plate on a 1-6 change to deny Goldie the run. The next man up ,Rendon, gets revenge with a two-run triple, and Zimmerman’s 4 e30 glove at first costs the Fungoes another run when he boots a grounder by the next batter, Martin. Machado helps pile it on in the next frame with an Earl Weaver special that chases Koehler. The Fungoes come back with a run in the sixth, but Martin cancels it with a tater in the home half. The Fungoes refuse to die and get a couple back in the eighth with the help of an error. Giles tosses a scoreless ninth to give the good guys the opener 10-7.

Game 2- The Fungoes jumped out to a 5-0 lead off Scherzer in the first three frames. The Zaps answered with four runs in the next two innings aided by seemingly endless errors from the right side of the Fungoes infield. Trout hit his second home run of the game in the fifth to stymie the comeback. A mountain of Duffy walks in the eighth allowed in two more. Papelbon got a shaky three inning save to seal the deal 8-5

Game 3-A class pitcher’s duel between Price and Hamels. The Zaps manufactured a couple of runs for an early 2-1 lead and hung on for a 3-2 win.

Game 4- Roark and the pen completely stifle the Zap’s bats and combine for a shutout.

Game 5-Goldie opened the game up with a two-run tater in the third, and the Fungoes could never catch up as six Zap relievers only give up an unearned run as the home team takes the getaway game 4-3.

Zaps 3, DVs 2

Game 1-Niese pitched out of constant trouble through the first five innings and fell behind 2-0 before the Zaps scored three in the bottom of the fifth. The Zaps tacked on a couple of more, and the bullpen made it stand up for a 5-3 win in the opener.

Game 2- Dickerson and Goldschmidt opened the game with back-to-back jacks in the bottom of the first. Stanton unrealistically hits a Kluber heater for an Earl Weaver special in the fourth to put the bad guys ahead. Dickerson hit his second tater of the game in the bottom of the frame to bring the Zaps back to within one. Pujols ended the scoring with a solo shot in the sixth as Hutchinson and the DV pen unrealistically silenced the Zaps bats to reverse the first game score for the bad guys 5-3.

Game 3- Pujols popped a deuce tater in the first. Pearce started the climb back with a solo shot in the second, and Dickerson’s Earl Weaver special gave the good guys a lead in the third. The roadies clawed back for two in the top of the 8^th behind a mountain of walks. Machado stuck a dagger in the hearts of the DV’s in the bottom of the frame with a two-run shot. Giles and Abad shut the door in the 9^th for a 6-4 Zap triumph.

Game 4- Ramos started the scoring with a solo shot in the third, and the bad guys got three runs in the 4^th aided by a wild pitch. The Zaps tried to climb back in the fifth with a brace of runs, but the DV’s pen and the second Ramos shot of the game assured the bad guys of a victory.

 Game 5- Kluber’s end the DV’s back to T-town with a 2-hit shutout between their legs. 

Roster Page Updated

I've added your draft picks for 2016 at the bottom of your list of players on the roster page. It should reflect any 2016 picks traded. The number of reserves you own is next to your  team name at the top of the column.

As always, if I have missed something, let me know.

Pigman

Warpigs 3, Tweeners 2

Runs were hard to come by for both teams today.

All games Netplayed.

At The BallPork

7/19 - Warpigs win 3-0. Adam Wainwright (25-7) threw the complete game shutout, allowing 2 hits and no walks, striking out 6. Justin Morneau hit a solo homer.

7/20 - Tweeners win 2-1. That Damn Pedro Strop! He blew another save, giving up a solo homer to George Springer that tied the game in the 6th and a triple to Zack Cozart in the 7th. Cozart scored the winning run, making That Damn Pedro Strop (1-3) the losing pitcher. Matt Wieters' leadoff homer in the 1st was the only run the Pigs scored against Hisashi Iwakuma and three relievers. Santiago Casilla got the final out for the save.

7/21 - Warpigs win 3-2. Robinson Cano brought the Pigs from behind with a 6th inning 2-run homer off of Shelby Miller, who had otherwise pitched well. Sean Doolittle (4-1), who bailed out That Damn Pedro Strop an inning earlier, got the win. Joe Smith got the final four outs - 3 on Ks - to earn his 22nd save.

At the Hoover Dome

8/30 - Tweeners win 3-1. The Pigs got to King Felix for a 1st inning run, but missed the opportunity to score more - and never scored again. The Tweener runs came on 1 swing of the bat in the 5th inning. After R.A. Dickey retired the first two batters, he surrendered 3 straight singles to load the bases, bringing up Nelson Cruz with the bases loaded and 2 outs. In to face him... That Damn Pedro Strop. I know, I know... but he was DUE! Well, I thought he was due. He was not. Cruz rolled 3-6, which is DO8fbB. He rolled the 8. The hit cleared the bases and gave the Tweeners the win. Felix got the win, Casilla the save, Dickey (17-14) the loss. Because the runs scored in the 5th, TDP Strop was not given a blown save.

8/31 - Warpigs win 4-1. 4 runs! A blow out! A smorgasbord of offense. Morneau homered, and Lance Lynn (17-8) went 6 innings for the win. Joe Smith went 9-up, 9-down for the perfect 3-inning save, his 23rd.

DVs 3, Inmates 2

DiamondVision close their season series against the Inmates winning 3 of 5.

All were close games – DVs win games 1 and 2 at the Penitentiary by 4-3 and 6-5 scores. At the DV park the Inmates win 6-5 and 6-3, before the DVs close out the second game of a DH with a 5-4 win.

DVs didn’t take particularly good notes for the series as Naked and Afraid Marathon was on TV in the background. Perhaps Inmates were less distracted.

The Inmate Version...

All games via netplay.

 

DVS 4 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Inmate ass ace McHugh gives up moon shots to Longoria and Pujols before getting out of the 1^st. Altuve got caught stealing and Marte flew into a DP, showcasing additional Inmate lowlights. Clippard recorded a two-inning save for the DVs.

 

DVS 6 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Longoria tatered again and the DVs stayed one step ahead of the Inmates to sweep the short series at the Baptist Bowl. Alfredo (Big Pasta) Simon, showing the effects of extreme carb overdosing, allowed everyone coming to the plate to have their way. Clippard with another two-inning save.

 

INMATES 6 – DVS 5 (11 innings - DV Park by Viagra): In the spirit of giving, the Inmates did everything they could to give this one away. A 5-3 lead in the 8^th slipped away when Ramos, Hughes, and Ramirez were allowed to take the hill to toss BP to the DVs. Despite hammering 15 hits, the Inmates left nine on and hit into five double-fucking-plays. An exhausted Clippard (three straight appearances/6.1 IP) took the loss, though, letting Altuve single home Segura with the final run of the game in the Inmate 11^th.

 

INMATES 6 – DVS 3 (DV Park by Viagra): All Inmate offense came as the result of homers by Altuve, Rosario, and Martinez off of Paxton, doing his best Bert Blyleven imitation (remember the “Bert” factor?). Stanton homered for the second straight game, but the Beakless Chicken Gang held on to even the series.

 

DVS 5 – INMATES 4 (DV Park by Viagra): A pox upon Stanton! Two homers, including a game-winning orbital blast in the 7^th, led the DVs to a win in the prophylactic match of the day. Soon-to-be-Inmate-cut Norris kept the ball in the strike zone for the Inmates, K’ing ten propeller heads and allowing four homers, showing that he, too, was afflicted with the “Bert” factor.

Tweeners and Sidewinders Trade

While causing torrential rain in Cincinnati, the Snakes and Tweeners also managed to swap cuts. Michael Saunders to the Sidewinders; Nick Vincent to the Tweeners.

Warpigs 5, SuperGoofs 0

The Warpigs aren't as hot as the Inmates, but they clinched the BUD with this sweep.

All games at The BallPork.

5/13 - Warpigs win 6-2. Victor Martinez had 3 hits, and a 3-run homer by Adrian Beltre took a 3-2 lead to a 6-2 lead in the 8th. R.A. Dickey (17-13) went 5 innings for the win. Sean Doolittle pitched the final 4 innings for his 9th save.

5/14 - Warpigs win 10-2. A rare offensive outburst by the Pigs was the result of 4 home runs. Robinson Cano, Jayson Werth, Troy Tulowitzki, and Adrian Beltre all went deep to support the pitching of Garrett Richards (18-4).

5/15 - Warpigs win 6-0. The Pigs hit 6 doubles, and Jayson Werth added a homer. Adam Wainwright (23-7) and Sean Doolittle combined for the shutout.

7/22 - Warpigs win 3-2. The Goofs held a 2-1 lead in the 7th, but Jake Smolinski doubled off of James Russell, was bunted to 3rd, and scored on an e6 by Alexei Ramirez. Then in the 8th, 2 walks and an RBI-single by VMart gave the Pigs the lead. Doolittle (3-1) got the win, and Joe Smith recorded the final 2 outs for his 21st save. Lucas Duda homered for the Goofs.

7/23 - Pigs win 2-0. Wainwright (24-7) allowed 1 hit and 1 walk in 6 innings. Doolittle allowed 1 hit and no walks in the final 3 innings for his 10th save. Francisco Cervelli went 3-3.

Sidewinders 3, Tweeners 1

Details coming, but the Snakes are now tied with the Goofs for first in the AWD.

The Race to the Pennant

With the regular season winding down, there are tight races going on in the Herman Wheeler Division, the Ab Wheeler Division, and for the two wild card spots.

In the HWD, the red hot Inmates (18-3 in their last 21 games) have forged ahead of the Fungoes and currently lead them by 4 games. The Inmates' magic number is 23. The Nads have dropped out of the division race, trailing the Inmates by 11.5 games.

Over in the AWD, the Goofs have a 1 game lead over the Sidewinders. The Goofs' magic number is 13 but only have 5 games left to play, meaning the Snakes hold their fortune in their own hands. The Goofs should be a playoff team either way - the only question being, "Will he have his playoff dice ready to go?" The Tweeners are 6.5 games back and will have a lot to say about how this division turns out.

In the MFD, the Zaps hold a commanding 7.5 games lead over the Drillers. The Zap magic number is 21.

The Warpigs have not quite mathematically wrapped up the BUD, but their magic number is 4, so the BUD title is theirs.

As for the wild card, here are the current standings:










If the playoffs started today, the seeds would be:
1 - Pigs
2 - Inmates
3 - Zaps vs 6 - Snakes
4 - Goofs vs 5 - Fungoes

Inmates 6, Nads 1

Inmates continue to pummel buttocks kick ass. All games at the Baptist Bowl via CM.

 

INMATES 5 – NADS 3: Inmates score a pair in the bottom of the 4^th to take the lead for good. Tillman allowed 12 hits in six innings for the loss.

 

NADS 6 – INMATES 2: A rare re-appearance of the LDMF. Cosart and Rendon allowed only four hits, while Frazier had three RBI. Of no particular significance: the Inmates struck out only once (Altuve).

 

INMATES 9 – NADS 4: Two games in one. The first lasted two innings and was totally dominated by the Nads, who scored twice in both the 1^st and 2^nd. The Inmates managed to get runners on in both innings, but hit into inning-ending double-fucking-plays. All hell broke loose in the bottom of the 3^rd, however, capped by a three-run tater by Jones. The Nads managed only four hits the rest of the way.

 

INMATES 3 – NADS 2: A singularly unexciting game with the ultimate winning run scoring in the bottom of the 7^th on a passed ball by Montero.

 

INMATES 10 – NADS 6: Not as close as the final score. The Nads scored three in the 9^th off of a tiring Big Pasta Simon to make it look like a real game. Rizzo, Reddick, Martinez, and Rosario all homered for the Beakless Chicken Gang.

 

INMATES 3 – NADS 2: A Rizzo three-run homer in the 2^nd was all the scoring the Inmates got, but it was all they needed. Adams and Crawford both tatered for the Nads, but both were solo shots.

 

INMATES 7 – NADS 4: The Inmates scored five in the 5^th and two more in the 6^th to ice the game. The Nads once again delayed scoring until late with a three-spot in the 8^th, but by then it was too late.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Inmates 5, Killer Bees 0

I don't have any details yet, but the games were played at The Beehive, and the Inmate sweep vaults them into 1st place in the HWD.

Warpigs 4, DVs 3

All games played at The BallPork via Netplay.

5/19 - Warpigs win 7-3. Adam Wainwright (21-7) went 7 innings, allowing only 4 hits and no walks for the win. Justin Morneau had 3 hits and knocked in 4.

5/20 - DVs win 2-1. Albert Pujols had a 2-out, 2-run hit in the 7th for the win. The Pigs have had only 4 blown saves all year, but 3 have been by Pedro Strop and 2 of those came against the DVs. Robinson Cano homered in the 1st.

5/21 - DVs win 7-6. J.J. Hardy and Dexter Fowler, the 8-9 hitters for the DVs, combined to go 5-8, with 3 runs and 4 RBI. The Pigs ralled late, with rare homers from Jake Smolinski and Jon Jay (his first of the year), but came up short.

7/27 - Warpigs win 1-0 in 13 innings. Some batting averages took a beating in this one. Stephen Strasburg threw a complete game for the DVs, as the Pigs kept rolling 4-9 and 6-9, neither of which involves putting the ball in play. Garrett Richards allowed 5 hits and 4 walks in his 5 innings, but somehow kept anyone from crossing the plate. The DVs had 2 runners on in each of the first 4 innings. Joe Smith (3-0) got the win in relief, going an amazing 5.2 innings. In the bottom of the 13th, Lorenzo Cain led off with a single and was bunted over by Yadier Molina. Robby Cano singled, but Cain was forced to hold up at 3rd. Jayson Werth sent the Pig faithful home happy with a walk-off single.

7/28 - Warpigs win 7-2. Cano, Morneau, and Victor Martinez homered to back the pitching of Wainwright (22-7), who went 7 innings for the win.

7/29 - DVs win 4-2. Matt Holliday hit a 3-run homer off of R.A. Dickey in the 2nd inning, and that was enough to support the pitching of Drew Hutchison. Dexter Fowler added an insurance run late with a solo shot. Tyler Clippard got the save.

7/30 - Warpigs win 2-0. Michael Wacha (10-5) finished the regular season with a bang. He hit the floor after 5.2 innings of 1-hit ball. The bullpen allowed only 1 more hit for the Pigs' 100th win of the season and their 26th shutout. Joe Smith, fresh after 2 days off following his marathon performance, got the last 4 outs for his 20th save. The Pigs only had 2 hits themselves, but 1 of them was a 1st inning 2-run blast by VMart.

Killer Bees 3, Rhinos 2

Rhinos go 2-3 vs the Bees

Jun 2 Rhinos 5 Bees 2

Jun 3 Bees 3 Rhinos 0

Jun 4 Bees 4 Rhinos 3

Aug 10 Rhinos 7 Bees 6

Aug 11 Bees 9 Rhinos 3

Tweeners 4, Killer Bees 1

Bees continue their epic slide, manage 1 win vs the Tweeners at the Hive.  Tweeners go 4-1.

Inmates 4, Drillers 1

Via CM at the Baptist Bowl:

 

INMATES 8 – DRILLERS 0: Five Inmate pitchers hold the Driller bats to four hits. Gattis and Marte homered for the Beakless Chicken Gang. Drillers just sucked.

 

INMATES 5 – DRILLERS 3: Keuchel pitched reasonably well, giving up only solo taters to Jones and Rosario. He fielded shittily with his own boot allowing an unearned run in the 4^th. Rosario hit his second HR of the game in the 8^th to push the lead to 5-1; a two-run Driller rally in the 9^th (including a tater by Zufuckingnino) made it close, but that was it.

 

INMATES 6 – DRILLERS 5: Once again the Drillers score two in the 9^th to make it look close. HAL had Shields take one for the team, pitching a CG 11-hitter. Rizzo was never fooled going 4-4 with a pair of homers.

 

INMATES 7 – DRILLERS 0: The humiliation continued with the Drillers getting shutout by Norris (!!!). HAL gives up again, allowing Wheeler to get pummeled for all seven Inmate runs.

 

DRILLERS 2 – INMATES 1: Drillers avoid the ignominy of a sweep when Jennings hit  a one-out single in the top of the 9^th to plate what turned out to be the game-winner. LDMF bats fell silent, with everyone too tired to run the bases after the last game’s batting practice.

 

Inmates remain relatively hot.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Inmates 3, Goofs 2

All via CM at the Baptist Bowl:

 

GOOFS 6 – INMATES 3: The Goofs score three-spots in both the 2^nd and 8^th innings while the Fucked-Up-Dog pitching staff held the LDMF to not much.

 

INMATES 7 – GOOFS 2: The Inmates hit five bombs (JDMartinez twice), including back-to-back-to-back shots in the 8^th by Martinez, Rizzo, and Jones to blow open an otherwise fairly close game.

 

INMATES 2 – GOOFS 0: NO-HITTER! NO-HITTER! NO-HITTER! Three Inmate pitchers (Norris [!!!], Ramos, and Neshek) combined to totally shut down the Goofs in the second no-no ever tossed by the Inmate staff. Goof pitchers did well, holding the LDMF to only 5 hits and two runs, but WTF! NO-HITTER!

 

INMATES 8 – GOOFS 7: Duda hit a pair of HRs for the Goofs, but after Hughes allowed the Inmates to close the gap to 7-5 Street came in and performed an act of self-immolation, allowing a three-run tater to Rizzo to throw the game away.

 

GOOFS 3 – INMATES 1: A pitchers’ duel with the LDMF collecting only three hits to lose the series finale.

 

The HEAD INMATE