4/8: Wade Miley Cyrus takes the mound against Matt Adam Raised A Cane. Through four the Mavs pound into two double plays and there would have been a third but Gonzalez made an error and still manage to leave four on base but lead 2-0. Not being the superstitious sort, I’ll mention that Cane has a no hitter through five. No hitter through six. No hitter through seven. Mavs up 5-0. Despite having Clemens in his halcyon days, the Mavs have never thrown a no-hitter. No hitter through eight. Cane doesn’t really have those innings to burn but we’ll figure something out. 8-0 tope of the ninth. Due up Punto, Montero and Lagares. Will Cane do it? No Punto hits a 2-5 double. Cane calls it a night and heads to Betty’s Brothel to celebrate. He’s not even around to see Montero double and drive in the Nads first run. The Nads tack on a second run with a clutch hit by Frazier. Cane’s final line 8 IP, 1 hit, 1 walk and 9 strikeouts. Mavs win 8-2 as Chris Davis goes 3-5 with four RBI and no one even noticed.
4/9: Chen vs. Gallardo in the getaway game. Sadly Chen is such a reverse lefty that despite some at bat problems Heyward will play. Some lucky NASOMA manager will benefit later. 3-2 in the seventh. The Mavs are in the bullpen at this point. Somehow we drug Wilson in to face a righty who kills lefties but it worked. I’ll confess that I was trying to bring in Richards but drug the wrong guy over. A two out double by Davis causes Hal to bring in a righty against Lucroy in the bottom of the eighth. The former Tweener Latroy Latroy the Blown Save Boy Hawkins comes in. Lucroy singles. Bringing up Heyward. The Mavs counter with Country Breakfast. Hal stays with Hawkins. Butler belches, swings and misses. Heading to the bottom of the ninth the plucky Nads are still on top 3-2 (at least the score isn’t 6-9). With one out Bryce Harper lines a pinch hit single (missed the triple). The Mavs pinch hit Soto for Headley. Yes Soto has third base. Soto flies out. The Mavs pinch hit Aviles for Andrus. Heaven help us if we tie the game. Aviles singles Harper over to second. Will Hal stay with Hawkins? Yes. Upton rolls a 1-15 one star single. Bases loaded. Hal’s wheels are turning. Anthony Swarzak to face Kendrick. The Mavs counter with yet another pinch hitter. Eggs Ackley on as the Mavs bench has emptied. 5-8 fly to center. The Nads hold on or hold on to their Nads. Hard to tell. Bruce Chen wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 7 2/3 to pick up the win. Brian Dozier hit a big two run homer and the Mavsv left nine on and hit into two double plays. Nads 3-2.
7/1: Miley Cyrus against Buchholz. Despite a two hitter through six, the Mavs pull Buchholz. IP problems. Clay understands. Meanwhile the Mavs have chased Miley and are leading 5-0 heading to the bottom of the seventh. The Mavs tack on a run and Garrett Richards takes the hill in the ninth looking for the cheap three inning save. The Nads go quietly having an appointment in Betty’s Brothel and being a bit in a hurry. Elvis wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game with three RBIs and two X chart DP’s (the Nads hit into three). The Mavs win 6-0
7/2: Estrada vs. against Sorry Ass Homer Allowed Bailey (SAHAB). The Mavs have to look around for their cards against a right handed starter. SAHAB gives up 4 unearned runs in the first off of a Headley error. Meanwhile 4 Oswaldo Arcia catches everything in left field. Heading to the top of the seventh all the Mavs have managed is a solo homer by Harper to lead off the game. No other hits allowed by Estrada. Richards on for the Mavs to save Bailey some innings. With two outs in the seventh the Mavs get their second hit and Hal pulls Estrada in favor of Sam Lecure to face Headley. The Mavs counter with Lucroy. He flies out. No more runs cross the plate and Hal goes to Latroy the Blown Save Boy to pitch the bottom of the ninth up 4-1. Latroy walks Davis. Latroy walks Upton bringing up Soto. 4-7 single. A run scores, Hawkins collapses exhausted on the mound. In comes Jerry Blevins. Up comes pinch hitter Jason Heyward. Nobody out runners on first and third. The tying run is Soto. Wait that sounds stupid. In comes Matt Cain. Double by Heyward. The Mavs hold Cain at third on a 1-11 with no one out. Runners on second and third and Kendrick up. Kendrick pops out. Aviles hits a 3-7 plus hit through the drawn in infield. Latroy blows it with an assist from Blevins. Aviles wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game. Mavs win 5-4.
7/3: The matchup in the getaway game is C. J. Wilson (how many fucking lefties do the Nads have??) against Matt Cain. An X chart double and error by Upton leads to the Nads first run with one out in the fourth. Lagares returns the favor letting an X chart single fall in front of him while contemplating the Nads mascot who made the trip to the ballpark today. The Mavs squeak a run across. Cain is pulled after five having allowed one unearned run. So no earned runs in 13 innings pitched against the Nads and only four hits allowed. In the top of the seventh the Nads get a single with two outs. Bring in a pinch hitter Matt Adams and get the runner thrown out stealing rendering Adams ineligible for the rest of the games since he was pinch hitting for the catcher. Way to go Hal. Meanwhile a 2-5 and 1-8 by Frazier and Arcia off of Holland leads to a 3-3 tie after the top of the ninth. Andrus singles with two out off of Wilson (11th hit allowed), steals second and Upton walks. Two on two out for Kendrick. Hal pulls Wilson for Swarzak. The Mavs pinch hit Heyward and he flies out. A tired Greg Holland goes out to pitch the tenth. The Mavs get a base runner but that is it. Out trudges an even more tired Greg Holland. Holland gives up two right away. The Mavs get a hit but go quietly. The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Arcia who went 2-5 with a homer and two RBI’s. 5-3 Nads in 11.
The Mavs left 79 men on base in the ten games against the Nads, hit into 15 double plays and were out homered 8 to six but still split the ten games. We’ll take that.