Mavs 5, Killer Bees 0

I can't remember this happening to me before although after all of these years I'm sure it must have.  We were just as hot as you were and returned the sweep.  Bryce Harper wound up with an OPS of 1.400 vs. the Bees.  Go figure.

6/12 – In honor of the Bees unwavering support of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 Presidential run, the Mavs and Bees play their first ever Wives and Girlfriends game.  Taking the mound for the Bees is Jennifer Weaver vs. the Mavs Joanie Odorizzi.  The Bees are all sporting uniforms designed by Dior with an honorary “Susan B. Anthony” patch.  In keeping with the Bees political views, Mavs management has legalized marijuana but only in designated smoking sessions.  The Mavs score four off of Jennifer in the bottom of the first highlighted by a Christine Davis 1-2 HR, fly 3 run homer.  Philip goes to Casey Janssen (yes, she has the same name as her husband) and Jennifer Weaver heads to the clubhouse to score some more.  Michelle Morse tags a 1-8 homer off of Ms. Janssen in the ZigZag home run inning.  The ushers will hand the papers out in the top of the fifth.  Odorizzi has her no hitter broken in the fifth and proceeds to quickly tire.  The Mavs go to Zelda Britton.  Zelda shuts the door, a rarity for her, but the Bees score three.  5-3 going to the bottom of the fifth.  Casey tires on a Morse single and the Bees go to Jacque Diekman. Henrietta Kendrick hits a 5-10 homer 1-3, double 4-20 adding the Manny’s Pawn and Insurance insurance run of the game.  In the top of the Tanya Snider misses a bases loaded ball park tater (1-9 rolled a 14) and Carmelita Carrasco dodges a bullet.  Christine Davis hits her second homer of the game off of Danielle Hale in the bottom of the ninth and the Mavs go to Gail Holland to close it out.  Mavs win 7-4.

 

6/13 – Game two Ervan Santana takes the hill against Trimble Tech’s Yovani Gallardo.  The KB’s scored three in the top of the first.  On a Carlos Santana tater.  The fans pulled out their souvenir KB voodoo dolls and held the mighty KB’s scoreless from then on.  Meanwhile the Mavs plated two in the seventh thanks largely to a Freddie Freeman error.  Sometimes you just got to get lucky.  The KB’s have Diekman on the mound for the bottom of the ninth leading 3-2.  With one out Lucroy singles.  Morse gets hit by a pitch.  Upton lines a single.  A tired Diekman is pulled by the KB’s in favor of Dice K.  Dice K wiffs Chris Davis.  That happens now and then.  But Ozuna strokes the game winning single.  Zach Britton vultures a win going 1/3 of an inning.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the game goes to Marcel Ozuna.  Mavs win 4-3.

 

8/19 – The KB’s send Alex Wood to the mound to face Clay Buchholz.  The Bees draw first blood scoring courtesy of a Lucroy passed ball (friggin 1 can’t block the pitch).  That is all of the scoring until the seventh when, after a ball park single, Andrelton Simmons pops a 2-9 home run chasing Buchholz due to embarrassment.  Meanwhile Wood has scattered five hits and two walks through the first six innings.  3-0 KB’s heading to the bottom of the sixth.  Andrus singles and Country Breakfast follows with a homer 1-7 double and rolls a six.  The KB’s stay with Wood and one batter later Justin Upton rolls a 4 for a BP homer to tie it.  The homer chases Wood in favor of Yoervis Medina whoever the hell that is.  Whoever he is gets us out and the Mavs go to Carlos Carrasco in the top of the eighth.  Freddie Freeman draws a one out walk and Hal pinch runs for him.  Next pitch is a ground ball B.  Somehow Hal has decided that Gregor Polanco will play first in the bottom of the eighth but it isn’t on his card so the Mavs make the executive decision to replay the inning exactly as it was except without the pinch run for Freeman.  The Mavs put runners on the corners with two outs in the bottom of the eighth.  Oh no, Elvis is up.  A quick look at the thin bench and the Mavs send the shaking Elvis out to bat in the clutch.  2bX ends the ordeal.  Carrasco stays in to pitch the top of the ninth.  Simmons hits a harmless single but the heathen KB’s go down quietly.  Will Hal stay with What’s His Name to pitch the bottom of the ninth?  Yes he does.  The Mavs pinch hit Heyward for Country Breakfast.  Will Hal stay with What’s His Name?  Yes he does.  Heyward walks and Hal pulls What’s His Name for Dice K.  Lucroy can’t bunt for shit so the Mavs swing away – pop out.  Oh look it is Justin Upton’s turn to hit with his cool Mendoza line batting average.  Whiff.  Like I haven’t seen that before.  Michael Morse flies out and we go to extra innings again.  Freddie Freeman draws another walk and this time Hal doesn’t pinch run.  Go figure.  Top of the eleventh.  Mavs have to go to Holland as Carrasco has gone three innings.  Holland shuts down the KB’s and Harper hits the first pitch of the bottom of the eleventh out.  Mavs win 4-3.  Harper wins both the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for the tater and the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds (you ring, we spring) Player of the Game going for 4-5 .

 

8/20 – Jared Weaver brings his woefully out of date haircut to the mound to face off against Jake Odorizzi.  The Mavs score in the first on a Michael Morse single but with the bases loaded and two out their Wong chokes.  1-0 Mavs going to the top of the second.  Heyward pops a three run homer on 4-9 with a split of 11 on the homer 1-15.  4-0 Mavs going to the top of the 3^rd.  Former Mav Travis Snider homers in the top of the fourth with a runner on halving the lead.  Lucroy doubles and Heyward moves him to third with a grounder, Upton of course pops up, but Morse beats out an infield hit scoring Lucroy.  5-2 Mavs heading to the top of the fifth.  Meanwhile Odorizzi is throwing the game of his life – a two hitter through eight innings.  The Mavs go to Holland in the ninth anyway.  We’ve seen Odorizzi pitch before.  Holland strikes out two and the Mavs hold on.  Despite Harper going 3-4, the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Odorizzi who generally tires in the fifth for eight innings of two hit ball.  Mavs win 5-2.

 

8/21 – Ervin Santana faces off against Trimble Tech’s Yovani Gallardo.  The Mavs are going for what they believe is their first ever return sweep as the Bees took five from the Mavs on their home field earlier this year.  The Mavs really have been catching all of the breaks and our spiritual advisor has indicated this may be the game where Karma pays a visit.  Nonetheless you’ve got to get your games played so take a Darvon and hope for the best.  The Mavs hot rolling continues as Morse hits a ballpark tater in the bottom of the second and Inciarte chokes in the clutch in the top of the third.  The Mavs tack on a run in the bottom of the third on a walk, Elvis’s two millionth career sacrifice bunt and a Heyward double.  Yovanni has a little bit of an innings problem so up 2-0 in the top of the seventh the Mavs bring in Jesse Hahn.  Granderson takes him deep.  2-1 going to the bottom of the seventh.  Bryce Harper hits another homer 1-13 fly, rolled a no doubt four and the Mavs got the run back.  Elvis draws a walk steals second off of the plus nine David Hale.  1-14 being held at second with one out and Lucroy up.  The running Mavs give Elvis the green light.  Nine.  Good Lord we are hot.  Lucroy singles (yes he would have scored from second so the steal of third didn’t matter).  4-1 in the top of the eighth.  The Mavs go to the indefatigable Carlos Carrasco.  Shut down inning for both teams.  4-1 top of the ninth.  Zach Britton in to face the KB’s.  Britton gets them 1-2-3 and the Mavs complete the sweep.  Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Harper who goes 1-2 with a walk and homer.  Mavs win 4-1.