All games played via HAL/CM:
Inmates 6 – Buckeyes 5 (10 innings – Baptist Bowl): Fancy fielding by stone-handed Segura and Escobar allow the Buckeyes to score three unearned runs off of Big Pasta. The Buckeyes hang on to a 5-3 lead into the 8th when Feliz entered the game with one on to face Rizzo, who promptly hit a two-run jack. The Inmates score the game winner in the 10th when Red-dick doubled after Martinez and Escobar both hit two-out singles. The Buckeyes really threw this one away.
Inmates 11 – Buckeyes 1 (Baptist Bowl): The Buckeyes of old showed up for the first two innings. They started the scoring in the 2nd when Howard led off with a single, moved to second on Miller’s SAC and third on an Alcantara groundout, then scored on a passed ball by Rosario. Reality and extreme ugliness set in immediately, however. Happ cruised through the first 1 2/3 when he allowed a double to O’Escobar, and then promptly tossed an easy Ramirez grounder into the stands for a two-base error to tie the game. The Beakless Chicken Gang put on their softball uniforms in the 3rd and scored eight runs on eight hits and a walk to put the game way out of reach. This was about as close to an EQA as HAL has ever had at the Baptist Bowl.
Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 2 (Buckeye Field): The annual Buckeye Spud Festival began with Vargas (twice) and Red-Dick tatering for the Inmates and Ackley hitting one out for the Shriveled Testicle Gang in the 9th to make the game look close. The Buckeyes hit into five DPs to kill any potential they may have had for a rally. No wonder the Commish said “go ahead and roll ‘em all.”
Buckeyes 4 – Inmates 2 (Buckeye Field): The Buckeyes get a measure of revenge. Alcantara took Norris deep in the 1st (he likes it that way…) with Martin on base to ice the game. The LDMF showed up in full farce (yep, spelled it right). Lyles got the win; Happ the save.
Inmates 3 – Buckeyes 0 (Buckeye Field): What?!? A well-pitched shutout by an Inmate pitcher? Quintana struck out thirteen of the Buckeye little leaguers forced to play against a lefty hurler. Inmate management fined Quintana a week’s salary for failing to toss a no-hitter. Marte homered in the 7th for the only run the LDMF would need.
Buckeyes 5 – Inmates 3 (Baptist Bowl): Alcantara, Gennett and Crawford all hit spuds for the Buckeyes, showing the total incompetence of The Big Pasta who gave up thirteen hits to the punchless Tree Nuts. LDMF lowlights include loading the bases in the bottom of the 9th with two outs, Escobar pinch-shitting and rolling a single - - WAIT! IT’S THE FUCKING CLUTCH, SO IT’S REALLY A POP OUT! HE CHOKES HIS CHICKEN IN THE CLUTCH!
Inmates 5 – Buckeyes 2 (Baptist Bowl): Marte and Rizzo both hit homers while Pineda tossed 5 innings of shutout ball as the Inmates rebound from ignominy to win. An Asche tater in the 7th was the only earned run the Buckeyes could muster.
Inmates 6 – Buckeyes 4 (Baptist Bowl): A game that wasn’t as close as the final score. McHugh leaves to save innings, allowing one hit after six. Soler hit a jack on a 1-2 chance, but the Buckeyes can’t catch up. Lyles takes one for the team and pitches a CG.
Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 0 (Buckeye Field): Not much to say. Buckeyes don’t hit. Jones homers for the BCG (that’s Beakless Chicken Gang, y’all).
Inmates 7 – Buckeyes 3 (Buckeye Field): The Inmates take the series finale. Howard and Alcantara both hit solo shots for the Tree Nut Group, but Buckeye pitchers walk six Inmates (Inmates NEVER walk…) and allow 12 hits.
The HEAD INMATE