1. The Draft is held on a weekend in March every year. We used to travel to different places every spring, but in the last few years, most of the Drafts have happened here in the DFW area. The Draft shall never, under any circumstances, be held on the Mavs' birthday.
2. The Friday segment of the Draft consists of 5 hours of waiting for the Zapper to arrive, 30 minutes of rules discussions (you won't be able to hear any of this because, like I said, the Zapper has arrived and will not stop talking until after midnight), and 3 hours of making selections.
3. Get there early and mark your spot. There are, however, some important things to keep in mind here. Such as...
4. Don't sit near the Zapper. The truth is, being in the same building as the Zapper puts you in
jeopardy - no one is safe from the decibel level OR the smell - but sitting BY him leaves no hope whatsoever. Now, it's true that the Zapper is usually the last to arrive and there is no telling where he will park his fat ass, so it's a bit of a crapshoot anyway. Good luck. Also...5. Don't try to sit between the Buckeyes and the Mavs. It cannot happen.
6. The FFTs, the DVs, and the Warpigs always sit together, too; but that's mostly so we can talk each other into taking the wrong guys each round.
7. Don't bring anything you value to the Draft. Have a cardboard cutout of your favorite player? A team mascot? Nothing is sacred. Leave it at home.
8. Be prepared. Everyone comes to the Draft knowing who they want to draft; but while some will have pages and pages of draft notes, others will try to make you believe they are looking at the cards for the first time and couldn't care less. It's all show. They may not have torn their cards apart, but they know who they want to draft - and so should you. Don't come unprepared or you'll find yourself taking somebody else's keeper in the 2nd round.
9. Be prepared to wait for hours at a time for some picks to be made. There is no time limit. Sometimes the picks will happen so fast you can get disoriented, other times there will be long stretches of nothingness. When this happens... it's usually the Zapper's turn.
10. There will be a run on catchers. Count on it.
11. There will be no less than a dozen instances of "Good pick." As a way of providing variety, this can be altered to "Nice pick." The HEAD INMATE has copyrighted this phrase, so you are required to pay him 25 cents for each utterance of it.
12. Speaking of the HEAD INMATE, do not be lured into his room without a chapperone. The Chief did this at his first Draft and couldn't make noise while passing gas for a full month.
13. Saturday is for playing games. The Bees and Wahoos will usually get things started by staying up after the Draft and playing their games into the wee hours. The rest of us will get started as soon as we get done with breakfast.
14. An important thing to know before playing your first game: Any player on your 25-man roster for that first game is officially on your roster and cannot be cut or traded.
15. Another important thing before playing your first computer game: Stats for games played at the Draft have a way of disappearing into cyberspace. Make sure you get the game files and/or box scores put on your flash drive before walking away.
16. Oh yeah, bring a flash drive.
17. Keep track of your results. Have a schedule made out that shows your pitching rotation. On it, make sure to write down the results of every game.
18. There are some teams you want to play early. I'm not going to tell you who they are, but some teams are harder to reach later in the summer than others. It is perfectly normal to stand in line behind their opponents until their series is finished.
19. And no matter what the Zapper tells you, you are not required to play naked. And it's okay to tell him to put his clothes back on, too.
20. At some point Saturday evening, most of the owners in the league will go out to eat. The FFTs pick the place, and he has a perfect record in this department. I highly recommend going out to eat on the Saturday trip. Next to the DV belches, it is the most memorable part of the weekend. Usually, a handful of owners will stay behind and play games. The Fungoes and Mavs usually play each other during this time. You are welcome to stay and get some games done.
21. You are required to make Strat your #1 priority for the entire weekend. Do not make plans to go anywhere or do anything other than baseball.
22. Sunday morning offers one last chance to play games. Everyone will be exiting at various times during the day, but many will still want to get some games in before going back to the real world.
23. The Snakes (and sometimes the DVs) will stay through until Monday. Snakeman and I play our games Sunday evening while taking time out to go to Sunday night mass. We have been asked to not roll dice DURING mass any more, though.
24. Email your results to me at the end of the weekend. Demerits count this year.
25. There will be a Queen of the Draft. The Queen shall have the following duties: none
5 comments:
Let me take this opportunity to ask anyone and everyone who wants to write a newsletter for the yearbook to get 'er done and send it to me.
Also, if you have any thing you'd like to have put in the yearbook remembering the Oilers, send it to me.
PLEASE send it to my gmail email address. If you don't have it, you should.
Another suggestion - if you have a pair of 3-D glasses you should bring those along, just in case.
It should also be noted that, like the DVs mentioned in an email, it is the little Wahoo's job to clean out toilets at the draft. It's not a great job, but he enjoys it. "It's something I know how to do AND something I excel at. I'm just happy to be able to help the group." The little Wahoo has been the official toilet cleaner since entering the league at age 7. He turns 21 this summer and can finally have his first drink.
That's not true, I have turned 21 - it was a Monday - I remember it because the Rangers play on Mondays- although sometimes MLB treats Mondays as a getaway day - I once had to getaway from a wasp that was chasing me - it was in our garage - even though we don't park our cars there, I still call it a garage- its funny how things get their names- I once named a cat after Adolf Hitler - even though it wasn't German - the baseball player Estaban German isn't either - his name isn't pronounced that way - I can't really pronounce a bunch of stuff -I can't really pronounce "Cosmopolitan" - its an alcoholic drink - which I have had before when I turned 21 - it was a Monday ......
I gave up the bathroom cleaning after winning my first two playoff series in 2000. (Y2K = Year of the Tweener).
Not sure who cleans 'em now.
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