Using a mathematical formula based on records and who each team has left to play, here are the final win totals for each team. Due to rounding, it comes up about 4 wins short of exact, but it is completely and totally accurate. Clip and save.
1. Buckeyes, 108 wins (I didn't know how to factor the "Buckeye Effect" into my formula, so it may be higher. This is probably where those 4 missing wins will end up.)
2. Inmates, 101 wins (There are 5 teams who have separated themselves from the pack in the race for the first pick in the Draft. The Inmates have a league-high 54 games left against those 5 teams. By the way, this method of saving the crap for last is the opposite of the Buckeye method - play the crap early and discourage everyone from challenging. It is, instead, a copycat of the Wahoo method.)
3. Sidewinders, 98 wins (The #3 seed. Again. He's got you guys right where he wants you.)
4. Wahoos, 94 wins (Seed #4. This would be the "Year of the Wahoos" except it's the "Year of the Inmates." Plus, last year was the "Year of the Wahoos.")
5. Rhinos, 98 wins (Third best record in the league gets the Rhinos a Wild Card spot and a first round loss to the Wahoos.)
6. Fungoes, 97 wins (99 wins if you count the 2 wins Kershaw will get against the Snakes in the 6-game, first round loss.)
7. FFTs, 88 wins ("We finished ahead of the DVs. That's good enough for me.")
8. DVs, 86 wins ("We finished ahead of the Warpigs. That's good enough for me.")
9. Mavs, 83 wins (Above .500, but not the juggernaut of 2016. "Being the #1 seed and losing sucked. This is better.")
10. Skyscrapers, 81 wins (Will be better next year if for no other reason than he'll go into the Draft knowing this is a DH league.)
11. Drillers, 80 wins (At some point in July or August, DD will realize it's time to start tanking, but the 5 teams behind him are so bad it won't matter. The Drillers will pick 6th in the 2018 Draft, but they're loaded for next year, and you know what that means: Drillers picking 7th in 2019.
12. Warpigs, 59 wins ("How the hell do we lose 103 and STILL only pick 5th?!?")
13. Tweeners, 56 wins ("How the hell do we lose 106 and STILL only pick 4th?!?")
14. Goofs, 55 wins ("We lost 107 games? Wait, we played 107 games?")
15-16. Nads and Bees, 54 wins (The Nad/Bee series later this summer will be very important. Whose team sucks more? The Bees nabbed Benintendi with the #1 pick this year. 20 more years like that, and the Bees will be good again.)