The train full of Mav players, fans and hangers on pulled in to Disneyland to face off against the Goofs for two quick games. Given the short duration of the series, the Mayor of Midlothian was able to make the trip with the permission of his probation officer and duly abiding by the terms of the restraining order granted to Minnie Mouse after last year’s incident.
May 10th: Carlos Martinez vs. Tanner Roark. Fresh off a three hitter and a victory in the Mavs annual dwarf tossing contest, Carlos is a sure thing in this game. The Goofs score first stretching four hits and two stolen bases in to one run in the top of the first. Through five the Mavs have managed only two hits off of Roark. The first game after the start of a road trip is tough what with the free beer and fairly inexpensive women on the flight. By the top of the sixth though most of the alcohol has made it through the players systems and the Mavs push across a tying run. Alas the running Goofs get a single, steal two bases and score on a flyball B in the bottom of the sixth. The distraught mayor begins sexting Minnie as the Mavs manage three hits in the top of the ninth without scoring. The Pabst Blue Ribbon pitcher of the game goes to Tanner Roark who gave up one run in eight innings as the Goofs win 2-1.
May 11th: James Cotton vs Tanaka Air Bags. The Goofs start the scoring in the bottom of the 2nd on a 3-5 home run by Young Ho Kang. The Goofs tack on a run in the third with a single and stolen base and a single. But JFBradley hits a tater to cut the lead in half in the top of the sixth. More outs ensue in this Godforsaken wasteland of a ballpark and the Goofs win 2-1. Time of the game: six minutes. The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to me for having to sit through 18 innings of singles zero, homers zero. How do the Pigs and Goofs do it?
Now on to the Rastadome where the balls fly as God intended when He created the game.
August 28th: Tanner Roark vs. Carlos Martinez. In the bottom of the first Bradley singles, Castellanos doubles, Roark hits the next batter, a brawl ensues – now we’re playing baseball. In the bottom of the second, the Mavs score four as Gyorko and Correa send Bernice Brewer down the slide. 5-0 Mavs going to the top of the third. In the bottom of the fifth JF Bradley sends Bernice Brewer back down the slide. Meanwhile the camera catches a glimpse of a disheveled Minnie Mouse leaving the mayor’s box as all was forgiven between the two after a reasonable sum exchanged hands. Chris Davis sends a beleaguered Bernice Brewer back down the slide as the fifth continues and Roark grinds it out on the mound. In the bottom of the sixth, Gyorko walks, Harper triples and the Goofs finally pull Roark after 11 hits, eight earned runs and four homers allowed. Pagan breaks up the shutout with a homer off of Justin Wilson in the top of the eighth. The Mavs win 8-1. The Pabst Blue Ribbon pitcher of the game goes to Carlos Martinez who gave up two hits over 6 2/3’s innings.
August 29th: Jake Degrom (that is how Hal spells it) vs. Cookie Carrasco. In the top of the second an X-chart single off of Upton (I should really be grateful he is a 3) leads to two runs for the Goofs. In the bottom of the third a double off of a Spann X-chart is key in the Mav three run rally. 3-2 after three. In the bottom of the fourth the Mavs load the bases with two outs. Carlos Correa steps to the plate after admiring the parabolic silhouette against the setting sun of Bernice Brewer atop the slide. He pauses to point his bat at her. This does not impress her much as many bats have pointed up towards her in her time. Here is the pitch – and Correa grounds the ball to Brandon Phillips who was taken in by the same silhouette and let the ball go between his legs for a run scoring error. Jackie Bradley stares out at her and takes strike three. This game will go faster as the sun sets. Span hits a ball park homer in the top of the fifth to atone for the double he allowed. Chris Davis sends Bernice back down the slide in the bottom of the fifth. Later that inning Joseph draws a walk and Upton homers. Mavs up 7-3 after five. Brandon Phillips hits a three run homer off of Felipe Rivero in the top of the sixth to cut the lead to 7-6. The Mavs walk four batters in the seventh to knot the game up. Tommy Joseph homers. Mavs back on top 8-7. The Mavs string together hit after hit to score four runs. 12-7 going to the top of the ninth. The Mavs hold on to win. The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Tommy Joseph who was 2-3 with two walks, a homer and three RBIs.
August 30th: Yu Darvish vs. Jake Odorizzi. Yikes! Hide the women and children as Odorizzi enters the game having allowed 25 homers in 100 innings. The Mavs start the scoring in the bottom of the second with a Brad Miller three run ballpark tater. Carlos Correa follows with a two run ballpark tater of his own a few batters later. And Jackie Bradley Junior hits one of his own after Correa’s. Mavs up 6-0 but there is still the Odorizzi effect causing a lot of nervous drinking in the stands. In the top of the sixth true to form Odorizzi loads the bases with no one out. The Mavs bring in Justin Wilson to face Kang. Strikeout. Left in to face Mauer he gives up a homer 1-8 fly. Flyball (15). 6-1. Strop comes in to face Ruiz. 2-9 double. 6-2. Pagan rolls a 6-10 between the homer and a single to end the rally. Upton rolls another ballpark tater in the bottom of the sixth. 7-2. Brad Miller hits a two run ballpark tater in the seventh followed immediately by an Upton ballpark tater. The Mavs win 10-2. Brad Miller wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for his three run homer in the second that set the tone.