Sunday, May 07, 2017

Mavs 6, Skyscrapers 1

The Skyscrapers roll in to the wide open spaces of Midlothian to play seven games in the Rastadome vs. the Mavs. 
May 30th:  Grienke vs. Hellickson – and as if it could get any worse the Mavs have to rest Harper, Gyorko and Castellanos due to at bat problems thank goodness it is Tequila Body Shot Night sponsored by Betty’s Brothel or no one would be at the game.  It is 4-0 after three as once again Carlos Correa let two base hits go through and the Skyscrapers hit two taters.  The Mavs battle back to tie it after Chris Davis’s second two out RBI double in the bottom of the fifth and suddenly fans are paying attention at the body bar.  Paul Goldschmidt hits a triple 1 with no one out to lead off the eighth.  Grounder to first.  Intentional walk to Kipnis because Givens is abysmal against lefties.  Oh good, he walks the next righty.  Bases loaded, one out.  2-6 K to Anthony Rendon.   Dickerson up the Mavs counter with K-Rod.  5-7 grounder to first and the Skyscrapers manager Joe Pepitone is seen heading to the body bar.  In his inebrieated state, Pepitone brings in Steve Cishek after Davis hits his third double of the game.  Cishek gives up a 6-5 single to Kolten Wong (because the Godless heathen is weak against righties).  Mavs win 5-4.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Chris Davis who went 3-3 with 3 RBI’s and scored the winning run.

May31st: Cory Kluber vs.  Carlos Martinez.  Wow Harper and Gyorko are out of the lineup again although it appears that some of the Body Shot Girls from the night before may have more to do with this than rest.  Throwing out the first pitch is the 2015 Grumpy’s Bail Bonds “Bond Girl” – the 2015 calendar is still available by the way  Brad Miller hits a 3-6 three run homer in the bottom of the third sending Bernice Brewer down the slide.  Justin Upton hits a 3-10 ballpark tater sending her down the slide again in the bottom of the seventh.  Russell Martin hits a 1-11 ballpark tater in the top of the eighth.  Brad Miller wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game and six Mav pitchers combine to allow four hits.  5-1 Mavs.

June 1st:  Well-known neo-Nazi Max Scherzer vs. the beloved inventor of the Everclear Margarita Carlos Carrasco.  Today’s give away is clean urine samples from the good folks at NORML.  Scherzer has a no-hitter until the fifth.  Three singles and two walks later and the first run crosses home plate (credit Mavs incredible base running decisions for that math).  Correa hits a two star single to plate two more.  3-0 going to the sixth.  The Skyscrapers push home a run on a Kipnis ground out in the eighth but it is too little, too late.  The Mavs win 4-1 worsening their draft position.

August 11th:  Greinke wearing a tasteful Dior gown takes the mound against Hellickson sporting a chic Kate Spade ensemble in our annual Cross-Dresser game.  The Skyscrapers score first with a Rendon two run homer coming despite a broken heel in the top of the second.  Chris Davis sent Bernice Brewer down the slide (thankfully still dressed in her cutoffs and tank top) in the bottom of the second to cut the lead in half.  But Goldy launched a 5-5 homer 1-12 to get the run back in the top of the third.  Goldy blasts a two run homer on a 6-5 off Buchholz and the rout is on.  The Mavs take their purses and head home as the Skyscrapers win 6-1.  Goldy wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2 for 4 with two homers and three RBI’s.

August 8th:  Kluber vs. Martinez in Occupy Wall Street Remembrance Day.  Anthony Rendon doubles home Jason Kipnis who was on via a 1-2 HBP for the first run in the top of the second.  A spontaneous protest tent camp has sprung up in left field which really can only help Dickerson and Upton (4 and 3 respectively).  The Mavs push home the tying run in the fourth with a walk, the second error of the series by Kipnis (he appears mesmerized by Bernice Brewer’s parabolic splendor), a passed ball by Martin and a grounder.  Chris Davis sends the ever ready Bernice Brewer down the slide with a 3-10 straight out homer in the bottom of the sixth, 2-1 Mavs.  Manny Machado strikes out with the bases loaded in the top of the seventh.  Via a pinch hit in the seventh the Skyscrapers are now playing an all 40 outfield.  Sure enough CF X leads to a run.  Followed by Davis sending Bernice back down the slide.  5-1 Mavs and more homers are hit later.  Mavs win 10-1.  Davis earns the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game hitting two homers and driving in three.

August 9th:  Scherzer vs. Cookie Carrasco.  Davis sends Bernice down the slide in the bottom of the second.  Apparently his gift from ARod arrived for this series.  Dickerson hits a 6-5 homer off Cookie with a man on in the fourth.  At this point I’d like to point out that Bautista after 4 X-chart tries has yet to give up a hit.  On the other hand Russell Martin has missed two ballpark taters (1-17 here).  Strange series.  With the Skyscrapers up 3-1 and Ryan Dull in Brad Miller leads off the ninth sending Bernice down the slide.  But Dull strikes out Gyorko.  But wait, Lucroy nails a 1-6 triple 1-4.  Who can run for him?  No one because the genius Mavs already used their back up catcher as a pinch hitter.  The Mavs pinch hit their last bench player, Tommy Joseph, who rolls a 3-7 double 1-9.  Since the Mavs are going to lose their DH anyway Carlos Martinez comes in to run for Joseph.  And now that the game is tied, Pepitone brings in Herrera.  Herrera strikes out Heyward (who doesn’t), Pepitone walks Correa to get to Bradley.  But Herrera walks Bradley.  Pepitone brings in Cishek to fan Castellanos.  Extra innings again.  Oh boy.  Bush shuts down the Scrapers in the top of the tenth.  Chris Davis walks.  Miller singles him to third.  And then Cishek sends the ball past Martin to the fence.  Mavs win 4-3.

August 10th:  Getaway game for the Skyscrapers and believe me they have the bus running.  Cole Hamels against Jake Odorizzi.  Jake has allowed 12 homers in 50 innings so far so it is souvenir baseball day in left field.  Manny Machado hits the first one in the third with a runner on.  Goldschmidt hits the next one with no one on in the fifth.  Triple and an error on a Bautista X (finally got that jerk) leads to the Mavs first run in the bottom of the fifth.  A Valencia walk and a Correa homer later and the game is tied.  Odorizzi gives up a lead off double and Mychael Givens gives up a run scoring single to Rendon.  Scrapers 4-3 after five and half.  Dickerson homered off Strickland to add an insurance run in the top of the eighth.  The Mavs, down two going to the bottom of the ninth, rally and tie it on a two out double by pinchhitter Nick Castellanos off of Ryan Dull.  Oh goody.  Extra innings.  Bush shuts down the Scrapers in the top of the tenth and Justin Upton rolls a 3-6 homer.  Mavs win 6-5 in ten.  Upton earns the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game with the game winning home run.

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