Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Inmates 4, Killer Bees 1

All games at the Baptist Bowl via CM:
Inmates 8 – Bees 2: A close game got blown open in the Inmate 6th when the Beakless Chicken Gang scored four, the big hit when HAL brought in Chamberlain to face Rizzo after Matsuzakakakaka intentionally walked JD Martinez. Joba’s first pitch was hit nine miles to put the game out of reach.
Bees 2 – Inmates 1: Pineda walked seven yet allowed only a single run. The Inmate 9th was exciting, but the LDMF choked at every possible point to avoid the win. Marte walked with one out, then stole second after HAL brought in Familia to pitch. Vargas then pinch-hit for Martinez and hit the first pitch for a triple. All that was needed from Rizzo was a flyball to tie the game, but noooooooo, he hit into a 1-2 fielder’s choice. OK, all’s not lost (yet). Jones then singled Rizzo to second, and Reddick walked to load the bases. Woohoo! The game’s in the bag – not. LDMF poster boy Escobar fanned to end the game.
Inmates 8 – Bees 7 (10 Innings): The Kaopectate Loose Bowel Game of the Week. The Inmates took a 6-3 lead into the 9th, only to have Tolleson on the hill in a mop-up roll. After allowing a lead-off single to Snider, Bonifacio fanned and Polanco hit into a force play when defensive replacement Segura couldn’t turn the DP. Still, two outs, a three-run lead – what could go wrong? Freeman reached on an x-chart single and error by Jose “Hooks” Altuve. Some intestinal rumbling begins…Santana then walked to load the bases. Uncontollable flatulence is occurring in the Inmate dugout…Granderson hit a grand salami (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck) to give the Bees a 7-6 lead (shitshitshitshitshit). Bottom of the 9th, two outs, Matsuzakakakaka on the mound, Altuve singled. HAL brings in Chamberlain the Diarhea King. Altuve stole second…high-pitched farting begins in the Bee dugout…Marte doubled on Joba’s first pitch. Feces is splattered all over the fucking place. Tie game. Move to the 10th. Gyorko led off with a single, then promptly got tossed trying to steal. Simmons then singled…fowl (get it?) smelling emanations are creeping from both dugouts and the bleachers…but nothing happened (Here I sit, broken-hearted, paid my dime and only farted…). Inmate 10th: Joba turned squishy from the start. Jones singled and went to second on Segura’s bunt. Vargas got walked to set up the DP, but…sound of toilet flushing on the mound…LDMF poster boy Escobar singled to end the game, going from shit-licking goat to hero.
Inmates 6 – Bees 4: Rosario, Altuve, and JD Martinez all tatered off of Minor’s batting T in the Inmate 5th.  The Inmate bullpen did what they could to throw the game away, but the Bees ran out of time.
Inmates 9 – Bees 1: The Bees couldn’t generate offense or pitching, with Granderson (the Bastage) hitting a solo HR in the 4th for the only run to come out of the hive.  Simon went the distance for the Beakless Chicken Gang. Martinez, Reddick, Rosario, and Rizzo all homered for the Inmates in a game that was never close.

1 comment:

Pigman said...

The commentary on the middle game might be my favorite game report ever.