Tweeners 2, Buckeyes 0

Thanks to the Flyin' Hawaiian, Tweeners sweep a doubleheader at the Hooverdome to finish the homestand 3-2 vs. Buckeyes. The re-cap:
Game 1 was a see-saw affair that went extra innings. Wilson Ramos homered off Joel Hanrahan in the 10th to give the Buckeyes a 5-4 win.
In game 2, Cole Hamels retired 10 batters on strikeouts and Hunter Pence had 2 base hits and 2 RBI as the GLENN Buckeyes defeated the NORM TWEENERS by the score of 4 to 1 at The Hooverdome.

Hamels(2-0) looked very much in control throughout the day. He allowed just 5 hits and 1 walk in 7 innings. GLENN banged out 8 hits on the afternoon.

Koji Uehara preserved the game for Hamels, recording his his 2nd. Madison
Bumgarner(4-7) was given the loss. Hamels was asked about his big strikeout
performance, 'Well, it's a little odd when you rack up these numbers on the
road - instead of cheers and a running tally in the stands, everything gets
real still and quiet. Just strange - but it's nice to be able to take the
crowd out of the game.'

In game 3, the Buckeyes scored 6 runs in the 4th inning before manager George Brett could get his thumb out of his ass and Ivan Nova out of the game, but the Tweeners refused to concede. Led by Shane Victorino's 10 total bases (2 triples and a homer), Tweeners grind out a 7-6 win.

In the opener of the doubleheader, Victorino homered twice and MadBum outpitched Hamels for a 5-2 victory.

Game 5, Victorino went yard again (3 run shot), Presley was 4 for 4 with 3 RBIs, Tweeners cruise 10-1.

Warpigs and DVs make a trade

The DVs traded Alejandro De Aza to the Warpigs for Jason Hammel.

Go-ahead run is at fifth...

I wondered what happened to him. I guess working alongside Tom Grieve finally caused him to have a mini-stroke or something. Barnett also said he has no recollection of this incident.

Rangers announcer takes leave after bizarre on-air incident

By Jesse Yomtov, USA TODAY

During this June 18 coaching visit, Rangers TV announcer Dave Barnett had an odd incident.

CAPTION

By Lenny Ignelzi, AP

A little more than two weeks after an odd on-air incident, Texas Rangers television announcer Dave Barnett is taking an indefinite leave of absence due to "health reasons," according to a statement he released through the team Monday.
Barnett hasn't worked since the Rangers' game on June 18. During a visit to the mound by Texas pitching coach Mike Maddux in the bottom of the eighth, Barnett said:

"Go-ahead run is at fifth (pause) on what Adams is insisting on calling a botched robbery. What actually happened was his henchmen took a piece literally out of..."

His words trailed off at the end, but in actuality the go-ahead run was on first, and there had been no stolen base attempt in the inning.
Barnett told The Dallas Morning News that he was diagnosed with "a complicated migraine" after having an MRI and several other tests.

Drillers 5, Inmates 0

Flower Mound Tigers go 5-2, good enough for a 5^th place tie out of 64 teams! Oh wait, that was Seth’s team…

Drillers Sweep Inmates 5 games to none at the Mud Pit.

April 7 – Juan Pierre wins it with a triple in the bottom of the 10^th scoring Ellsbury from first for a final score of 4 – 3 Drillers.

April 8 – Drillers out hit Inmates 15 – 3 but only win 4 – 2?

June 30 – Drillers hang on to win the game 3 – 1 behind Encarnacion’s tater in the 3^rd.

July 1 – Scott Baker goes 8 for a spot start 3 – 1 win.

July 2 – Ellsbury double in bottom of 7 preserves the Driller sweep with a 5 – 3 victory.

DVs 4, Sidewinders 1

Dvs win 4 of 5 at the ChurchLot

5/25 Maholm took a perfect game into the 7th. but the Snakes prevail 3-2. Kimbrel with the save. Belt hits a 2 run HR

5/26 Halladay pitches well enough. Luebke pitches 2 scoreless IP and Bard gets the save. DVs win 7-4.

Stan

8/19 DVs win 7-3 Weaver is the winner but the save goes to Drew Storen who hurls 3 and 2/3 for the save. GianCarlo homers.

8/20 CIRCUS! DVs win 13-9

8/21 Ogando and Clippard combine for the 4-o shutout.

But your tix now for the Buckeyes/DVs World Series............

Inmates 6, Fungoes 4

Inmates made the trip up to WTF today, here are the results:

April 10 at WTF:

Fungoes break out to a 9-0 lead and then hold on to win 9-5. Kershaw picked up the win while throwing 6 shutout innings. Fungoes collected 13 hits.

April 11 at WTF:

Inmates take a 4-0 lead and finish off the Fungi 5-3. Price takes the loss for the Fungoes. For the second game in a row Daniel Murphy picked up three hits.

May 23 at Baptist Bowl:

Inmates plate 4 in the second inning and 4 in the third inning and cruise to a 12-0 win. Stauffer suffers the loss for the Fungoes. This game was a sign of things to come for the Fungo hitters as they are held to just 4 hits by the Limp Dick Mother Fucking Dick Headed Inmate Pitchers!!!!! SHITFUCK!!!!!

May 24 Ewing Oiler Double Header at the Baptist Bowl:

Fungoes win a close one 5-3 behind the solid pitching of Clayton Kershaw. Papelbon picks up a save picking up the final out for Kershaw. Beltre made some absolutely incredible stops at third base and then threw the ball into the Inmate dugout twice! Kershaw struck out 12 Inmates. Fungo hitters collected 10 hits in the first game of the Double Header.

Between games, Inmate and Fungo management enjoyed the telling and, in some cases, the re-telling of some great HermanWheeler stories. As you might imagine there was a few "what in the world is that?" quotes thrown about. Wouldn't Herman love watching these Rangers!

Game two was a blowout for the Inmates as they beat down the Fungoes 8-2. Inmates picked up 15 hits off Fungo hurlers including 8 hits off of Holland in 2+ innings of work! The Fungoes two Fungo runs were scored by Brett Gardner after he had reached both times on HBPs. When asked if he was alright his response was inaudible.

July 4 at WTF:

Fungoes and Inmates find themselves tied at 4 after nine innings. Inmates score 2 in the top of the tenth inning for the 6-4 lead. After the first two Fungoes go quietly in the bottom half of the tenth inning, Span draws a walk. After a Wieters single and a Salvador Perez single, Berkman smashes a walk-off triple to even the series at 3 wins each! Papelbon picks up the win in relief.

July 5 at WTF:

Inmate pitching completely shuts down the Fungo bats winning it 4-1. Price takes the loss for the Fungoes.

July 6 at WTF:

Inmate pitching dominant again as the Inmates win it 4-1 again! Holland takes another loss for the Fungoes.

August 17 at the Baptist Bowl:

Fungoes come from behind and win this one 6-5. Fungoes bullpen saves the day shutting out the Inmates from the fourth inning on. Fungoes rally for 1 run in the seventh inning and 2 in the eighth. Robertson gets the win while Papelbon picks up the save for the Fungoes.

August 18 at the Baptist Bowl:

Inmates score 5 in the sixth inning to erase a 1-1 tie and win this one easily 6-1. Pauley is tagged with the loss for the Fungoes.

Great series with very good Inmate pitching and timely Inmate hitting sinking the Fungoes in the series. Inmates win the series 6 games to 4.

Buckeyes 2, Tweeners 1

3 games played before the witching hour. Results/details to follow at some point. "Curses, foiled again!", says Demerit Man.

Sidewinders 3, Mavs 2

4/28 Mavs 5 SSWs 3 Hochevar goes the distance beating Ubaldick. Kendrick doubles and triples and drives in 2.

4/29 SSWs 5 Mavs 4. Seth Smith hit a 2 run shot in the 7th to put Snakes ahead. Kimbrel with the save

9/5 SSWs win 6-3Kimbrel another save. Upton doubles and hits a HR.

9/6 SSWS 13 LosMavs 7 Morrow is the winner Bailey the loser. Teams combine for 5 HRs

9/7 Mavs win 8-2 behind strong outing by Hochevar and homers by Young, Kendrick and Torrealba

Sidewinders 4, Nads 1

4/25 Snakes beat Nads 3-2 in 10 innings

4/26 Snakes again win 3-2 in 10 innings. Smoak with RBIsingle to win it.

4/27 Lester shuts out Nads 2-0, wasting a strong outing by Wilson. Brandon Belt hits a tater.

9/3 Nads win 5-3, Wilson beats Jimenez, Guerra with the save

9/4 Rasmus hits a solo shot in the bottom of the 8th off of Shawn Marcum to secure 4-3 snake victory.
Sale picks up the win and Kimbrel gets the save

Inmates 4, Sidewinders 4

(all via netplay)

SIDEWINDERS 8 – LDMF 3 (Baptist Bowl): Giambi and Wright homer for the Snakes while Lester pitches well enough to win. LDMF get ten hits, but couldn’t score in a nymphomaniac whorehouse.

INMATES 12 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (Baptist Bowl): Ryan Howard goes 4-4 with 2 doubles, 2 homers (including a grand slam). A reverse of game 1.

INMATES 3 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (10 innings – Baptist Bowl): Back-to-back doubles by Howard and Paredes with one out in the last of the 10^th win it for the Inmates.

INMATES 6 – SIDEWINDERS 3 (Snake Pit): Snakes can’t overcome Jimenez pitching like an Inmate. Howard and Beltre go yard back-to-back in the 7^th.

SIDEWINDERS 7 – INMATES 6 (11 innings – Snake Pit): Vernon Wells hits a slammer in the 7^th to put Inmates up 5-3, but the Snakes tie it up in the bottom of the 9^th. Inmates pull ahead 6-5 after batting in the 11^th, only to have Perez and Karstens start throwing batting practice and allow the Snakes to win.

INMATES 4 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (Snake Pit): Howard homers again, while de la Rosa and Hernandez pitch well.

SIDEWINDERS 4 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Another see-saw game, with the Inmates tying the game in the 7^th on a Barney (purple) double. Bastard-o comes on in the 9th to let Chisenhall hit a tater and the Inmates inhale vociferously.

SIDEWINDERS 15 – NODICKMOTHERFUCKERS 1 (Toilet Bowl): Only Beltre’s homer in the 4^th kept the NDMF from being totally embarrassed, collecting only 4 hits while making 4 errors. The whole Snake lineup homered several times in this game.

The HEAD INMATE

Fungoes 4, Drillers 3

Fungoes and Drillers results from 7 played at WTF

June 15:

Fungoes hold on for a 3-2 win. Fungoes out hit the Drillers 11-3 but leave 10 on base. Shields takes the hard luck loss while Holland gets the win. Papelbon picks up the save.

June 16:

Drillers score 2 in the first, 3 in the second and 4 in the fourth and cruise to a 9-4 win. Haren picks up the win while Myers is tagged with the loss. 'It's been a rough ride lately, but this was a good win for us' said SHAWN's manager, 'Maybe this will put us back on track.' "SHITFUCK" said the Fungoes manager!

June 17:

Fungoes take a 3-0 lead into the fifth inning but allow single runs in the 5th, 7th, 9th and 10th and the Drillers win in comeback fashion 4-3. David Murphy hits the solo shot in the tenth for the winning run. Bill Bray gets the win in relief while David Robertson gets the loss. J.Ellsbury, E.Longoria also homer for the Drillers.

September 13:

Fungoes turn the tables on the Drillers and win 4-3. Drillers were leading 3-0 until Napoli and Hosmer hit back to back Homeruns off of Casey Janssen to take the 4-3 lead in the 7th inning. Janssen pitched to only two batters and takes the loss. David Price picks up the win and Papelbon gets the save.

September 14:

Drillers win in extra innings 4-1. Both teams were tied at 1 run apiece after nine innings. The Drillers won it in the 11th inning. Jose Molina started the inning off right when he doubled. Evan Longoria stepped up next and he was walked intentionally. Paul Konerko then doubled. David Murphy was up next and he ripped a base-knock. That finished off the scoring (and the Fungoes). Scott Baker picked up the win while David Robertson took the loss. Napoli homered for the Fungoes only run.

September 15:

This is the third time for extra innings between these two division foes. Fungoes win this one 2-1 When Napoli hits a two-out "walkoff" double in the tenth inning. Shields takes a tough complete game loss while Pauly gets the win in relief of Kershaw.

September 16:

Shortstop Willie Bloomquist had 2 base hits as the Fungoes won a heart-stopping victory over the Drillers, 5 to 4. The Fungoes won the game with a run in the bottom of the 9th inning. Scott Sizemore doubled. Two outs later Matt Wieters stepped in and he drew a walk. Nelson Cruz then ripped a one-base hit resulting in an exciting "walk-off" win for the Fungi and a raucous post-game celebration by the home town fans. Fungoes collected 13 hits for the night while the Drillers had 7. Jonathan Papelbon(3-0) got credit for the victory, pitching 1 inning and allowing 1 run. Bill Bray(1-1) was charged with the loss in relief.

Drillers 3, Tweeners 2

Drillers take 3 of 5 at the Hooverdome. Game 1 James Shields went the distance, 8 & 9 hitters Asdrubal & Bruce both homered and combined to go 5 for 9 with 7 RBI, final score 11-3.

In game 2, Michael Morse homered and had 2 RBI at The Hooverdome where the NORM TWEENERS beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by the score of 5 to 3.

The game started off with NORM taking the lead in the first plating an
isolated run utilizing 2 base hits. SHAWN tried unsuccessfully to come back
in the 9th.

The winning pitcher was Felix Hernandez(8-3) who allowed 2 runs in 7 innings.
Sergio Romo earned the save, his 10th. Dan Haren(1-2) ended up with the
loss.

NORM manager George Brett was beaming after the game, 'Not only were we making good contact, but a lot of balls we hit seemed to have 'eyes'! I just love winning these tight ones! It was just our day - no doubt about it!'

In game 3 the Drillers jumped on Gio for 4 in the 2nd, but the Tweeners clawed back against Vazquez and it was tied at the end of regulation. Both teams squandered chances in extra innings, most notably the bottom of the 11th when the Tweeners loaded the bases with one out, and with the infield & outfield in Scott Baker got pinch-hitter Alex Presley to hit into a 4-2-3 DP. Drillers scored 2 in the 12th, and in the bottom half with a man aboard Wilin Rosario just got under the 1-8 BP HR, flying out to end the game. Drillers 6, Tweeners 4. Shitfuck.

A twi-night doubleheader to wrap things up. In the opener Tweeners got 3 in the 1st off Romero but would not score again. Drillers got 2 in the 2nd and 1 in the 5th off Felix. In the 9th, rookie manager Brett would make his worst blunder to date, electing to let Javier Lopez pitch to Jacoby Ellsbury with a man at 3rd, 2 outs, first base open, and Romo warmed in the pen. Ballgame. Fuckshit.

The nightcap featured a 3 run homer and a grand slam by Nick Hundley, Tweeners win 9-5 to salvage the split.

Drillers 3, Inmates 2

(all games at the Baptist Bowl)

DRILLERS 4 – INMATES 2: LDMF manage 3 hits against Shields. Ellsbury taters and gets a stolen base in starting his crusade to be a pain in the Inmates’ collective ass.

INMATES 5 – DRILLERS 3: Beltre’s bases-loaded 3-run double in 7^th gives Inmates the win.

DRILLERS 10 – LDMF 1: Vazquez pitches complete game 4-hitter and Ks 12; Ellsbury and Longoria (Eva) homer twice and Murphy adds another for good measure in a game where Drillers fans were treated to a victory over a bad Pony League team.

DRILLERS 3 – LDMF 1: LDMF offensive juggernaut continues, mustering 5 hits. Ellsbury is held to one hit, but he promptly stole 2^nd. Shitfuck.

INMATES 6 – DRILLERS 1: A 5-run Inmate 6^th is enough for the win as the LDMF hire shills to prevent the ignominy of losing another home game. All 51 fans in attendance responded with a squatting ovation. Ellsbury gets 2 more hits for the Drillers.

The HEAD INMATE

DVs 4, FFTs 3

DVs and FFTs hooked up in a home and home series to finish up their season series with the DVs winning 4 of 7.

At DVs

Game 1 – Stanton, McCann and Helton homer in a DV 11-8 slugfest win

Game 2 – Kuroda keeps the FFTs in the game and they score 3 in the 8^th on the shaky DV bullpen to win 4-3

Game 3 – Lilly pulls a “Kuroda” and keeps the FFTs in the game early and the FFTs hit Halladay hard in a 6-5 FFT win.

At FFTs

Game 4 – DVs use ace Weaver to 4 hit the former team and DVs cruise to a 4-0 win

Game 5 – DVs get a nice 6-3 win with little to report

Game 6 – DVs give up 4 runs late and Anibal Sanchez limits the DVs to 3 hits over 7 innings as FFTs win 4-2

Game 7 – Santana gets hit hard and DVs run away to an easy 8-1 win.

Warpigs 3, Buckeyes 2

Netplayed, without too many freeze-ups. (And this is relatively speaking of course. ANY freeze ups are too many freeze ups, but this is netplay we're talking about. So our expectations are much lower.)

Gm 1 @ The BallPork - Buckeyes win 2-1. I have gone back thru every game this year (no, really) and discovered that in the 247 times that a ground ball-x has been hit to David Freese, he has allowed an error (84 times), a base hit (80 times), or both a hit and an error (82 times). He has cleanly fielded a ball once. His error leading off the game led to an unearned run. Vital, given that the final score was 2-1. Alfredo Aceves went 7 innings for the win. Jeremy Hellickson threw a complete game, taking the hard luck loss. Hanley Ramirez homered for the only Pig run.

Gm 2 @ The BallPork - Warpigs win 7-2. I can die happy now. I won a game against the Buckeyes this year. A brawl erupted in the bottom of the 6th. Chris Carpenter hit Brett Lawrie with a pitch to open the inning - an obvious message for Lawrie, who is dating Carpenter's granddaughter. Freddie Freeman then homered and had some words for Carpenter as he rounded the bases. Carpenter hit David Freese with the next pitch. And nobody hits Freese and gets away with it. Carpenter was ejected, but being bloodied and beaten, he couldn't have continued anyway. Jake Westbrook got the win. Marc Rzepczynski and Mark Melancon combined for 3.2 innings of no-hit relief.

Gm 3 @ Buckeye Palace - Warpigs win 10-7. It was Westbrook again, and by the 8th, the Marc and Mark relief tandem were finished, leaving it to the Three Uglies in the Pig Pen to hold a lead against the vaunted Buckeyes in the legendary Buckeye Palace. But Mike Leake got thru the 8th, and after the Pigs tacked on 2 more runs in the top of the 9th, Dillon Gee came on for the save. Ugly, but we'll take it. Freddie Freeman went 3-4 with 2 homers. The Buckeyes hit into 5 double plays.

Gm 4 @ Buckeye Palace - Buckeyes win 9-3. I will be so glad when SOM allows us to turn off the blocking the plate rule. It was all the difference here, as without it, we would have only lost 7-3. Jordan Zimmermann was knocked out early, and the third Ugly, Jason Hammel, saved the bullpen with 4.1 innings of passable relief. The slap-happy David Ortiz legged out 4 singles for the Shriveled Testicle Gang. Phillip Humber went 8 innings for the win. Dustin Ackley had the game's only homer.

Gm 5 @ Buckeye Palace - Warpigs win 7-3. In game 2 of a double header, the Pigs pounded Aceves for 5 runs in the 1st inning. Erik Bedard threw a complete game for his 9th win of the year. Freeman hit his 4th homer of the series.

The Warpigs only outscored the Buckeyes 28-23, but outhomered them 9-2.

Inmates 2, Buckeyes 2 (again)

Lucky @#$&!@^#$ Buckeyes (albeit with a better team) cheese two from the conspicuously non-LDMF.

(all games at the Buckeye Dome)

BUCKEYES 9 – INMATES 8: Inmates take a 5-run lead into the 3^rd, when plop-plop-fizz-fizz and a big Poopi grand salami later, the Buckeyes lead 6-5. OK, Inmates score 3 more to take an 8-6 lead into the bottom of the 9^th. Typical Shriveled Testical Shit, and the Inmates lose. Howard taters twice to no avail.

BUCKEYES 10 – INMATES 8: Inmates lead 8-2 headed into the 7^th. The BastardEyes score 5 cheating times, but still trail into the 8^th. Then Reed (who?) Goddamned Johnson hits a three-run homer in the 8^th to ice the game. Inmates have scored 8 twice, but can’t win.

INMATES 11 – BUCKEYES 6: An 11-2 deficit is too much even for the Cheatin’ Bastages. Pennington goes long twice (remember that, PigMan?) and the Inmate bullpen doesn’t suck too badly.

INMATES 5 – BUCKEYES 2: Howard hits two more jacks, Beachy K’s 12 and allows two mistakes (taters to Escobar and Heisey). Anti-LDMF win again.

The HEAD INMATE

Buckeyes 4, DVs 1

Buckeyes take 4 of 5 from the DVs in a surprisingly uneventful netplay session.

Game 1 – The only game the DVs win 4-2 and its all downhill from here

2 – Hamels has a no hitter broken up (finally) by McCann in the 8^th with a solo home run. DVs tack on 2 more solo homers in order to lose 4 to 3

3 – Bucks crush Weaver early on Independence Day and roll up a 6-3 win

4 – DVs lead 6 to 1 only to watch the Buckeyes score 10 straight to win 11-6.

5 – DVs easily handle Ogando with a 6-3 triumph.

Warpigs 3, Nads 2

Games played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Nads win 8-2. Fister gets the win. Hellickson gets pounded early; Hammel gets pounded late.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 3-2. Freddie Freeman gets a 2-out, bottom of the 9th rbi single to give Jake Westbrook a complete game win over C.J. Wilson.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 6-1. Hanley Ramirez went 3-3 with a homer; Geovanny Soto went 3-4 with 2 homers. Westbrook beats C.J. again.

Gm 4 - Nads win 3-2. In the bottom of the 6th in a 2-2 game, the Pigs loaded the bases with nobody out. Josh Thole came on to pinch hit against Cordero. He hit into a 3-2-3 double play. We didn't score. Josh Willingham homered to lead off the 8th for the winning run. It's just as well... I was feeling a bit guilty about the start of this game. We started with a double and a walk, then Ackley rolled lineout max, for what I thought would be a triple play. Hal felt differently, and it was only a double play. Freddie Freeman hit the next pitch for a 2-run homer.

Gm 5 - Pigs win 5-0. Eric Bedard with the complete game 4-hit shutout, striking out 11. The game was 1-0 in the 7th when Freeman singled home Ackley to make it 2-0. After 2 outs, the Nads intentionally walked Delmon Young in the clutch, and David Freese pinch hit a 3-run homer.

Killer Bees 4, Warpigs 1

Bees 4, Pigs 1. Sorry I am not that great at summaries, but Zimmeran went 12 1/3 in one of the games and lost on a walk-off HR. Lots of close games. Pigs suck...wish I could have beat your ass face to face:) I'm spending too much time dreaming about naked grown men. Is that weird? Beeboy.

Nads 4, Warpigs 1

Gm 1 - Adrian Gonzalez had 2 base hits and 3 RBI as the NADS beat the WARPIGS 13 to 7.

Gm 2- Adrian Gonzalez slammed a homerun and had 2 RBI as the sizzling NADS topped the WARPIGS by a score of 5 to 3

Gm 3 - Stephen Drew had 3 base hits and Jeremy Hellickson allowed manager to rest his bullpen, tossing a complete game as the WARPIGS beat the DAVE NADS 6 to 4.

Gm 4 - Dan Uggla cracked a homer and had 5 RBI and C.J. Wilson tossed a complete game As the NADS beat the WARPIGS by the score of 16 to 10

Gm 5 - Erick Aybar lofted one into the 'cheap seats' and had 4 RBI as the NADS beat the WARPIGS 5 to 3.