The New and Improved Mocktastic Draft

There are people out there who have cards in their hands right. I am not one of them, of course. To honor Opening Day 2018, here's the latest Mock Draft.

1. Nads - Tommy Pham. In the first Mock Draft, I had the Nads taking Devers here, but Pham has probably the best card in the draft, he's balanced, and he has 444 ABs. He's very deserving of the first pick in the draft. If I had the first pick in the draft, I wouldn't hesitate before picking Pham. (Note: After typing this, I looked at MLB's Top 100 Players Right Now, and Pham is #59, the highest ranked player not already on a NASOMA roster.)

2. Killer Bees - Avisail Garcia. The Bees still think they can win this year. This delusion will lead to the first mistake of the draft.

3. SuperGoofs - Shohei Ohtani. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.

4. Inmates - Chad Green. Smart owners don't take relievers with the 4th pick of the draft. But winning managers do. The HEAD INMATE fights off every one of his natural instincts and grabs the best relief card available.

5. Tweeners - Luis Castillo. The Tweeners have a good rotation already, but they're all left-handed. Castillo only has 89 innings and cannot relieve, but he's the best combination of useful card and prospect among the available pitchers.

6. Drillers - Zack Godley. It's gotta be killing DD to take a 28-year old starting pitcher here instead of, say, Vlad's kid, but the Drillers are about to kick off their most promising season since Bonds was applying the clear every day. Godley makes them better right now.

7. Weevils - Austin Barnes. Why not? Somebody has to catch that stable of aces. And Barnes can also help the offense although in a limited role.

8. FFTs - Chris Taylor. Another pick that's consistent with Mock1, but that's only because it's such a perfect pick.

9. DVs - Brad Peacock. The head DV said about Peacock, "His name makes me giggle."

10. Mavs - Rafael Devers. The Mavman will be beside himself with glee when the young but unproven Devers slips this far. It's unusual for the Mavman to be beside himself; he is usually beside the Buckeyes.

11. Rhinos - Ronald Acuna. And all the bettors who put money on a Rhino run through the playoffs tear up their ticket stubs simultaneously while muttering, "Knew it."

12. Inmates - Tucker Barnhart. The Barnhart pick brings out the first "good pick" of the draft. But since it was the HEAD INMATE who said it, I don't think it counts.

13. Fungoes - Chase Anderson. The Fungoes need pitching. After this pick, they'll still need pitching, but this is a great start.

14. Mavs - Rhys Hoskins. Meanwhile, the Head Buckeye, who was holding the Hoskins card, reconsiders seating arrangements for future drafts.

15. Buckeyes - Matt Olson. In his 189 AB at Buckeye Park, he'll hit around 45 homers.

16. Tweeners - Eddie Rosario. Big slide for Rosario, and it makes no sense. He's one of the best full-time hitters in the draft. Tweeners catch a break.

17. Killer Bees - Jordan Montgomery. Nice starting pitcher to get in the 2nd round - especially when facing the Snakes. Like the Bees can beat the Snakes. Ha!

18. Nads - Alcides Escobar. Same as last mock draft. The Nads get their ss-1.

19. SuperGoofs - Jhoulys Chacin. There aren't many decent SPs with a good amount of innings remaining. Chacin isn't a sexy pick, but he's a good one.

20. Inmates - Paul DeJong. It's the Year of the Inmates.