The 2013 Official Mock Draft

Here's the Mock Draft you've all been waiting for. The first round will be so exciting, what with Bryce Harper, Yoenis Cespedes, Yu Darvish, Manny Machado, and the like. What's that? Those guys are already taken? Oh. Nevermind.

1. Warpigs - Kris Medlen, SP/RP - It would be hard to pass up this guy. 138 innings of start and relief. Not much on the card. AND, he's 27 and will soon be the ace of the Atlanta staff.

2. Sidewinders - Andrelton Simmons, SS - The Snakes took about 7 shortstops in last year's draft, and they all either failed miserably (Dee Gordon) or are not quite ready (Jurickson Profar). This is the guy he should have taken. And he'll amend that right here.

3. Warpigs - Fernando Rodney, RP - The Pigs can't decide between Medlen and Rodney and are thrilled to get them both. This Rodney card will have almost nothing on it. Best closer card in the set (unless you count Kimbrel).

4. Drillers - Brandon Moss, RF/LF/1B - What a studly card. TWELVE points of HR vs RHP. And that's not counting the 8 BP. And you don't even have to platoon him; his onbase is better vs LHP. He can even play well in three different positions. His only drawback is that he only has 265 at bats.

5. FFTs - Aaron Hill, 2B - Above average power, above average defense. And over 600 at bats. How is he not already on a team?

6. Inmates - Jarrod Parker, SP - He seems like a nice guy, and I hate to do this to him, but he's the best pick here. He'll just have to learn to avoid the Inmate jinx (despite the fact that NO ONE has ever avoided it).

7. Mavs - Mike Olt, 1B/3B - The Mavman's daughter has given him an ultimatum: Draft a "cute" Texas Ranger. Apparently Olt is the guy here (Robbie Ross in the 2nd round?). Personally, I just lie to my daughters. They still think I have Derek Holland.

8. Zaps - Matt Harvey, SP - The young stud of the Mets is starter only, and has just 59 innings, but he's going to be a good one for a long time. The Zaps are amassing quite a talented bunch out in LaLa Land.

9. Nads - Will Middlebrooks, 3B - The young Red Sox third basemen will soon be wearing the wrinkled pink of the Nads. The Nads need help at 3B, and they also need some help in the outfield. But what outfielder is worth taking this early, Andy Dirks? This is WAY too early for Andy Dirks.

10. Tweeners - Andy Dirks, LF/RF - Dirks is maybe the 2nd best left-handed stick in the draft. The power might be missing, but the guy can hit. The Tweeners, by the way, are only one win away from the World Series.

11. Fungoes - Pete Kozma, SS - Only 72 at bats, so this might be a little early. He's not considered a prospect, but will have an excellent card - especially in the playoffs. The Fungoes, like the Sidewinders, always seem to be looking for their next shortstop.

12. Drillers - Todd Frazier, 1B/3B/LF/RF - The young, power-hitting Red plays 4 positions, and is a 3 at all of them. The Drillers need a closer (Street?), but DD has always preferred hitters over pitchers - especially in the first round.

13. Tweeners - Yasmani Grandal, C - I'm not sure what to think of this guy. He can hit, he can take a walk, and he's got great power - especially vs LHP. On the other hand, he's already facing a suspension for PEDs. Will the power still be there without the juice? We'll see.

14. Wahoos - Chris Carter, 1b - The Wahoos need a 3bman; Carter plays first. The Wahoos need a lefty bat; Carter is right-handed. Carter is obviously the pick here.

15. Wahoos - Wade Miley, SP - Wade Miley joins Wade Davis in the Wahoo bullpen. His 195 innings means he could be in the rotation, but this lefty could also make about 140 appearances out of the pen.

16. DVs - Tommy Milone, SP - As the DVs sit back, resting on the laurels of last year's Higdon, he won't even worry about the flack he'll take from using his 1st round pick to take a guy he cut at the draft last year. It won't phase him a bit.