Rhinos 3, Buckeyes 2

Buckeyes finish the season on May 30th. A dozen or so fans showed up to see the Rhino at Buckeye series.

May 16 Buckeyes 10 Rhinos 3

May 17 Rhinos 3 Buckeyes 2

May 18 Rhinos 6 Buckeyes 3

July 24 Buckeyes 6 Rhinos 2

July 25 Rhinos 11 Buckeyes 6

Buckeyes now turning our attention to the draft! 

Warpigs 2, Buckeyes 0

When the Buckeyes go for something, they go for it bigtime. I can't remember ever facing a club that had only 2 right-handed batters on their roster. And those 2 guys had a combined 200 or so AB to use so they seldom played.

Last 2 of the series played at The BallPork.

Game 1 - Warpigs win 15-2. Adrian Beltre, who spent the rest of the Buckeye series either resting or making outs, broke out for one game. He hit a 3-run homer in the 1st, a grand slam in the 3rd, a single in the 7th, and a 2-run double in the 8th. He went 4-5 with 9 RBI. Adam Wainwright (13-2) was the beneficiary of all that offense, going 5 innings before giving way to Aaron Loup, who pitched 3 perfect innings of relief.

Game 2 - Warpigs win 3-0. Michael Wacha, the 5th starter, hasn't had a stellar year, but in two starts against the Buckeyes, he threw 2 complete game shutouts. Wacha (3-1) allowed only 2 hits. Jayson Werth went 2-3 with a double and homer and 2 RBI.

Warpigs 2, Buckeyes 1

The Buckeyes finally got into the win column against the Warpigs, but the offense shut down afterwards.

All games played at The BallPork.

Game 1 - Buckeyes win 2-1. Ryan Howard homered off of Anthony Varvaro in the top of the 9th to break the 1-1 tie. Brandon McCarthy, Taijuan Walker, Jimmy Nelson, and Neftali Feliz combined to tame the Pig bats.

Game 2 - Warpigs win 6-0. The Pigs had a 3-run 1st inning on 5 consecutive 2-out singles. Lance Lynn (9-2) went 5 for the win. Aaron Loup and Anthony Varvaro again pitched the final 4 innings of the shutout. The Buckeyes were held to 3 hits. Justin Morneau went 4-4, and Jon Jay had 3 RBI.

Game 3 - Warpigs win 9-0. The top of the 1st for the Buckeyes went like this: 1. walk  2. a H&R single to put runners at the corners  3. cf-x roll to Jay (not Cain), but the 20-sided die came up 18 and the runner on 3rd had to hold. 4. strikeout  5. walk to load the bases  6. Double 1-8, fly. The roll was 10. The Buckeye offense never recovered. R.A. Dickey and 3 relievers combined for the shutout. Among the 17 Warpig hits were 8 doubles and 2 homers. Trevor Bauer was... not good. He allowed 15 hits and 9 earned runs in 5.2 innings. A.J. Pollock had 4 hits for the Pigs. The image below is the match-up on the last out of the game.



Scooter Gennet vs Sean Doolittle. Not even a BP chance.

Warpigs 3, Buckeyes 0

The Buckeye season is coming to a close very early... but maybe not early enough.

All games were played at Shriveled Testicle Park

Game 1 - Warpigs win 8-2. In a 1st inning almost identical to the first game two days ago, 8 straight Pigs reach base via single or walk. After the 6-run 1st inning, the two teams played even the rest of the way. Lance Lynn (8-2) went 5, and Aaron Loup and Anthony Varvaro mopped up against the all-lefty Buckeye lineup, allowing only 1 walk over the 4 innings.

Game 2 - Warpigs win 7-3. The Pigs scored 2 runs in the 1st, 3rd, and 5th innings. Garrett Richards (5-3) wasn't sharp, giving up 8 hits and 3 runs (2 earned) in 5 innings, but Loup and Varvaro cruised through the final 4 innings again.

Game 3 - Warpigs win 13-2. The 4th of July fireworks started late. The game was only 5-2 going to the 8th, but the Pigs scored 4 in the 8th and another 4 in the 9th. The 4 runs in the 9th were all unearned due to a boot by Jason Castro (c-e3) to start the inning and a 2-out, 3-base error by Leonys Martin. Adam Wainwright (12-2) left after 5, and Varvaro and Loup finished up again. The unlikely star of the game was Cory Spangenberg. He spent this series giving Victor Martinez a break and hoping to find some of those BP homers in the 1-20 park. He didn't do much the first four games, and he didn't hit a homer the whole series, but he revealed a hidden talent in this last game. He singled 4 times and stole 2nd all 4 times. I didn't even realize until after the 2nd one that he gets his lead on 2-12.

Inmates 8, Buckeyes 2

All games played via HAL/CM:

 

Inmates 6 – Buckeyes 5 (10 innings – Baptist Bowl): Fancy fielding by stone-handed Segura and Escobar allow the Buckeyes to score three unearned runs off of Big Pasta. The Buckeyes hang on to a 5-3 lead into the 8^th when Feliz entered the game with one on to face Rizzo, who promptly hit a two-run jack. The Inmates score the game winner in the 10^th when Red-dick doubled after Martinez and Escobar both hit two-out singles. The Buckeyes really threw this one away.

Inmates 11 – Buckeyes 1 (Baptist Bowl): The Buckeyes of old showed up for the first two innings. They started the scoring in the 2^nd when Howard led off with a single, moved to second on Miller’s SAC and third on an Alcantara groundout, then scored on a passed ball by Rosario. Reality and extreme ugliness set in immediately, however. Happ cruised through the first 1 2/3 when he allowed a double to O’Escobar, and then promptly tossed an easy Ramirez grounder into the stands for a two-base error to tie the game. The Beakless Chicken Gang put on their softball uniforms in the 3^rd and scored eight runs on eight hits and a walk to put the game way out of reach. This was about as close to an EQA as HAL has ever had at the Baptist Bowl.

Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 2 (Buckeye Field): The annual Buckeye Spud Festival began with Vargas (twice) and Red-Dick tatering for the Inmates and Ackley hitting one out for the Shriveled Testicle Gang in the 9^th to make the game look close. The Buckeyes hit into five DPs to kill any potential they may have had for a rally. No wonder the Commish said “go ahead and roll ‘em all.”

Buckeyes 4 – Inmates 2 (Buckeye Field): The Buckeyes get a measure of revenge. Alcantara took Norris deep in the 1^st (he likes it that way…) with Martin on base to ice the game. The LDMF showed up in full farce (yep, spelled it right). Lyles got the win; Happ the save.

Inmates 3 – Buckeyes 0 (Buckeye Field): What?!? A well-pitched shutout by an Inmate pitcher? Quintana struck out thirteen of the Buckeye little leaguers forced to play against a lefty hurler. Inmate management fined Quintana a week’s salary for failing to toss a no-hitter. Marte homered in the 7^th for the only run the LDMF would need.

Buckeyes 5 – Inmates 3 (Baptist Bowl): Alcantara, Gennett and Crawford all hit spuds for the Buckeyes, showing the total incompetence of The Big Pasta who gave up thirteen hits to the punchless Tree Nuts. LDMF lowlights include loading the bases in the bottom of the 9^th with two outs, Escobar pinch-shitting and rolling a single - - WAIT! IT’S THE FUCKING CLUTCH, SO IT’S REALLY A POP OUT! HE CHOKES HIS CHICKEN IN THE CLUTCH!

Inmates 5 – Buckeyes 2 (Baptist Bowl): Marte and Rizzo both hit homers while Pineda tossed 5 innings of shutout ball as the Inmates rebound from ignominy to win. An Asche tater in the 7^th was the only earned run the Buckeyes could muster.

Inmates 6 – Buckeyes 4 (Baptist Bowl): A game that wasn’t as close as the final score. McHugh leaves to save innings, allowing one hit after six. Soler hit a jack on a 1-2 chance, but the Buckeyes can’t catch up. Lyles takes one for the team and pitches a CG.

Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 0 (Buckeye Field): Not much to say. Buckeyes don’t hit. Jones homers for the BCG (that’s Beakless Chicken Gang, y’all).

Inmates 7 – Buckeyes 3 (Buckeye Field): The Inmates take the series finale. Howard and Alcantara both hit solo shots for the Tree Nut Group, but Buckeye pitchers walk six Inmates (Inmates NEVER walk…) and allow 12 hits.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Warpigs 2, Buckeyes 0

At the Buckeye Bandbox.

Game 1 - Warpigs win 8-4. The Pigs put together 6 consecutive hits and a walk in the first inning for 4 runs. They scored another 2 in the 4th thanks to 2 Buckeye errors. The Buckeyes made it interesting in the bottom of the 4th with 2-run homers from both Chase Headley and Brandon Crawford, but a 2-run shot from Robby Cano in the 8th put the icing on the cake for the Pigs. Lance Lynn (7-2) went 5 innings for the win. The loss for the Buckeyes was number 100 on the year, marking (I think) the first time a team ever reached 100 losses before June.

Game 2 - Warpigs win 7-0. Michael Wacha (2-1) threw the complete game shutout, allowing 6 hits. Scott Van Slyke had a 2-out RBI single in both the 4th and 6th innings. Going to the 7th, it was still 2-0, but Troy Tulowitzki hit a 2-run homer in the 7th, and Victor Martinez pinch hit a 3-run double in the 8th.

Drillers 4, FFTs 1

Game june 2

DRILLERS........ 0 0 1  0 0 0  0 1 2  -  4 10  0
FFT'S........... 0 1 0  0 0 0  0 0 0  -  1  6  0

The game was won by SHAWN with a run in the 8th inning. Yasiel Puig drew a
walk.  Christian Yelich followed next and he doubled.  After an out was
recorded, Jose Abreu was walked intentionally to load the bases.  Conor
Gillaspie came up and he hit a deep fly.  Melky Cabrera dug into the batters
box next, but he struck out.  SHAWN had 10 hits overall, while TERRY had 6.

Luke Gregerson(1-2) got the win allowing no runs in 1 and 2/3 innings.
Gregerson got help from Joakim Soria who was credited with his 2nd save.
Junichi Tazawa(0-2) absorbed the loss in relief. 

Game June 3

DRILLERS........ 0 0 0  5 0 0  0 0 0  -  5  9  0
FFT'S........... 0 0 2  1 0 0  2 1    -  6 10  1

Michael McKenry slammed a homerun and had 2 RBI as the TERRY FFT'S bested the
SHAWN DRILLERS 6 to 5 at The Grove.

TERRY won the game with a run in the bottom of the 8th inning.  Hanley Ramirez
drew a walk.  Josh Rutledge stepped up to the plate and he doubled.  Two outs
later Ichiro Suzuki got his chance to keep things going, but he went down on
strikes.  SHAWN went down quietly in the 9th. 

Yusmeiro Petit(2-2) went 3 innings allowing no runs for the victory. Fernando
Rodney preserved the game for Petit, recording his his 19th save.  Alex
Torres(0-1) was the losing pitcher in relief.  He allowed 1 run and 1 hit in
1/3 of an inning.

Game June 4

DRILLERS........ 3 0 0  0 0 0  0 0 2  -  5 13  0
FFT'S........... 2 0 0  0 0 0  1 0 1  -  4  7  1

In a thriller the SHAWN DRILLERS staged a dramatic comeback then held on to
win over the TERRY FFT'S by a score of 5 to 4 at The Grove.

SHAWN scored the winning runs in the top of the 9th inning plating 2 runs
using 2 hits.  Buster Posey led off and keyed the rally when he drew a walk.
Jose Abreu stepped up to the plate and he doubled.  Conor Gillaspie then
doubled.  Melky Cabrera got his turn next, but he was a strikeout victim.
Neil Walker dug into the batters box next, but he struck out.  Charlie
Blackmon added to the uprising and was walked intentionally.  Overall SHAWN
out-hit TERRY 13 to 7. 

James Shields(1-3) picked up the victory, allowing 4 runs in 8 and 1/3
innings. Joakim Soria recorded his 3rd save.  Junichi Tazawa(0-3) was the
loser in relief. 

Game August 10

DRILLERS........ 0 1 4  0 1 0  0 3 0  -  9 14  0
FFT'S........... 2 0 0  0 0 0  1 0 0  -  3  9  0

Right fielder Yasiel Puig touched them all and had 2 RBI as the SHAWN DRILLERS
outscored the TERRY FFT'S 9 to 3.

Ian Kennedy(2-1) gave a fine effort for SHAWN.  He went 6 and 2/3 innings
surrendering 8 hits and 2 walks lowering his ERA to 4.91.  SHAWN out-hit
TERRY for the game, 14 hits to 9. 

Tim Lincecum(1-2) was the loser.  SHAWN knocked him around a bit, as he gave
up 5 runs in 2 and 2/3 innings.

Game August 11

DRILLERS........ 1 0 0  1 0 0  0 0 1  0 2 -  5 15  1
FFT'S........... 0 0 0  0 2 1  0 0 0  0 1 -  4 10  0

One run was the difference at The Grove as the SHAWN DRILLERS defeated the
TERRY FFT'S in 11 innings 5 to 4.

The score was knotted at 3 after nine innings.  Finally, SHAWN pulled the game
out in the 11th inning.  Melky Cabrera led off the inning for SHAWN when he
lined a single.  Neil Walker was the next batter, but he struck out.
Jennings took off for second and slid in with a stolen base.  Charlie
Blackmon stepped in and he banged out a single.  SHAWN continued their
aggressive style with another stolen base.  SHAWN got their 2nd stolen base
of the inning.  After another out, Yasiel Puig stepped up to the plate and he
doubled.  Christian Yelich then lined a base-hit.  For the game SHAWN out-hit
TERRY 15 to 10. 

Bryan Shaw(1-0) went 2 innings allowing 1 run for the victory. Fernando
Rodney(1-2) was the losing pitcher in relief.  He was knocked around pretty
good, giving up 3 runs in 2 and 1/3 innings.

Fungoes 3, Drillers 2

Fungoes take 3 of 5 from the Drillers at WTF via pc manager:

May 16:

Tanner Roark and Dallas Keuchel locked horns in a pitcher's duel

with Roark and the Fungoes coming out on top 2 to 0.

Roark put on a good performance.  He surrendered only 3 hits and 1 walk in 6

and 2/3 innings, while racking up 8 strikeouts.  After the 2nd inning,

neither team was able to score.  Keuchel allowed only 1 earned run and

made only 1 bad pitch.  Brett Gardner hit that bad pitch into the cheap seats.

Jonathon Papelbon picked up his 26th save.

May 17:

Drillers win 4-0.  Alex Cobb picks up the win for the Drillers while Drew Pomeranz 

gets the save.  Drillers take a 1-0 lead into the 9th inning when Josh Donaldson 

smashed a 3-run dinger to ice the game for the Drillers!

May 18:

Fungoes and Drillers pitching continue to dominate as this one is tied at 1 after 9.  

Derek Holland throws 10 shutout innings in relief while Alex Torres goes 7 1/3, allowing 

only 1 hit, for the Drillers.  The game ended on a 2 out walk off Home Run by Mike 

Trout in the 20th inning.  Casey Fien takes the loss while Derek Holland earns his first win

of the year for the Fungi!

July 24:

Back and forth battle won by the Drillers 4-3 when they score a run in the top of the 9th.

Drew Pomeranz gets the win in relief for the Drillers while Bryan Shaw gets the save.  Seth

Maness takes the loss for the Fungoes.  Buster Posey homers for the Drillers while Mike Trout 

and Brett Gardner go yard for the Fungi.

July 25:

Fungoes take the lead with a 2 run 7th and hold on to win it 5-4.  Drew Pomeranz takes the 

loss for the Drillers.  David Price wins it for the Fungoes improving his record to 11-5.  Papelbon 

picks up save number 27.  

All close games.  Fungoes improve their season record to 49-28.

DVs 4, Drillers 1

Drillers Go 1 and 4 at home vs DVs

6/5 Zack Wheeler(4-0) and Yordano Ventura(2-5) locked horns in a pitcher's duel

with Wheeler and the SHAWN DRILLERS coming out on top of the BRYAN

DIAMONDVISION 2 to 0.

 

6/6 The BRYAN DIAMONDVISION ended a long winless drought and defeated the SHAWN

DRILLERS by a score of 6 to 3 at Driller Park.  Drew Hutchison(4-0) pitched a solid game.  He went 8 innings and surrended up 7 hits and 2 walks.  Hutchison was helped out by Tyler Clippard who pitched a perfect ninth and recorded his 6th save.

 

8/12 Trevor Plouffe had 2 base hits and 2 RBI as the BRYAN DIAMONDVISION topped the

SHAWN DRILLERS by a score of 8 to 5 at Driller Park.

 

8/13 Stephen Strasburg pitched 7 strong innings as the BRYAN DIAMONDVISION defeated

the SHAWN DRILLERS by the score of 2 to 1 at Driller Park.

 

8/14 The BRYAN DIAMONDVISION and the SHAWN DRILLERS locked up in an exciting

one-run game at Driller Park.  The final score was the BRYAN DIAMONDVISION 3,

the SHAWN DRILLERS 2 in 10 innings.

Drillers 4, Tweeners 1

Drillers go 4 and 1 at home vs Tweeners

5/1 Drillers and Tweeners combine for 37 hits in this 9-inning game.  Catcher Buster Posey lofted one into the 'cheap seats' and had 3 RBI at Driller Park as the SHAWN DRILLERS beat the NORM TWEENERS 13 to 12.

5/2 Pablo Sandoval had 2 base hits as the NORM TWEENERS defeated the SHAWN

DRILLERS by the score of 3 to 2 at Driller Park.

7/13 Designated hitter Melky Cabrera had 2 base hits as the SHAWN DRILLERS

outscored the NORM TWEENERS 6 to 5.

7/14 The SHAWN DRILLERS cruised to a 8 to 1 victory over the NORM TWEENERS at

Driller Park.

7/15 The SHAWN DRILLERS

topped the NORM TWEENERS by the slimmest of margins, 3 to 2. The game was deadlocked at 2 after nine full innings.  Finally, SHAWN

prevailed in the 11th inning.  Neil Walker smashed a solo-shot out of the

park resulting in an exciting win for SHAWN and a raucous post-game

celebration by the home town fans.  SHAWN had 10 hits overall, while NORM had

6.

Killer Bees 3, Drillers 2

Bees go 3 and 2 at Drillers

4/1 Dallas Keuchel whiffed 10 batters as the SHAWN DRILLERS defeated the PHILIP

Killer Bees by the score of 9 to 0 at Driller Park.

 

4/2 Third baseman Yangervis Solarte had 3 base hits as the PHILIP Killer Bees

bested the SHAWN DRILLERS 4 to 3 at Driller Park.  The game was won by PHILIP with a run in the 9th inning.

 

5/3  Second baseman Jedd Gyorko smashed 2 homeruns and had 6 RBI and Ervin Santana

completed the game without help from the bullpen at Driller Park where the

PHILIP Killer Bees beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by the score of 11 to 2.

 

5/4  In a good matchup it was the PHILIP Killer Bees 6, the SHAWN DRILLERS 4 at

Driller Park.

 

5/5  Zack Wheeler went 6 and one third strong innings and catcher Buster Posey had

2 base hits at Driller Park where the SHAWN DRILLERS beat the PHILIP Killer

Bees by the score of 3 to 1.

Drillers 6, Buckeyes 1

Drillers go 6 and 1 at Buckeyes

5/26 Drillers 9 Buckeyes 0

5/27 Drillers 7 Buckeyes 3

5/28 Drillers 16 Buckeyes 2

8/3 Drillers 12 Buckeyes 3

8/4 Buckeyes 6 Drillers 2

8/5 Drillers 3 Buckeyes 1

8/6 Drillers 5 Buckeyes 3 

Warpigs 2, Wahoos 2

Dice and cards. All games played at The Reservation.

Game 1 - Wahoos win 5-3. Ian Desmond brought the Wahoos back from the dead with a 9th inning, walk off grand slam. The Pigs squandered many opportunities to put the game away, mainly by grounding into 4 double plays.

Game 2 - Wahoos win 7-1. Jake Arrieta was too tough. So was Justin Turner, who homered twice (on rolls of 4-2 and 1-2, the bastard). The Pigs stranded 12 runners.

Game 3 - Warpigs win 5-4 in 10 innings. For the first 7 innings, it continued to be a Wahoo sweep. The Pigs trailed 2-0 when Jayson Werth tied it with an 8th inning homer. Robinson Cano homered to lead off the 10th, and Justin Morneau tacked on a 2-run single. The Morneau hit turned out to be big when the Hoos scored 2 in the bottom of the inning, thanks in part to shoddy defense. But Tom Wilhelmsen struck out Chris Ianetta to end the threat and get the Pigs into the win column.

Game 4 - Warpigs win 16-2. The Pig bats finally woke up, getting 22 hits, including 5 home runs. Brock Holt, Victor Martinez, and A.J. Pollock each had 4 hits. Robby Cano belted 2 homers, and rookie Cory Spangenberg pinch hit a 3-run homer for his first ever hit. Garrett Richards went 6 for the win. Wilhelmsen went the final 3 innings for his 2nd consecutive save.

Inmates 6, FFTs 4

Inmates 7 – FFTs 2 (The Grove): A game that should have been closer than it was. For the FFTs, Ellsbury tatered on the first pitch Irishman Alfred O’Simon threw. The FFTs then made it a habit of putting men on base and not scoring, leaving a dozen denizens of The Grove playing pocket pool with no relief. Rizzo and Red-dick both homered for the Inmates in the 4^th; Irishman Eduard O’Escobar homered in the 6^th, rubbing salt in the wound of FFT faithful after the slick-fielding hook-handed Miggy Cabrera tossed an Adam Jones slow roller into the bleachers. O’Simon gets the win despite allowing ten baserunners in 6 2/3.

Inmates 6 – FFTs 3 (The Grove): A ho-hum, B-flat game. The Beakless Chicken Gang scored five times in the 6^th, stringing together five hits and a walk. The FFTs answered in the bottom of the inning when they loaded the bases off of Nud Borris; Tolleson came on to toss a fat one to Cespedes, who promptly doubled in all runners. After Inmate management sent Tolleson to minor league affiliate Frog Balls in the class E Douchbag League, the rest of the Inmate bullpen shut the door for the win.

Inmates 6 – FFTs 4 (The Grove): A see-saw affair with everyone playing on see-saws. Don’t ask. Peavy gets lit for five runs and eight hits in 3 2/3 innings and the FFTs can’t recover.

FFTs 6 – Inmates 2 (The Grove): Both teams score a single run in the 1^st, and any semblance to a close game disappeared after that. In a prototypical LDMF-type of ball game, Quintana allows a 207-ft homer to Assdribble Cabrera; Rosario retaliates by hitting into a 1-2-3 DP with the bases loaded to end what masqueraded as a rally for the Dickless Chicken Gang.

Inmates 3 – FFTs 1 (The Grove): A 907-ft homer by the “other” Cabrera (Miggy) gave the FFTs the lead until Vargas juiced a two-run spud in the 6^th for the Inmates for all the runs they needed. Both pitching staffs (staves?) pitched well. After winning four of five on the road, consideration is given by Inmate management to playing the last five on the road.

FFTs 4 – Inmates 2 (Baptist Bowl): Jean Segura drove in both LDMF runs. Nothing more to be said.

FFTs 15 – LDMF 3 (Baptist Bowl): A tight 3-2 game explodes in the 8^th when the FFTs score a three-spot off of Putnam, who allowed two hits and a walk in 1/3 of an inning. In order to make his teammate feel better, Hughes enters the game and finishes in grand style allowing nine hits, three walks, and nine runs in 1 2/3 innings as the FFTs score nine in the top of the 9^th. Shitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshit….

Inmates 3 – FFTs 1 (Baptist Bowl): Homers by Martinez and Red-dick gave the Inmates an early lead that held up for the win. The FFTs took a page from the LDMF handbook, leaving fifteen men on base. The Beakless Chicken Gang finally win at home.

Inmates 4 – FFTs 2 (Baptist Bowl): Continuing to play like Inmates, the FFTs blow a game (and themselves) when e1 Ellsbury made a 1-base error in the 6^th to help the LDMF cap a three-run rally. Petit comes in to give up a solo HR to Rizzo to ice the game.

FFTs 7 – Inmates 6 (Baptist Bowl): 445 Inmates faithful showed up to watch the best game of the series, full of drama, pathos, strategy, intellectual commiseration, and the smell of spoiled beer. Hanley Ramirez goes 4-5 with two doubles and five RBI to win the Bella’s Bumpy Butt Plug trophy for being the game’s MVP.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Wahoos 6, Buckeyes 4

Buckeyes go 4-6 via computer at Wahoos home.

4/22 Wahoos 5 Buckeyes 1

4/23 Buckeyes 4 Wahoos 2

6/5 Wahoos 5 Buckeyes 4

6/6 Buckeyes 4 Wahoos 3

7/5 Buckeyes 5 Wahoos 4

7/6 Buckeyes 11 Wahoos 3

7/7 Wahoos 7 Buckeyes 6

8/12 Wahoos 8 Buckeyes 3

8/13 Wahoos 6 Buckeyes 2

8/14 Wahoos 4 Buckeyes 3

Sidewinders 6, DVs 1

Sidewinders and DVs got some games played via netplay – first 2 at the Snake Pit.

Game 1 = Cueto easily masters DV bats while the Snakes crush the ball and win 11-2

Game 2 = Belt and Moss hit back to back home runs in the 7^th to lift the Snakes 4-3

At DVs place:

Game 3 = Hamilton and Ortiz score touchdowns and the Sidewinders take a knee midway through the third quarter as the DVs can only muster a lonely field goal in a 14-3 Snake win.

Game 4 = DVs surprise the impervious Snake bullpen as Kinsler hits a 3 run home run off Chapman as DVs win 6-4.

Game 5 = Ortiz homers twice, then Snakes let the DVs sneak to a 7-5 lead, only to have David Peralta hit a 2 run pinch hit home run to tie it at 7. Game goes into the 12^th when Dexter Fowler commits a two base error after a double to clear the bases and let the Snakes win 10-8

Game 6 = Sidewinders score 4 in the first and cruise 7-5

Game 7 = Sidewinders win 6-0 as DiamondVision fans weep openly in the nearly empty grandstand.

For the series the Sidewinders hit .289 with 17 homers, while sporting a 3.68 ERA and only allowing 5 homers. DVs are dreadful - .236 average and 7.06 ERA. Strasburg was 0-3 with a 11.25 ERA. Ugh.

Warpigs 2, Fungoes 1

Netplayed today. All 3 games played at WTF Field.

Game 1 - Warpigs win 5-2. The Fungi scored 2 in the 2nd off of Adam Wainwright. Brett Gardner hit a solo shot for one of the runs. The Pigs, however, stormed back with a 5-run 3rd. Those were the only 2 half innings counted for every run scored in the game. Fungo starter Tanner Roark was hurt by bad defense. Wainwright (11-2) went 7 for the win. Sean Doolittle earned his 5th save.

Game 2 - Fungoes win 6-0. The Warpigs were shut out for the first time this season by some guy named Kyle Hendricks. Hendricks went 7 innings, allowing only 3 hits and no walks. Lance Lynn (6-2) took the loss. Salvador Perez homered for the home team.

Game 3 - Warpigs win 5-2 in 13 innings. Facing Clayton Kershaw in the rubber match of a series is never a good thing, but 4 Fungo errors helped the Pigs come back from a 2-0 deficit and send the game into extra innings. The Warpig bats finally came to life in the top of the 13th with three straight 2-out rbi singles by Adrian Beltre, Justin Morneau, and Robinson Cano. Anthony Varvaro (3-0) got the win.

I felt like we (the Pigs) spent a lot of time in the 5-column in the middle game, so I checked the PAC. 31 plate appearances that game. Here is the breakdown of the rolls:
1 column - 5 times (2/4 with a HBP)
2 column - 3 times (0/3 - 2 of them were by Cano, of course)
3 column - 3 times (1/3 with 2 DPs)
4 column - 3 times (0/3 - Hendricks doesn't have much anyway, but what he has is in columns 4&6)
5 column - 14 times (1/14 - the hit was on an x-chance)
6 column - 3 times (0/3)

The trend continued into the Kershaw game. Pig batters were in the 5-column on 12 of the first 30 plate appearances. All told, in a stretch of 60 times up to bat, Pig batters rolled the 5-column in 26 of them. I thought only my DICE could pull that off!

Wahoos 2, DVs 1

All games at the Reservation via netplay.

DVs break 9 game losing streak with win in game 1, then  proceed to start another with a 2 game skid.

Mavs 6, FFTs 4

Results:

4/22 FFT’s 5 Mavs 2

4/23 FFT’s 6 Mavs 4 in ten.

6/5 Mavs 11 FFT’s 1

6/6 Mavs 4 FFT’s 2

7/5 Mavs 3 FFTs 1

7/6 FFTs 7 Mavs 4

7/7 Mavs 6 FFTs 3

8/12  Mavs 11 FFTs 4

8/13  Mavs 7 FFT’s 2.

8/14  FFTs 5 Mavs 2

The Complexities of the Spreadsheet

When entering your wins and losses onto the league spreadsheet, you can't just put the number of wins and losses in any random cell you want. The spreadsheet doesn't work like that. You go down the rows and across the columns to the proper cell and put the number there. And if you accidentally put the entry into the wrong cell, fix it before moving on. The spreadsheet saves your entries automatically.

I'm not going to name names, but this has happened three times recently by the same dumbass owner.

In other news, the Snakeman has been temporarily suspended from editing privileges on the spreadsheet page.

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Game Stories - Size Matters

You might have noticed... the recent game story write-up by the Mavman is, umm, long. It is unofficially a league record. MS Word tells me this "summary" of a 7-game series between two teams ***battling for the first pick is a whopping 2,156 words long. It, no doubt, took longer to write about the games than it did to play them. I went to two graduations this past week, and the two commencement speeches combined weren't this long. The post may contain questionable language - I don't know. I haven't finished it yet. But hey, it's published, so I hope you enjoy it.

For comparison, I checked the word count on some of the other recent posts. The Fungoes, always descriptive but concise, wrote 420 words describing his 6-1 series win over the Inmates. The Tweeners who, along with the Head Inmate, is my favorite NASOMA author, used 209 words to describe his 5-game series against the Fungoes. The Mavs' previous entry had been 1,441 words, but lest you think he was slacking off, that series was only 5 games long.

Oh, and the last Sidewinder game story? A mere 37 words long. When asked to comment on this post, the Snakeman replied, "Size is overrated. In my experience, writers who write too much are subconsciously trying to compensate for their shortcomings in other areas. It is my professional opinion that the Mavman has a small penis."



*** - I was kidding. Of course they aren't both battling for the first pick. The Buckeyes have already clinched that.

Fungoes 5, DVs 0

At some point in the near future I am hoping my a$$ will stop hurting enough that I can comfortably sit down as we drop to 0-9 via netplay on this PoC (piece of crap).

Game files and box scores attached, then will be summarily burned.

I hate Strat. Wonder when my hockey cards will be here.

DVs

 

Fungoes at DVs via net play

April 3:

Fungoes win it 5-2.

Clayton Kershaw (11-3) picks up the win for the Fungoes holding the DVs to just 2 hits over 7 innings.  Papelbon picks up his 21st save.  

Drew Hutchinson takes the loss for the DVs.  Brett Gardner, Eric Hosmer and Evan Longoria all hit home runs.  

April 4:

Fungoes win it 4-0.

Kyle Gibson improves to 6-1 and Papelbon picks up save number 22 as the Fungoes combine for a shutout.  Yordano Ventura takes the loss for the DVs.

Dilson Herrera hits one out for the Fungi.

April 5:

Fungoes win 7-2.

Kyle Hendricks goes the distance improving his record to 2-2.  Stephen Strassburg takes the loss for the DVs.  Dilson Herrera and Matt Carpenter collect 

3 hits each for the Fungoes.  Herrera, John Jaso and Everth Cabrera all homer for the Fungoes while Giancarlo Stanton goes yard for the DVs.  

May 6:

Fungoes win 6-3.

Fungoes score 3 runs on a 2 out Matt Carpenter Home Run in the top of the 9th giving Pedro Baez the win in relief.  Papelbon picks up save number 24.  

Dan Otero is saddled with the loss for the DVs.  Matt Holiday picks up 3 hits for the DVs.  Mike Trout also went deep for the Fungoes.  

May 7:

Fungoes win in 11 innings 3-2.

Seth Maness picked up the win for the Fungoes while Papelbon collects his 25th save.  Tyler Clippard takes the loss for the DVs.  

Fungoes wriggle out of a tight spot in the bottom of the 8th by turning a triple play.  DVs just miss the walkoff Home Run in the 11th

by rolling a 20 on a BP Homer chance (1-15).  Fowler and Pujols both collect 3 hits for the DVs.  Sal Perez and Mike Moustakas 

both hit Home runs.

What the box scores don't show is that the DVs couldn't catch a break.  His second basemen had trouble fielding the ball and at 

some point Joe Panik played himself out of the starting 2B job with his shoddy defense.  Kinsler immediately made an error too.  Evan Longoria 

also made a couple of errors for the DVs.  All of this while the Fungoes second basemen were fielding like Sweet Lou Whitaker!  Fungoes

never trailed during the 5 games.  Dilson made his pro debut for the Fungoes during the series and hit at a .385 clip tossing in 2 Home Runs.  

Fungoes improved their record on the season to 45-24.

Mavs 5, Buckeyes 2

This was truly abhorrent to baseball fans everywhere.

In this year’s edition of the “Hide the Women and Children” series, the woeful Mavs take on the inept Buckeyes.  The two teams have combined for 119 losses in their first 178 games.  That is a winning percentage of 33.1% for those of you keeping score at home.   The Mavs are thrilled to point out that we actually bring the average up.  The beauty of math is that at the end of this series, no matter what, the combined winning percentage will rise to 34.3%.  Kids please don’t try this at home.

4/6 David “Pat” Buchanan, noted conservative columnist, failed presidential candidate and known sex offender takes the hill against clean living Trimble Tech grad Yovanni Gallardo.  The Mavs note that Buckeyes manager Spiro Agnew selected an all left handed lineup vs. Yovanni.  The Mavs further note that left handed people have a higher incidence of sexual deviancy (it’s a fact, you can look it up) and have issued special personal protective equipment to the ball girls.  With runners on second and third and one out Michael Morse lines into a double play to end the first as these two teams demonstrate an exceptional ability to find a way to lose.  Meanwhile in the top of the second the Buckeyes get a ballpark single, a Justin Upton X double and a walk but can’t score.  You get the picture.  Michael Morse hits two homers (although we’ll note that when he had the chance to do it with men on he lined into a double play) and does not win the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game (much to the girl’s chagrin – Morse is gifted).  That honor goes to the mime Marcel Ozuna who went four for five with a homer and four runs scored.  The Mavs start saving at bats in the seventh and wonder if perhaps the Buckeyes get to see more of the other team’s roster than any other team in the league.  Mavs win 10-2.

 

4/7 Buckeye Manager Spiro Agnew sends Tail Gunner Joseph “Brandon” McCarthy to the mound to face clean living, if ineffective, Homer Allowed Bailey.  The Buckeyes lose a homer to being weak, the Mavs let a single through the infield, the Buckeyes choke in the clutch.  And that is just the top of the first.  You get the picture.  Baseball purists are mainlining heroin by the time the bottom of the third rolls around.  The Buckeyes leave seven on in the first three innings and that isn’t near as remarkable as the fact that they got seven on to begin with.  Howie Kendrick let two on with an X chart hit and an error and Harper misplayed a flyball into a double. Nonetheless the Buckeyes are down as famous French mime Marcel Ozuna went deep again in the second.  The game trudges on much like a German march into Russia in the late fall and one fears it won’t end well.  Alas it is the Buckeyes who suffer.  Davis and Upton crack two run homers and the Mavs begin searching the bench for who has at bats just like they do in the majors.  Homer Allowed tires in the sixth but the real problem continues to be the Mavs gloves as a Chris Davis two base error leads to two runs.  8-3 heading to the seventh here in Stalingrad.  The Mavs go to Carlos “King” Carrasco who shuts down the Buckeyes.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Marcel Ozuna who homered and singled.  The Terry Miller Accounting Award goes to Chris Davis who allowed two runs with an error but plated two with a homer and therefore “broke even”.  Mavs win 8-3.

 

4/8 Well mom said there’d be days like this.  It is a Mavs – Buckeyes double header.  Spiro Agnew tags Kevin Gausman, fresh out off of a two year stint with good behavior against clean living Wily “Coyote” Peralta.  Things proceed along uneventfully until the two little league teams lock horns in a battle of ineptitude in the top of the fourth.  Martin leads off with a single off the pitchers card.  He steals second and goes to third on a second base X.  Marcel Ozuna fails to track down a flyball that turns into a double.  The Buckeyes are caught stealing third.  Here comes another single.  The Buckeyes are caught stealing second and the inning ends.  But the Buckeyes have their first lead of the series.  It stays 1-0 Buckeyes until two outs in the bottom of the seventh.  The thug Gausman hits little Elvis.  Elvis steals second and starts changing “Pitcher’s got a big butt” and amid the distraction Lucroy doubles Elvis home.  Tie game runner on second two outs and the very vulnerable to lefties Jason Heyward due up.  Will Spiro Agnew stay with Gausman?  Yes but only to walk him to get to Justin Upton.  Can’t blame him there.  Justin is hitting a cool .196.  Sure enough Justin grounds out.  Cody Asche hits a ballpark homer off Zach Britton in the top of the eighth.  And the Buckeyes lead going to the bottom of the eighth.  Will Spiro stay with the thug Gausman?  Yes and why not.  He shuts down the Mavs.  After the Buckeyes go quietly in the ninth, we head to the bottom of the ninth with the eyes of the nation glued to the possibility of a Buckeye win.  Gausman gets HK47 on a 4-7 gapper.  The Mavs turn to Bryce Harper to pinch hit for country breakfast.  He misses a ballpark single.  Two down, the Mavs pull out their Wong to take the place of Elvis.  Wong lines a 1-7 single.  Wong is asleep and can’t get his lead.  It is all down to Lucroy.  Wait Spiro is bringing in Nefti Feliz.  Gausman slams a water cooler and looks for his gun.  The Mavs pinch run Amarista to see if he can pick up the steal sign.  He misses it.  It is still down to Lucroy.  He grounds sharply to third and there will be riots in Buckeyeville tonight as the Buckeyes win 2-1.  The thug Kevin Gausman appropriately wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.  Grumpy’s you ring, we spring.

 

4/8 Spiro Agnew sends white collar crime mastermind Jordan Lyles (let’s face it, with a name like that it has to be white collar crime) to the mound to face clean living Texan Clay Buchholz.  As noted earlier these two teams play an especially ugly brand of baseball so I’ll spare you the X chart failures, base running blunders and “batter gets his pitch and chokes in the clutch details”.  I can only say that I hope Glenn actually played these games like me and didn’t take the coward’s way out with a set of EQA’s.  Suffice it to say that the Mavs failed more than the Buckeyes and the valiant Buckeyes swept the Mavs.  Jordan Lyle gets the win and fraudulently claims a save as well since he was on the mound at the end of the game and wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bond Player of the Game. 5-2 Buckeyes.

 

9/7 Spiro Agnew sends the white sheep of the Howie Kendrick family, meth distributor Kyle Kendrick, to the mound to face the clean living Jake Odorizzi.  It’s September so both teams have activated players that aren’t usually even good enough to play for these two teams.  Heaven help us these will be three ugly games.  And oh children the stories I could tell.  The errors I saw.  The strikeouts with men on base.  The hideous baserunning.  The top of the third for example.  Davis error, Wong error, three run homer by Kiemaier.  Or perhaps when the Mavs tied it when Brandon Morrow clipped Michael Morse with the bases loaded in the bottom of the seventh.  Or maybe when after the Buckeyes took the lead Morrow walked in the tying run in the eighth.  But there is really no reason for everyone to suffer.  The only thing worse than watching nine innings of this is watching ten.  The Mavs win as Wong stiffens up and homers in the bottom of the tenth.  Somehow the Mavs overcome leaving 16 men on base and making four errors to win.  Lucroy’s 4-5 with three RBI’s and three runs scored garners the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.

 

9/8 Pedophile Pat Buchanan takes the mound against clean living Trimble Tech graduate Yovanni Gallardo.  Sadly the game once again goes into extra innings despite the best efforts of both teams to lose.  Heading into the bottom of the tenth the Mavs have left fifteen on base and hit into two double plays.  So despite a Buckeye error, 12 Mav hits and five walks, the Mavs have only two runs going to the bottom of the tenth when Cody Asche with visions of a post game trip to Betty’s Brothel throws an Elvis Andrus grounder into the stands.  Lucroy can’t bunt for shit and Jackie “I’m not a girl” Bradley is on deck so the bunt is ruled out.  4-6 single 1-6 lo with a twelve rolled for Lucroy.  Oh no Bradley is actually grabbing a bat (the Mavs made a ton of moves trying to win earlier – anything to end this misery).  Strikeout.  Who’d have guessed?  It is all up to limp dick Justin Upton who is now hitting .191.  What’s this?  Spiro Agnew walks Upton to get to Chris Davis.  Well OK Davis is hitting .121 but he is left handed and this is Feliz on the mound.  Davis takes a 4-7 walk bringing up Ironhead Heyward with the bases loaded and two outs.  Remember he can’t touch lefties and I’m out of players.  Will Spiro stay with Feliz?  Yes and a 3-10 gbB is his reward.  We go to the eleventh. Oh the humanity.  The Mavs bring in Carlos "King” Carrasco.  He strikes out the side (mostly on the Buckeye ’s cards – but that is not unheard of).  Spiro Agnew goes to the lefty now, J A. Happ to face Bryce Harper.  But Harper hits lefties as good as righties and Happ is a reverse lefty.  Explain that one Hal.  Why not bring him in to face Heyward with the bases loaded and the game on the line? Harper takes a 1-7 walk and out comes our Wong.  The Mavs look at the next two hitters (Amarista and Elvis) at tell Wong to go up hacking.  But he takes a walk.  But hey this let’s Alexi bunt.  He sets it down.  Outfield in, infield in against Elvis – which given his power is the normal alignment.  3-3 gbC.  Lucroy coming up.  Will Spiro walk him to get to Jackie Fucking Bradley?  I sure would.  Yep.  Bases loaded and it is all up to Jackie Fucking Bradley.  2-7 gbA.  The Mavs have now left 21 on base.  Marcel Ozuna misses a ballpark tater in the bottom of the twelfth but at least the Mavs left no one on.  Carrasco shuts the Buckeyes down in the top of the thirteenth in his third perfect inning of work.  Happ gives up a harmless single and we head to the fourteenth still tied 2-2.  The Mavs go to Jessica Hahn.  Scooter Ginnett misses a ball park homer, literally the only time the Buckeyes have come close in five innings.  Spiro Agnew leaves Happ out to work his fourth inning.  Lucroy leads off with a double because he missed the damn homer.  Up to the plate comes Jackie Fucking Bradley.  Think he’ll bunt?  No because he is a D – I guess the Red Sox like watching him swing and miss.  Lucroy is 1-11 and Homer Allowed Bailey is 1-14 so in comes the pinch runner.  Bradley strikes out.  Surprise.  Happ walks Upton.  Chris Davis hits a RF X.  Uh oh Spiro Agnew has 5 e2 Logan Morrison out there.  It’s a double (why is that – there were runners on first and second – did Davis really make it out of the box and into second before Bailey made it home).  Mavs win in 14 3-2.  Lucroy gets the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game for getting the hit that led to the winning run.

 

9/9 White Collar Crime Lord Jordan Lyles takes the hill against clean living Jason Hammel.  I’m pretty sure 9/9 is my anniversary but I’m not going to ask.  Anyway the Mavs feel good about their chances because it could be their anniversary.  Our faith is justified when Michael Morse hits a 6-2 ballpark homer with a man on in the bottom of the second.  This is a remarkably crisp game other than the requisite fielding errors by both teams.  Hammel and Britton combine on a four hit shutout.  Morse wins the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game with the 6-2 ballpark homer that was the difference in the game.  Mavs win 3-0.

 

Surely it will be better next year.

Fungoes 3, Tweeners 2

We could have won a couple more of these, but by the same token we could have lost all 5.  Games via CM at The Hooverdome.

5/30 – Fungoes 6, Tweeners 5.  A true pitchers’ battle between Price and Kuma until the Fungoes break out for a 6-run 7^th.  Tweeners score 3 of their own in the 7^th and another in the 8^th, but Papelbon nails down the 2 inning save.  Homers by Carpenter and Perez.

5/31 – Tweeners 2, Fungoes 1.  The pitching duel persisted until the end of this one.  After successfully handling a dozen X chances, Daniel Murphy finally kicked one to allow the winning run to score.  King Felix improves to 10-1, Zach Duke the save, Maness takes the loss in relief of Roark.

6/1 – Fungoes 9, Tweeners 1.  Not that Kershaw needed that much support.  MadBum and friends phoned it in.  Murphy 4 for 4 with 4 RBI.

8/8 – Tweeners 2, Fungoes 0.  Felix (11-1) with the CG 5-hitter.  L – Hendicks.  HR – Lind.

8/9 – Fungoes 5, Tweeners 4 (11 innings).  After falling behind 4-0 we battle back to tie it in the 9^th, only to lose in 11.  Price fans 13 in 6.1, Tweeners fan 18 times all told.  W – Maness.  L – Smyly.  HR – Zobrist, Garcia.

Nads 4, Sidewinders 1

These are not your father's Nads

They hold us to a .182 batting average and hang a loss on both Chapman and Kimbrel. Collmenter spins a 3 hit shutout to add insult to injury in game 5.......

Drillers and FFTs trade

The Drillers traded Drew Pomeranz to the FFTs for Yusmeiro Petit.

Fungoes 6, Inmates 1

Fungoes took 6 of 7 from the Inmates today!  The LDMF had trouble with almost every facet of the game today!  

They committed 9 errors in the first 5 games!  They missed almost every ball park HR and ball park single chance

they rolled!  They walked only 9 times in 7 games while striking out 64 times, and they were shut out twice!  Fungoes 

stole 15 bases while being caught only 3 times!

All games cards and dice.

April 6 at WTF:

Inmates score 4 in the 1st inning.  Fungoes counter with 5 in the bottom half of the inning!  Inmates take the lead 

back with a 2-spot in the 5th!  Fungoes score 2 in the bottom half of the 5th to re-take the lead.  Fungoes score 1

more in the 8th to win it 8-6.  David Price picks up the win improving his record to 9-4.  Papelbon picks up his 18th save.

April 7 at WTF:

Roark throws a complete game 3-hit shutout for the Fungoes winning it 2-0.  Roark improves to 3-5.  

April 8 at WTF double header game 1:

Kershaw goes the distance for the Fungoes as they win game one of the twinbill, 7-3.  Kershaw improves his record to 9-4.

Daniel Murphy collected 4 hits just lacking a Home run for the cycle.  Mike Trout put the game away for the Fungi with a 

3-run Home run in the 7th.

April 8 at WTF double header game 2:

Gibson collects the win for the Fungoes and combines with the Fungo bullpen for a 2-0 shut out.  Papelbon picks up his

19th save.  Inmates are held to 3 hits!

May 19 at the Baptist Bowl:

With the Inmates up 4-2 in the 9th inning, Jarrod Dyson hits a game tying 2 run Home run!  Dyson is weak but has a HR 1-4 Fly on his card!

Carpenter scores in the 11th for the Fungoes giving Steve Cishek the win in relief.  Papelbon picks up save number 20 for the Fungi.

May 20 at the Baptist Bowl:

Inmates score 3 in the 5th and 2 in the 6th finally winning it 7-2.  Price takes the loss for the Fungoes.  Jose Quintana grabs the 

win for the Inmates.  Evan Gattis and Aramis Ramirez both Homer for the Mates!

May 21 st the Baptist Bowl:

Fungoes win it 4-3.  Roark gets the win and improves to 4-5.  Baez picks up his 1st save.  Trout hits a 2 run shot in the 3rd to put the 

Fungoes on top to stay!

James Taylor, Red Sox fan

Fungoes 3, Killer Bees 2

Fungoes take 3 of 5 from the Bees at WTF

June 7:

Clayton Kershaw threw a 1 hit shutout improving his record to 7-3. Fungoes win 9-0.  

Jared Weaver takes the loss for the Bees.

Kershaw was too much for the Bees.  He allowed just three base runners  over 

nine innings lowering his ERA to 1.86.  

June 8:

David Price dominated the Bee's striking out 11 batters at WTF Field as the Fungoes 

came out on top, 7-3.  Price (8-4) allowed only 5 hits and 3 walks in 9

innings.  Ervin Santana was the loser.   Mike Trout banged out 3 hits

and drove in 2.

June 9:

The Bees just wouldn't go away in this one and come back to win it 4-3.  Alex Wood

picks up the win while Jake Diekman grabs the save.  Kyle Gibson takes the loss for the Fungoes.

August 15:

Kershaw is too much for the Bees once again as the Fungoes win this one 4-1. 

Papelbon picks up his 17th save while Mike Minor get the loss.  Kershaw improves to 8-3.

August 16:

Killer Bees score early and take a 6-0 lead.  Fungoes score 2 in the 6th and 2 more in the 7th 

to make it 6-4 but that is as close as they can get.  Bees win it 7-4.  Weaver gets the win while 

Diekman picks up another save.  Tanner Roark takes the loss for the Fungoes.

Mavs 5, Killer Bees 0

I can't remember this happening to me before although after all of these years I'm sure it must have.  We were just as hot as you were and returned the sweep.  Bryce Harper wound up with an OPS of 1.400 vs. the Bees.  Go figure.

6/12 – In honor of the Bees unwavering support of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 Presidential run, the Mavs and Bees play their first ever Wives and Girlfriends game.  Taking the mound for the Bees is Jennifer Weaver vs. the Mavs Joanie Odorizzi.  The Bees are all sporting uniforms designed by Dior with an honorary “Susan B. Anthony” patch.  In keeping with the Bees political views, Mavs management has legalized marijuana but only in designated smoking sessions.  The Mavs score four off of Jennifer in the bottom of the first highlighted by a Christine Davis 1-2 HR, fly 3 run homer.  Philip goes to Casey Janssen (yes, she has the same name as her husband) and Jennifer Weaver heads to the clubhouse to score some more.  Michelle Morse tags a 1-8 homer off of Ms. Janssen in the ZigZag home run inning.  The ushers will hand the papers out in the top of the fifth.  Odorizzi has her no hitter broken in the fifth and proceeds to quickly tire.  The Mavs go to Zelda Britton.  Zelda shuts the door, a rarity for her, but the Bees score three.  5-3 going to the bottom of the fifth.  Casey tires on a Morse single and the Bees go to Jacque Diekman. Henrietta Kendrick hits a 5-10 homer 1-3, double 4-20 adding the Manny’s Pawn and Insurance insurance run of the game.  In the top of the Tanya Snider misses a bases loaded ball park tater (1-9 rolled a 14) and Carmelita Carrasco dodges a bullet.  Christine Davis hits her second homer of the game off of Danielle Hale in the bottom of the ninth and the Mavs go to Gail Holland to close it out.  Mavs win 7-4.

 

6/13 – Game two Ervan Santana takes the hill against Trimble Tech’s Yovani Gallardo.  The KB’s scored three in the top of the first.  On a Carlos Santana tater.  The fans pulled out their souvenir KB voodoo dolls and held the mighty KB’s scoreless from then on.  Meanwhile the Mavs plated two in the seventh thanks largely to a Freddie Freeman error.  Sometimes you just got to get lucky.  The KB’s have Diekman on the mound for the bottom of the ninth leading 3-2.  With one out Lucroy singles.  Morse gets hit by a pitch.  Upton lines a single.  A tired Diekman is pulled by the KB’s in favor of Dice K.  Dice K wiffs Chris Davis.  That happens now and then.  But Ozuna strokes the game winning single.  Zach Britton vultures a win going 1/3 of an inning.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the game goes to Marcel Ozuna.  Mavs win 4-3.

 

8/19 – The KB’s send Alex Wood to the mound to face Clay Buchholz.  The Bees draw first blood scoring courtesy of a Lucroy passed ball (friggin 1 can’t block the pitch).  That is all of the scoring until the seventh when, after a ball park single, Andrelton Simmons pops a 2-9 home run chasing Buchholz due to embarrassment.  Meanwhile Wood has scattered five hits and two walks through the first six innings.  3-0 KB’s heading to the bottom of the sixth.  Andrus singles and Country Breakfast follows with a homer 1-7 double and rolls a six.  The KB’s stay with Wood and one batter later Justin Upton rolls a 4 for a BP homer to tie it.  The homer chases Wood in favor of Yoervis Medina whoever the hell that is.  Whoever he is gets us out and the Mavs go to Carlos Carrasco in the top of the eighth.  Freddie Freeman draws a one out walk and Hal pinch runs for him.  Next pitch is a ground ball B.  Somehow Hal has decided that Gregor Polanco will play first in the bottom of the eighth but it isn’t on his card so the Mavs make the executive decision to replay the inning exactly as it was except without the pinch run for Freeman.  The Mavs put runners on the corners with two outs in the bottom of the eighth.  Oh no, Elvis is up.  A quick look at the thin bench and the Mavs send the shaking Elvis out to bat in the clutch.  2bX ends the ordeal.  Carrasco stays in to pitch the top of the ninth.  Simmons hits a harmless single but the heathen KB’s go down quietly.  Will Hal stay with What’s His Name to pitch the bottom of the ninth?  Yes he does.  The Mavs pinch hit Heyward for Country Breakfast.  Will Hal stay with What’s His Name?  Yes he does.  Heyward walks and Hal pulls What’s His Name for Dice K.  Lucroy can’t bunt for shit so the Mavs swing away – pop out.  Oh look it is Justin Upton’s turn to hit with his cool Mendoza line batting average.  Whiff.  Like I haven’t seen that before.  Michael Morse flies out and we go to extra innings again.  Freddie Freeman draws another walk and this time Hal doesn’t pinch run.  Go figure.  Top of the eleventh.  Mavs have to go to Holland as Carrasco has gone three innings.  Holland shuts down the KB’s and Harper hits the first pitch of the bottom of the eleventh out.  Mavs win 4-3.  Harper wins both the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for the tater and the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds (you ring, we spring) Player of the Game going for 4-5 .

 

8/20 – Jared Weaver brings his woefully out of date haircut to the mound to face off against Jake Odorizzi.  The Mavs score in the first on a Michael Morse single but with the bases loaded and two out their Wong chokes.  1-0 Mavs going to the top of the second.  Heyward pops a three run homer on 4-9 with a split of 11 on the homer 1-15.  4-0 Mavs going to the top of the 3^rd.  Former Mav Travis Snider homers in the top of the fourth with a runner on halving the lead.  Lucroy doubles and Heyward moves him to third with a grounder, Upton of course pops up, but Morse beats out an infield hit scoring Lucroy.  5-2 Mavs heading to the top of the fifth.  Meanwhile Odorizzi is throwing the game of his life – a two hitter through eight innings.  The Mavs go to Holland in the ninth anyway.  We’ve seen Odorizzi pitch before.  Holland strikes out two and the Mavs hold on.  Despite Harper going 3-4, the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Odorizzi who generally tires in the fifth for eight innings of two hit ball.  Mavs win 5-2.

 

8/21 – Ervin Santana faces off against Trimble Tech’s Yovani Gallardo.  The Mavs are going for what they believe is their first ever return sweep as the Bees took five from the Mavs on their home field earlier this year.  The Mavs really have been catching all of the breaks and our spiritual advisor has indicated this may be the game where Karma pays a visit.  Nonetheless you’ve got to get your games played so take a Darvon and hope for the best.  The Mavs hot rolling continues as Morse hits a ballpark tater in the bottom of the second and Inciarte chokes in the clutch in the top of the third.  The Mavs tack on a run in the bottom of the third on a walk, Elvis’s two millionth career sacrifice bunt and a Heyward double.  Yovanni has a little bit of an innings problem so up 2-0 in the top of the seventh the Mavs bring in Jesse Hahn.  Granderson takes him deep.  2-1 going to the bottom of the seventh.  Bryce Harper hits another homer 1-13 fly, rolled a no doubt four and the Mavs got the run back.  Elvis draws a walk steals second off of the plus nine David Hale.  1-14 being held at second with one out and Lucroy up.  The running Mavs give Elvis the green light.  Nine.  Good Lord we are hot.  Lucroy singles (yes he would have scored from second so the steal of third didn’t matter).  4-1 in the top of the eighth.  The Mavs go to the indefatigable Carlos Carrasco.  Shut down inning for both teams.  4-1 top of the ninth.  Zach Britton in to face the KB’s.  Britton gets them 1-2-3 and the Mavs complete the sweep.  Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Harper who goes 1-2 with a walk and homer.  Mavs win 4-1.