Inmates 6, FFTs 4

Inmates 7 – FFTs 2 (The Grove): A game that should have been closer than it was. For the FFTs, Ellsbury tatered on the first pitch Irishman Alfred O’Simon threw. The FFTs then made it a habit of putting men on base and not scoring, leaving a dozen denizens of The Grove playing pocket pool with no relief. Rizzo and Red-dick both homered for the Inmates in the 4^th; Irishman Eduard O’Escobar homered in the 6^th, rubbing salt in the wound of FFT faithful after the slick-fielding hook-handed Miggy Cabrera tossed an Adam Jones slow roller into the bleachers. O’Simon gets the win despite allowing ten baserunners in 6 2/3.

Inmates 6 – FFTs 3 (The Grove): A ho-hum, B-flat game. The Beakless Chicken Gang scored five times in the 6^th, stringing together five hits and a walk. The FFTs answered in the bottom of the inning when they loaded the bases off of Nud Borris; Tolleson came on to toss a fat one to Cespedes, who promptly doubled in all runners. After Inmate management sent Tolleson to minor league affiliate Frog Balls in the class E Douchbag League, the rest of the Inmate bullpen shut the door for the win.

Inmates 6 – FFTs 4 (The Grove): A see-saw affair with everyone playing on see-saws. Don’t ask. Peavy gets lit for five runs and eight hits in 3 2/3 innings and the FFTs can’t recover.

FFTs 6 – Inmates 2 (The Grove): Both teams score a single run in the 1^st, and any semblance to a close game disappeared after that. In a prototypical LDMF-type of ball game, Quintana allows a 207-ft homer to Assdribble Cabrera; Rosario retaliates by hitting into a 1-2-3 DP with the bases loaded to end what masqueraded as a rally for the Dickless Chicken Gang.

Inmates 3 – FFTs 1 (The Grove): A 907-ft homer by the “other” Cabrera (Miggy) gave the FFTs the lead until Vargas juiced a two-run spud in the 6^th for the Inmates for all the runs they needed. Both pitching staffs (staves?) pitched well. After winning four of five on the road, consideration is given by Inmate management to playing the last five on the road.

FFTs 4 – Inmates 2 (Baptist Bowl): Jean Segura drove in both LDMF runs. Nothing more to be said.

FFTs 15 – LDMF 3 (Baptist Bowl): A tight 3-2 game explodes in the 8^th when the FFTs score a three-spot off of Putnam, who allowed two hits and a walk in 1/3 of an inning. In order to make his teammate feel better, Hughes enters the game and finishes in grand style allowing nine hits, three walks, and nine runs in 1 2/3 innings as the FFTs score nine in the top of the 9^th. Shitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshitshitfuckfuckshit….

Inmates 3 – FFTs 1 (Baptist Bowl): Homers by Martinez and Red-dick gave the Inmates an early lead that held up for the win. The FFTs took a page from the LDMF handbook, leaving fifteen men on base. The Beakless Chicken Gang finally win at home.

Inmates 4 – FFTs 2 (Baptist Bowl): Continuing to play like Inmates, the FFTs blow a game (and themselves) when e1 Ellsbury made a 1-base error in the 6^th to help the LDMF cap a three-run rally. Petit comes in to give up a solo HR to Rizzo to ice the game.

FFTs 7 – Inmates 6 (Baptist Bowl): 445 Inmates faithful showed up to watch the best game of the series, full of drama, pathos, strategy, intellectual commiseration, and the smell of spoiled beer. Hanley Ramirez goes 4-5 with two doubles and five RBI to win the Bella’s Bumpy Butt Plug trophy for being the game’s MVP.

 

The HEAD INMATE