Zaps 3, Fungoes 2

Game 1-Jaso get a two-run tater on a 1-3 chance in the first inning and that sets the tone. Perez is safe at second on a 1-5 decide roll in the second to continue the trend. The Zaps try to climb back in the fourth but Perez blocks the plate on a 1-6 change to deny Goldie the run. The next man up ,Rendon, gets revenge with a two-run triple, and Zimmerman’s 4 e30 glove at first costs the Fungoes another run when he boots a grounder by the next batter, Martin. Machado helps pile it on in the next frame with an Earl Weaver special that chases Koehler. The Fungoes come back with a run in the sixth, but Martin cancels it with a tater in the home half. The Fungoes refuse to die and get a couple back in the eighth with the help of an error. Giles tosses a scoreless ninth to give the good guys the opener 10-7.

Game 2- The Fungoes jumped out to a 5-0 lead off Scherzer in the first three frames. The Zaps answered with four runs in the next two innings aided by seemingly endless errors from the right side of the Fungoes infield. Trout hit his second home run of the game in the fifth to stymie the comeback. A mountain of Duffy walks in the eighth allowed in two more. Papelbon got a shaky three inning save to seal the deal 8-5

Game 3-A class pitcher’s duel between Price and Hamels. The Zaps manufactured a couple of runs for an early 2-1 lead and hung on for a 3-2 win.

Game 4- Roark and the pen completely stifle the Zap’s bats and combine for a shutout.

Game 5-Goldie opened the game up with a two-run tater in the third, and the Fungoes could never catch up as six Zap relievers only give up an unearned run as the home team takes the getaway game 4-3.

Zaps 3, DVs 2

Game 1-Niese pitched out of constant trouble through the first five innings and fell behind 2-0 before the Zaps scored three in the bottom of the fifth. The Zaps tacked on a couple of more, and the bullpen made it stand up for a 5-3 win in the opener.

Game 2- Dickerson and Goldschmidt opened the game with back-to-back jacks in the bottom of the first. Stanton unrealistically hits a Kluber heater for an Earl Weaver special in the fourth to put the bad guys ahead. Dickerson hit his second tater of the game in the bottom of the frame to bring the Zaps back to within one. Pujols ended the scoring with a solo shot in the sixth as Hutchinson and the DV pen unrealistically silenced the Zaps bats to reverse the first game score for the bad guys 5-3.

Game 3- Pujols popped a deuce tater in the first. Pearce started the climb back with a solo shot in the second, and Dickerson’s Earl Weaver special gave the good guys a lead in the third. The roadies clawed back for two in the top of the 8^th behind a mountain of walks. Machado stuck a dagger in the hearts of the DV’s in the bottom of the frame with a two-run shot. Giles and Abad shut the door in the 9^th for a 6-4 Zap triumph.

Game 4- Ramos started the scoring with a solo shot in the third, and the bad guys got three runs in the 4^th aided by a wild pitch. The Zaps tried to climb back in the fifth with a brace of runs, but the DV’s pen and the second Ramos shot of the game assured the bad guys of a victory.

 Game 5- Kluber’s end the DV’s back to T-town with a 2-hit shutout between their legs. 

Roster Page Updated

I've added your draft picks for 2016 at the bottom of your list of players on the roster page. It should reflect any 2016 picks traded. The number of reserves you own is next to your  team name at the top of the column.

As always, if I have missed something, let me know.

Pigman

Warpigs 3, Tweeners 2

Runs were hard to come by for both teams today.

All games Netplayed.

At The BallPork

7/19 - Warpigs win 3-0. Adam Wainwright (25-7) threw the complete game shutout, allowing 2 hits and no walks, striking out 6. Justin Morneau hit a solo homer.

7/20 - Tweeners win 2-1. That Damn Pedro Strop! He blew another save, giving up a solo homer to George Springer that tied the game in the 6th and a triple to Zack Cozart in the 7th. Cozart scored the winning run, making That Damn Pedro Strop (1-3) the losing pitcher. Matt Wieters' leadoff homer in the 1st was the only run the Pigs scored against Hisashi Iwakuma and three relievers. Santiago Casilla got the final out for the save.

7/21 - Warpigs win 3-2. Robinson Cano brought the Pigs from behind with a 6th inning 2-run homer off of Shelby Miller, who had otherwise pitched well. Sean Doolittle (4-1), who bailed out That Damn Pedro Strop an inning earlier, got the win. Joe Smith got the final four outs - 3 on Ks - to earn his 22nd save.

At the Hoover Dome

8/30 - Tweeners win 3-1. The Pigs got to King Felix for a 1st inning run, but missed the opportunity to score more - and never scored again. The Tweener runs came on 1 swing of the bat in the 5th inning. After R.A. Dickey retired the first two batters, he surrendered 3 straight singles to load the bases, bringing up Nelson Cruz with the bases loaded and 2 outs. In to face him... That Damn Pedro Strop. I know, I know... but he was DUE! Well, I thought he was due. He was not. Cruz rolled 3-6, which is DO8fbB. He rolled the 8. The hit cleared the bases and gave the Tweeners the win. Felix got the win, Casilla the save, Dickey (17-14) the loss. Because the runs scored in the 5th, TDP Strop was not given a blown save.

8/31 - Warpigs win 4-1. 4 runs! A blow out! A smorgasbord of offense. Morneau homered, and Lance Lynn (17-8) went 6 innings for the win. Joe Smith went 9-up, 9-down for the perfect 3-inning save, his 23rd.

DVs 3, Inmates 2

DiamondVision close their season series against the Inmates winning 3 of 5.

All were close games – DVs win games 1 and 2 at the Penitentiary by 4-3 and 6-5 scores. At the DV park the Inmates win 6-5 and 6-3, before the DVs close out the second game of a DH with a 5-4 win.

DVs didn’t take particularly good notes for the series as Naked and Afraid Marathon was on TV in the background. Perhaps Inmates were less distracted.

The Inmate Version...

All games via netplay.

 

DVS 4 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Inmate ass ace McHugh gives up moon shots to Longoria and Pujols before getting out of the 1^st. Altuve got caught stealing and Marte flew into a DP, showcasing additional Inmate lowlights. Clippard recorded a two-inning save for the DVs.

 

DVS 6 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Longoria tatered again and the DVs stayed one step ahead of the Inmates to sweep the short series at the Baptist Bowl. Alfredo (Big Pasta) Simon, showing the effects of extreme carb overdosing, allowed everyone coming to the plate to have their way. Clippard with another two-inning save.

 

INMATES 6 – DVS 5 (11 innings - DV Park by Viagra): In the spirit of giving, the Inmates did everything they could to give this one away. A 5-3 lead in the 8^th slipped away when Ramos, Hughes, and Ramirez were allowed to take the hill to toss BP to the DVs. Despite hammering 15 hits, the Inmates left nine on and hit into five double-fucking-plays. An exhausted Clippard (three straight appearances/6.1 IP) took the loss, though, letting Altuve single home Segura with the final run of the game in the Inmate 11^th.

 

INMATES 6 – DVS 3 (DV Park by Viagra): All Inmate offense came as the result of homers by Altuve, Rosario, and Martinez off of Paxton, doing his best Bert Blyleven imitation (remember the “Bert” factor?). Stanton homered for the second straight game, but the Beakless Chicken Gang held on to even the series.

 

DVS 5 – INMATES 4 (DV Park by Viagra): A pox upon Stanton! Two homers, including a game-winning orbital blast in the 7^th, led the DVs to a win in the prophylactic match of the day. Soon-to-be-Inmate-cut Norris kept the ball in the strike zone for the Inmates, K’ing ten propeller heads and allowing four homers, showing that he, too, was afflicted with the “Bert” factor.

Tweeners and Sidewinders Trade

While causing torrential rain in Cincinnati, the Snakes and Tweeners also managed to swap cuts. Michael Saunders to the Sidewinders; Nick Vincent to the Tweeners.

Warpigs 5, SuperGoofs 0

The Warpigs aren't as hot as the Inmates, but they clinched the BUD with this sweep.

All games at The BallPork.

5/13 - Warpigs win 6-2. Victor Martinez had 3 hits, and a 3-run homer by Adrian Beltre took a 3-2 lead to a 6-2 lead in the 8th. R.A. Dickey (17-13) went 5 innings for the win. Sean Doolittle pitched the final 4 innings for his 9th save.

5/14 - Warpigs win 10-2. A rare offensive outburst by the Pigs was the result of 4 home runs. Robinson Cano, Jayson Werth, Troy Tulowitzki, and Adrian Beltre all went deep to support the pitching of Garrett Richards (18-4).

5/15 - Warpigs win 6-0. The Pigs hit 6 doubles, and Jayson Werth added a homer. Adam Wainwright (23-7) and Sean Doolittle combined for the shutout.

7/22 - Warpigs win 3-2. The Goofs held a 2-1 lead in the 7th, but Jake Smolinski doubled off of James Russell, was bunted to 3rd, and scored on an e6 by Alexei Ramirez. Then in the 8th, 2 walks and an RBI-single by VMart gave the Pigs the lead. Doolittle (3-1) got the win, and Joe Smith recorded the final 2 outs for his 21st save. Lucas Duda homered for the Goofs.

7/23 - Pigs win 2-0. Wainwright (24-7) allowed 1 hit and 1 walk in 6 innings. Doolittle allowed 1 hit and no walks in the final 3 innings for his 10th save. Francisco Cervelli went 3-3.

Sidewinders 3, Tweeners 1

Details coming, but the Snakes are now tied with the Goofs for first in the AWD.

The Race to the Pennant

With the regular season winding down, there are tight races going on in the Herman Wheeler Division, the Ab Wheeler Division, and for the two wild card spots.

In the HWD, the red hot Inmates (18-3 in their last 21 games) have forged ahead of the Fungoes and currently lead them by 4 games. The Inmates' magic number is 23. The Nads have dropped out of the division race, trailing the Inmates by 11.5 games.

Over in the AWD, the Goofs have a 1 game lead over the Sidewinders. The Goofs' magic number is 13 but only have 5 games left to play, meaning the Snakes hold their fortune in their own hands. The Goofs should be a playoff team either way - the only question being, "Will he have his playoff dice ready to go?" The Tweeners are 6.5 games back and will have a lot to say about how this division turns out.

In the MFD, the Zaps hold a commanding 7.5 games lead over the Drillers. The Zap magic number is 21.

The Warpigs have not quite mathematically wrapped up the BUD, but their magic number is 4, so the BUD title is theirs.

As for the wild card, here are the current standings:










If the playoffs started today, the seeds would be:
1 - Pigs
2 - Inmates
3 - Zaps vs 6 - Snakes
4 - Goofs vs 5 - Fungoes

Inmates 6, Nads 1

Inmates continue to pummel buttocks kick ass. All games at the Baptist Bowl via CM.

 

INMATES 5 – NADS 3: Inmates score a pair in the bottom of the 4^th to take the lead for good. Tillman allowed 12 hits in six innings for the loss.

 

NADS 6 – INMATES 2: A rare re-appearance of the LDMF. Cosart and Rendon allowed only four hits, while Frazier had three RBI. Of no particular significance: the Inmates struck out only once (Altuve).

 

INMATES 9 – NADS 4: Two games in one. The first lasted two innings and was totally dominated by the Nads, who scored twice in both the 1^st and 2^nd. The Inmates managed to get runners on in both innings, but hit into inning-ending double-fucking-plays. All hell broke loose in the bottom of the 3^rd, however, capped by a three-run tater by Jones. The Nads managed only four hits the rest of the way.

 

INMATES 3 – NADS 2: A singularly unexciting game with the ultimate winning run scoring in the bottom of the 7^th on a passed ball by Montero.

 

INMATES 10 – NADS 6: Not as close as the final score. The Nads scored three in the 9^th off of a tiring Big Pasta Simon to make it look like a real game. Rizzo, Reddick, Martinez, and Rosario all homered for the Beakless Chicken Gang.

 

INMATES 3 – NADS 2: A Rizzo three-run homer in the 2^nd was all the scoring the Inmates got, but it was all they needed. Adams and Crawford both tatered for the Nads, but both were solo shots.

 

INMATES 7 – NADS 4: The Inmates scored five in the 5^th and two more in the 6^th to ice the game. The Nads once again delayed scoring until late with a three-spot in the 8^th, but by then it was too late.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Inmates 5, Killer Bees 0

I don't have any details yet, but the games were played at The Beehive, and the Inmate sweep vaults them into 1st place in the HWD.

Warpigs 4, DVs 3

All games played at The BallPork via Netplay.

5/19 - Warpigs win 7-3. Adam Wainwright (21-7) went 7 innings, allowing only 4 hits and no walks for the win. Justin Morneau had 3 hits and knocked in 4.

5/20 - DVs win 2-1. Albert Pujols had a 2-out, 2-run hit in the 7th for the win. The Pigs have had only 4 blown saves all year, but 3 have been by Pedro Strop and 2 of those came against the DVs. Robinson Cano homered in the 1st.

5/21 - DVs win 7-6. J.J. Hardy and Dexter Fowler, the 8-9 hitters for the DVs, combined to go 5-8, with 3 runs and 4 RBI. The Pigs ralled late, with rare homers from Jake Smolinski and Jon Jay (his first of the year), but came up short.

7/27 - Warpigs win 1-0 in 13 innings. Some batting averages took a beating in this one. Stephen Strasburg threw a complete game for the DVs, as the Pigs kept rolling 4-9 and 6-9, neither of which involves putting the ball in play. Garrett Richards allowed 5 hits and 4 walks in his 5 innings, but somehow kept anyone from crossing the plate. The DVs had 2 runners on in each of the first 4 innings. Joe Smith (3-0) got the win in relief, going an amazing 5.2 innings. In the bottom of the 13th, Lorenzo Cain led off with a single and was bunted over by Yadier Molina. Robby Cano singled, but Cain was forced to hold up at 3rd. Jayson Werth sent the Pig faithful home happy with a walk-off single.

7/28 - Warpigs win 7-2. Cano, Morneau, and Victor Martinez homered to back the pitching of Wainwright (22-7), who went 7 innings for the win.

7/29 - DVs win 4-2. Matt Holliday hit a 3-run homer off of R.A. Dickey in the 2nd inning, and that was enough to support the pitching of Drew Hutchison. Dexter Fowler added an insurance run late with a solo shot. Tyler Clippard got the save.

7/30 - Warpigs win 2-0. Michael Wacha (10-5) finished the regular season with a bang. He hit the floor after 5.2 innings of 1-hit ball. The bullpen allowed only 1 more hit for the Pigs' 100th win of the season and their 26th shutout. Joe Smith, fresh after 2 days off following his marathon performance, got the last 4 outs for his 20th save. The Pigs only had 2 hits themselves, but 1 of them was a 1st inning 2-run blast by VMart.

Killer Bees 3, Rhinos 2

Rhinos go 2-3 vs the Bees

Jun 2 Rhinos 5 Bees 2

Jun 3 Bees 3 Rhinos 0

Jun 4 Bees 4 Rhinos 3

Aug 10 Rhinos 7 Bees 6

Aug 11 Bees 9 Rhinos 3

Tweeners 4, Killer Bees 1

Bees continue their epic slide, manage 1 win vs the Tweeners at the Hive.  Tweeners go 4-1.

Inmates 4, Drillers 1

Via CM at the Baptist Bowl:

 

INMATES 8 – DRILLERS 0: Five Inmate pitchers hold the Driller bats to four hits. Gattis and Marte homered for the Beakless Chicken Gang. Drillers just sucked.

 

INMATES 5 – DRILLERS 3: Keuchel pitched reasonably well, giving up only solo taters to Jones and Rosario. He fielded shittily with his own boot allowing an unearned run in the 4^th. Rosario hit his second HR of the game in the 8^th to push the lead to 5-1; a two-run Driller rally in the 9^th (including a tater by Zufuckingnino) made it close, but that was it.

 

INMATES 6 – DRILLERS 5: Once again the Drillers score two in the 9^th to make it look close. HAL had Shields take one for the team, pitching a CG 11-hitter. Rizzo was never fooled going 4-4 with a pair of homers.

 

INMATES 7 – DRILLERS 0: The humiliation continued with the Drillers getting shutout by Norris (!!!). HAL gives up again, allowing Wheeler to get pummeled for all seven Inmate runs.

 

DRILLERS 2 – INMATES 1: Drillers avoid the ignominy of a sweep when Jennings hit  a one-out single in the top of the 9^th to plate what turned out to be the game-winner. LDMF bats fell silent, with everyone too tired to run the bases after the last game’s batting practice.

 

Inmates remain relatively hot.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Inmates 3, Goofs 2

All via CM at the Baptist Bowl:

 

GOOFS 6 – INMATES 3: The Goofs score three-spots in both the 2^nd and 8^th innings while the Fucked-Up-Dog pitching staff held the LDMF to not much.

 

INMATES 7 – GOOFS 2: The Inmates hit five bombs (JDMartinez twice), including back-to-back-to-back shots in the 8^th by Martinez, Rizzo, and Jones to blow open an otherwise fairly close game.

 

INMATES 2 – GOOFS 0: NO-HITTER! NO-HITTER! NO-HITTER! Three Inmate pitchers (Norris [!!!], Ramos, and Neshek) combined to totally shut down the Goofs in the second no-no ever tossed by the Inmate staff. Goof pitchers did well, holding the LDMF to only 5 hits and two runs, but WTF! NO-HITTER!

 

INMATES 8 – GOOFS 7: Duda hit a pair of HRs for the Goofs, but after Hughes allowed the Inmates to close the gap to 7-5 Street came in and performed an act of self-immolation, allowing a three-run tater to Rizzo to throw the game away.

 

GOOFS 3 – INMATES 1: A pitchers’ duel with the LDMF collecting only three hits to lose the series finale.

 

The HEAD INMATE

Tweeners 2, Wahoos 1

One step forward, two steps back.

Zaps 4, Sidewinders 1

Game 1-Zaps scored two in each of the first three frames and never
looked back on the way to taking the opener 11 to 5. Santana and
Goldschmidt went a combined 7 for 8 with 7 runs and 4 RBI’s. Devin
Mesoraco belted two homers and a double for the losers.

Game 2- The two teams traded blow for blow on the way to a 4-4 tie after
six, and then couldn’t score a run between them for the next six innings
until Corey Dickerson hit a double off Kimbrel in the bottom of the
thirteenth to give the home team the W. Mesoraco continued his hot
hitting with his third home run in the first two games. Chris Sale filed
for free agency right after the game because his arm fell off after the
Snakes pitching coach left him in to throw 305 pitches through ten innings.

Game 3-Cutch led off the game with a tater, but the visitors came back
to take a 2-1 lead before Rendon jacked a two-run shot in the fourth.
Santana added a two-run double in the sixth when shovel glove “5”
fielding rating Brandon Belt got the bouncing ball caught in his
plumber’s crack out in rightfield to help the home team win 5-3. Some
fundamentalist Snake fans were arrested after the game for disrupting a
Brandon Belt cartoon caricature event.

Game 4-The good guys scored runs in each of the first three frames, and
knocked Cueto out for good in the fifth with a three run outburst.
Scherzer stranded four runners at third before the bullpen sealed the
deal with a combined shut out in 6-0 whitewash for the home team.

Game 5- The slithering ones scored a run in the first, but a Chisenhall
tater tied it up in the third. Brandon Moss broke the game open with an
Earl Weaver special in the fourth to help the Snakes take the getaway
game 10-5.

Goofeyes 3, Inmates 2

Goofs take 3 of 5 at home versus Inmates.

4/22 Goofs 3 Inmates 0

4/23 Goofs 5 Inmates 4

7/5 Inmates 6 Goofs 5

7/6 Goofs 7 Inmates 1

7/7 Inmates 8 Goofs 4

Goofs 3, Warpigs 2

Goofs take 3 of 5 at home vs. Pigs

6/26 Pigs 8 Goofs 4

6/27 Goofs 6 Pigs 2

9/1 Goofs 6 Pigs 1

9/2 Pigs 4 Goofs 0

9/3 Goofs 8 Pigs 4

Goofs 4, Tweeners 3

Goofs take 4 of 7 at home versus Tweeners

5/19 Tweeners 1 Goofs 0

5/20 Tweeners 6 Goofs 4

5/21 Goofs 5 Tweeners 4

7/27 Tweeners 6 Goofs 3

7/28 Goofs 3 Tweeners 2 (11 innings)

7/29 Goofs 9 Tweeners 4

7/30 Goofs 2 Tweeners 1

Goofs 4, Sidewinders 3

Goofs take 4 of 7 vs Snakes. Print file included in attachments for easy many entry.

4/12 SSW 4 Goofs 0

4/13 Goofs 3 SSW 2

4/14 Goofs 7 SSW 2

4/15 SSW 6 Goofs 0

4/16 SSW 4 Goofs 3 (14 innings)

9/14 Goofs 5 SSW 1

9/15 Goofs 1 SSW 0 

Rhinos 3, Goofs 2

Rhinos go 3 and 2 at Goofs

6/7 Rhinos 2 Goofs 0

6/8 Goofs 4 Rhinos 3 (11 innings)

6/9 Goofs 5 Rhinos 3

8/15 Rhinos 3 Goofs 1

8/16 Rhinos 4 Goofs 2

Wahoos 3, Tweeners 1

Tweeners drop 3 of 4 to the Wahoos at our place, now being derisively referred to by the local press as the Wahooverdome.

6/21 – Tweeners 7, Wahoos 2.  Nolan Arenado went yard and had 4 RBI at The Hoover Dome where the NORM

TWEENERS beat the GARTH WAHOOS 7 to 2.

 

Arenado helped send the fans home happy.  He hit a bases-empty home run in the

2nd inning, doubled bringing in two baserunners in the 5th inning and doubled

which scored a run in the 7th inning.  NORM out-hit GARTH for the game, 8

hits to 4. 

 

The victory went to Sonny Gray(7-9) who went 7 innings, allowing 2 runs.

Dillon Gee(0-1) took the loss.  NORM scored big getting 7 runs off him in 6

and 2/3 innings.

6/22 – Wahoos 6, Tweeners 4.  In a tight game it was the GARTH WAHOOS 6, the NORM TWEENERS 4 at The Hoover

Dome.

 

GARTH had the winning rally in the top of the 8th inning scoring 2 runs on 3

hits.  Chris Iannetta led off and started the attack as he drew a walk.  Kyle

Seager stepped into the batter's box and he doubled.  After an out was

recorded, Nori Aoki then slapped a one-base hit.  Dustin Pedroia came up and

he banged out a single.  NORM could do no damage in the bottom of the 9th.

 

The victory went to Dellin Betances(1-0) who went 2 innings, allowing no runs.

Mark Melancon was credited with his 1st save.  Cory Rasmus(3-4) was charged

with the loss in relief.

8/28 – Wahoos 9, Tweeners 3.  Khris Davis jacked one out of the ballyard and Jordan Zimmermann went the

distance at The Hoover Dome where the GARTH WAHOOS beat the NORM TWEENERS by

the score of 9 to 3.

 

In the top of the 2nd inning GARTH scored 7 runs when they had 6 base hits.

That early run support was enough for Zimmermann(1-0) and GARTH.  GARTH had a

total of 13 hits for the game. 

 

Madison Bumgarner(11-13) suffered the loss.  He was not very effective,

surrendering 7 runs in 6 innings.

8/29 – Whoos 8, Tweeners 1.  Third baseman Kyle Seager had 3 base hits and 2 RBI at The Hoover Dome where

the GARTH WAHOOS beat the NORM TWEENERS by the score of 8 to 1.

 

GARTH set the tone of the game in the first inning scoring 3 runners on 2

hits.  The early run support proved sufficient for Henderson Alvarez(1-0) and

GARTH.  That was all the run support Alvarez required.  GARTH ended up with

11 hits for the game while NORM had 8. 

 

Sonny Gray(9-10) was the loser.  He pitched 6 innings giving up 6 hits and 7

walks.

Inmates 4, Nads 3

INMATES at NADS – INMATES 4 games  NADS 3 games

 

May 26^th – INMATES win 11-7 – JD Martinez had a big day with a single, double a two

   run home run and 3 RBIs. NAD pitching sucked as usual. Miley lasted 1 1@$^&*&^%!!

 

May 27^th – Inmates win 8-4 JD Martinez hit a 3 run blast and the NADS wilted after chasing

    INMATES starter after only 2/3 of an inning .

 

May 28^th – INMATES win 3-2. NAD bats were ice cold with only 3 hits.

 

August 3^rd – NADS win 7-5. Tied 5-5 at the 7^th inning stretch – Adrian Gonzalez hit a solo homer

    To break the tie

 

August 4^th – NADS win 7-2.  NAD bats finally wake up outhitting the INMATES 11 to 7

 

August 5^th – NADS win 4-3 NADS trailed the entire game until the bottom of the 9^th.

  Two outs - runner on first, Kole Calhoun does it again – walk off home run to win the game

   And tie the series.

 

August 6^th – INMATES 3-1 and take the series 4-3. Inmates had only 4 hits to the

  NADS 10 – but two hits were homers and that was enough.

Warpigs 4, Nads 1

All games at The BallPork.

April 3 - Warpigs win 8-0. The game was scoreless thru 3. In fact, the Nads' Chris Tillman was perfect thru the first nine batters. Then the bottom of the 4th started: double, single, single, single, walk... and Tillman was done. Garrett Richards (16-4) and 5 relievers combined on the 5-hit shutout. The Nads only had more than one runner on base in two innings.

April 4 - Warpigs win 2-0. Nad starter Jarred Cosart had a 1-hit shutout going thru 5 innings, but when he allowed 2 singles and a walk to load the bases in the 6th, he reached his POW (despite having a shutout going) and was relieved. Kevin Jepsen came in to face Troy Tulowitzki, who singled, knocking in 2 runs. That was the only hit Jepsen allowed in 2.2 innings, and those were the only 2 runs scored in the game. Lance Lynn (14-8) and 6 relievers kept the shutout string going, allowing only 4 hits. Joe Smith got his 18th save. The Nads threatened in both the 7th and 8th innings. In the 7th, a 1-out single and a 2-out double brought pinch hitter Alex Rios on to face Sean Doolittle. Doolittle foiled the strategy by intentionally walking Rios, but the Nads pinch-hit Josh Harrison. The Pigs then pinch-pitched Pedro Strop, who got Harrison to fly out. In the 8th, the Nads got a 1-out triple from Ben Revere, but Anthony Varvaro struck out Erick Aybar, and Darren O'Day came in to strike out Todd Frazier putting another goose egg up on the board.

April 5 - Warpigs win 10-2. The shutout string ended quickly, with Todd Frazier pounding an RBI double in the 1st inning. But lefty starter Wade Miley failed to get out of the 1st inning for the Nads. After getting the first out, Miley gave up: single, walk, single, walk, HBP, walk... and he hit the showers early. The subsequent relievers didn't fare much better. Warpig starter R.A. Dickey, who has had some success against the Nads, ran into trouble in the 4th inning, and was relieved after only throwing 3 innings. Aaron Loup (2-2) went the next 3 innings getting the win, and Anthony Varvaro went the last 3 innings to get his 4th save.

May 6 - Nads win 5-3. Oswaldo Arcia homered (it was only a matter of time), leading the Nads to victory. Marcus Stroman went 6+ innings for the win, and Hector Rondon earned the save. Tony Sipp retired Scott Van Slyke with 2 on in the 8th to quell a Pig rally and quiet the boisterous crowd. Adam Wainwright (20-7) took the loss. His last 2 losses have come against the Nads.

May 7 - Warpigs win 2-1. The series finale was a fun one. The Pigs scored a pair in the 3rd to take an early lead. Lance Lynn (15-8) had a shutout going into the 7th, but Todd Frazier hit one out to lead off the inning and chase Lynn from the game. The rest of that top of the 7th was wild. Three relievers were used. Three pinch hitters came to the plate. There was a single, a stolen base (by Matt Adams!), an intentional walk, a regular walk... but no more runs. The inning ended with Aaron Loup retiring pinch hitter Juan Lagares with the bases loaded. Joe Smith got the save, his 19th of the year.

The Warpigs, who hit only .257 in the 5-game series, did not have a home run or a stolen base. The Nads, however, hit ony .199.

Fungoes 8, Rhinos 6

Rhinos vs Fungoes today on the pc.  

Fungoes claw their way to an 8-6 record.  

April 12 at WTF:

Rhinos win it 2-1.  Roenis Elias picks up the win while Kershaw takes the loss.  Kershaw threw a masterful 3 hitter through 7 but two 

big errors cost him!  Kenley Jansen picks up the save.

April 13 at WTF:

Fungoes win it 10-2.  David Price gets the win for the Fungoes while Jacob Turner takes the loss.  Sal Perez, Brett Gardner and Rajai Davis all homer for the Fungoes!

April 14 at WTF:

Rhinos win 3-2.  Archer the win and Cahil picks up a save.  Kyle Gibson takes the loss for the Fungus!  

April 15 at WTF:

Rhinos shutout the Fungoes winning it 4-0.  Joe Kelly and Trever Cahill held the Fungoes to 4 hits.  Kelly gets the win while Kyle Hendricks takes the loss for the Fungoes.  Carlos Gomez homered and drove in 3 for the Rhinos.

April 16 at WTF:

Fungoes win 9-1.  Tanner Roark picks up the win for the Fungi while Roenis Elias absorbs the loss.  Mike Trout homered and drove in 3 for the Fungoes.

May 26 at the Reserve:

Rhinos take an early lead and hold on to win 8-5.  Roenis Elias picks up the win while Tanner Roark takes the loss.  Kenley Jansen gets the last out of the game for the save.  Each team hit 3 homers.  Joey Votto drove in 3 for the Rhinos.

May 27 at the Reserve:

Fungoes win 9-4.  Trout hits 2 homers while Kershaw picks up the win.  Papelbon collects his 39th save.  Chris Archer takes the loss.  

May 28 at the Reserve:

Rhinos win it 8-2.  Gerrit Cole picks up the win while Kyle Gibson takes the loss.  Fungoes are held to 3 hits by Cole and Trever Cahill.

August 3 at the Reserve:

Rhinos win a close one 4-3.  Matt Garza picks up a complete game win.  Trever Rosenthal gets the loss in relief.  Neither team could manage an extra base hit.

August 4 at the Reserve:

Fungoes out slug the Rhinos winning it 9-5.  David Price gets the win while Reonis Elias picks up the loss.  Sal Perez hit 3 HRs while driving in 4 runs.

August 5 at the Reserve:

Fungoes win 7-1.  Kyle Gibson gets the win for the Fungoes.  Tim Hudson takes the loss.  

August 6 at the Reserve:

Fungoes win 7-4.  Roark picks up the win for the Fungoes while Jacob Turner is tagged with the loss.  Dilson Herrera hits 2 HRs for the Fungoes driving in 3 runs.

September 14 at WTF:

Fungoes and Rhinos tangle in a long pitching duel!  No score after 9, Fungoes win it 1-0 with the walk off bases loaded walk in the bottom of the 12th inning.  Seth Maness picks up a win in relief.  Jacob takes the loss for the Rhinos.  Jared Dyson gets the walkoff walk to win it!

September 15 at WTF:

Fungoes win 6-4 with a Sal Perez 2-run walk off BP HR (rolled a 1)!  Marco Gonzales takes the loss while Papelbon gets the win!

Nads 4, Zaps 1

Zaps go 1-4 at NADS as the NADs stay red hot

 

June 23^rd – NADS win 6-5 ZAPS were leading 4-2 until the bottom of the

    Seventh when Todd Frazier hit a three run homer. The Zaps scored one

    In the top of the ninth to make it close.  Tony Sipp got the save

 

June 24^th – NADS win 3-2 – Kole Calhoun hit a walk off home run to win the game

 

June 25^th – NADS win 6-5 . Calhoun stayed hot finishing the day with two homers

   And four RBIs

 

August 30^th – ZAPS win 9-4 Corey Dickerson had a great game. He had 3 hits,

   Including a double, a 3 run homer and 5 RBIs

 

August 31^st  - NADS win 3-2 NADS took the lead in the 5^th and never looked back

Warpigs 3, Nads 2

PIGS go 3-2 at NADS

 

June 17^th – PIGS win 7-6. 29 hits in the game, NADS come up short

 

June 18^th  - NADS win 10-4. Adrian Gonzalez hit two – two run home runs and

Oswaldo Arcia hit a three run homer in the sixth

 

August 24^th – PIGS win 5-2. NADS finally scored two in the bottom of the ninth,

  But it was not enough

 

August 25^th – PIGS win 9-1. NADS made 3 errors, scored one run

on Adrian Gonzalez’s  home Run and only had two hits

 

August 26^th – NADS win 5-4  Ben Revere hit a three run double and

Tillman pitched a complete game

Nads 5, Rhinos 2

RHINOS go 2-5 at NADS

 

May 19^th – NADS win 3-0  - NADS outhit the RHINOS 9 hits to 3.

 

May20th  - RHINOS win – Archer pitched a complete game and

     Alcides Escobar clubbed a two run homer

 

May 21st -  NADS win 21-3 - Miley got the win and went

 7 and 1/3 innings and gave up 8 hits and 2 walks. Tim 

  Hudson(1-1) was charged with the loss.  He allowed

 11 hits and 4 walks in 5 and 1/3 innings.

July 27th  - NADS win 9-0. Tilmman pitched a one hit shutout. He 

      Gave up 4 walks and struck out 6

July 28th – RHINOS win 6-2 . Gerrit Cole pitched a complete game and

    Held the NADS to two runs

July 29th  - NADS win 4-3. Miley was the winner in spite of walking eight!

     He left with lead and then the bullpen shut down the Rhinos

July 30th – NADS win 4-3 Mike Fiers was the winner allowing 3 runs in 

      Six and a third

FFTs and Warpigs Trade Again

Part of last week's defunct "Big Trade" has resurfaced. The Warpigs traded Troy Tulowitzki and J.T. Realmuto to the FFTs for Adeiny Hechavarria, the FFT 1st round pick, and a reserve.

DVs 3, Zaps 2

Another mundane series with the DVs only good enough to mess up draft position.

DVs 3, Drillers 2

Nothing particularly notable to see here, move along.

DVs

Inmates and FFTs Trade

The Inmates traded Evan Gattis to the FFTs for a 7th round pick.

Tweeners 5, DVs 0

The DiamondVision summer of discontent continues as they make a late push for the #2 pick, while the Tweeners start their late season push for a playoff spot as the Tweeners take all 5 at the DV park.

No highlights to report, other than the usual pressbox chatter overheard about how the Tweeners could lose any games with King Felix and Prince Sonny on the hill.

DVs

FFTs and Inmates trade

The FFTs traded Wilson Ramos to the Inmates for a 9th round pick.

Sidewinders 3, Zaps 2

6/10 Snakes win 13-1 Cocktail!!

6/11 Zaps win 9-3 scoring 4 in the first off Cueto and 5 off Chapman/Kimbrel. Check please!!

8/17 Zaps win 4-3 in 12 innings

8/18 Snakes sweep the doubleheader. 6-2 and 5-1

Fungoes and DVs trade

The Fungoes traded Tom Koehler and Kyle Hendricks to the DVs for Dalton Pompey.

FFTs and Warpigs Trade

The FFTs traded Yoenis Cespedes, Mike Leake, and Jeff Samardzija to the Warpigs for Lance Lynn and Matt Wieters.

Tweeners 3, DVs 2

Tweeners take 3 of 5 from DVs to crawl back to .500.  CM games at the Hooverdome.  Bean-flicking encouraged, but optional.

6/26 – DVs 10, Tweeners 4.  MadBum gets spanked early and often, then Torres takes a turn assuming the position.  2 homers for Ramos, 3 homers for Kinsler.  W – Porcello.  Nellie Cruz pads his stats with homer #30.

6/27 – Tweeners 1, DVs 0.  Felix Hernandez took a no-hitter into the 8th inning and first baseman Adam

Lind had 3 base hits as the NORM TWEENERS won at The Hoover Dome in dramatic

fashion over the BRYAN DIAMONDVISION, the final score, 1 to 0.

 

The game was won by NORM with a run in the 9th inning.  George Springer

singled.  Nolan Arenado stepped into the batter's box and he stroked a

one-base hit, and an error was also committed.  Lind then smacked a single

making NORM victorious to the delight of the the home town crowd.  NORM

banged out 9 hits on the night. 

 

It was the 2nd shutout of the year for Hernandez(13-5).  The right-handed

Hernandez lost his chance for a no-hitter when J.J. Hardy singled with one

out in the 8th inning.  Yordano Ventura(2-5) was given the loss.  He was a

hard-luck loser as he did not allow an earned run in his 8 innings of work.

 

Hernandez was pleased with his performance.  He noted, 'I had good zip on my

pitches.  Just as important, my location was right on.  The fans really got

into the game too - that always helps me.  Now, if I can only do that again

in my next outing.'

9/1 – Tweeners 2, DVs 0.  DVs bats remain silent, despite expanded rosters.  MadBum gets his revenge over Porcello, S – Casilla.

9/2 – DVs 3, Tweeners 2.  Great game for the fans, too bad only 536 attended.  Right fielder Giancarlo Stanton had 3 base hits and 2 RBI at The Hoover Dome

as the BRYAN DIAMONDVISION beat the NORM TWEENERS by the count of 3 to

2.

 

Key at bat of the game: top of the 8^th, tied 1-1, 1^st& 3^rd, 1 out, tailor-made gbX to captain Ben Zobrist scoots by for a single.  Fuckin’ computer.  BRYAN scored the deciding run in the top of the 9th inning.  Matt Holliday

stroked a single.  Trevor Plouffe followed next and he delivered a base-hit.

Ian Kinsler then hit a deep fly.  Both teams finished the game with 6 hits.

 

Tommy Hunter(1-2) allowed no runs in 1/3 of an inning, and picked up the

victory. Hunter got help from Tyler Clippard who was credited with his 6th

save.  Dr. Kevin Quackenabush (3-3) took the loss in relief.

9/3 – Tweeners 4, DVs 0.  DVs bats return to the freezer as Felix stays hot.  Hernandez(14-5) was virtually untouchable.  He didn't allow much, just 5 hits

and 1 walk in 8 innings.  NORM rapped out 7 hits for the night. 

 

Drew Hutchison(3-1) suffered the loss.  The NORM fans were thrilled by the

performance put forth by Hernandez, but it was clearly his 13 strikeouts that

they enjoyed most. 'When he reached 10 strikeouts the fans showed him their

appreciation with a loud cheer.' George Brett said following the game.

Wahoos 7, Rhinos 3

Wahoos scratch out a 7 games 3 to victory in computer action with the Rhinos on Wednesday night. 

Nads 4, Killer Bees 1

BEES go 1-4 at NADS – NADS scored 23 runs to 13 by the BEES in the series

 

Jun 5 – NADS win 6-4 on a two run walk off home run by Matt Adams in

                Bottom of the 10^th inning

Jun 6 – NADS win 8-1. Santana gave up 3 home runs in 3 2/3 innings including

              Back to back dingers by Frazier and Gonzalez. Miley pitched a complete

              Game.

Aug 12 – BEES win 4-3 Alex Wood struck out 10 NADS for the win

Aug 13 -  NADS win 5-3.

Aug 14 – NADS win 2-1 M. Trumbo made it close with a homerun in the top

                 of the 9^th , the BEES came up short

Zaps 4, Mavs 3

May 26:  Fresh off a plane with three questionable bottles of shampoo, the Zaps arrive at the Rastadome and start Zack Grienke against Jason Hammel.  The Mavs take a look at Grienke’s card and ask the Zaps for some shampoo.  Justin Upton hits a 3-4 straight out homer in the bottom of the first with Heyward on first.  The Zaps reach into their bag for a Walmart Equate size shampoo bottle.  Marcel Ozuna hits a 2-8 homer 1-13 and the Zaps reach for a lighter and some tin foil.  Fear not Left Coast fans.  Hammel is on the mound.  Rendon hits a two run homer in the top of the third and a bit later Hammel walks in the tying run.  Russel Martin doubles in the lead run in the fifth.  Meanwhile Grienke has retired 600 hitters in a row because hey that card is good and we aren’t.  But Upton gets an X chart hit and Hal pulls Grienke for Al-Quaida’s number three man Abad but the Mavs can’t hit him either.  The Zaps tack on another run with a tater by Chase Utley and probably would have had more but Hal put the hit and run on with Joyce at the plate and runners on first and second and he lined into a double play on a ballpark single.  The Mavs get the tying run to second with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, put their Wong in (so to speak) and the Zaps counter with righty Ken Giles.  The Mavs counter with a righty Christian Vazquez just like you would in real baseball.  He smacks the game tying double and Upton follows with a 4-5 double.  For the record the only hit on Giles card.  Fortunately the Zaps had passed out long ago.  The Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game goes to Vazquez.  Mavs 6-5 over the Zaps.

May 27^th:  The Zaps pit Francisco Liriano against Wily Coyote Peralta.  The Mavs draw first blood with an X chart double and error by Joyce scoring the batter.  But an Andrus error leads to a Bautista grand slam with two outs in the top of the third.  The Mavs scratch out two runs in the sixth thanks to the Zaps X chart riddled middle infield.  But Peralta allows a two run homer to Santana who has basically allowed two runs to score but is 4-4 with two RBI’s.  He makes an error in the seventh but gets his fifth hit in the eighth.  Defensive replacement Goldschmidt doubles and the Zaps tack on two more in the ninth.  No doubt about the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the game as Santana goes 5-5 and goes yard.  Zaps 8-3

May 28^th:  The Zaps start Corey Kluber and the Mavs start Clay Buchholtz.  The Fangraphs probability of a win for the Mavs stands at 0.03%.  The Mavs score a run on a sac fly by Crush Davis after a triple 1-3 fly but give it back  and then some with two errors (one by Crush who is standing at 0 currently on the FFT plus/minus system) – 3-1 after 3.  The Zaps tack on 3 more in the top of the 4^th as Fangraphs has now stopped even tracking the game.  I was talking to the Fungoes and DV’s about how great it would be to have a win probability tracker in real life  Let’s say you are talking to a cute girl – win probability 15% (well maybe when I was younger).  She asks “what do you do for fun?”  I answer “I play Strat-O-Matic – win probability 0.02%.  Corey Kluber goes nine and strikes out ten winning the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game as the Zaps win 7-3.

August 3^rd:  The Zaps send in Zack Grienke to face Trimble Tech and Bandito Motorcycle Gang alumnus Yovanni Gallardo.  Today’s game is brought to you by Liquor Mart.  Stop by after the game regardless of your in game consumption.  We’ve paid the cops to look elsewhere.  Liquor Mart “we pay the law so you don’t have to”.  The Zaps would be up by ten but Hal keeps getting people tossed out running the bases so it is 3-1 when the Mavs finally chase Grienke in the bottom of the seventh.  The Mavs made a valiant effort but left two on and only narrowed the score to 3-2.  The Zaps take advantage of another Elvis error, a Morse X-chart hit and push three insurance runs across.  Note to Mav management:  Infield defense matters.  Justin Upton hits his second homer of the game to cut the lead in half but Ozuna and Morse miss ballpark taters and that is pretty much it.  7-4 Zaps as the Mavs are clearly outclassed.  Reyes goes 2-4 with two runs scored and two driven in to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.  And the Mav fans weave their way down to Liquor Mart.

August 4^th:  Francisco Liriano takes the hill against Jason Hammel.  It is Republican Presidential candidate night tonight.  We had to add extra seating down the far right side of the field to accommodate them all (and widen the entrance to the field to accommodate Donald Trump’s ego).  In the top of the first Corey Dickerson hits the 28^th homer allowed by Hammel in 148 innings.  Note to Mav management:  starting pitching matters.  Dickerson singles in another run in the top of the sixth.  Zaps up 2-0 but out of the blue Elvis draws a walk and Country Breakfast homers.  New ballgame and following a Lucroy walk, Liriano is pulled because he is tired despite having only allowed two hits.  ISIS leader Danny Faquar gives up a single to Upton.  Morse follows with a bases clearing double.  A catcher X single on 1e1 Lucroy chases Hammel but the Mavs pen comes through bringing up yet another blown save opportunity for Greg Holland in the ninth.  Despite a leadoff walk, Holland hangs on and the Mavs win 4-2.  The Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game goes to Mike Morse for the game winning double.

August 5^th:  The Mavs ignore the warning signs and pitch Wily Peralta again and the Zaps counter with Corey Kluber.  Oh dear.  This cries out for a good give away.  It is Betty’s Brothel Bobblehead Night here at the ballpark.  No surprise with that give away the Republican Presidential candidates are back for another go at it.  Not surprisingly Wily Peralta gives up hits left and right but Corey Dickerson is thrown out twice trying to steal and a couple of well place LOMAX’s help the Mavs to a 5-3 lead through six.  Through seven the Zaps have had 15 baserunners, scored five and left four on base.  Meanwhile Hal sends Corey Kluber out to pitch the bottom of the seventh with an eleven hitter going.  Kluber mows the Mavs down.  Hal knows all.  Kendrick hits a homer 1-14 triple and gets the triple to lead off the bottom of the eighth.  Hit number twelve.  Hal sticks with Kluber.  Elvis botches a squeeze and of course Lucroy follows with a single.  Kluber makes it through the eighth despite allowing his thirteenth hit and you can throw in two walks as well as the game that neither team wants moves to the ninth and then the tenth.  Nick Castellanos lets a single through and Greg Holland takes another loss.  Zaps 6-5.  Cutch goes 3-5 with two homers and four RBI’s to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.  Rat bastard.

August 6^th:  It is Scherzer against Odorizzi in a Z laden match up.  Neither pitcher is sharp as both give up a bunch of baserunners but the Mavs push a few more across and are up 5-2 heading to the top of the sixth – the Trojan prevention inning.  Free condoms for all fans if the Mavs can hold the Zaps scoreless.  Fittingly the Mavs bring in Jessica Hahn for the sixth.  Thanks a botched hit and run the Zaps fail to score despite two more walks by Hahn.  The Mavs score two insurance runs in the bottom of the sixth on a Rendon X swing and miss at 2B.  Hal leaves Scherzer in to pitch the bottom of the seventh working on a thirteen hitter.  He mows the Mavs down.  Hal knows all.  After two singles and a walk load the bases in the bottom of the eighth, Hal decides Scherzer is finally tired.  Fifteen hits and four walks allowed in seven innings.  The Mavs win 8-3.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game goes to Jonathan Lucroy who went 2-5 including his 61^st double.

Nads 3, Sidewinders 2

SSWs go 2-3 at NADS – Game files and box scores attached

4/20 – NADS win 2-1 Fister gave up 4 hits in eight and a third;

     then Rondon and Sipp closed the door

4/21 – Bartol Colon pitches complete game and SSWs bats come alive

      10-2 Snakes win!

7/2 – NADS win 3-1 Miley allowed 1 run, 3 hits and 4 walks in 5 and 1/3,

     Broxton got the win with 2 2/3 shutout innings and Sipp got the save

7/3 – SSWs and NADS were tied 3-3 in the bottom of the 6^th when Aybar

     stunned the Snakes with a two run dinger. NADS win 5-3

7/4 – SSWs win 6-5 in 10 innings. The Snakes were leading 5-3 in the bottom

       of the 9^th – Vincent allowed 2 hits and a hit batter – NADS scored two.

      The Snakes scored 1 in the top of the 10^th and Kimrel shut the door

Mavs 5, Fungoes 5

The Fungoes and Mavs split ten on a hot Sunday morning in Texas.  Here is how good Mike Trout is.  I felt like we handled him well and the Fungoes felt like he had a bad series.  His OPS was .949 and he hit a homer every twelve at bats.  And we did handle him well.

Lucroy had 21 hits in 41 at bats and drew seven walks as the highlight for the Mavs.  The lowlight for both teams were the closers.  Papelbon blew his second save of the year and Holland blew his third this week.

But the highlight of the series without a doubt was Dyson stealing his way around to score a key run in a twelve inning Fungo win in game seven.  Brought back fond memories of my days with Vince Coleman.  This of course became the Fungo strategy from then on.  Luckily for them they kept failing to get a lead to steal third because they were pounding the Mav pitchers by then and won games 8, 9 and 10 going away.

DVs 8, Mavs 2

Mavs take advantage of spending a fine August evening in Tulsa with a visit to the DV household. The dogs were happy to have a new person to bother and interestingly the Mavs sat in the exact same chair and spot that the Warpigs did last fall when they took 8 of 10 from the DVs. However the results this time were just the opposite as the DVs won 8 of 10 in a rather unremarkable series as the losing team scored 1 run or less in 7 of the 10 games. It was even unremarkable enough that Betty’s Brothel has hinted at dropping their sponsorship. No word if Grumpy’s Bail Bonds will follow suit: “When your Wong’s out, we shout”.

Inmates 4, Killer Bees 1

All games at the Baptist Bowl via CM:

 

Inmates 8 – Bees 2: A close game got blown open in the Inmate 6^th when the Beakless Chicken Gang scored four, the big hit when HAL brought in Chamberlain to face Rizzo after Matsuzakakakaka intentionally walked JD Martinez. Joba’s first pitch was hit nine miles to put the game out of reach.

 

Bees 2 – Inmates 1: Pineda walked seven yet allowed only a single run. The Inmate 9^th was exciting, but the LDMF choked at every possible point to avoid the win. Marte walked with one out, then stole second after HAL brought in Familia to pitch. Vargas then pinch-hit for Martinez and hit the first pitch for a triple. All that was needed from Rizzo was a flyball to tie the game, but noooooooo, he hit into a 1-2 fielder’s choice. OK, all’s not lost (yet). Jones then singled Rizzo to second, and Reddick walked to load the bases. Woohoo! The game’s in the bag – not. LDMF poster boy Escobar fanned to end the game.

 

Inmates 8 – Bees 7 (10 Innings): The Kaopectate Loose Bowel Game of the Week. The Inmates took a 6-3 lead into the 9^th, only to have Tolleson on the hill in a mop-up roll. After allowing a lead-off single to Snider, Bonifacio fanned and Polanco hit into a force play when defensive replacement Segura couldn’t turn the DP. Still, two outs, a three-run lead – what could go wrong? Freeman reached on an x-chart single and error by Jose “Hooks” Altuve. Some intestinal rumbling begins…Santana then walked to load the bases. Uncontollable flatulence is occurring in the Inmate dugout…Granderson hit a grand salami (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck) to give the Bees a 7-6 lead (shitshitshitshitshit). Bottom of the 9^th, two outs, Matsuzakakakaka on the mound, Altuve singled. HAL brings in Chamberlain the Diarhea King. Altuve stole second…high-pitched farting begins in the Bee dugout…Marte doubled on Joba’s first pitch. Feces is splattered all over the fucking place. Tie game. Move to the 10^th. Gyorko led off with a single, then promptly got tossed trying to steal. Simmons then singled…fowl (get it?) smelling emanations are creeping from both dugouts and the bleachers…but nothing happened (Here I sit, broken-hearted, paid my dime and only farted…). Inmate 10^th: Joba turned squishy from the start. Jones singled and went to second on Segura’s bunt. Vargas got walked to set up the DP, but…sound of toilet flushing on the mound…LDMF poster boy Escobar singled to end the game, going from shit-licking goat to hero.

 

Inmates 6 – Bees 4: Rosario, Altuve, and JD Martinez all tatered off of Minor’s batting T in the Inmate 5^th.  The Inmate bullpen did what they could to throw the game away, but the Bees ran out of time.

 

Inmates 9 – Bees 1: The Bees couldn’t generate offense or pitching, with Granderson (the Bastage) hitting a solo HR in the 4^th for the only run to come out of the hive.  Simon went the distance for the Beakless Chicken Gang. Martinez, Reddick, Rosario, and Rizzo all homered for the Inmates in a game that was never close.

 

The HEAD INMATE