Buckeyes 3, Fungoes 2

Fungoes and Buckeyes played five at WTF today, here are the results:

April 7. Fungoes erase a 3-0 defecit with a 4-spot in the 5th to win 4-3. Derek Holland gets the win while Papelbon picks up the save. Cole Hammels gets the loss. Yunel Escobar drives in all three runs for the Buck a roos! Daniel Murphy slaps three base hits for the Fungi!

April 8. Fungoes score first but the Buckeyes plate three in the 4th inning and three in the 5th inning to cruise to a 6-4 victory. four RBIs for Ortiz. Carpenter gets the win for the Bucks, while Eduardo Sanchez nails down the save with the bases loaded in the 9th. Stauffer suffers the complete game loss for the Fungoes.

June 30. Buckeyes score four runs in the 1st inning and never look back winning 8-4. Carpenter picks up the complete game victory while David Price is saddled with the loss. Three hits and two more RBIs for Ortiz. Stellar defense for Yunel Escobar and the Buckeyes.

July 1. Buckeyes break open a close game with a 4-spot in the 7th inning and win it 7-3. Humber picks up a complete game victory for the Buckeyes while Kershaw takes the loss. Yunel Escobar drives in four for the Bucksters!

July 2. Fungoes have to go extra innings to claim the Tweener split winning it in walk-off fashion when Clint Barmes (of all people) drives the ball to the wall to plate the go ahead run. Fungoes win it 2-1. Hamels pitched a gem and went the distance (9 2/3) and is handed the loss. Papelbon picks up the win in relief.

Fungoman

Games Remaining

There is a new link on the home page that shows how many games you have left with each team. I think it is up-to-date, but not 100% sure. It is highlighted to reflect the probability that the games are played FTF, Netplay, or CM.

Many teams are way ahead of schedule, as always. Good job there. But there are a few teams needing to get games played. Make sure they aren't waiting on instructions from you.

For games that are going to be played with CMs, those instructions should have already been sent out. If you haven't heard from the other team, give them a call or an email. Worst case, let Glenn know.

Please continue to update the Input W/L Records google doc when you play games, and then send me an email with the results so I can post them. A big thanks to all of you who are doing such great game stories of your games. Those are fun to read.

It should be an interesting post season. Hey, Fungoes, will you be hosting? Even though the Pigs won't be playing, I'm looking forward to the DV antics when he gets ousted in the first round. That never gets old.

Wahoos 8, Goofs 6

Here's what was reported about this series...

[this space intentionally left blank]

Inmates 4, Goofs 1

Goofs 1, Inmates 4

FFTs 7, Wahoos 3

2 clutch singles in 7th inning of game 1. FFTs win, 4-3.
Recently traded to the FFTS, J-Ro homered off Rivera in Game 2. Seemed innocent enough until Quintero singled and Swisher walked. Then Dustin Pedroia hit a BP homer 1-16 and got the 16 for a walkoff 7-6 win.
Game 3 at the FFTs seemed innocent enough. FFTs jumped to a 12-5 lead. Wahoos got back in the game and had 2 men on in the 9th after J-Ro homered off RIvera (again). Pedroia popped up to end the game this time. FFTs win 12-11. FFTs win Game 6, 14-0. To show the game isn't all that realistic, Michael Young had 4 hits. Albert Pooholes managed just 1 hit in the onslaught.
Wahoos win 3 of 7 overall.

Rhinos 4, Fungoes 1

Fungoes and Rhinos squared off today and played five games at Rhino Uni-Horn Stadium. Here are the results:

Game one:

April 23, at Rhinos.

Fungoes jump out to an 8-0 lead and hold on to win 8-4. Tulowitzki hits an 8th inning Grand Salami in a losing effort for the Rhinos. Myers gets the win for the Fungoes with Papelbon claiming the save. Jackson takes the loss for the Rhinos.

Game two:

April 24, at Rhinos.

Hudson and Janson combine for the shutout as the Rhinoids (gross) win 5-0. Derek Holland takes the loss. 3 RBIs for Votto.

Game three:

July 17, at Rhinos.

Rhinos erase a 4-2 Fungo lead with a six spot in the bottom of the 7th. Fungoes score one in the 8th and one in the 9th, but find themselves on the short end of an 8-6 Rhino win. Friery takes the loss for the Fungoes. Hudson picks up the win for the Rhinos and Jansen gets the save.

Game four:

July 18, at Rhinos (game one).

Rhinos cruise to a 5-1 win. Sabathia picks up the win for the Rhinos and while Porcello takes the loss for the Fungi.

Game five:

July 18, at Rhinos (game two).

Rhinos sprint out to a 7-0 lead and hold on to win 10-7. Garza gets the win while Holland takes the loss. Blah blah blah Rhinos kicked some Fungo ASS, blah blah blah! Fun fun fun!

Derek

Mavs 3, Drillers 2

Mavs 3, Drillers 2

Rhinos 6, Inmates 4

Col. Rhino made the trip to the Baptist Bowl for a bizarre series (“Keep Waco Wacko”). Among the weirdness:

“Cut the throw,” uttered by the Head Inmate when confronted with a Rhino 1-19 steal attempt with a runners on first and third and a catcher with a 1-7 T-rating. Col. Rhino was just a temporal shade behind this managerial gem and rolled a 20…shitfuck.

“I guess you’ll throw,” uttered by the Head Inmate several games later when the situation was reversed and the Inmates were stealing with 1-19 odds. Not giving the Colonel an opportunity to respond, a 20 was rolled, followed immediately by “I was gonna let you have it.” Shitfuck again.

RHINOS 8 – INMATES 2 (Rhinodome): Ugly game in which the Inmates turned four double-plays, both teams made two errors (has anyone noticed the farcically good Rhino defense?), and the Inmates won 2-1. Except for the 5^th inning, when the Rhinos blasted Billingsley for seven runs.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 1 (Rhinodome): Inmates get two triples on Tr-1 chances, Chacin Ks 10, and Sabathia takes the loss.

RHINOS 8 – INMATES 7 (Rhinodome): Inmates score six in the 1^st, then grease up and roll over as there was no stopping the Pointy Schnozzola Gang’s offense.

RHINOS 5 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Inmates hit three homers and turn three double-plays and get the same number of hits as the Rhinos. And lose anyway.

RHINOS 1 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Floyd Ks 11 and allows only three hits, but an error by Hanigan on an overthrow in the 1^st allows an unearned Rhino run. Inmates get three hits in the 8^th with nobody out - and don’t score. We hate this %$!^%^!@ Rhino defense. Always X-chance die roll followed by “he’s a one with an e-0” or some such tripe and then the 1-6-7-3-5-6-3 double-motherfucking-play. Or the rare play ball-bounces-out-of-his-asshole-into-the-glove-DOUBLE-PLAY! roll…

RHINOS 4 – LDMF 1 (Rhinodome): LDMF extend their inability to score streak to 16 innings as Garza and Axford keep things in check.

INMATES 7 – RHINOS 3 (15 innings)(Rhinodome): Both teams empty their benches and bullpens in this 15-inning yawner that featured a total lack of ability to hit in the clutch. Taters by Cargo and Beltre in the top of the 15^th helped put everyone out of their misery.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 4 (Baptist Bowl): It took three singles, a double, a sac bunt, and a safety squeeze to do it, but the Inmates push across two in the 8^th to ice this one. Venters and Salas consider ritual disembowelment for the embarrassment.

RHINOS 5 – INMATES 2 (Baptist Bowl): In game one of a doubleheader Garza tosses a complete game victory. Three Rhino homers provide more than enough offense to best the LDMF.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 1 (Baptist Bowl): Only two of the Baptist Bowl Choralaires stayed for this one, but they witnessed de la Rosa striking out 14 and throwing a complete game. Woohoo!

The HEAD INMATE

Rhinos 6, Buckeyes 4

Apparently. No details yet. You would think a big series like this would have a full report. Inquiring minds want to know.

Fungoes 3, Goofs 2

Fungoes and Goofs met today for 5 games at WTF. Here are the results. Fungoes win 3 of 5.

May 1:

Designated hitter Michael Cuddyer touched them all and had 2 RBI as the FUNGOES defeated the SUPER GOOFS by the score of 10 to 9 at Pac Bell
Park. Tim Stauffer had a steady outing. He went 8 and 2/3 innings and surrended up 8 hits and 5 walks and served up 2 'big flies'. PHIL -SG tried
unsuccessfully to come back in the 9th. David Robertson recorded the save, his 3rd. Matt Harrison was tagged with the loss. He was unable to control the Fungi offense and allowed 9 hits and 4 walks in 5 innings.

May 2:

Clayton Kershaw and Kyle Lohse locked horns in a pitcher's duel with Kershaw coming out on top of the SUPERGOOFS 3 to 1. Kershaw pitched well for the Fungoes in their victory. He allowed 8 hits and 1 walk in 7 innings. The Fungoes totaled 7 hits on the night. Jonathan Papelbon got the save, his 23rd.

May 3:

Carlos Quentin ripped 2 homeruns and had 4 RBI at Pac Bell Park as the SUPER GOOFS beat the FUNGOES in 11 innings 12 to 10.

The score was knotted at 10 after nine innings. PHIL -SG won it in the 11th inning. After two were out Quentin kicked off the action when he blasted a
solo shot. Jesus Guzman stepped into the batter's box and he drew a walk. Melky Cabrera then doubled. Alexei Ramirez dug into the batters box next,
but he struck out. The game was a wild affair with the lead changing hands 5 times. Mike Adams went 3 innings allowing no runs for the win. Steve Cishek was hit with the loss in relief. He pitched 1 and 2/3 innings allowing 2 hits and 1 walk.

'I had a big day, but there's a lot of credit to go around' Quentin said. 'We played well together as a team.'

September 7:

Designated hitter Daniel Murphy had 2 base hits and Tim Stauffer pitched 8 strong innings as the FUNGOES topped the SUPER GOOFS by a score of 2 to 1 at Pac Bell Park.

The Fungoes tallied 1 run in the bottom of the 6th inning. Orlando Hudson drew a walk. Hudson took his lead and swiped second. Jason Bourgeois then laid down a sacrifice bunt. Murphy came up and he delivered a one-base hit. Lance Berkman stepped into the box and drew a walk. Bobby Cassevah then threw a pitch that the catcher muffed. The Super Goofs threatened in the 9th but Papelbon was able to put down the rally and pick up the save. Stauffer was the winner allowing 1 run in 8 innings. Kyle Lohse ended up with the loss.

September 8:

The SUPER GOOFS had an easy time of it at Pac Bell Park defeating the FUNGOES by a score of 6 to 1. With the Fungoes batting and bases loaded trailing 2-1 in the 7th Eric Hosmer hit into a TRIPLE PLAY!! That pretty much says it all!!!

Derek

Fungoes 2, Tweeners 0

Fungoes take two from the Tweeners at home!

August 26:

Five Fungo hurlers throw a shutout at the Tweeners while Fungo batters find some timely hitting as the Fungi gang wins it 3-0. Porcello picks up the win whild Hudson takes the hard-luck loss. Hudson only allowed 3 hits in 6 1/3 innings. Porcello delivered a fine performance for the Fungoes. He was reached for 4 hits and 1 walk in 5 innings. Fungoes won despite being out-hit by the Tweeners 7 hits to 4. Jonathan Papelbon gained credit for the save.

August 27:

Tied up 3-3 after nine innings this marathon ends in walk-off fashion with Cruz mashing a mammoth blast in the 18th inning! Glen Perkins picked up the victory, allowing no runs in 2 and 1/3 innings. Vance Worley took the loss in relief. He gave up 3 hits and no walks in 2 and 1/3 innings. Morse hit two HRs in a losing effort for the Tweeners.

Wahoos 1, Warpigs 1

Dice and cards...

Gm 1 @ The Reservation - Warpigs win 9-6. David Freese hit a 2-run triple in the 8th inning, breaking a 5-5 tie. Jason Hammel got the win with 4.2 innings of relief.

Gm 2 @ The BallPork - Wahoos win 6-4. The Pig bullpen failed to hold a 4-2 lead, giving up 2 runs in the 8th and 2 more in the 9th. Mike Leake took the loss.

DVs 5, Warpigs 0

Pretty fun stuff, lemme tell ya...

Gm1 @ DV Dome - DVs win 8-7 in 11. DVs get a walk win off in the 11th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 10th.

Gm2 @ DV Brothel - DVs win 3-2 in 10. DVs get a walk off win in the 10th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 8th.

Gm3 @ DV Glory Hole Field - DVs win 8-7. DVs get a walk off win in the 9th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 9th.

Gm4 @ The BallPork - DVs win 13-3. DVs get a walk off win in the 1st with a 4 spot off of Volquez. Fun stuff.

Gm5 @ The BallPork - DVs win 11-4. DVs get a walk off win in the 1st with a 7 spot off of Hellickson, including back to back 5-2 homer rolls to start the game (they'd get another 5-2 homer later on).

The DVs hit 10 homers in the two games at The BallPork and 16 overall. This is such a good team. It'll almost be sad when they lose in the 1st round of the playoffs.

Wahoos 1, Warpigs 1

Cards and Dice...

Both games at the Reservation.

Gm 1 - Wahoos win 3-2. Thanks to a booted ball at 3b, the Wahoos score twice in the bottom of the 9th for the come from behind win. Kevin Youkilis singled in the winning run off of Jason Hammel. Mike Leake took the loss.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 13-2. The Pigs hit 6 homers, 2 by Geovany Soto. Erik Bedard struck out 12 in 6.1 innings. Dillon Gee struck out another 4 for 16 total K's by the Hoo batters. The Pigs had 15 hits.

FFTs and Warpigs trade cuts

The FFTs trade Brendan Ryan to the Warpigs for Geovany Soto.

Earth shattering.

FFTs 3, Warpigs 2

The end is near...

All games played shoulder to shoulder at TM's house.

Gm 1 @ FFT Field - FFTs win 5-1. Albert homered. Big, fat, hairy deal. It was the only pitch Mark Melancon threw. In the battle of the Jeremys, Guthrie bested Hellickson. Heath Bell went 3 innings for a save.

Gm 2 @ FFT Field - FFTs win 8-1. Kyle McClellan totally embarrassed the Pig batters, tossing a 3-hitter. David Ross hit a homer. Jake Westbrook allowed 15 hits, going the distance in the loss.

Gm 3 @ FFT Field - Warpigs win 5-1. Jordan Zimmermann went 6 innings for the win. Mike Leake earned a save by shutting out the FFTs for the final 3 innings. Geovanny Soto blasted a 3-run homer. Roy Oswalt took the loss.

Gm 4 @ The BallPork - Warpigs win 7-6. The Pigs hit 4 home runs. Mike Leake got the win in relief. Marc Rzepczynski retired the final 2 FFT batters for a save. Matt Belisle took the loss when he allowed a 3-run homer to David Freese. The FFTs did not strike out a single time in this game.

Gm 5 @ The BallPork - FFTs win 5-1. Josh Hamilton hit an 8th inning grand slam off of Dillon Gee making a winner of Jeremy Guthrie, who went the distance.

Bees and Pigs Trade

The Warpigs traded Adam Dunn and Omar Infante to the Killer Bees for Carlos Beltran and Jerry Hairston, Jr.

Rhinos 8, Wahoos 6

Rhinos 8, Wahoos 6

Rhinos couldn't hit Mark Buehrle. That's all I got.

Tweeners 3, Rhinos 2

Tweeners and Rhinos had both cleared their schedules on a Tuesday afternoon and it was all systems go for S-O-M. Except Hal refused to cooperate, and all manner of disabled firewalls and other gyrations could not allow for a net play connection. Resorting to the CM, the games proceeded at the Hooverdome, with the Tweeners taking 3 of 5 from the Rhinos.
Game #1 was a nail-biter all the way. Rhinos scored in the 5th inning to break a 5 all tie, Kenley Jansen tossed 3 scoreless innings for the save, Rhinos won 6-5.
Game #2, a 2-run homer by Zobrist tied the game in the 6th, and Tweeners scored 3 in the 8th off Jansen to win 5-3.
Game #3, Rhinos out-hit Tweeners 11 to 3, but Tweeners out-score Rhinos 1-0, Gio Gonzalez over Tim Hudson.
Game #4 Kemp and Gordon homer, C.C. prevails over Felix 5-2.
Game #5, shortstop Marco Scutaro had 4 hits and Daniel Hudson completed the game without help from the bullpen as the NORM TWEENERS defeated the JOSE RHINOS by a score of 6 to 3 at The Hooverdome.

Hudson(11-8) gave NORM a solid outing. He was stingy on the mound, allowing
just 7 hits and 1 walk in 9 innings. The pitchers took over after the 4th
inning as neither team was able to score again.

Matt Garza(3-3) was charged with the loss. He pitched 6 and 1/3 innings and
surrendered 8 hits and 7 walks. JOSE's manager was unhappy with his club's recent performance. 'We can't keep losing games' he said. 'It gets to be embarrassing after a while.'

PETITION INITIATIVE

PETITION INITIATIVE:

The DiamondVision are starting a petition for other owners to sign that will instruct the commissioner to insert the following language into our constitution:

“Whereas the Rhino defense is comprised of ridiculously talented players who cannot ever allow a hit or error of any kind; let it be resolved that the Strat-O-Matic defensive chart currently known as the “X-chance” be renamed the “No Chance” chart – and to whit- any roll during a game indicating a “No Chance” for a Rhino infielder, be ignored and replaced with a 6-4-3 double play. If no runners are on base, the on deck batter will be assumed ‘out’ as well. Further resolved that if 2 outs exist when the “No Chance” chart is referenced, the double play reading stands and the current offensive team will begin their half of the next inning with 1 out. In the case of a “No Chance” outfielder reading, the chart is ignored, the batter will be out and any runners on base must go BACK one base. If no runners are on base, the on deck batter must go back to the dugout and be replaced by a batter of the Rhino management’s choosing.”

DVs 5, Rhinos 5

DiamondVision and Rhinos hooked up via netplay in a knock down, drag out series that saw each team have 3 game win streaks and games that ranged from pitcher’s duels to softball scores. Ultimately we both kissed our sister finishing 5-5, while seeing the Buckeyes slowly fade into the horizon with the #1 seed firmly in grasp.

First 3 at DVs bandbox - Game 1 – Garza and Dotel limit the DVs to 5 hits as the Rhinos win 3-1

Game 2 – Rhino bullpen coughs up a furball as the DVs rally for 6 in the 8^th, highlighted by Giancarlo’s grand slam – and win 9-5.

Game 3 – No effective pitching to speak of as Rhinos would score, and the DVs matched exactly the same number in their half all the way until the 8^th when it was tied 9-9. Aramis walks off in the 10^th for a 10-9 DV win

Next 5 in the Rhino Den:

Game 4 – A Christmas miracle – Doc Halladay throws a complete game and Giancarlo hits another grand salami as the DVs cruise 8-2

Game 5 - CC, Dotel, Venters and Jansen combine on a 5 hit shutout and ‘Roid Braun homers to lift the Rhinos to a 2-0 win

Game 6- DVs brush off their slumber and club 5 home runs in another 8-2 win

Game 7 – Having secured the playoff series win 4 games to 2, the DVs rest on their laurels for the next 3 games – and the Rhinos immediately revert to small ball with a pinch hit, bottom of the 8^th, chicken shit suicide squeeze by some guy named Casilla they pulled out of the stands to win 2-1. (Editor’s note – we really aren’t sure if this Casilla guy even is ON the Rhino roster – only 9 hitters were active).

Game 8 – Rhinos ride an 8^th inning, 1-3 bases loaded triple to tally 4 in the frame and win 7-4

Last 2 in September at the DVs ball-closet.

Game 9 – Rhinos score 6 in the first and Tim Hudson has a solid outing as the Rhinos cruise 7-2

Game 10 – DiamondVision figure they better save face and get the split with 8 runs in the 6^th and a 13-5 win. Giancarlo flips off the 3^rd base coach when he’s given the sac bunt sign in an effort to stay out of the 49^th double play the Rhinos turn in the series.

Not sure if we decided anything other than it is dang hard to get a grounder through the Rhino infield or a gapper by the outfield.

DVs 5, Nads 0

DVs took all 5 at the comfy DV confines – Nads did everything right except win – 3 one run games and a 2 run game meant a pretty tight series.

Game 1 – DVs win 6-2 as Weaver moves to 13-4 on the season

2 – Granderson delivers the walk off single in the 10^th as the DVs win 5-4

3 – DVs push across the winning run in the 8^th to win 4-3

4 – Third straight one run game – this one an extra inning affair that JJ Hardy wins with a walkoff HR in the 11^th 8-7.

5 – Halladay keeps the Nads at bay long enough for Giancarlo to hit his 30^th homer in a 4-2 DV win.

Rhinos 3, Zaps 2

Game 1 (10 Apr) Rhinos win 13-3

Rhino bats explode for 18 hits, 16 of them against Scherzer while Matt Garza tip-toed his way through the Zapper line-up allowing only 5 hits of which 2 were homers to Bautista and Cabrera.

Game 2 (11 Apr) Rhinos win 4-3

In a wild 17 inning affair the Rhinos win on a two out X chance to right field (Bautista) which resulted in a double and 2 base error. The Rhinos paid dearly for the win as Venters went 7 innings and Axford went another 4. The Zappers had numerous chances and failed to capitalize on Axford's wildness as pitches himself into trouble, tiring himself after one inning.

Game 3 (4 Jul) Zaps win 5-0

Greinke and Beniot shutout the Rhinos allowing only 8 hits.

Game 4 (5 Jul) Rhinos win 16-6

After the embarrassment of being shutout the day before, the Rhinos take it out on the Zapper starter J. Niese, pounding out 14 hits and getting 7 walks to score 15 runs. The Rhinos smacked 4 HR's to include a Grand Slam by Tulo in the 5th.

Game 5 (6 Jul) Zaps win 4-0

The Zaps pitching returned to form as J. Nicasio and Scott Downs shutout the Rhinos allowing only 6 hits. Beckett pitched a 6 hitter himself and was disappointed with loss as he had only given up 1-2 roll (HR) by R. Martin in the 3rd before losing control in the 9th and serving up a 3 run HR to McCutchen.

Rhinos 3, Tweeners 2

Game 1 (20 May) Tweeners win 5-3

King Felix picks up the win while Hanrahan picks up the save as Votto misses a BP HR with runners on 1st and 2nd.

Game 2 (21 May) Rhinos win 9-5

The Rhino bats came alive pounding out 17 hits vs the Tweeners pitching. Mean while Matt Garza pitches a complete game giving up 5 hits (3 of which were HRs) and striking out 12 Tweener batters.

Game 3 (22 May) Rhinos win 8-2

Rhinos prevail as A-Rod, Markakis and Alex Gordon get hits with 2 outs driving in 3 of the Rhino runs. Ryan Braun has 2 hits and drives in 2 as well. Hundley goes 3-4, getting 3 of the 7 Tweeners hits.

Game 4 (15 Aug) Tweeners win 6-4

Rhinos knew things were going to go bad as in the 5th inning Tulo starts off booting one and then Cory Hart homers (on a 1-2 chance) and then Hundley not to be out done homers on the 1-2 chance again. Hudson leaves the game fuming muttering something about Sands lackadaisical effort in right field saying Nick would of caught those.

Game 5 (16 Aug) Rhinos win 6-3

The Rhinos figured that their bad luck would continue as in the 1st inning, Braun, Kemp, and Tulo all missed BP HR chance (1-15) by rolling the 20 each time. Sabathia out dueled King Felix. But the turning point of the game was the start of the 5th when Kemp singled stole 2nd and 3rd and then scored on a sac fly by Cano to tie the game and then tacking on 2 more runs on an A-Rod HR.

Rhinos 4, Killer Bees 1

Game 1 (15 May) Rhinos win 6-1

The Rhinos pound out six hits resulting in a 6-1 win over the Bees. Of the 6 Rhino hits 4 were HRs. The Rhinos also missed 2 BP HRs. The Bees offense was stagnate managing only 2 hits of Garza and the Rhino bullpen.

Game 2 (16 May) Bees win 4-3

Verlander out dueled Edwin Jackson in a good match-up allowing only 7 hits and striking out 7 for the victory.

Game 3 (17 May) Rhinos win 6-2

Matt Kemp goes 3-4 with 2 HRs and Cano chips in with a 2 RBI HR to seal the Bees fate as they lose 6-2.

Game 4 (9 Aug) Rhinos win 9-5

Despite HR's from Prince Fielder and Parra, it wasn't enough to over come the 6 runs that Cliff Lee gave up in the 3rd inning.

Game 5 (10 Aug) Rhinos win 7-6

In an extra inning affair the Rhinos managed to get the victory. With 1 out in the 10th, Markakis walks, Gordon then stroked a single and with 2 outs Votto stepped up and laced a single for the game winning hit.

DVs 6, Drillers 1

DVs go 6 – 1 vs Drillers

1-0

2-4

4-3

5-2

10-3

5-2

10-1

That is all… dd

Warpigs and FFTs make an 8-player deal

The Warpigs get Josh Hamilton and Martin Prado.

The FFTs get Hanley Ramirez, Freddie Freeman, J.D. Martinez, Edinson Volquez, Mike Leake, and Dylan Bundy.

FFTs and Wahoos trade

The Wahoos sent shortstop Jimmy Rollins, a 5th round pick, and a 10th round pick to the FFTs for Ian Desmond and a 4th round pick.

Drillers and Warpigs make a trade

The Drillers trade Yadier Molina and Edwin Encarnacion to the Warpigs for Mike Moustakas, Mike Minor, and the 2013 Warpig 1st round pick.

Rhinos 3, Warpigs 0

The first batter of the first game was Hanley Ramirez. He rolled 6-5 on Josh Beckett. HR 1-14, flyout the rest. He rolled the 15. We were never close again.

Yeah, this was fun.

Gm 1 - @Rhinos 8 Pigs 6
Gm 2 - @Rhinos 8 Pigs 2
Gm 3 - @Rhinos 8 Pigs 3

From the 6th inning of game 2 thru the 3rd inning of game 3, the Warpigs bounced into 6 DPs in 7 innings - and NONE of them came on an x-chance.

Rhinos 7, Mavs 3

Scores...

1- Rhinos 7 @Mavs 6
2- Rhinos 15 @Mavs 6
3- Mavs 8 @Rhinos 3
4- @Rhinos 8 Mavs 6 - 10 innings
5- Mavs 3 @Rhinos 2 - 13 innings (Tim Hudson threw a complete game in the loss.)
6- @Rhinos 4 Mavs 2
7- @Rhinos 1 Mavs 0
8- @Mavs 8 Rhinos 7 - 11 innings
9- Rhinos 6 @Mavs 4
10- Rhinos 9 @Mavs 4

Warpigs 3, Mavs 2

Weird season series. Both teams went 0-5 on their home fields.

Gm 1 @MavVille - Warpigs won 5-1. Mike Minor went 6 innings for the win. Jason Hammel went the last 3 for the save. Matt Cain took the loss.

Gm 2 @The BallPork - Mavs won 12-6. There were 7 homers hit in the game. The Mavs hit 4 of them (2 by Lillibridge). Clay Buchholz pitched just well enough to win.

Gm 3 @The BallPork - Mavs won 8-4. Billy Butler and Justin Upton were the hitting stars. Matt Cain got the win and said afterwards, "I didn't have my good stuff. I'm just glad Edinson Volquez was pitching against me today. We were fortunate."

Gm 4 @Mavilicious Park - Warpigs won 3-1. Mike Minor again confused and confounded the Mav hitters. He wasn't around for the decision however, as he left after 7 and the game entered the 9th inning tied at 1. Dustin Ackley tripled to lead off the inning and scored on a sac fly. The Pigs tacked on an insurance run when Jeff Francoeur walked and stole second ahead of a Brett Lawrie double.

Gm 5 @Mavelous Field - Warpigs won 5-2. Delmon Young, the much-despised, had been banished to the bullpen to catch pitchers when they warmed up. But with John Mayberry nearing the end of his season, Young was forced into the lineup. In an effort to jump start him, he was placed not in the 9-hole where he belonged, but in the 5th spot. Delmon responded with a double and homer... and even successfully caught a ball in the outfield once.

Warpigs 5, SuperGoofs 2

Games played at GoofyVille.

Gm 1 - Warpigs win 6-5. A 4-run 9th inning, capped by a 3-run homer by Geovanny Soto won it for the Pigs. Mike Adams took the loss in relief. Edinson Volquez went 8.2 for the win. Marc Rzepczynski got the final out for the save.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 9-5. Jeremy Hellickson with the win. Clayton Richard gets pounded in the loss. The Goofs hit into 5 double plays.

Gm 3 - Goofs win 2-1. Marlon Byrd had a 1-out, 2-run, 9th inning single for the walk off win.

Gm 4 - Goofs win 6-4. Ike Davis came off the bench and went 2-2, with 2 doubles and 5 RBI. The Warpigs stole 7 bases, including 4 by John Mayberry.

Gm 5 - Warpigs win 11-1. Richard gets hammered again, giving up 7 runs in the 1st. Volquez goes the distance for the win. Cameron Maybin had a double and two triples, going 4-5.

Gm 6 - Warpigs win 3-0. Hellboy with a 4-hit shutout, striking out 13 and walking none. Neither team had an extra base hit, but the Pigs drew 9 walks.

Gm 7 - Warpigs win 7-4. Yawn.

DVs 4, Drillers 3

DVs and Drillers hooked up in a humdinger of a 7 game series via netplay in the DV bandbox. DiamondVision had to rally and won the last 3 games by 21 runs to take the series 4-3.

Game 1 – Posey 2 run homer in the 8^th sticks it to the soft DV bullpen as the Drillers rally for a 5-4 win.

Game 2 – DiamondVision can only manage 7 home runs (all solo shots) in a 9-0 win where Weaver allowed only 1 hit.

Game 3 – A typical, wild division game that saw the Drillers score 5 in the 9^th to lead 11-9 (note soft DV bullpen above). Holliday opens the bottom half with a home run and the DVs put runners on first and second with no outs. Low and behold we roll a 1B X-chance with “skillet glove” Konerko poised to kick it sufficiently to allow the rally to continue. BUT WAIT – a 3-6-1 double play squelches the rally as the final DV hitter pops out and the Drillers win 11-10. Drillers had 20 hits and DVs 13 in what would not be considered a pitcher’s duel under any circumstance.

Game 4 – Drillers cling to a 1 run lead in the 7^th when Hardy rolls the 1-15 BP homer chance– OHHHH 16 – damn. Kinsler now up – rolls the 1-15 BP homer – OHHHH 16 – double damn. For those of you scoring at home, the chances of rolling a 16 twice in a row is exactly one quarter of one percent. The game goes extra innings – and stop me if you have heard this before – but Jay Bruce hammers the soft underbelly the DVs call their bullpen with a 3 run shot to win 8-4 in 11.

Game 5 – DiamondVision ease up a bit and hit 6 homers in a 13-3 rout.

Game 6 – DVs score 4 in the first and coast 8-4.

Game 7 – Latos scatters 4 hits over 7 innings and we finish at about 12:15 AM with a 8-2 DV win.

Fungoes 4, Drillers 3

Fungoes 4 Drillers 3 at MudPit

Game 1 – Yadier with a walk off, three run bomb! Drillers 6 Fungoes 5.

Game 2 – Berkman and Bloomquist provide all the offense the Drillers would need. Do they wear a glove on the field? Drillers 7 Fungoes 2.

Game 3 – Nelson Cruz with 3 homeruns, 7 RBI, and Bloomquist made plays… finally. Fungoes 14 Drillers 5.

Game 4 – Hosmer’s 2 run jack in the ninth disgusts Driller faithful. Fungoes 4 Drillers 3.

Game 5 – Two run Asdrubal double in 7^th is the difference. Drillers 7 Fungoes 5.

Game 6 – No answer for a Fungo 4-run 2^nd. Fungoes 5 Drillers 1.

Game 7 – A 6-run 5^th… dinks and doinks, next thing you know your 3-run lead has turned into a 3-run deficit. Fungoes 7 Drillers 4.

Dd

Mavs 3, Drillers 2

Mavs 3 Drillers 2 at MudPit

Game 1 – Konerko’s 2 knocks and 4 RBI proved too much. Drillers 7 Mavs 5.

Game 2 – Hochevar tosses a ONE-HITTER, Shields counters with an 11- hitter. Mavs 4 Drillers 0.

Game 3 – The roll of 5-9 does Martinez in yet again… Mavs 3 Drillers 2 in 11.

Game 4 – Mavs leave them loaded in the ninth. Drillers 7 Mavs 3.

Game 5 – Gallardo gives up two solo shots and a double. Upton out scores Drillers 5 – 2.

Dd

Sidewinders 2, Killer Bees 2

CM 4 at SSWs
7/31 Bees kick the shit out of us 9-1. Kennedy goes the distance for the win
8/1 Morrow beats Cueto. 4-2. Kimbrel pitches his 193rd inning for the save. Pitching coach Mr Clete says" fok em." Old Hoss Radbourne is in agreement.
8/2 Snakes get a 5-1 lead on Verlander of all people and proceed to piss it away. We score two in bottom of the ninth to force extra innings. Both teams plate a single run in the 10 th and Bees put us out of our misery with 2 in the 11th.
8/3 Lester spins 4 hit shutout. I am sorry for the paucity of offensive highlights but we have a paucity of offense.

Drillers 3, Tweeners 2

Drillers 3 Tweeners 2 at MudPit

Game 1 - Tweeners slap Haren around with 14 hits, half of which for extra
bases. King Felix does the rest. Tweeners 5 Drillers 3.
Game 2 - Cory Hart goes 3 for 4 but, the one time he's up with two outs and
bases loaded in the 8th, he finds the omega out. And yes, we walked Victor
intentionally to get to him. Drillers 12 Tweeners 7.
Game 3 - Ruben Tejada shows up with a 3 for 4, 5 RBI game and it's all
McCarthy needs for a CG 9 to 2 win.
Game 4 - *Note to self* Don't start a lefty vs Tweeners... Luckily, out of
13 Tweener baserunners, only 5 scored off Romero in his 5 innings of work.
Jeter provided an x-chance single and a crucial error to lift the Drillers
to victory 7 - 6.
Game 5 - Christhian Martinez blows a save in a heartbreaking 2 - 1 Driller
loss in the ninth as Presley delivers a two-run, pinch hit tater. Niemann
had a shut-out through 7...

Dd

Tweeners 8, Sidewinders 6

Be it ever so humble . . .

Extra innings were common, and the home field advantage was pronounced as the Tweeners and Sidewinders knocked out their season series this weekend. Snakes made the road trip to Logan County, and dice chattered for 14 games played on the "dry" side of the line that bisects the Tenn-Tucky Tavern. Distractions were minimal, as the pole dancing injunction remains in litigation. A synopsis from the Tweeners' perspective:

4 game series at the Church Lot: Game #1 Tweeners took an early lead, but Snakes scored 5 in the 6th inning off Nova & Santos, Kimbrel saved the 7-5 win. Game #2, Will Venable's 2-out homer capped a 3 run Tweeners 9th inning, forcing extra innings, but Lonnie Chisenhall hit a walk-off homer off Javier Lopez, Snakes won 5-4 in 13. Tweeners broke serve with a 7-4 win in game #3, Felix Hernandez picked up his 12th victory. Game #4, Tweeners pissed away a 3 run lead, Snakes won 4-3 in 16 innings. A first for the Tweeners was an at-bat where we used 3 different pinch-hitters (without success). Alex Presley led off the 11th inning with a base hit, and Victorino followed with a double to CF, but Presley was thrown out at the plate as Victorino advanced to 3rd on the throw. Corey Hart was announced as a pinch-hitter, but when the Snakes changed pitchers he was called back in favor of Madison Bumgarner. The suicide squeeze was on, and MadBum missed the pitch, with Victorino out on the attempted steal of home. Hannahan then became the 3rd pinch-hitter of the at-bat, and lined out to end the inning. Shitfuck.

On to the Hooverdome for a 3 game set. Snakes continued their winning ways, taking the opener by a score of 2-1, Tweeners stranded 11 baserunners including 2 in the 9th. Game #6, Tweeners scored 4 in the 1st, MadBum threw 8 strong innings for the 5-2 win. Game #7 got ugly as Tweeners led 7-0 when Snakes pitchers started headhunting. 4 different Tweeners were hit by pitches, including Morse twice, while Hudson and Worley failed to retaliate. "Our pitchers can't just let that shit go on with impunity", said manager George Brett. "I have never been so humiliated while winning a game 11-1."

Back to Stanley for 3 games. Game #8 featured 7 solo homeruns, 4 by the Tweeners, and Felix allowed nothing else in earning his 13th win by a score of 7-3. The homestanding Snakes took the next 2. Game #9 was more extra innings, and we again had a pitcher (Hudson) fail to execute a squeeze bunt in the 12th inning. Some asshole hit a 2 run homer in the bottom of the 9th off Hanrahan, some other asshole hit a 2 run walk-off in the 13th off Worley, Snakes prevailed 7-5. Game #10 went to the Snakes 3-2, Craig Kimbrel pitched his 23rd inning against the Tweeners to pick up both the win and the save.

Down 6 games to 4, the Tweeners swept the 4 game September homestand to take the season series from the Stubborn Sidewinders. Game #11 featured a pair of 2-run triples by Alex Presley, final score 6-4. Felix pitched well in game #12 but did not factor in the decision, Tweeners won 4-3 when Mark Reynolds scored on a 9th inning sac fly by Nick Hundley. In game #13 a Hundley homer capped a 4 run 7th inning, final score 5-2. In the finale the Tweeners used 10 hits and 9 walks (8 issued by Lester) to cruise to a 7-1 win. When the dust had settled, Tweeners won 6 of 7 at home, Snakes won 5 of 7 at home. And thanks to the 15 extra innings, most of our better players are about to run out of at-bats.

Inmates 8, Mavs 6

The MavMan made the arduous trek to Waco on Saturday for the annual Inmate-Mav showdown, only to lose 8 of 14 to the Inmates.

INMATES 6 – MAVS 5 (Baptist Bowl): A close game ends in the bottom of the 9^th when Espinosa hits a lead-off walk-off homer.

INMATES 4 – MAVS 3 (Baptist Bowl): Another see-saw affair. Cargo hits a two-run tater in the 7^th for the margin of victory.

MAVS 3 – INMATES 2 (Baptist Bowl): Notice the trend of diminishing offense…5 Mav pitchers toss a 5-hitter at the LDMF.

MAVS 2 – LDMF 0 (MavDome): Beachy and Bastard-O toss a two-hitter, but the Mav strategy of using 5 pitchers works again as they throw a 4-hit shutout.

MAVS 5 – INMATES 4 (MAV Stadium): Another close game, but once again the Mavs prevail.

MAVS 7 – INMATES 6 (Mav-ville): Inmates score four in the 9^th to lose another one-run game.

INMATES 9 – MAVS 3 (Baptist Bowl): The first un-close game. Jones hits two jacks for the Inmates. Both teams get 10 hits. The Mavs score 3 in the 9^th to avoid the ignominy of being shutout by the Inmate staff.

MAVS 3 – LDMF 1 (Baptist Bowl): All of the runs score on taters this game. Neither team can score much, but the LDMF manage only 3 hits off of four Mav pitchers.

INMATES 4 – MAVS 3 (Baptist Bowl): The second game in which the Inmates win via a lead-off walk-off homer in the bottom of the 9^th, this one by Beltre.

LDMF 3 – MAVS 2 (Baptist Bowl): Another see-saw affair. Howard hits a two-run tater in the 6^th for the margin of victory (are we seeing a pattern here?). A total of 7 hits between the two teams in this game.

LDMF 3 – FDMF (Flaccid Dick Mother Fuckers) 2 (MAVDome): Mav ownership considering ritual disembowelment after the fifth consecutive game of scoring 3 runs or less against the Inmate Arson Squad. Inmate ownership is used to this kind of shit, as the LDMF has averaged less than three runs per game over the last four. What they CAN’T get used to is winning with this kind of lack of offense.

FDMF 3 – LDMF 0 (Mavville): The mass impotence continues as 4 Mav hurlers stop (?) the LDMF cold with the second shutout of the day.

LDMF 3 - FDMF 1 (MAV Stadium): The lack of offensive prowess is underwhelming. The interesting thing is how close all but one of the games have been.

INMATES 11 – FDMF 3 (Somewhere in Dallas Dome): No one knows what in hell happened here. Another ho-hum offensive contest stood at 1-1 after 5 innings, when an unknown team of real major league hitters show up in the guise of Inmates. After the barrage, the Inmates had 11 runs on 14 hits. The NDMF continued their trend of scoring three or less for the 8^th straight time.

The HEAD INMATE

Rhinos 3, Killer Bees 2

Rhinos go 3-2 at the Hive. Good luck in the playoffs biiiiaaaaatttttccccchhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nads 3, Killer Bees 2

Nads take 3 of 5 at the Hive. You suck.

Later,

Bees

Bourn scores twice on the same at bat...

This from Yahoo...

Bottom 1st: Atlanta

- M. Bourn homered to deep center

- M. Prado grounded out to second, M. Bourn to third

- J. Heyward singled to second, M. Bourn scored

- J. Heyward stole second

- C. Jones walked

- F. Freeman walked, J. Heyward to third, C. Jones to second

- D. Uggla fouled out to third

- D. Ross walked, J. Heyward scored, C. Jones to third, F. Freeman to second

- J. Wilson fouled out to third

Rhinos 5, Goofs 5

Rhinos go 5-5 vs goofs.

(Insert riveting game results here.)

Drillers 3, Sidewinders 2

Drillers Bag Snakes 3 – 2 at Mudpit

Game 1 – Snakes out hit Drillers, out score Drillers, and out pitch Drillers. Snakes win 4 – 3.

Game 2 – An Ellsbury “x-chance” single to CF, an Ellsbury SB, a sac bunt by Bourjos, and a Longoria + hit past the drawn in infield leads to a 9^th inning Driller win 7 – 6.

Game 3 – Pineda sucks shit vs his old team giving up 14 hits and 7 runs. Hmmm could this guy be hurt? Drillers take it 7 – 3.

Game 4 – Jimenez CG 3 – 0 ShO 13Ks. Drillers miss 3 HR 1-18 and get CS 1-18 all for 3^rd outs.

Game 5 – Foking Thome ties it top 9. Bottom 9 we got 1^st and 3^rd one out, and find out “outfield in” subtracts 7 from runner… gotta hold 1-5. JAY BRUCE walks it off in 11^th for a fitting end to a Pineda started game! Drillers win 4 – 3.

Dd

The Contest for the Extra Reserve Spot

At the All Star Break, the Mavs are still holding on to first place in The Contest for the Extra Reserve. They've led most of the season, but are getting a big challenge from the Snakes. Right now the Mavs hold their lead by the slimmest of margins, 461-460.

Barking at their heels are the Buckeyes, Fungoes, Drillers, and Tweeners at 455. The Pigs (454) and Zaps (453) are within shouting distance and fill out the top 8.

The Yankees and Rangers lead the majors with 52 wins, and the Phillies have been a huge disappointment with 37 wins, but none of those teams matter because they were picked by all 15* of us. By the same token, the Tigers and Angels won't change any outcomes, since they were chosen by ALMOST all of us - and the teams not choosing them are currently residing in the last two spots in the standings.

All of the top 8 teams have the Rays. None of the next 5 teams do.

So... the races come down to the following:

The slumping Red Sox were taken by all of the contenders except the Snakes and Zaps. If they get hot, it could mean trouble for those two teams. If the Sox continue to falter, the Mavs (and Bobby V) could suffer the consequences.

The Braves belong to all the contenders except the Buckeyes and Zaps.

Strangely enough, the only team to take the red hot Nationals was the Inmates, but they currently reside in 9th place. Picking the Nationals was astute, but it hasn't helped the Inmates overcome the poor showings of the Brewers, Marlins, and D-backs.

Those Marlins have also hurt the chances of the Tweeners and Pigs. Unless the Marlins turn it around, those two teams won't compete for the title.

The only team among the top 8 to take the Cardinals was the Buckeyes. His chances will very much rise and fall with the success of the Redbirds.

The best race is the one in the NL West. Every one of the contenders has either the Giants or the Dodgers except the Tweeners who took neither. No one took them both.

And the key to the leaderboard is the Reds. The Mavs and Snakes both have Dusty's boys. The teams ranked 3 thru 5 do not have them.

It's been pretty interesting to watch the race for the extra reserve pick. I try to update the standings every 4-5 days. Stay tuned...



(* The Nads, per tradition, have chosen not to take part in the Contest for the Extra Reserve. Said Dave, "That was just 45 seconds of my life that I chose not to waste on making predictions. Plus, by not choosing, I can't be ridiculed for making stupid picks... like the Goofs did.")

Tweeners 2, Fungoes 0

Tweeners rely on the long ball and a couple of quality starts to take 2 from the Fungoes at the Hooverdome. In game 1 Marco Scutaro got it started with a 1st inning blast off Stauffer, Hart and Zobrist both homered and drove in 3, MadBum got the win, final score 8-4. Game 2, Felix Hernandez improved his record to 11-4 with 7.2 scoreless innings, Tweeners won 5-3. Hosmer hit a 2 out, 3 run homer in the 9th to make it look closer than it was. Brett Myers suffered the loss. He was touched for 3 homeruns in his 7 and 2/3 innings of work (Zobrist, Morse, and Venable). 'You have to give DEREK credit, they fought us tough to the end' George Brett said. 'It could have gone either way, but I'm glad we pulled out the victory.'

All Star Monday

The Home Run Derby has to be watched with the sound muted. How on earth does Chris Berman still get work?

During the Celebrity and Legends softball game, there were a couple of good lines by Bill Simmons. At one point the long-time Red Sox fan said, "Bo Jackson might even be a worse manager than Grady Little."

But the best line came after a ball dropped in front of Rickey Henderson:
John Anderson: "Not a maximum effort from Rickey Henderson on that one."
Bill Simmons: "Actually, it reminded me of the last 5 years of his career."

Drillers 3, Sidewinders 2

416 SSWS 5 Drillers 3
4/17 Drillers9 SSWs 3
4/18 Drillers 8 SSWs 2


7/13 SSWs 8-DD 7
7/14 DD8 snakes 3

Killer Bees 4, Sidewinders 3

Bees@SSWs

5/9 Bees win 3-1. All scoring in the 1st. Lester and Lee go the distance.
5/10 Bees win 6-1 behind homeruns by Fielder and Parra.
5/11SSWs win 10-2. Pineda beats Cueto.Giambi and Stubbs go yard.


SSWs@Bees

6/18 Sidewinders beat Verlander(???) 5-4 behind 2 Wright HRs. Kimbrel with the save.
6/19 Wild game. Bees win 6-5. Bees take 3-2 lead into the 8th. Snakes tie it up in the top of the 8th, Bees tack on one in the bottom half. Snakes score 2 to take the lead in the 9th and Kimbrel coughs up 2 in the bottom of the 9th.
6/20 Bees tie it in the 9th and win it in the 10th 7-6
6/21 SSWs win 9-5 in 11. Wright hit a 3 run HR in the 11th

Nads 3, Tweeners 2

CM games at the Hooverdome.

Nads suffer the ill effects of the long bus ride to Logan County, dropping 2 straight to start the series. In the opener, MadBum threw 6 scoreless innings, Worley got a 3 inning save, Tweeners win 6-1. DAVE's manager was pretty down after the loss. 'We've really been sputtering along lately, something like 0-10 in the last week or two. That won't get it done.'

In game 2 Pablo Sandoval ripped 2 homeruns (both off Collmenter's card) and had 4 RBI at The Hooverdome where the NORM TWEENERS beat the DAVE NADS by the score of 8 to 3. The home town fans were very appreciative of the fine hitting performance provided by the Kung Fu Panda. He popped a two-run clout over the fence in the 1st inning, cleared the fences for a two-run home run in the 3rd inning and laced a one-base hit in the 7th inning. NORM had 13 hits overall, while DAVE had 9. Felix Hernandez(10-4) picked up the victory, allowing 3 runs in 6 and 1/3 innings. Josh Collmenter(5-3) was given the loss. He allowed 3 homeruns in 7 innings of work.

Thereafter the Nads' pitchers dominated, as the Tweeners would only score in 2 of 27 innings in the final 3 games. Game 3 was an 11-1 Nads blowout, as Dan Hudson tossed BP and only a clutch 9th inning HR by V-Mart prevented a shutout. Tweeners jumped out to a 2-0 lead on a 1st inning homer by Morse, then emulated LDMFs with 17 consecutive bagels while losing the 4th game 5-2 and game 5 by a score of 6-0. Collmenter atoned for his earlier loss by tossing the 3 hit shutout.

Wahoos 3, Zaps 2

Wahoos win 3 straight before giving up a ton of runs in the last 2 to finish with a series win. Game 5 was the highlight. The Wahoos blew a 10-3 lead and fell 13-12.

Score:

Wahoos 9-2

Wahoos 8-7

Wahoos 7-4

Zaps 17-7

Zaps 13-12

Zaps hit .384 with 43 runs. They had an ERA of 9.00. Reyes, Duda and Morrison all had at least 16 hits and hit over .400. Reyes was at .462.

Weird stat. Wahoos had 7 runs on 2 hits in Game 4 (we drew 10 walks). Wahoos hit .333 with an 8.60 ERA.

Killer Bees 3, Inmates 2

(all games at Baptist Bowl vs CM)

BEES 8 – INMATES 3: A tight game becomes a laugher after BASTARD-O enters in relief and gives up moon shots to Beltran and Santana. All 91 Inmate fans shit themselves in disgust.

INMATES 6 – BEES 5: Verlander has two bad innings and allows taters to Jones and Cargo. Bees rally for 3 in 9^th but it’s not enough. Santana continues to “sting” LDMF pitching with a triple and goes 2-4.

INMATES 5 – BEES 4: An extra-base hit festival as 10 of the 16 hits in the game are doubles or homers. Santana continues at a blistering pace with another homer, but the Inmates have Altuve, Beltre, and Wells all leave the yard. Once again the Bees rally in the 9^th but come up short.

BEES 7 – LDMF 0: Verlander Ks 12 and tosses the CG shutout. Floyd gives up HRs to Castro (?), Fielder, and Santana (who else?) before being allowed to head to the clubhouse to bang his head on the wall.

BEES 11 – INMATES 5: Rios hits a 2-run blast in the 2^nd to cap off a three-run inning for a 3-0 lead, and then the Bees got out the lumber scoring seven in the 7^th and four more in the 9^th. LDMF scored two in the last of the 9^th to make it look closer than it really was.

The HEAD INMATE

Goofs 5, Warpigs 2

All games played vs CM at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Goofs win 10-6. The Goofs scored 4 off of Erik Bedard in the 1st and never looked back. Torii Hunter and Jesus Guzman combined to go 5-9 with 2 homers and 7 RBI. Freddie Freeman homered twice for the Pigs.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 5-4 in 10 innings. Smiles all around as Brandon Crawford, called up from the minors to rest Stephen Drew for a few games, goes 3-5 including his first homer of the year, a walk-off blast on a 2-12 roll in the 10th inning.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 7-2. Jake Westbrook lost his shutout in the 9th on a 2-run homer by Brandon Phillips, but he still went the distance with a 3-hitter.

Gm 4 - Goofs win 9-2. Matt Joyce, Marlon Byrd, and Ike Davis - batting 3-4-5 - pound the Pigs for 8 hits, 3 homers, and 7 RBI. Kyle Lohse goes the distance for the win.

Gm 5 - Goofs win 3-2. A 2-run 9th inning homer by Delmon Young ruined the shutout and made it close, but this game was all about the pitching of Carlos Villanueva and the hitting of Melky Cabrera.

Gm 6 - Goofs win 7-3. Marlon Byrd (Marlon Byrd!) goes 5-5 (all singles) and Kerry Wood throws 3.1 innings to get a save.

Gm 7 - Goofs win 2-0. Melky Cabrera provided all the scoring with a 7th inning 2-run homer. Matt Harrison had relief help, but gets win. Three pitchers combined for the shutout.

Sidewinders 4, Fungoes 1

5/27 Pineda and Kimbrel best Kershaw. Chisenhall hits a HR; SSWs win 2-1
5/28 SSWs win 8-3. Morrow goes strong 8. Only runs for Fungoes were unearned on a Morrow error.

8/23 Zimmerman hits a 2 run HR in the 11th for 6-4 Fungo win
8/24 Lincecum goes the distance in 12-2 SSWs win; Chisenhall homers twice.
8/25 Porcello and Lester go the distance in a 6-2 SSWs win. Half of the total runs were unearned on 2 errors by Cuddyer and one by Mauer

Inmates 3, Goofs 2

(all games at the Baptist Bowl)

INMATES 2 – GOOFS 1: Nobody hit in this game. Joyce broke up Norris’s no-hitter in the 7^th with a solo tater. Cargo hit a jack for the LDMF.

GOOFS 9 – LDMF 3: Inmates manager Mike Schmidt told LDMF pitchers to throw stikes, and they proved to be eminently coachable, as they K’d 15 Goofs. Unfortunately, finding the K-zone also meant that BP was only a prelude of the shit to come. Jaso (2xs), Joyce, and Ramirez played Babe-fucking-Ruth and it got ugly after that.

GOOFS 8 – LDMF 2: The bombardment continued as the Goofs led 4-0 before the LDMF even got to bat. Billingsley took the reaming, allowing 10 hits in 4 innings as Inmate pitchers continued to find the strike zone. Goofs end up with 18 hits and show signs of fatigue from running around the bases.

INMATES 5 – GOOFS 2: Lohse implodes in the 3^rd, allowing three runs and five hits while the Inmate staff quits throwing strikes (walking 6). Inmates win! Inmates win! Inmates win!

INMATES 6 – GOOFS 3: Beltre goes 4-4 with two homers, including a 1^st-inning grand slam. Chacin and two relievers don’t suck too bad.

The HEAD INMATE

Tweeners 2, Buckeyes 0

Thanks to the Flyin' Hawaiian, Tweeners sweep a doubleheader at the Hooverdome to finish the homestand 3-2 vs. Buckeyes. The re-cap:
Game 1 was a see-saw affair that went extra innings. Wilson Ramos homered off Joel Hanrahan in the 10th to give the Buckeyes a 5-4 win.
In game 2, Cole Hamels retired 10 batters on strikeouts and Hunter Pence had 2 base hits and 2 RBI as the GLENN Buckeyes defeated the NORM TWEENERS by the score of 4 to 1 at The Hooverdome.

Hamels(2-0) looked very much in control throughout the day. He allowed just 5 hits and 1 walk in 7 innings. GLENN banged out 8 hits on the afternoon.

Koji Uehara preserved the game for Hamels, recording his his 2nd. Madison
Bumgarner(4-7) was given the loss. Hamels was asked about his big strikeout
performance, 'Well, it's a little odd when you rack up these numbers on the
road - instead of cheers and a running tally in the stands, everything gets
real still and quiet. Just strange - but it's nice to be able to take the
crowd out of the game.'

In game 3, the Buckeyes scored 6 runs in the 4th inning before manager George Brett could get his thumb out of his ass and Ivan Nova out of the game, but the Tweeners refused to concede. Led by Shane Victorino's 10 total bases (2 triples and a homer), Tweeners grind out a 7-6 win.

In the opener of the doubleheader, Victorino homered twice and MadBum outpitched Hamels for a 5-2 victory.

Game 5, Victorino went yard again (3 run shot), Presley was 4 for 4 with 3 RBIs, Tweeners cruise 10-1.

Warpigs and DVs make a trade

The DVs traded Alejandro De Aza to the Warpigs for Jason Hammel.

Go-ahead run is at fifth...

I wondered what happened to him. I guess working alongside Tom Grieve finally caused him to have a mini-stroke or something. Barnett also said he has no recollection of this incident.

Rangers announcer takes leave after bizarre on-air incident

By Jesse Yomtov, USA TODAY

During this June 18 coaching visit, Rangers TV announcer Dave Barnett had an odd incident.

CAPTION

By Lenny Ignelzi, AP

A little more than two weeks after an odd on-air incident, Texas Rangers television announcer Dave Barnett is taking an indefinite leave of absence due to "health reasons," according to a statement he released through the team Monday.
Barnett hasn't worked since the Rangers' game on June 18. During a visit to the mound by Texas pitching coach Mike Maddux in the bottom of the eighth, Barnett said:

"Go-ahead run is at fifth (pause) on what Adams is insisting on calling a botched robbery. What actually happened was his henchmen took a piece literally out of..."

His words trailed off at the end, but in actuality the go-ahead run was on first, and there had been no stolen base attempt in the inning.
Barnett told The Dallas Morning News that he was diagnosed with "a complicated migraine" after having an MRI and several other tests.

Drillers 5, Inmates 0

Flower Mound Tigers go 5-2, good enough for a 5^th place tie out of 64 teams! Oh wait, that was Seth’s team…

Drillers Sweep Inmates 5 games to none at the Mud Pit.

April 7 – Juan Pierre wins it with a triple in the bottom of the 10^th scoring Ellsbury from first for a final score of 4 – 3 Drillers.

April 8 – Drillers out hit Inmates 15 – 3 but only win 4 – 2?

June 30 – Drillers hang on to win the game 3 – 1 behind Encarnacion’s tater in the 3^rd.

July 1 – Scott Baker goes 8 for a spot start 3 – 1 win.

July 2 – Ellsbury double in bottom of 7 preserves the Driller sweep with a 5 – 3 victory.

DVs 4, Sidewinders 1

Dvs win 4 of 5 at the ChurchLot

5/25 Maholm took a perfect game into the 7th. but the Snakes prevail 3-2. Kimbrel with the save. Belt hits a 2 run HR

5/26 Halladay pitches well enough. Luebke pitches 2 scoreless IP and Bard gets the save. DVs win 7-4.

Stan

8/19 DVs win 7-3 Weaver is the winner but the save goes to Drew Storen who hurls 3 and 2/3 for the save. GianCarlo homers.

8/20 CIRCUS! DVs win 13-9

8/21 Ogando and Clippard combine for the 4-o shutout.

But your tix now for the Buckeyes/DVs World Series............

Inmates 6, Fungoes 4

Inmates made the trip up to WTF today, here are the results:

April 10 at WTF:

Fungoes break out to a 9-0 lead and then hold on to win 9-5. Kershaw picked up the win while throwing 6 shutout innings. Fungoes collected 13 hits.

April 11 at WTF:

Inmates take a 4-0 lead and finish off the Fungi 5-3. Price takes the loss for the Fungoes. For the second game in a row Daniel Murphy picked up three hits.

May 23 at Baptist Bowl:

Inmates plate 4 in the second inning and 4 in the third inning and cruise to a 12-0 win. Stauffer suffers the loss for the Fungoes. This game was a sign of things to come for the Fungo hitters as they are held to just 4 hits by the Limp Dick Mother Fucking Dick Headed Inmate Pitchers!!!!! SHITFUCK!!!!!

May 24 Ewing Oiler Double Header at the Baptist Bowl:

Fungoes win a close one 5-3 behind the solid pitching of Clayton Kershaw. Papelbon picks up a save picking up the final out for Kershaw. Beltre made some absolutely incredible stops at third base and then threw the ball into the Inmate dugout twice! Kershaw struck out 12 Inmates. Fungo hitters collected 10 hits in the first game of the Double Header.

Between games, Inmate and Fungo management enjoyed the telling and, in some cases, the re-telling of some great HermanWheeler stories. As you might imagine there was a few "what in the world is that?" quotes thrown about. Wouldn't Herman love watching these Rangers!

Game two was a blowout for the Inmates as they beat down the Fungoes 8-2. Inmates picked up 15 hits off Fungo hurlers including 8 hits off of Holland in 2+ innings of work! The Fungoes two Fungo runs were scored by Brett Gardner after he had reached both times on HBPs. When asked if he was alright his response was inaudible.

July 4 at WTF:

Fungoes and Inmates find themselves tied at 4 after nine innings. Inmates score 2 in the top of the tenth inning for the 6-4 lead. After the first two Fungoes go quietly in the bottom half of the tenth inning, Span draws a walk. After a Wieters single and a Salvador Perez single, Berkman smashes a walk-off triple to even the series at 3 wins each! Papelbon picks up the win in relief.

July 5 at WTF:

Inmate pitching completely shuts down the Fungo bats winning it 4-1. Price takes the loss for the Fungoes.

July 6 at WTF:

Inmate pitching dominant again as the Inmates win it 4-1 again! Holland takes another loss for the Fungoes.

August 17 at the Baptist Bowl:

Fungoes come from behind and win this one 6-5. Fungoes bullpen saves the day shutting out the Inmates from the fourth inning on. Fungoes rally for 1 run in the seventh inning and 2 in the eighth. Robertson gets the win while Papelbon picks up the save for the Fungoes.

August 18 at the Baptist Bowl:

Inmates score 5 in the sixth inning to erase a 1-1 tie and win this one easily 6-1. Pauley is tagged with the loss for the Fungoes.

Great series with very good Inmate pitching and timely Inmate hitting sinking the Fungoes in the series. Inmates win the series 6 games to 4.

Buckeyes 2, Tweeners 1

3 games played before the witching hour. Results/details to follow at some point. "Curses, foiled again!", says Demerit Man.

Sidewinders 3, Mavs 2

4/28 Mavs 5 SSWs 3 Hochevar goes the distance beating Ubaldick. Kendrick doubles and triples and drives in 2.

4/29 SSWs 5 Mavs 4. Seth Smith hit a 2 run shot in the 7th to put Snakes ahead. Kimbrel with the save

9/5 SSWs win 6-3Kimbrel another save. Upton doubles and hits a HR.

9/6 SSWS 13 LosMavs 7 Morrow is the winner Bailey the loser. Teams combine for 5 HRs

9/7 Mavs win 8-2 behind strong outing by Hochevar and homers by Young, Kendrick and Torrealba

Sidewinders 4, Nads 1

4/25 Snakes beat Nads 3-2 in 10 innings

4/26 Snakes again win 3-2 in 10 innings. Smoak with RBIsingle to win it.

4/27 Lester shuts out Nads 2-0, wasting a strong outing by Wilson. Brandon Belt hits a tater.

9/3 Nads win 5-3, Wilson beats Jimenez, Guerra with the save

9/4 Rasmus hits a solo shot in the bottom of the 8th off of Shawn Marcum to secure 4-3 snake victory.
Sale picks up the win and Kimbrel gets the save

Inmates 4, Sidewinders 4

(all via netplay)

SIDEWINDERS 8 – LDMF 3 (Baptist Bowl): Giambi and Wright homer for the Snakes while Lester pitches well enough to win. LDMF get ten hits, but couldn’t score in a nymphomaniac whorehouse.

INMATES 12 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (Baptist Bowl): Ryan Howard goes 4-4 with 2 doubles, 2 homers (including a grand slam). A reverse of game 1.

INMATES 3 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (10 innings – Baptist Bowl): Back-to-back doubles by Howard and Paredes with one out in the last of the 10^th win it for the Inmates.

INMATES 6 – SIDEWINDERS 3 (Snake Pit): Snakes can’t overcome Jimenez pitching like an Inmate. Howard and Beltre go yard back-to-back in the 7^th.

SIDEWINDERS 7 – INMATES 6 (11 innings – Snake Pit): Vernon Wells hits a slammer in the 7^th to put Inmates up 5-3, but the Snakes tie it up in the bottom of the 9^th. Inmates pull ahead 6-5 after batting in the 11^th, only to have Perez and Karstens start throwing batting practice and allow the Snakes to win.

INMATES 4 – SIDEWINDERS 2 (Snake Pit): Howard homers again, while de la Rosa and Hernandez pitch well.

SIDEWINDERS 4 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Another see-saw game, with the Inmates tying the game in the 7^th on a Barney (purple) double. Bastard-o comes on in the 9th to let Chisenhall hit a tater and the Inmates inhale vociferously.

SIDEWINDERS 15 – NODICKMOTHERFUCKERS 1 (Toilet Bowl): Only Beltre’s homer in the 4^th kept the NDMF from being totally embarrassed, collecting only 4 hits while making 4 errors. The whole Snake lineup homered several times in this game.

The HEAD INMATE

Fungoes 4, Drillers 3

Fungoes and Drillers results from 7 played at WTF

June 15:

Fungoes hold on for a 3-2 win. Fungoes out hit the Drillers 11-3 but leave 10 on base. Shields takes the hard luck loss while Holland gets the win. Papelbon picks up the save.

June 16:

Drillers score 2 in the first, 3 in the second and 4 in the fourth and cruise to a 9-4 win. Haren picks up the win while Myers is tagged with the loss. 'It's been a rough ride lately, but this was a good win for us' said SHAWN's manager, 'Maybe this will put us back on track.' "SHITFUCK" said the Fungoes manager!

June 17:

Fungoes take a 3-0 lead into the fifth inning but allow single runs in the 5th, 7th, 9th and 10th and the Drillers win in comeback fashion 4-3. David Murphy hits the solo shot in the tenth for the winning run. Bill Bray gets the win in relief while David Robertson gets the loss. J.Ellsbury, E.Longoria also homer for the Drillers.

September 13:

Fungoes turn the tables on the Drillers and win 4-3. Drillers were leading 3-0 until Napoli and Hosmer hit back to back Homeruns off of Casey Janssen to take the 4-3 lead in the 7th inning. Janssen pitched to only two batters and takes the loss. David Price picks up the win and Papelbon gets the save.

September 14:

Drillers win in extra innings 4-1. Both teams were tied at 1 run apiece after nine innings. The Drillers won it in the 11th inning. Jose Molina started the inning off right when he doubled. Evan Longoria stepped up next and he was walked intentionally. Paul Konerko then doubled. David Murphy was up next and he ripped a base-knock. That finished off the scoring (and the Fungoes). Scott Baker picked up the win while David Robertson took the loss. Napoli homered for the Fungoes only run.

September 15:

This is the third time for extra innings between these two division foes. Fungoes win this one 2-1 When Napoli hits a two-out "walkoff" double in the tenth inning. Shields takes a tough complete game loss while Pauly gets the win in relief of Kershaw.

September 16:

Shortstop Willie Bloomquist had 2 base hits as the Fungoes won a heart-stopping victory over the Drillers, 5 to 4. The Fungoes won the game with a run in the bottom of the 9th inning. Scott Sizemore doubled. Two outs later Matt Wieters stepped in and he drew a walk. Nelson Cruz then ripped a one-base hit resulting in an exciting "walk-off" win for the Fungi and a raucous post-game celebration by the home town fans. Fungoes collected 13 hits for the night while the Drillers had 7. Jonathan Papelbon(3-0) got credit for the victory, pitching 1 inning and allowing 1 run. Bill Bray(1-1) was charged with the loss in relief.

Drillers 3, Tweeners 2

Drillers take 3 of 5 at the Hooverdome. Game 1 James Shields went the distance, 8 & 9 hitters Asdrubal & Bruce both homered and combined to go 5 for 9 with 7 RBI, final score 11-3.

In game 2, Michael Morse homered and had 2 RBI at The Hooverdome where the NORM TWEENERS beat the SHAWN DRILLERS by the score of 5 to 3.

The game started off with NORM taking the lead in the first plating an
isolated run utilizing 2 base hits. SHAWN tried unsuccessfully to come back
in the 9th.

The winning pitcher was Felix Hernandez(8-3) who allowed 2 runs in 7 innings.
Sergio Romo earned the save, his 10th. Dan Haren(1-2) ended up with the
loss.

NORM manager George Brett was beaming after the game, 'Not only were we making good contact, but a lot of balls we hit seemed to have 'eyes'! I just love winning these tight ones! It was just our day - no doubt about it!'

In game 3 the Drillers jumped on Gio for 4 in the 2nd, but the Tweeners clawed back against Vazquez and it was tied at the end of regulation. Both teams squandered chances in extra innings, most notably the bottom of the 11th when the Tweeners loaded the bases with one out, and with the infield & outfield in Scott Baker got pinch-hitter Alex Presley to hit into a 4-2-3 DP. Drillers scored 2 in the 12th, and in the bottom half with a man aboard Wilin Rosario just got under the 1-8 BP HR, flying out to end the game. Drillers 6, Tweeners 4. Shitfuck.

A twi-night doubleheader to wrap things up. In the opener Tweeners got 3 in the 1st off Romero but would not score again. Drillers got 2 in the 2nd and 1 in the 5th off Felix. In the 9th, rookie manager Brett would make his worst blunder to date, electing to let Javier Lopez pitch to Jacoby Ellsbury with a man at 3rd, 2 outs, first base open, and Romo warmed in the pen. Ballgame. Fuckshit.

The nightcap featured a 3 run homer and a grand slam by Nick Hundley, Tweeners win 9-5 to salvage the split.

Drillers 3, Inmates 2

(all games at the Baptist Bowl)

DRILLERS 4 – INMATES 2: LDMF manage 3 hits against Shields. Ellsbury taters and gets a stolen base in starting his crusade to be a pain in the Inmates’ collective ass.

INMATES 5 – DRILLERS 3: Beltre’s bases-loaded 3-run double in 7^th gives Inmates the win.

DRILLERS 10 – LDMF 1: Vazquez pitches complete game 4-hitter and Ks 12; Ellsbury and Longoria (Eva) homer twice and Murphy adds another for good measure in a game where Drillers fans were treated to a victory over a bad Pony League team.

DRILLERS 3 – LDMF 1: LDMF offensive juggernaut continues, mustering 5 hits. Ellsbury is held to one hit, but he promptly stole 2^nd. Shitfuck.

INMATES 6 – DRILLERS 1: A 5-run Inmate 6^th is enough for the win as the LDMF hire shills to prevent the ignominy of losing another home game. All 51 fans in attendance responded with a squatting ovation. Ellsbury gets 2 more hits for the Drillers.

The HEAD INMATE

DVs 4, FFTs 3

DVs and FFTs hooked up in a home and home series to finish up their season series with the DVs winning 4 of 7.

At DVs

Game 1 – Stanton, McCann and Helton homer in a DV 11-8 slugfest win

Game 2 – Kuroda keeps the FFTs in the game and they score 3 in the 8^th on the shaky DV bullpen to win 4-3

Game 3 – Lilly pulls a “Kuroda” and keeps the FFTs in the game early and the FFTs hit Halladay hard in a 6-5 FFT win.

At FFTs

Game 4 – DVs use ace Weaver to 4 hit the former team and DVs cruise to a 4-0 win

Game 5 – DVs get a nice 6-3 win with little to report

Game 6 – DVs give up 4 runs late and Anibal Sanchez limits the DVs to 3 hits over 7 innings as FFTs win 4-2

Game 7 – Santana gets hit hard and DVs run away to an easy 8-1 win.

Warpigs 3, Buckeyes 2

Netplayed, without too many freeze-ups. (And this is relatively speaking of course. ANY freeze ups are too many freeze ups, but this is netplay we're talking about. So our expectations are much lower.)

Gm 1 @ The BallPork - Buckeyes win 2-1. I have gone back thru every game this year (no, really) and discovered that in the 247 times that a ground ball-x has been hit to David Freese, he has allowed an error (84 times), a base hit (80 times), or both a hit and an error (82 times). He has cleanly fielded a ball once. His error leading off the game led to an unearned run. Vital, given that the final score was 2-1. Alfredo Aceves went 7 innings for the win. Jeremy Hellickson threw a complete game, taking the hard luck loss. Hanley Ramirez homered for the only Pig run.

Gm 2 @ The BallPork - Warpigs win 7-2. I can die happy now. I won a game against the Buckeyes this year. A brawl erupted in the bottom of the 6th. Chris Carpenter hit Brett Lawrie with a pitch to open the inning - an obvious message for Lawrie, who is dating Carpenter's granddaughter. Freddie Freeman then homered and had some words for Carpenter as he rounded the bases. Carpenter hit David Freese with the next pitch. And nobody hits Freese and gets away with it. Carpenter was ejected, but being bloodied and beaten, he couldn't have continued anyway. Jake Westbrook got the win. Marc Rzepczynski and Mark Melancon combined for 3.2 innings of no-hit relief.

Gm 3 @ Buckeye Palace - Warpigs win 10-7. It was Westbrook again, and by the 8th, the Marc and Mark relief tandem were finished, leaving it to the Three Uglies in the Pig Pen to hold a lead against the vaunted Buckeyes in the legendary Buckeye Palace. But Mike Leake got thru the 8th, and after the Pigs tacked on 2 more runs in the top of the 9th, Dillon Gee came on for the save. Ugly, but we'll take it. Freddie Freeman went 3-4 with 2 homers. The Buckeyes hit into 5 double plays.

Gm 4 @ Buckeye Palace - Buckeyes win 9-3. I will be so glad when SOM allows us to turn off the blocking the plate rule. It was all the difference here, as without it, we would have only lost 7-3. Jordan Zimmermann was knocked out early, and the third Ugly, Jason Hammel, saved the bullpen with 4.1 innings of passable relief. The slap-happy David Ortiz legged out 4 singles for the Shriveled Testicle Gang. Phillip Humber went 8 innings for the win. Dustin Ackley had the game's only homer.

Gm 5 @ Buckeye Palace - Warpigs win 7-3. In game 2 of a double header, the Pigs pounded Aceves for 5 runs in the 1st inning. Erik Bedard threw a complete game for his 9th win of the year. Freeman hit his 4th homer of the series.

The Warpigs only outscored the Buckeyes 28-23, but outhomered them 9-2.

Inmates 2, Buckeyes 2 (again)

Lucky @#$&!@^#$ Buckeyes (albeit with a better team) cheese two from the conspicuously non-LDMF.

(all games at the Buckeye Dome)

BUCKEYES 9 – INMATES 8: Inmates take a 5-run lead into the 3^rd, when plop-plop-fizz-fizz and a big Poopi grand salami later, the Buckeyes lead 6-5. OK, Inmates score 3 more to take an 8-6 lead into the bottom of the 9^th. Typical Shriveled Testical Shit, and the Inmates lose. Howard taters twice to no avail.

BUCKEYES 10 – INMATES 8: Inmates lead 8-2 headed into the 7^th. The BastardEyes score 5 cheating times, but still trail into the 8^th. Then Reed (who?) Goddamned Johnson hits a three-run homer in the 8^th to ice the game. Inmates have scored 8 twice, but can’t win.

INMATES 11 – BUCKEYES 6: An 11-2 deficit is too much even for the Cheatin’ Bastages. Pennington goes long twice (remember that, PigMan?) and the Inmate bullpen doesn’t suck too badly.

INMATES 5 – BUCKEYES 2: Howard hits two more jacks, Beachy K’s 12 and allows two mistakes (taters to Escobar and Heisey). Anti-LDMF win again.

The HEAD INMATE