Zaps at Wahoos

Zaps 4, Wahoos 1

Using a special software patch sent to the Zaps by the Pigman the defending champs take 4 of 5 on the road at the Wahoos.

The story was the Zaps hitting, 44 runs in 5 games.

Game 1-Zaps get 14 hits and 7 walks to cruise 12-4.

Game 2- Wahoos knock Johnson off the hill in three innings to back Happ’s complete game 7-2 gem.

Game 3-Zaps get 14 hits and 4 taters to win 12-6.

Game 4-Cabrera goes 4 for 5 with 4 RBI’s to lead the Zaps to a 10-3 win.

Game 5-Westbrook gets solid run support to back his 3 runs surrendered in 8 innings for a 8-3 win.

Buckeyes at Zaps

Buckeyes 3, Zaps 2

June 10 - Zaps 2 Buckeyes 1 - McCutchen wins it with single in the 13th.

June 11 - Zaps 10 Buckeyes 5 - Crawfor 4 hits and McCutchen 3 RBI's including an HR

July 22 - Buckeyes 3 Zaps 1 - Barton the offensive star with 3 hits and 2 runs scored

July 23 - Buckeyes 7 Zaps 6 - Casper Wells pinch hit HR in 7th proves the difference

July 24 - Buckeyes 8 Zaps 3 - Hamels with a complete game. Buckeyes jump on Westbrook for 7 runs in 3 1/3 IP.

Zaps at Nads

Zaps 3, Nads 2

Game 1- Nad’s staff gave up 14 hits in a 5-1 loss

Game 2- CJ Wilson walked nine & pitched an inning too long in a 7-5 loss to the Zaps.

Game 3- Cody Ross drove in six runs to power the Nads to a 7-5 win.

Game 4- Jose Bautista’s two taters led the Zaps to an 8-3 triumph.

Game 5-JD Drew and Adrian Gonzalez hit two taters each as the Nads kicked the Zaps out of town with a 5-4 victory in the get away game.

Zaps at Buckeyes

Zaps 3, Buckeyes 2

Game 1-Buckeyes shell Scherzer and roll 9-4

Game 2-Westbrook and Downs shutout the Buckeyes 5-0

Game 3-Johnson and the pen shutout the Buckeyes again 5-0

Game 4- Buckeyes win 3-2 on an Ortiz 11^th inning pinch hit tater.

Game 5-Zaps win 4-3 after Abreu homers in the 12^th inning.

Killer Bees at Nads

Bees 3, Nads 2

Bees take 3 of 5 at the Sack.

AGon hits a 3 run walk off homerun in the 9th inning of game 5 for the Nads only 3 runs of the game. I got greedy and was trying to get Duensing the complete game shutout...wrong choice. Too many cold Coors Lights.

Wahoos at Drillers

Wahoos 2, Drillers 1

All games at Drillerville.

gm 1 - Wahoos won 8-2.

gm 2 - Drillers won 5-4. A 4-run bottom of the 9th for the Drillers. Vlad Guerrero hit a 2-run, pinch hit homer to tie it. Every Hoo down in Hooville cried Boo Hoo.

gm 3 - Wahoos won 7-3. Wahoo quote: "How did we ever lose a game to these guys?!?"

Inmates at Nads

Nads 5, Inmates 2

All games at Nadville.

Nads 8 – Inmates 5: Francisco comes on to pitch for the Inmates in the 6^th with score 4-4 and gets the first two batters out. Then walk, walk, tater, tater, and we lose.

Nads 5 – LDMF 0: Dumpster pitches a three-hitter for the Nads. ‘Nuf said.

Nads 2 – LDMF 0: Wilson/Saito/Lyons two-hit the LDMF. Here are the LDMF hi-lights:

1^st inning: Johnson walks with one out; Beltre singles him to 3^rd one out later. Both are stranded by Howard.

2^nd inning: Francisco walks; Jones walks with one out, Francisco to 2^nd; Susuckme hits into 6-4-3 DP.

5^th inning: Jones walks, then steals 2^nd with one out; Scrotumo and Johnson both K.

7^th inning: With one out, Gonzalez, Fukudome, and Colvin all walk to load the bases; Scrotumo hits into a 5-2-3 DP.

8^th inning: Johnson walks and steals 2^nd; Pena pinch-hits into a 8-4 DP (?!?); Beltre singles and is left stranded.

Inmates 3 – Nads 0: It takes 14 Inmate hits to score three runs, two of which were solo HRs by Gonzalez and Howard. Billingsley is sharp.

Nads 10 – LDMF 3: Nads score 6 in the 2^nd as Wood throws batting practice. Inmate one-game winning streak is snapped.

Inmates 9 – Nads 3: Anderson twirls a complete-game 10-hitter for the Inmates; Wilson throws a complete-game 14-hitter for the Nads.

Nads 5 – Inmates 3: A b-flat game with not much of interest happening. Inmates/LDMF suck.

The HEAD INMATE

Drillers at Zaps

Drillers 4, Zaps 1

Drillers 4 @ Zaps 1

May 28 Errors by Miguel and Bautista give Drillers 5 un-earned runs helping Lincecum out duel Greinke for a Driller 8 – 5 victory.

May 29 Haren with a complete game 7 – 1 Driller win while Jeter carries the offense with a 5 3 3 5 line and two taters raising his average to .213!

Aug 23 Zaps come back in a 3 – 2 win that sees Lincecum get out pitched by Westbrook.

Aug 24 Five runs in the 7^th prove too much for Zappers to overcome. Downs falls flat in relief in another 8 – 5 Driller victory.

Aug 25 Kevin Slowey slaps a pie in the face of Grienke as he goes 6 shutout innings for a 7 – 1 Driller win. Brandon League sucked shit.

Wahoos vs SuperGoofs

Wahoos 10, Goofs 4

Hoos went 5-2 both at home and on the road.

Mavs at Zaps

This series was played at the start of April, but not reported. Thanks to the Zapper for getting it to me.

Mavs 4, Zaps 1

Well I don't know what to make of this. We've been getting killed and all of a sudden I've won 7 out of ten. The strange thing is I've been resting players and starters. The first score is the Mavs.

April 26	6-4
April 27	8-5
July 20	7-3
July 21	3-1
July 21	2-4

Wahoos at Warpigs

Pigs 2, Hoos 0

A summer afternoon with cards and dice... just like the old days.

Gm 1 - Pigs win 3-2 - Going into the bottom of the 9th, the Wahoos led 2-1 thanks to plating triples in both the 3rd and 4th innings. The Pigs had done nothing against Fausto Carmona except a solo shot from Jim Thome way back in the 2nd. But Albert Pujols led off with a single, bringing on Brian Fuentes. Pinch hitter Donnie Murphy drew a walk, and Geovanny Soto ended the game with a double, scoring Pujols and pinch-runner Clayton Richard. Heath Bell, in relief of Trevor Cahill, got the win.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 4-1 - Cliff Lee and four relievers kept the Wahoos at bay, and homers from Pujols and Magglio Ordonez did the damage in the win.

Drillers Go On Extended Road Trip

Drillers 4, DVs 3
Mavs 3, Drillers 2
Sidewinders 4, Drillers 1
Drillers 3, Buckeyes 2
Drillers 4, Inmates 1

Drillers 4 at DVs 3

May 15 Drillers line: 14 16 0 DVs: 0 4 2. Only one HR hit in game… Rajai with 4 SBs. Lackey gets torched.

May 16 Drillers win 3 -2 . Two DV solo shots and a stray single just not enough offense.

May 17 Dvs win 4 – 2 behind Halladay. Hammel gets the loss.

Aug 7 Stanton’s 3 taters and 6 RBI single handedly beat all Driller offense. Dvs win 7 – 5. Lincecum gives up ALL 7.

Aug 8 Granderson’s solo blast in 10^th give DVs a 7 – 6 win. Granderson’s second blast of the game…

Aug 9 There was a Longoria sighting in this one! Two home runs and 4 rbi giving the Drillers an 8 – 6 win. Evan now has a robust .232 avg.

Aug 10 Juan Pierre with 4 SBs help the Drillers take a victory 3 – 2. Yet another game with zero extra base hits for Drillers.

Drillers 2 @ Mavs 3

Apr 3 Hughes out duels Lincecum as each go the distance. Mavs win 4 – 1.

Apr 4 Mavs win 6 – 5 as Haren couldn’t get out of the first.

Apr 5 Drillers win 5 – 2 as Romero solves the Mav lineup.

Jun 29 Drillers win 6 – 5 as Longoria goes 3 for 5 and Posey triples.

Jun 30 Mavs take the finale 4 – 3 as Lincecum sucks shit again giving up all 4 runs.

Drillers 1 @ Snakes 4

June 1 Jimenez goes the distance for a 6 – 2 Snake win. Drillers scatter 5 hits.

June 2 Lincecum gives up 6 more runs and Drillers scatter 4 singles in a 6 – 1 Snake victory.

June 3 Drillers sneak in a 7 – 6 victory as Snake pen gives one up in the 8^th.

Aug 29 Snakes win 6 – 2 as Vasquez can’t get out of the 4^th. Driller offense again offensive.

Aug 30 Shields Ks 11, offense scores 1. Snakes win nightcap 4 – 1.

Drillers 3 @ Buckeyes 2

May 21 Niemann hangs on for a 4-3 victory scattering 5 Buckeye hits.

May 22 Hammel is greater than Hamels. In a battle of an “M” vs an “S,” the Driller version wins 6 – 5.

Aug 14 Haren loses another as Driller offense sucks. Bucks 4 – 1.

Aug 15 Buckeyes win 3 – 2. On the highlights, Konerko hit a double!

Aug 16 WTF… Drillers have 12 hits in an 8 – 4 victory! That’s it, we play all our games on Aug 16 from now on!

Drillers 4 @ Inmates 1

Apr 10 Drillers win 7 – 2 as Haren goes the distance.

Apr 11 Drillers score early and often in an 8 – 4 victory.

Jul 3 Cargo and RHo go deep to seal a 5 – 3 Inmate win.

Jul 4 Hammel, Burnett, and Wilson combine on a 4 hit shutout. Drillers win 3 – 0.

Jul 5 Drillers win 5 – 2 as it appears we’ve found a team even more hapless than we. But we did have TWO doubles this game!

SuperGoofs at Inmates

Inmates 5, Goofs 0

Goofs return the favor by going 0-5 at Inmates.

Game 1 Inmates 6 Goofs 5 - Howard's RBI single in 10th wins it.

Game 2 Inmates 4 Goofs 0 - Wood throws a 4 hitter

Game 3 Inmates 6 Goofs 5 - Beltre HR in 10th

Game 4 Inmates 4 Goofs 3 - Fransicso wins it in 10th with a single

Game 5 Inmates 6 Goofs 5 - Suzuki with 3 hits including the game winner

SuperGoofs at DVs

DVs 3, Goofs 2

DV's take 3 of 5 at home versus Goofs

Game 1 DV 3 Goofs 2 - Liriano wins and Madson the save. Kinsler 2 RBI's

Game 2 DV 6 Goofs 2 - Latos winner. Medlin holds Goofs down in relief.

Game 3 Goofs 7 DV 0 - Cust a 3 run homer. Huff 3 hits including an HR. Capuano and 3 relievers combine for the shutout.

Game 4 DV 4 Goofs 3 Matusz goes 8 for the win.

Game 5 Goofs 11 DV 9 - Back to back HR's by Choo and Hunter in the 9th win it.

Trade

The Warpigs traded Jamey Carroll to the FFTs for Manny Ramirez and the Warpig 6th round pick.

Tim Lincecum vs Severus Snape

Fungoes vs Wahoos

Fungoes 3, Wahoos 2

Fungoes and Wahoos finished off 2011 on Wednesday at WTF. Here are the results:

Game one, at Hooville:

Fungoes 001 001 100 3 8 0

Wahoos 121 000 11X 6 11 2

Wahoos jump on Porcello early and add two late inning runs for the 6-3 victory. Wahoos out hit the Fungi 11 to 8. Porcello earns the loss for the Fungoes.

Game two, at Hooville:

Fungoes 204 001 302 12 19 0

Wahoos 010 000 000 1 7 1

Fungoes explode for 12 runs and 19 hits and David Price picks up a complete game win. Orlando Hudson, Coco Crisp, Ryan Zimmerman, Brett Gardner and Cesar Izturis collect three hits apiece for the Fungi.

Game three, at WTF:

Wahoos 002 200 000 4 8 1

Fungoes 420 001 000 7 12 0

Fungoes score six in the first two innings and coast to the win 7-4. Berkman follows a run scoring triple by Figgins with a two-run HR in the bottom of the first to get the Fungi headed in the right direction. Takahashi picks up the win in relief of Myers with 4 1/3 scoreless innings. Frieri gets the save for the Fungoes.

Game four, at WTF:

Wahoos 200 001 040 7 9 0

Fungoes 000 000 003 3 7 1

Wahoos jump on Porcello again and pad their lead with a four-spot in the eighth. Fungoes finally score three in the ninth but too little, too late.

Game five, at WTF:

Wahoos 010 000 000 1 6 0

Fungoes 020 000 00X 2 8 0

Fungoes and Wahoos finish up with a pitchers duel won by Kershaw (with timely relief from Stauffer and Papelbon). Span and Wieters get the RBIs for the Fungi. Kershaw gets the win while Papelbon picks up his second save of the year.

Fungoes split with the Wahoos for the season winning 4 while losing 6.......we almost split!

Main Fungo-head

Wahoos at DVs

Wahoos 5, DVs 0

Nothing like staying up after midnight and having your ass kicked via netplay.

The results (all played in front of the DV faithless):

Game 1 – Wahoos 3, DVs 1 Commentary: DVs suck

Game 2 – Wahoos 7, DVs 5 Commentary: DVs suck

Game 3 – Wahoos 5, DVs 4 – 11 innings Commentary: DVs suck

Game 4 – Wahoos 8, DVs 5 – 11 innings Commentary: DVs suck

Game 5 – Wahoos 3, DVs 2 Commentary: DVs suck

About Last Weekend

Some notes from the Nashville trip...

Last year I made the trip to Nashville alone and never made a wrong turn. This year, with the Pigs, Fungoes, and Rhinos traveling together... there were at least 5 wrong turns, taking us miles and miles out of the way. At one point on some Arkansas backroad, I swear we could hear banjos... so we paddled faster.

The lady who reserved our room at the hotel said it had 2 queen size beds and a "sleeper sofa". I guess one person's opinion of a sleeper sofa differs from another person's, but the Rhinos slept on what was basically a window sill. About 5 feet long and a foot and a half wide, with a small, slightly soiled, padding. Oh, and it was directly above the air conditioner. The things we will do to make sure we never share a bed with another grown man.

The Pigs and Tweeners completed their series in a various variety of variations. We played 3 games with a CM, 1 game on NetPlay, 1 game face to face with dice, and 5 games shoulder to shoulder on the computer. That has to be some kind of record, doesn't it?

Although the Pigs, Rhinos, and Fungoes actually made TWO trips to the Loveless Cafe for breakfast, next time I want to try lunch there.

The Sidewinder batters struck out 19 times in one 9-inning game against the Warpigs, but still won.

The Bees and Pigs played a 14-inning game that featured 35 strikeouts.

At one point the BeeBoy entered the room, turning on the bright lights and just seconds later emitting a rousing, draft-worthy fart, proving that light does travel faster than sound. The Snakeman figured if we counted the seconds between the light and the sound, we could determine how far away the storm was.

And I'm not sure what this means, but the Rhinos and Bees were reportedly "smoking each other" in the kitchen.

Speaking of smoking each other, the Pigs kicked the Fungoes' ass, and the Fungoes kicked the Snakes' ass, and the Snakes kicked the Pigs' ass. A virtual circle jerk of Strat.

Inmates at DVs

DVs 3, Inmates 0

All played in DVville (read: FuckMe Stadium).

DVs 4 – LDMF 3 (10): Good well-played game until the 10^th, when normal LDMF curse takes over. Pena hits HR in 10^th the give LDMF the lead, but Helton HRs (on a 1-4/fly), then Perez implodes for the DV win. LDMF now 1-12 in extra innings.

DVs 9 – LDMF 3: Ramirez hits two 3-run HRs before the LDMF can find the dugout. Beltre hits “clutch” 3-run tater in 9^th to keep LDMF from being shut out.

DVs 8 – LDMF 0: Ramirez homers again, Helton HRs on another 1-4/fly, and fuck shit fuck fuck shit!^&$#&@*(&!^*@#@!

The HEAD LDMF

Nashville Nonsense

To add to the Warpig/Fungo results posted yesterday...

Killer Bees 5, Rhinos 5
Sidewinders 6, Rhinos 4
Tweeners 5, Rhinos 5
Warpigs 4, Tweeners 2
Sidewinders 6, Warpigs 4
K.F. Bees 7, Warpigs 3
Sidewinders 7, Killer Bees 4
Tweeners 7, Fungoes 3
Killer Bees 6, Fungoes 4
DVs 1, Fungoes 0 (Netplay)
Sidewinders 2, Tweeners 2
Fungoes 7, Sidewinders 3


The Loveless Cafe rocks... again!

Fungoes vs Warpigs

Warpigs 7, Fungi 3

First 3 games played in Jackson, Tennessee. Final 7 played in Nashville.

Gm 1 @ The BallPork - Fungoes win 6-2 - Trevor Cahill, pissed that he has been traded to the Rhinos, gives up 3 taters. Jon Garland gets the win.

Gm 2 @ The BallPork - Pigs win 10-1 - Stephen Drew goes 4/5 with a homer. Cliff Lee gets the win.

Gm 3 @ The BallPork - Pigs win 9-6 - The Pigs come from behind with a 5-run 6th inning. Albert Pujols goes 2/2 with a double and homer while driving in 4.

Gm 4 @WTF Field - Pigs win 7-3 - Cliff Lee wins again. Pujols homers again. Delmon Young homers twice.

Gm 5 @WTF Field - Fungoes win 6-4 - The Fungi overcome a 4-run Pig 3rd for the win.

Gm 6 @WTF Field - Fungoes win 6-4 - The Fungoes come from behind again and finally beat Cliff Lee. Mike Napoli's 3-run homer was the key.

Gm 7 @WTF Field - Pigs win 9-4 - David Price goes the distance but gets shelled in the loss. Magglio Ordonez has 3 hits and 3 RBI. Pujols homers.

Gm 8 @WTF Field - Pigs 8-6 - Delmon Young gets 4 of Pigs' 15 hits. Ryan Zimmerman knocks in 4 for the Fungoes.

Gm 9 @ The BallPork - Pigs win 3-2 - Angel Pagan squeezed in the winning run in the 7th inning. Cliff Lee got the win.

Gm 10 @ The BallPork - Pigs win 2-0 - Ordonez hit a 2-run homer in the 1st inning, and Anibal Sanchez (with 9th inning help) tosses a 1-hit shutout.

FFTs vs Inmates

FFTs 3, Inmates 2

Visiting teams win every game. Inmates keep sucking in extra-inning affairs and are now 1-11.

INMATES 10 – FFTS 7 (FFTville): FFTs jump all over Billingsley and lead 4-0 after three, but Inmates’ cancer-bats go into remission as the Beakless Chicken Gang collects 20 hits, batting around in both 5^th and 6^th innings.

INMATES 5 – FFTS 4 (FFTville): Pennington’s glove of shit makes two errors, giving FFTs 4-3 lead going into the 9^th. Pena hits 2-out 2-run pinch tater to win game for Inmates.

FFTS 12 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Lee taters twice for the FFTs who get revenge for last two losses.

FFTS 7 – INMATES 6 (14)(Baptist Bowl): Inmates battle back from 6-0 hole, only to lose in typical fashion in the 14^th inning. Both bullpens are severely over-used, with Chacin, Perez, and Belisle all throwing 5+ innings.

FFTS 6 – INMATES 4 (13)(Baptist Bowl): With no bullpen help available, the natural result was another extra-inning game. Pennington makes his 5^th (!!!) error of the series, while three FFT relievers keep the LDMF from scoring after the 5^th.

The HEAD INMATE

Buckeyes vs Inmates

Buckeyes 4, Inmates 3 (again)

Five well-played games and two total pieces of shit.

INMATES 5 – BUCKEYES 4 (BuckeyeDome): Lead changes several times but two-run homers by Gonzo and Howard carry the Inmates.

BUCKEYES 5 – INMATES 4 (BuckeyeDome): Suzuki hits the first of four homers on the day, but Buckeyes are too much for the Inmates.

BUCKEYES 4 – INMATES 3 (BuckeyeDome): Beltre hits into three DPs, including the game-ender with two runners on. Another one-run nail-biter.

BUCKEYES 11 – INMATES 8 (Baptist Bowl): Buckeyes jump out to a 7-0, including an ugly error-ridden 4-0 lead befor the LDMF even got to hit. Three Inmate HRs couldn’t make up the difference.

INMATES 1 – BUCKEYES 0 (Baptist Bowl): Everything the last game wasn’t. Five Inmate pitchers face four Buckeye pitchers in a great pitching duel. A sacfly by Adam Jones in the 2^nd is all the scoring.

BUCKEYES 11 – INMATES 6 (Baptist Bowl): Six HRs in the game (three by each team); the Buckeyes jump out to a 6-0 lead before the Inmates got off the shitter.

INMATES 4 – BUCKEYES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Another great game made greater by an Inmate win. A walk-off 2B by Pena ices the win.

The HEAD INMATE

The Rhino Invitational

The Major League All Star game has become a showcase for the Rhinos. Sixty-six players were named to the 2011 All-Star Game Sunday. Fan vote will select two more, and as always some replacements will be named. But of the 66, 64 are on NASOMA rosters - and TEN of them are Rhinos.

The highlights:

* The Rhinos have the most All Stars with 10, and 5 of those are starting. They also have 2 in the voting for the extra spot. Their 10 All Stars is DOUBLE the amount of All Stars in the rest of the BUD combined.

* The Killer Bees have 3 starting pitchers and 1 reliever. A 4th Bee starter is in the voting for the extra spot.

* The trade yesterday between the Pigs and Bees involved an All Star from each team swapping places.

* The Wahoos do not have an All Star.

Here’s the complete breakdown:

(10) Rhinos: Starters (5)– A.Avila, R.Braun, M.Kemp, P.Polanco, A.Rodriguez. Reserves (3)– Y.Molina, T.Tulowitzki, J.Votto. Pitchers (2) — J. Beckett, J.Venters.

(7) Killer Bees: Starters (2) — P. Fielder, R. Weeks. Reserves (1) — S.Castro. Pitchers (4) — J.Jurrjens, C.Lee, J.Valverde, J.Verlander.

(6) Drillers: Starters (1)– D.Jeter. Reserves (2) — A.Cabrera, J.Ellsbury. Pitchers (3) — T.Lincecum, J. Shields, B.Wilson.

(5) DVs: Starters (2) — C.Granderson, B.McCann. Reserves (2) — M.Holliday, M.Joyce. Pitchers (1)– R.Halladay.

(5) Fungoes: Starters (1) — L.Berkman. Reserves (2) — M. Cuddyer, M.Wieters. Pitchers (2) — C.Kershaw, D.Price.

(5) Buckeyes: Starters (1) — D. Ortiz. Reserves (3) — C.Jones, H.Pence, G.Sanchez. Pitchers (1) — C.Hamels.

(5) VivaZaPastas: Starters (2) — J. Bautista, J.Reyes. Reserves (2) — M. Cabrera, R.Martin. Pitchers (1)– B.League.

(4) FFTs: Starters (1)– J.Hamilton. Reserves (1) — M. Young. Pitchers (2) — M.Rivera, J.Weaver.

(3) SuperGoofs: Reserves (2) — B.Phillips, C. Quentin. Pitchers (1) — T.Clippard.

(3) Mavs: Reserves (2) — H.Kendrick, J.Upton. Pitchers (1) — M.Cain.

(3) Sidewinders: Reserves (2) — C.Beltran, J.Bruce. Pitchers (1) — J.Hanrahan.

(2) Warpigs: Starters (1)– R.Cano. Pitchers (1) — H.Bell.

(2) Inmates: Reserves (1)– A.Beltre. Pitchers (1) — C.Perez.

(2) Nads: Starters (1)– A.Gonzalez. Pitchers (1) — C.J.Wilson.

(2) Tweeners: Pitchers (2) — G.Gonzalez, F.Hernandez.

(0) Wahoos:

(2) Free agents: Pitchers (2) — A.Crow, R.Vogelsong.

2012 Rosters

Rosters for the 2012 season are now updated and posted on the webpage in both html and excel formats. The 2011 Rosters are still there as well. The new rosters for next year are updated with the three trades made this season as well as all previous trades that involved 2012 draft picks. At the bottom of your roster, you will find all the draft picks you currently own. As always, let me know if I have missed a deal somewhere.

Trade

On July 4, 1991, the Warpigs traded Alan Trammell, David Cone, and two first round picks to the Bandits for Barry Larkin and Todd Zeile. Larkin went on to be a major part of the Pigs offensively and defensively for the next 9 years, helping win the Higdon 5 times during that stretch. While we here Warpig Headquarters know you can't hope for anything like that again, we're hoping the trade we made today, exactly 20 years later, will come close.

The Warpigs traded Cliff Lee and Carlos Santana to the Killer Bees for Mike Leake and Robinson Cano.

Happy 4th of July!

Let's play two!

DVs at Zaps

Zaps 4, DVs 1

Game 1- Johnson throws a 2 hitter and Zaps win 2-1

Game 2 – Greinke throws a 3 hitter and Zaps win 2-0

Game 3 – DVs get to Rodriguez and win 7-3 behind Liriano

Game 4- Zaps win 8-6 as Cabrera and Martin both get 3 hits and Johnson wins again

Game 5 – Zaps ride fatboy Fielder’s 2 run HR in the 8^th ( I KNEW I should have walked him) to win 4-2.

DVs at Drillers

DVs 4, Drillers 3

Rhinos at DVs

DVs 3, Rhinos 2

gm 1 - DVs win 7-6
gm 2 - Rhinos win 7-3
gm 3 - Rhinos win 5-3
gm 4 - DVs win 9-2
gm 5 - DVs win 6-5

Trade

The Warpigs trade Trevor Cahill and Leo Nunez to the Rhinos for Hanley Ramirez.

Warpigs vs Inmates

Inmates 3, Pigs 3

INMATES 3 – WARPIGS 1 (Ballpork): Colvin’s HR in 5^th puts the Inmates ahead, while six pitchers hold the Porkers to 6 hits. (PigNote: Pigs suck.)

INMATES 6 – WARPIGS 2 (Ballpork): Inmates have three sac flies in two innings, Billingsley pitches a 7-hitter, and the Pigs can’t generate any offense. (PigNote: I can't decide if my favorite thing about this game was my e4 at 2b booting a ball that led to 2 unearned runs, or the runner we threw out at home that was called safe because my catcher apparently didn't block the plate. What kind of shit is this?!?)

WARPIGS 6 – INMATES 3 (Ballpork): Porcine Powerhouse hits 4 taters (three off of Wood). Francisco and Gonzalez go deep for the LDMF, but it’s not enough. (PigNote: Two of the Pig taters were by Magglio Ordonez. Delmon Young and David Ross had the other two. Clayton Richard got the win. Sean Marshall the save.)

WARPIGS 15 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Pigs were riding high after a three-run 2^nd, but Francisco hits a Salami in the bottom of the inning to put the Inmates ahead 4-3. Pigs score two more in the 3^rd, but Betemit hits pinch tater in bottom of the inning to tie. The Pigs are really pissed by this time. All hell breaks loose. Warpigs get 20 hits, steal 6 bases, and leave the LDMF glad they brought Vaseline. (PigNote: Correction: The Pigs stole 7 bases. Pujols and Stephen Drew knocked in 4 runs each and Ryan Sweeney went 4-4.)

INMATES 4 – WARPIGS 1 (Baptist Bowl): Billingsley and Perez toss a 2-hitter. Pigs threaten a lot but can’t hit in the clutch. (PigNote: @#$%!*%#)

WARPIGS 4 – INMATES 3 (10) (Baptist Bowl): An interesting well-managed and played game until SphincterBoy (Poo-holes) homers in the 10^th. Inmates are now 1-10 in extra-inning games. (PigNote: Back when we played the first four games face to face with dice, the HEAD INMATE rolled 1 after 1 with that MF 20-sided die. In the top of the 10th of this game, Pujols rolled a BP HR (1-5) and rolled... the 1. Resulting in this exchange:

Pigman: 1

HEAD INMATE: eat me

It was Pujols' 2nd homer of the game.)

The HEAD INMATE

(Pigman)

Wahoos vs Rhinos

Hoos 4, Rhinos 3

Wahoos go 3-1 at Rhino Park and 1-2 at home.

New Amarillo Gold Sox Mascot

He's very happy to see you.

Buckeyes vs Fungoes

Buckeyes 6, Fungoes 4

Buckeyes go 6-4 in 10 games versus Fungoes. Buckeyes go 3-2 at home and 3-2 on the road.

at Buckeyes

April 10 Buckeyes 3 Fungoes 2

April 11 Buckeyes 6 Fungoes 4

July 3 Fungoes 4 Buckeyes 3

July 4 Fungoes 4 Buckeyes 1

July 5 Buckeyes 2 Fungoes 1

at Fungoes

May 23 Fungoes 5 Buckeyes 2

May 24 Buckeyes 2 Fungoes 0

May 25 Fungoes 7 Buckeyes 1

August 18 Buckeyes 9 Fungoes 2

August 19 Buckeyes 3 Fungoes 2

Inmates vs Buckeyes

Buckeyes 4, Inmates 3

Netplay at its most magnificent enjoyable fucked. Inmates LDMF score once in the four losses. No losing team scores more than two runs, with four shutouts thrown.

Buckeyes 2 – LDMF 0 (Testicle Park): Carpenter shuts out the LDMF on 3 hits. Shit.

Inmates 8 – Buckeyes 1 (Testicle Park): Betemit and Gonzalez go yard; Billingsley Ks 12 in a CG.

Buckeyes 1 – LDMF 0 (Testicle Park): LDMF gets all of 2 fucking hits, while the Shriveled Testicle Gang gets walk-off win in 9^th on a single with everyone in.

Buckeyes 3 – LDMF 1 (Testicle Park): LDMF gets 3 more hits, while Anderson gives up two cranks to someone. FUCK!

Buckeyes 3 – NoDickMotherFuckers 0 (Baptist Bowl): Another fucking 2-hitter. @#&&^#^*@$&@^(&!! (read: FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!)

Inmates 8 – Buckeyes 0 (Baptist Bowl): At least we return SHO the favor. Wood goes the distance.

Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 2 (Baptist Bowl): But we only got 3 fucking hits. Back-to-back doubles by Francisco and Gonzalez in the 2^nd, and a pinch tater by Colvin in the 7^th.

The HEAD INMATE

DVs at Rhinos

Rhinos 3, DVs 2

gm 1 - Rhinos win 9-4
gm 2 - Rhinos win 5-4 on a pinch hit, walk off single in the bottom of the 9th.
gm 3 - Rhinos win 5-2
gm 4 - DVs win 4-2
gm 5 - DVs win 8-4

Tweeners at Warpigs

Tweeners 1, Pigs 0

Just one game to keep the Tweeners demerit-free. Tweeners win 3-1 behind a solid performance from Dallas Braden.

Rhinos vs SuperGoofs

Rhinos 7, Goofs 7

Rhinos go 4-3 at home and 3-4 on the road.

Buckeyes vs Wahoos

Buckeyes 5, Wahoos 5

April 15: Buckeyes 6, at Wahoos 3

April 16: Buckeyes 5, at Wahoos 2

May 28: Wahoos 2, at Buckeyes 1 (16 innings)

May 29: at Buckeyes 2, Wahoos 1 (11 innings)

July 10: at Wahoos 5, Buckeyes 4

July 11: at Wahoos 4, Buckeyes 3

July 12: Buckeyes 2, at Wahoos 1

Aug. 23: Wahoos 9, at Buckeyes 7

Aug. 24: at Buckeyes 3, Wahoos 2

Aug. 25: Wahoos 6, at Buckeyes 4

Buckeyes outscore Wahoos, 37-35. Wahoos ERA: 2.85. Buckeyes ERA: 2.48.

Buckeyes hit .224 as a team. Wahoos hit .225 as a team.

Justin Morneau was 2-for-17. Kevin Youkilis was 7-for-34. Wilson Ramos was 9-for-15 (with 2 non-throwing errors). Dustin Pedroia led the team in RBIs with 5. However, he only hit .176 in 17 at-bats.

Gabby Sanchez was 1-for-2 with a game-winning extra-inning homer for the Buckeyes (off Fuentes). Martin Prado hit .326 in 43 at-bats. He tied for the series lead in RBIs with 7. David Ortiz only hit .216 but had 7 RBIs. Alex Rios, Jorge Posada, Chipper Jones and Yunel Escobar were all regulars and all hit .188 or under.

Uehara pitched 7 innings of 1-hit ball out of the bullpen. Evan Meek burned 11 innings but was super tough to get on against.

Warpigs vs Rhinos

Pigs 8, RhinoSultans 6

The first 7 were played at Rhino Park.

Gm 1 - Pigs win 1-0. Great battle between Anibal Sanchez and C.C. Sabathia was decided in the top of the 9th on an RBI double by Donnie Murphy.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 10-7. Ross Ohlendorf gets the crap knocked out of him, but somehow hangs around long enough to get the victory. Magglio Ordonez hits 2 homers and knocks in 5 runs.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 8-1. Cliff Lee goes 8 strong innings and the Pig bats beat up on Josh Beckett.

Gm 4 - Pigs win 9-2. Clayton Richard throws the complete game. Josh Beckett gets beat up again. Jim Thome and Carlos Santana combine to go 4/6 with 2 homers and 7 RBI.

Gm 5 - Pigs win 5-4. Cliff Lee bests C.C. Sabathia when Albert Pujols hits an 8th inning 2-run homer.

Gm 6 - Pigs win 2-0. Anibal Sanchez only goes 6, but the bullpen is masterful in holding on to his second straight shut out of the Rhinos. Brett Cecil tosses a complete game but takes the loss.

Gm 7 - Pigs win 7-4. I was wrong about Ohlendorf having the crap knocked out of him earlier; he apparently had more crap left. And AGAIN it was knocked out of him and AGAIN he came away with a win.

And yes, for those of you scoring at home, the Warpigs won the first 7 games of the evening. The Rhinos commented, "We just got Wahoo'd!" And then...

The final 7 games were played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Rhinos win 7-1. Edwin Jackson proves unhittable in the complete game victory. Troy Tulowitzki homers and drives in 5.

Gm 2 - Rhinos win 4-1. This time it's Sabathia and the bullpen that keep the impotent Pig bats impotent.

Gm 3 - Rhinos win 7-6. Some shodding fielding by the Pigs led to 3 unearned runs and an early 6-0 deficit. The Pigs came back to tie the game, but Alex Gordon hit his second homer of the game in the 8th inning for the win.

Gm 4 - Pigs win 9-1. This would be the only game out of 14 that the home team won. The win goes to the now crap-free Ross Ohlendorf, who held the Rhinos to 4 hits over 8 1/3 innings.

Gm 5 - Rhinos win 4-1. Trevor Cahill surrenders 3 homers, and Sabathia goes the distance for the win. A Pujols homer helps the Pigs avoid the shutout.

Gm 6 - Rhinos win 5-2. Pig hurler Clayton Richard pitched well, but his bullpen blew a 2-1 lead when little used CF Lorenzo Cain, a September call up, not only allowed a routine fly ball to drop in for a bases clearing double, but then also drop-kicked the ball into the stands while Joey Votto circled the bases for a Little League Home Run. The 8th inning gaffe changed a 2-1 Pig lead into a 5-2 Pig deficit. We tried to interview Cain after the game, but he was nowhere to be found. In fact, he is now listed as a missing person, or as the Pig PR director called him, a missing piece of shit.

Gm 7 - Rhinos win 7-3. Fuck this fucking game.

Fungoes at FFTs

Fungoes 2, FFTs 1

WTF-ers traveled to FFT-land for a three game set. Fungoes win games one and three. Here are the highlights:

Game one:

Fungoes 011 201 301 - 9 13 0

FFTs 000 100 010 - 2 9 0

Catcher Matt Wieters slammed a home run and had 4 RBI as the FUNGOES topped the FFT'S by a score of 9 to 2 at FFT Stadium. The FFT fans didn't appreciate the big day Wieters had. He ripped a one-base hit resulting in a run in the 4th inning, smacked a three-run homer in the 7th inning and stroked a base-hit in the 9th inning. The FUNGOES kept the pressure on throughout the contest as they scored in 6 different innings. The winning pitcher was Brett Myers who allowed 2 runs in 7 innings. Ervin Santana was the losing pitcher. He allowed 7 hits and 4 walks in 5 and 2/3 innings.

Game two:

Fungoes 000 000 010 - 1 6 0

FFTs 200 000 03x - 5 9 1

Josh Hamilton hit a home run and had 3 RBI as the FFT'S topped the FUNGOES by a score of 5 to 1 at FFT Stadium. The FFT fans enjoyed the offense provided by "Hammering" Hamilton. He tripled which plated a run in the 1st inning, lashed a single in the 3rd inning and popped a two-run clout over the fence in the 8th inning. The FFTs ended up with 9 hits for the game while the FUNGOES had 6. The victory was credited to James McDonald who went 7 and 2/3 innings, allowing 1 run. Mariano Rivera earned the save, his 32nd. David Price suffered the loss.

Game three:

Fungoes 000 020 001 - 3 4 0

FFTs 000 000 001 - 1 6 1

Clayton Kershaw and Jered Weaver treated the FFT fans to a fine
pitching duel at the Ball Park. The FUNGOES eventually emerged as
victors over the FFT'S by the score of 3 to 1.

The FUNGOES tallied 2 runs in the top of the 5th inning when they came up with 3
base hits. They would prove to be the difference in the contest. The FUNGI had
only 4 hits for the night.

Joel Zumaya recorded the save, his 1st.

NET PLAY WORKED!!!!!!!!

Inmates vs FFTs

FFTs 4, Inmates 1

Several wild games, with a return to LDMF normalcy:

FFTs 5 – LDMF 2 (at FFTs): A non-descript, B-flat game with the FFTs jumping out in front early and hanging on for the win. Betemit misses two 1-15 HR chances (where’s that “1” now?) and settles for doubles.

Inmates 9 – FFTs 3 (at FFTs): Inmates get hits in only four innings, but bunch together 5 in the second, 5 in the fourth, and 4 in the seventh for all of the runs. Billingsley tosses a complete game.

FFTs 7 – LDMF 6 (12) (at FFTs): LDMF score 3 in top of the first to look like they’d get another easy win. Then, heeding advice from Inmate management, Floyd keeps the ball in the strike zone and allows the first 8 FFTs to reach base in the bottom of the first. 6 runs score. To add insult to injury, LDMF pitchers hold the FFTs scoreless until the 12^th as the LDMF caught up. A throwing error by Suzuki aided in the total meltdown in the 12^th.

FFTs 6 – LDMF 4 (11) (Baptist Bowl): A 3-run homer by Howard in the 8^th, followed by a solo shot in the bottom of the 9^th by FuckYouDome allowed the LDMF to give the game away in extra-innings again. Not only did the pitching staff pitch 23 innings in two days, but lost them both.

FFTs 6 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Floyd pitching BP again. LDMF are shut out on 10 (!?!) hits. Among the three DPs hit into by the losers was one that went 1-2-3, and another that went 8-3.

Go figure.

The HEAD INMATE

SuperGoofs at Sidewinders

Snakes 3, Goofs 2

April 10 - Goofs 0 SSW 4 Jimenez complete game 5 hitter. Branyan's HR drives in 3

April 11 - Goofs 2 SSW 3 (20 innings!!!) Wright doubled and scored on Bruce's single. It was a game that would never end.

July 3 - Goofs 4 SSW 12 Sanchez throws a complete game. SSW knocked out 13 hits

July 4 - Goofs 12 SSW 10 Goofs finally start hitting. Choo drives in 3. Hunter and Phllips 3 hits each

July 5 Goofs 5 SSW 4 Hunter with 3 more hits. Johnson had 4 hits. Garcia and 2 relievers hold on for win.

SuperGoofs at Tweeners

Goofs 4, Tweeners 1

April 13 - Goofs 3 Tweeners 2 (14 innings) Johnson's double scored Overbay in the 14 inning

April 14 - Goofs 5 Tweeners 3 2 Goof runs in 9th win it for Garcia

July 7 Goofs 9 Tweeners 6 Ramirez 4 RBIs. Lewis gets the win

July 8 Goofs 4 Tweeners 2 (13 innings) Another extra inning game. Hunter's 2 run homer in 13th wins it

July 9 Goofs 4 Tweeners 5. Hernandez complete game win salvages one for Tweeners

SuperGoofs at Mavs

Mavs 3, Goofs 2

April 15 Goofs 7 Mavs 2 - Choo with 3 hits and Denorfia a key triple. Hunter and Huff homer as Lewis gets the win

April 16 Goofs 2 Mavs 3 (12 innings) - Torrealba's double in12 th wins it for Mavs

July 10 Goofs 1 Mavs 2 Bucholz goes 8 with 5 hits. Upton and Butler with RBIs

July 11 Goofs 1 Mavs 2 - Haywards hit offAdams in 7th scores winning run

July 12 Goofs 3 Mavs 0 - Piniero and 2 relievers combine for shutout. Choo has 3 hits

Warpigs at DVs

DVs 2, Pigs 0

Netplay. September games. Debacle.

Gm 1 - DVs win 10-9. Riddle me this... A relief pitcher goes 1/3 of an inning. He allows 0 hits and 0 walks. There are no batters hit by pitch. There are no errors, wild pitches, or passed balls. He strikes out 1. And yet... he allows an earned run. How does this happen?

The DVs' Aramis Ramirez continues to dominate the Warpigs, hitting a grand slam that leads the DVs to a 9-1 lead after 6 innings. But then Jim Thome hits a grand slam of his own in a 7-run 7th inning to get the Pigs back in the game.

Part of the DV onslaught was an inning that saw Rafael Soriano achieve the scenario listed earlier. Here's what happened. The first batter Soriano faced struck out. The second batter attempted a squeeze bunt. The result was "defense" and the runner going home was 1-4. We threw home. He was safe (naturally). Soriano came out and Sean Marshall allowed a grand slam to the pinch-hitting Ramirez.

Gm 2 - DVs 17, Pigs 4. The [fucking] DVs scored 14 [fucking] runs in the 3rd [fucking] inning on 12 straight 2-out [fucking] hits. That is [fucking] all.

DVs at Warpigs

DVs 1, Warpigs 1

NetPlay snags solved, the doubleheader at the BallPork was finally completed.

Gm 1 - Warpigs 9, DVs 8 - The Pigs rallied from an early 7-2 deficit. Jonathan Lucroy and Aramis Ramirez both homered their first two times up for the DVs, but it was a 5-run 7th that won it for the Pigs.

Gm 2 - DVs 5, Warpigs 2 - Francisco Liriano shut down the Pig bats for the win. Matt Holliday homered. Albert Pujols homered in both games of the double header.

DVS vs Warpigs

Pigs 3, DVs 1

More netplay fun. We only tried to get a netplay connection maybe 30 times. And when we lost connection late in the 5th game, we could not finish the series. Maybe later (the DVs led in the 5th game, so I think we should just forget that one and start it again.)

First three games were played at DV Park.

Gm 1 - DVs win 7-2. A 5-run first off of Anibal Sanchez was enough. Brian McCann homered twice.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 5-4. The DVs were in command in this game as well, with the Pigs bumbling and fumbling their way (3 errors!). Then the Pigs erupted for 4 runs in the top of the 9th for the win.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 4-1. In a game in which no one drew a walk, Andy Pettitte, with late help from Heath Bell and Joakim Soria, gets the win.

The final game today was played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Pigs win 4-2. In the loss, DV John Lackey returns to his old stomping ground and throws a complete game without striking out a single batter.

FFTs vs Warpigs

FFTs 6, Pigs 2

Finished our series via netplay today. It was NOT fun.

The first 3 were played at FFT Park.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 3-2 in 10 innings. Manny Ramirez hits a 2-run homer and then in the 10th, lays down a sacrifice bunt to move the eventual winning run into scoring position. This game is obviously not realistic.

Gm 2 - FFTs win 4-3. A 3-run homer by Josh Hamilton in the 3rd holds up.

Gm 3 - Warpigs win 7-6 in 10 innings. The FFTs rally in the 9th to tie, but strand the winning runner at 3rd. The Pigs win in 10.

The next 3 were played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 13-2. This was the only game out of our 10 that wasn't a 1-run game. Cahill gets his ass handed to him, but he's a trooper and stays in for 8 innings.

Gm 2 - FFTs win 3-2. Jered Weaver goes the distance and the FFTs come from behind again to win.

Gm 3 - FFTs win 7-6 in 13 innings. A 3-run homer from Michael Young brought the FFTs back from an early 5-1 deficit.

The last 2 were played at FFT Park with full rosters.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 5-4. A 3-run bottom of the 8th brought the FFTs from behind one more fucking time.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 4-3. I seriously think the FFTs threw this game. That's about the only way to explain a Pig win.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;

But there is no joy in Mudville — because the Warpigs suck.

DVs at Warpigs

Warpigs 2, DVs 0

The Pigs sweep a pair of Netplay games.

Gm 1 - Pigs 6, DVs 5 - The DVs scored 4 in the top of the 9th when Andy Pettitte finally tired. Sean Marshall got the save. Magglio Ordonez, Geovanny Soto, and Angel Pagan all homered off of Francisco Liriano.

Gm 2 - Pigs 7, DVs 1 - The Pigs hit 5 homers off of DV ace Roy Halladay, including 2 by Carlos Santana. Anibal Sanchez goes the distance for the win.

Trade

The Killer Bees traded Tommy Hanson to the Zaps for Prince Fielder.

FFTs at Warpigs

Pigs 2, FFTs 0

We finally got NetPlay to work for us, and we were so pleased that we played 2 games to celebrate.

6/16 - Pigs win 3-2 in 10 innings. Jered Weaver allowed only 2 hits in 7 innings, but Jamey Carroll chased him off with an RBI single in the 8th. Then Angel Pagan squeezed home the tying run in the 9th. After Ichiro's cannon arm nailed Stephen Drew at the plate for the 2nd out in the bottom of the 10th, Ryan Sweeney singled home Albert Pujols for the walk off win. Anibal Sanchez went 9 innings, but got a no decision. Sean Marshall pitched the top of the 10th for the win. Josh Hamilton led the FFTs with 3 hits, including a homer.

6/17 - Pigs win 5-4. Jim Thome tripled home 2 runners in the 8th inning to extend a 3-2 lead to 5-2. Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton, and Joakim Soria then hung on for a 5-4 win. Stephen Drew hit a 2-run homer in the third. Andy Pettitte got the win and Ervin Santana took the loss.

Buckeyes at Killer Bees

Buckeyes 3, Bees 2

Buckeyes 3 Bees 2 in 5 at Bees

May 1 Bees 9 Buckeyes 6 Hudson winner, Verlander the save. Cano, Barajas, Edmonds all homer

May 2 Buckeyes 4 Bees 1 D. Lowe throws a complete game 4 hitter outdueling Verlander. Nix and Chipper get 2 hits each

Sep 7 Buckeyes 4 Bees 3 (13 innings) Buck hits homer in 13 for the win. It was his second of the game as he drives in all 4 runs.

Sep 8 Bees 5 Buckeyes 4 Wagner shuts us down to get the save. Weeks 3 run homer of Lowe was the difference

Sep 9 Buckeyes 5 Bees 4 Carpenter the win and Meek the save. Big Papi with a homer and Pence 2 doubles to beat Cueto

Wahoos vs Fungoes

Wahoos 4, Fungoes 1

Wahoos and Fungoes rolled dice this morning. Here's how it went.

Game 1:

Wahoos win, 4-1, at the Fungoes. Youkilis hit a 3-run homer in the fourth inning and a solo shot in the sixth. The Fungoes scored their only run in the first. Tommy Hunter gave up 6 hits and a walk while going all the way.

Game 2:

Wahoos win, 3-0, at the Fungoes. Nolasco throws the 10-inning complete game shutout. He allowed three hits and one walk. He struck out 10. Austin Jackson hit a 2-run double in the 10th and then scored on a Johnny Damon double.

Game 3:

Fungoes win on the road, 5-3. Wahoos scored 3 runs in the first but squandered chances throughout. Fungoes scored 2 in the seventh to snap a 3-3 tie.

Game 4:

Wahoos lean on the bullpen for four shutout innings in a 5-4 home victory. Bases-loaded walk to Dustin Pedroia was the winner in the sixth inning. Tim Stauffer continued his struggles vs. the Wahoos. Jed Lowrie homered for the Wahoos.

Game 5:

Fausto Carmons goes all the way in a 4-0 home victory. He allowed 4 hits and 3 walks but was helped by 3 caught stealings. Wahoos only managed 5 hits.

Wahoos outscored the Fungoes, 19-10 in the series.

And from the Fungo:

It doesn't seem as bad hearing it from the Wahoos perspective......Fungoes have now lost 9 of the last 12.........ouch!

DVs at SuperGoofs

Goofs 3, DVs 2

DVs avoid the demerit police while watching a "Best of THE VIEW Marathon".

Goofs take the first 3 games 2-0 (Volstad and Adams combine on a shutout), 6-5 (DVs never led and Garcia pitches like the 1^st round pick he is) and 6-5 (a 10^th inning walk off walk by Cust wins it). DVs win games 4 and 5, both by the score of 5-1 as Ka’ahihue goes 4 for 4 with 3 HR’s in the first game and Halladay sends the Goofs home crestfallen in the last game.

DVs are just glad that The View offers such great, insightful points of view - especially now with Oprah having retired her show.

Rhinos at Fungoes

Rhinos 2, Fungoes 0

Fungoes and Rhinos complete the season series with a double header today at WTF. Here are the crappu results!

Game 1 @ WTF.

Rhinos 0 0 1 3 2 0 0 3 1 - 10 13 1

Fungoes 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 2 0 - 7 11 1

Right fielder Alex Gordon rocketed 3 homeruns and had 4 RBI as the FUKING RHINOS
outscored the WTF FUNGOES 10 to 7.

Gordon propelled the victory. He ripped a solo home run in the 4th
inning, lifted one out of the park for a two run home run in the 5th inning
and smashed a solo-shot out of the park in the 9th inning. DEREK scored in 6
different innings, but their shaky pitching kept them from victory.

The win went to Brett Cecil who allowed 5 runs in 6 and 2/3 innings.
Jonny Venters got the save, his 1st. Clayton Kershaw was the losing
pitcher.

'It's almost like the ball was trying to hit my bat,' Gordon said. 'Whenever I
would swing, the ball found the sweet spot.'

Game 2 @ WTF.

Rhinos 0 0 0 0 0 1 2 0 0 - 3 8 0

Fungoes 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 - 1 6 0

In a game for the baseball purist :( , Jeff Francis and Jon Garland
squared off in a tense pitching duel, the RHINOS finally emerged victorious
over the WFTers, 3 to 1.

The Losers never recovered after the Rhinos took the lead in the 6th inning plating an
isolated run. The game was a scoreless duel until the 6th inning.

Francis got help from John Axford who earned his 1st save.

How much fun was that!!!

Inmates vs Warpigs

Inmates 3, Warpigs 1

Warpigs 5 – Inmates 3 (Ballpork): Three Pig taters are enough to wup the Beakless Chicken Gang.

Inmates 11 – Warpigs 3 (Ballpork): Five Inmate homers and a strong performance by Santana puts the Pigs away early. The “1” die makes more than one evil appearance.

Inmates 13 – Warpigs 4 (Baptist Bowl): Inmates blast 18 hits, including a slammer by Howard, to obliterate Pig pitchers. Pig management is convinced of satanic influences on the demonic “1” die.

Inmates 8 – Warpigs 5 (Baptist Bowl): “If that die rolls another one, it’ll be out in that pasture behind us.” Within an inning, Fukudome pinch hits a triple on, you guessed it, a TR 1/Si 2-20. For good measure, another “1” roll on an outfielder X-chance is wasted, since it was hit to Pagan.

Un-fucking real die rolls. Not necessarily in the clutch, or when close (several “1s” were on 1-16 type of rolls), but uncanny to say the least.

Inmates vs Fungoes

Inmates 3, Fungoes 2

Fungoes 5 – Inmates 2 (10)(Baptist Bowl): Gonzalez can’t score on 1-17 play at the plate, forcing game into extra innings. Closer Perez comes on for Inmates with 0.87 ERA, and promptly gives up 3 hits and a homer without getting an out.

Inmates 8 – Fungoes 2 (Baptist Bowl): Howard, Gonzalez, and Suzuki (“don’t call me pussy”) hit homers for the Inmates, while Santana pitches 7 strong innings.

Inmates 16 – Fungoes 1 (Baptist Bowl): The vaunted Inmate “1” begins its insidious (and somewhat embarrassing) run. Inmates score 4 in each of the first three innings; Floyd Ks 10 in a CG.

Betemit 3 – Fungoes 2 (WTF): A pair of taters for Betemit and all the ribbies, coupled with 8.1 from Santana give the Inmates another W. The “1” die continues its quest for world domination.

Fungoes 4 – Inmates 2 (WTF): Fungoids salvage Tweener Split, despite more statistically preposterous “1” rolls by the Inmates.

Fungoes played a Memorial Weekend series at WTF vs the Inmates with the following results:

Game 1 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 000 100 100 3 5 11 0

Inmates 000 000 200 0 2 9 0

Kershaw gets the start but Dessens picks up the win in relief. Frieri nails down the save for the Fungi. Nelson Cruz hits the 3-run dinger in the top of the tenth for the winning runs.

Game 2 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 010 000 010 2 8 0

Inmates 024 100 10X 8 9 0

Garland gets the shellacking at the hands of the Inmates (and the 1-sided die)! Inmates score early and often and then hold on to win.

Game 3 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 000 000 001 1 6 2

Inmates 444 000 40X 16 18 1

Porcello gets rocked by the Inmates (and we can't blame it all on the 1-die) but hangs in there for the complete game loss! Ouch!!

Game 4 @ WTF.

Inmates 000 001 020 3 7 0

Fungoes 000 100 001 2 9 0

Down 3-1 in the ninth the Fungoes squander a bases loaded no out situation only scoring once. Kershaw takes the hard luck loss.

Game 5 @ WTF

Inmates 010 000 010 2 8 2

Fungoes 100 010 20X 4 11 1

Garland picks up the win and Frieri grabs another save earning the Fungoes the Tweener split!!!

As a small footnote; the Inmate 20-sided die must have about 19 ones, though to be fair in game one he couldn't roll a 1-17 to score and win it in nine innings..........Cruz repaid that kindness with the three run dinger in the tenth.......

Go Fungoes!!