Steal a base, get a taco...

The good news is... With Lindor's first inning stolen base, the whole country gets a free Doritos Locos Taco from Taco Bell.

The better news is... You don't have to actually eat it.

2016 NASOMA Playoffs - Round One

The Snakeman is coming to Dallas! The Sidewinders advance to the 2nd round in 7 games.

Game 1 - Snakes lose 6-2

Game 2 - Snakes win 4-0

Game 3 - Snakes win 3-2

Game 4 - Snakes lose 2-1

Game 5 - Snakes lose 18-0

Game 6 - Snakes win 8-1

Game 7 - Snakes win 8-6.

The Sidewinders' 2nd round opponent will be either the Mavs or Fungoes, depending on the outcome of the other 1st round series.

The rest of the playoffs will be held November 19th.

That's What She Said

Thursday night's Cub/Dodger game... John Smoltz speaking... "Big hitters get the best wood."

Three nights earlier following the Indian/Blue Jay game... Terry Francona speaking... "When I saw blood on the rubber, that's not a real good sign that things are going very well."

Transaction

The Warpigs traded Adeiny Hechavarria to the SuperGoofs for Luis Severino.

The Wahoos traded Hisachi Iwakuma and a 5th round pick to the Tweeners for a 4th round pick.

Regular Season Finished

The 2016 NASOMA regular season wrapped up today.

In the post season, the first round features the #3 seeded Warpigs vs the #6 Wahoos, and the #4 Sidewinders against the #5 Zaps.

The Fungoes earned the #2 seed and a bye. The Mavs had the best record in the league; they'll be seed #1.

The playoff date (I think) is November 19th. I'm still not sure where the games are being played. The Zaps can't make the trip, but the Snakeman will be flying in because flicking the bean away from home is way more enjoyable. He'll play his series with the Zaps via TeamViewer.

The Draft Order for the first the non-playoff teams is...

1. Buckeyes (It takes work and talent to lose this many games.)

2. Killer Bees (I wonder who will be available for me to draft online in March?)

3/4. FFTs and Drillers (a 20-sided die will be rolled by the commissioner to break the tie - winner picks 3rd in odd rounds and 4th in even rounds. "I only went 5-5 with one damn team this year, and it had to be the Drillers.")

5. Goofs (If I cut Matt Duffy, am I allowed to use this pick to get him back?)

6. Nads (The Nads are picking 6th. This is NASOMAspeak for "best year ever!")

7. DVs (He remains the posterboy for mediocrity.)

8. Tweeners (Finished 5-19 to grab this illustrious spot in the draft.)

9. Inmates (When your team strikes out almost a thousand times more than they walked, pick 9 is pretty much what you deserve.)

10. Rhinos (Wait... 90 wins didn't get me into the playoffs?!? Can I replay those last 5?)

This list, of course, does not reflect any trades.

As a bonus, here is my prediction for picks 11-16...

11. Sidewinders (Win or lose, I love the idea of the Snakeman flying from Kentucky to Dallas to play a guy from Los Angeles via the internet. Nothing has ever made more sense to me or could be a stronger indication of what makes NASOMA so great.)

12. Warpigs (In 14 games, we beat the Wahoos 3 times. How the hell do I now beat him 4 times in 7 games? The answer is, I don't.)

13. Zaps (After beating the Snakes online, the Zapper bows out due to "more important shit to do" and allows the Fungoes to play against his CM. The Fungoes, of course, sweep.)

14. Mavs (They may have been the best team in the league, but this is the Year of the Wahoo.)

15. Fungoes (While watching homer after homer by the Wahoos - and getting shut out twice by Arrieta, the Fungoes spend the remaining time reminding the Wahoos how to spell Fungoes since he'll be having it put on the Higdon in 2018.)

16. Wahoos (It's not often that a 24-year plan comes to fruition right on time like this. All Hail the Wahoos!)

Mavs 5, Goofs 0

The Mavs roll into Disneyworld pleased to find that you can purchase an adult beverage there because hey if you’ve got to stand in line with the wife and kids for hours listening to “It’s a Small World After All” a buzz is in order. 

 

June 25^th:  2^nd Amendment Rights advocate Chris Heston faces Jason Hammel.  Although it is a bit unnerving to see Minnie Mouse packing heat, it isn’t the first time the Mavs have played before an armed audience.  WTF are the numbers in this park?  Communist Goofs have nothing but zeroes.  The running Mavs score first in the top of the third on an Upton single, SB and Valencia double and tack on an additional run with infield hits by ARod (boo) and Davis.  Winged feet.  The Mavs add a run in the fourth on a walk to Miller, Lucroy sac and Wong double and oh my Bernice Brewer appears to be trying to strike up some kind of event with Huey, Dewey and Louie.  This is what happens when you don’t allow home runs.  In the bottom of the fourth the Goofs get their first baserunner on a Valencia error but strand him.  Their first hit comes in the bottom of the fifth on a Duda double but the Goofs strand him.  In the top of the seventh ARod (boo) drives in a run on a ballpark fly ball B and the cameras catch Bernice Brewer smoking three cigarettes at once.  The Mavs hold on to win 6-0 as four pitchers combine on a two hitter.  Jason Hammel wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going seven innings allowing just one hit, striking out seven and walking none.

 

June 26^th:  The Mavs go for the coveted NASOMA D Cup for the best record in the regular season.  Eduardo Rodriguez takes the hill against Jake Odorizzi who after giving up 38 homers in 169 innings has to be happy to be in Disneyworld.  The Goofs score first in the bottom of the second when Bryce Harper fails to chase down a looping single.  It is still 1-0 at the end of the fifth although it is hard to see how.  The Goofs have stranded eight plus hit into a double play as nine of the first 23 batters have reached base for the Goofs.  The Mavs get an infield hit, a walk, a sacrifice bunt by ARod (boo) and pitcher X where we sent James McCann 1-9 and he made it to tie the game in the top of the sixth.  I’m glad the Goofs didn’t have to see that.  In the eighth still tied, McCann draws a walk, Harper gets an X hit off Duda (3e4), after ARod (boo) and Davis hit ground ball C’s, Jackie F. Bradley greets Franklin Morales (the right move by Hal) with 2-8 double chasing in two runs.  The Goofs get one run back in the bottom of the eighth on a double by Duda and a single by Phillips.  The Goofs get the tying run on the ninth with a walk by Choo but Kang strikes out and Duda grounds out.  The Mavs win 3-2 and get their hands on the D Cup at last.  JF Bradley gets the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game for the two out double off a lefty.

 

Sept 6^th:  The badly hungover Mavs send Hammels out to face Luis Severino.  The Goofs strike first on a Cameron Maybin homer 1-3 flyB (split of 3) to lead off the first.  In the top of the third Chris Davis hits a 1-6 straight out tater scoring Harper who had doubled.  Mickey reaches for his hip flask.  The Mavs add a run in the top of the fourth on an Upton double.  Mickey careens to the luxury box bar.  The Mavs add a run in the top of the fifth on a sacrifice fly by JF Bradley.  Mickey kicks Goofy and passes out with a bean burrito in his left hand and a Tres Generaciones bottle in his right.  The Mavs hold on to win 4-1.  Davis wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-3 with two walks, a homer (number 54) and a double.

 

Sept 7^th:  In a reprise of the D Cup clincher it is Eduardo Rodriguez vs. Jake Odorizzi.  The Mavs open the scoring in the top of the first with an ARod (boo) 1-9 straight out homer (number 33).  Chris Davis follows with his 55^th homer.  In the top of the third Nick Castellanos hits a 2-6 two run homer.  The Goofs cut the lead in half with a single by Phillips and back to back doubles by Maybin and Parra.  The Mavs hang on from there and win 4-2.  I counted three ball park homers by the Goofs.  The game would have been different in the Rastadome.  ARod (boo) wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game going 2-3 with a homer and a walk.

 

Sept 8^th:  Steven Wright (he likes to skate on the other side of the ice) vs. Yovanni Gallardo (16-3 with a 2.98 ERA – explain that).  The Mavs open the scoring in the first on a 1-5 straight out homer by Bryce Harper (number 44).  Chris Davis followed with a 1-10 straight out homer (number 56).  The Mavs tack on two runs in the top of the ninth on a Harper double and seven Mav pitchers (September baseball) combine to throw a shutout.  Mavs win 4-0.  Gallardo wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game by picking up his seventeenth win.

Zaps 3, Nads 2

ZAPS go 3-2 at NADS. Tristan must have pissed off HAL – as his team hit into 10 double plays and made 10 errors in 5 games

and that allowed the miserable NADS to win 2.

May 19th –Five errors by the visiting team opened the door as Anthony Gose had 2 base hits and 2 RBI as the NADS defeated 

the VIVAZAPASTAS by the score of 8 to 2 at The Ball Sack. TRISTAN found themselves trailing quickly as the DAVE bats 

came through in the first inning plating 2 runs on 2 hits.

May 20th -Travis D'Arnaud had 4 hits and 3 RBI as the VIVAZAPASTAS outscored the NADS 6 to 3. Ken Giles(2-0) was the 

winner allowing no runs in 3 and 1/3 innings. Kevin Jepsen(2-6) was the losing pitcher in relief.

August 12th – Zaps made four errors and hit into three double plays while the NADS stole five bases and had 21 hits. 

Final score – NADS 13 Zaps 3

August 13th – Zaps win 12-7   12 runs – 18 hits – 3 errors  NADS 7 runs – 10 hits – 0 errors Manny Machado added four ribbies

 to his seasonal total with one swing of the Bat with a Grand Slam in the 8th. NADS scored 4 runs in the bottom of the ninth but fell short

August 14th - Asdrubal Cabrera connected with a 'big fly' and had 6 RBI and Max Scherzer had a complete game as the VIVAZAPASTAS 

beat the NADS by the count of 10 to 5.

Transaction

The FFTs traded J.T. Realmuto to the Warpigs for Yadier Molina.

Fungoes 5, Inmates 2

Fungoes and Inmates finished up their season series today and also completed 

their respective 2016 regular season.  Here are the results:

July 8 at Inmates:

Fungoes break out to a 5-0 lead and hold on to win 5-4.  Kyle Gibson picks up 

the win improving to 12-9 for the Fungoes.  Carter Capps goes 2 innings claiming 

his 22 save.  Matt Carpenter smashed a solo blast in the first and a 2 run double

in the fifth inning.

July 9 at Inmates:

Fungoes score early and often winning it 8-3.  Matt Harvey improves to 11-7.  Sal

Perez blasted 2 home runs while Freddie Galvis collected 3 hits.

July 10 at Inmates:

Inmates blast Clayton Kershaw for 5 early runs and hold on to win it 6-3.  

September 9 at Fungoes:

Fungoes win this one 7-3 and Kyle Gibson picks up win number 13.  Will Harris 

collects save number 22.  Eric Hosmer collected 4 hits and scored 2 runs for

the Fungoes.

September 10 at Fungoes:

David Price finishes up his season with 7 shutout innings as the Fungoes win it

7-0.  Sal Perez and Eric Hosmer both homer for the Fungoes.

September 11 at Fungoes double header game 1:

Clayton Kershaw collects win number 24.  Shawn Kelley picks up his first 

save of the season in game #161.  Mookie Betts bangs out 3 hits while Trout

doubles, triples and scores 2 runs.

September 12 at Fungoes double header game 2:

Matt Harvey throws batting practice for the Inmates as they earn a split.  

Fungoes finish up with a 101-61 record!

Derek

Cards and dice:

Fungoes 5 – Inmates 4 (Baptist Bowl): Pineda gives it up like a 50 cent floozy, the Inmates can’t catch up, and the Fungus win.

Fungoes 8 – Inmates 3 (Baptist Bowl): Salazar pitches like shit, the Inmates hit three solo homers and commit three errors, and Fungus runs rampant in the Beakless Chicken’s abode.

Inmates 6 – Fungoes 3 (Baptist Bowl): The Inmates close out their 2016 home schedule by kicking Kershaw’s ass for four runs in the 1^st, but the Fungoes still have a bye in the first round of the playoffs.

Fungoes 7 – Inmates 4 (WTF): Salazar pitches like shit, Chapter 2, and the Inmates lose. Again.

Fungoes 7 – LDMF 0 (WTF): The Little Leaguers from Central Texas show up and get an old-fashioned ass-wuppin’ as the Fungoes celebrate their team’s 100^th victory. BFD. . .

Fungoes 6 – Inmates 4 (WTF): At least this looks a little better on paper, but the Inmates still lose.

Inmates 8 – Fungoes 1 (WTF): Finally the Inmates click on all cylinders, but who the fuck cares? The season is over and the Inmates get the 10^th pick of the draft.

Of interest (?) – The Inmates out-tatered the Fungoes 13-7 in the series, out-stole the Fungoes 2-1, and got outscored by the Fungoes 37-30. Hmm. Cargo finished the year with 48 homers and 84 RBI. Hmm.

The HEAD INMATE

Sidewinders 12, Tweeners 2

Finished up our season last Friday/Saturday morning in Russellville. Snakes got hot and went 6-1 at HooverDome and 6-1 at home in the ChurchLot.

Tweeners won 7/12 by score of 6-1 and 5/30 game one of DH 4-3

SSWs won the other games 7-5, 12-5,6-0,13-6,8-4,3-1,5-1,5-3,7-3,6-2,3-1 and 5-3.

Earlier in the year we went 1-9 vs Warpigs. Never remember having two such streaks in one season.

Now that he is retired, we need to hire the MavMan as Director of Media Relations and Marketing so he can write up our game stories and develop business relationships and sponsorships.  He has developed into the Hunter S. Thompson of baseball reporting.

ssws

Fungoes 4, Nads 3

Fungoes and Nads finished up today via TeamViewer with the Fungoes winning 4 of 7.

May 30 game 1:

Third baseman Todd Frazier had 2 base hits as the NADS beat the

FUNGOES by a score of 4 to 2.

The Nads totaled 7 hits on the afternoon.

Kevin Jepsen(2-3) went 1 and 1/3 innings allowing no runs for the victory.

Hector Rondon preserved the game for Jepsen, recording his his 19th save.

Will Harris(5-3) was the losing pitcher in relief.  He allowed 2 runs and 2

hits in 1/3 of an inning.  

May 30 game 2:

Mookie Betts hit for the cycle and had 4 RBI at The Ball Sack where the

Fungoes beat the Nads 11 to 5.

Betts had a big day at the plate.  He doubled in the 2nd inning, tripled

scoring a run in the 4th inning, smacked a three-run homer in the 5th inning

and singled in the 8th inning.  Trevor Rosenthal(4-2) got credit for the victory, 

pitching 1 and 2/3 innings allowing no runs. Kevin Jepsen was the loser in relief.

May 31:

R.A. Dickey tossed a complete game as the NADS beat the FUNGOES by

a score of 5 to 1.  The game started off with DAVE taking the lead in the 

first as they scored 2 runs on 2 base hits.  That scoring would be all that 

was needed.  Neither team managed to score after the 2nd inning. 

Dickey(7-5) picked up the complete game victory, allowing 1 run. Lance

McCullers(7-7) took the loss.  He pitched 7 innings allowing 8 hits and 3

walks.

June 1:

Clayton Kershaw went 7 strong innings at The Ball Sack where the FUNGOES

beat the NADS in 13 innings 5 to 3.  The score was tied at 2 after nine.  The

Fungoes won the hard fought contest in the 13th inning.  Matt Carpenter kicked 

off the action when he delivered a solo blast.  Mike Trout stepped up next and he 

tripled.  Mookie Betts then ripped a base-hit scoring the final run of the inning.  

The win went to Will Smith(5-1) who allowed no runs in 1 and 2/3 innings.

Smith got help from David Robertson who was credited with his 5th save.

Jared Hughes(0-2) was the loser in relief. 

 

September 12:

In a lop-sided win the NADS ripped the FUNGOES by a 6 to 1 count.

Mike Fiers(7-3) pitched a solid game.  He went 7 innings allowing 4 hits and 3

walks.   Lance McCullers(7-8) took the loss.  He surrendered 2 runs and 4 hits 

in 5 and 1/3 innings.

September 13:

David Price was able to finish what he started and was credited with a

complete game and Matt Carpenter cleared the bases with his grand slam as the

FUNGOES man-handled the NADS - the final score was 13 to 1.

Carpenter had a good day at the plate.  He lashed a single plating a run in

the 2nd inning and blasted a Grand Slam homerun in the 3rd inning.  The Fungoes

had 15 hits for the afternoon.  Price(18-11) finished the game allowing 1 run in the 

victory. R.A. Dickey(7-6) was tagged with the loss.  He was touched for 9 hits and 

3 walks in 2 and 2/3 innings. 

September 14:

Clayton Kershaw whiffed 10 batters as the FUNGOES defeated the NADS

by a score of 4 to 2 at The Ball Sack.  Kershaw(23-8) gave a fine effort.  He went 

7 innings and surrended up 5 hits and 1 walk and allowed 2 homeruns.  Carter 

Capps came through with a perfect ninth inning to earn his 21st save. 

Taylor Jungmann(7-8) was charged with the loss.  He allowed 6 hits and 4 walks

in 7 innings.  'Everything felt great' Kershaw said. 'I had a good fastball,

I felt I could throw it by everybody tonight.'

 

Fungoes punched their ticket to the post season and have improved to 96 - 59.

Wahoos 6, Warpigs 3

Cards and dice to finish out the season, with the BUD title on the line...

With a magic number of 5, the Warpigs only had to win 3 of the final 9 games against the red hot Wahoos. Of course, that's easier said than done, especially considering the Wahoos won all 5 of the contests earlier this season.

June 4 @ The Reservation - Wahoos win 6-5. The Pigs had a 5-1 lead at the 7th inning stretch, but anyone who's played games at the Reservation knows that is not enough. The Wahoos plated 3 in the 7th, the last of which scored on an error by the ss-1e8. Then the Hoos scored the tying and go ahead runs in the 8th - and NONE of the Wahoo runs in this game came via the homer.

June 5 @ The Reservation - Wahoos win 6-4. This game, the Hoos remembered how to hit the ball out of the park, going deep 4 times. Two were hit my Mikie Mahtook, who can apparently only roll in the 1-column.

July 15 @ The BallPork - Wahoos win 6-3. You'd think returning to the cavernous BallPork would give the Pigs a chance to actually win a game, but sine Jake Arrieta was on the mound... No. The Hoos scored 3 in the 3rd and 3 more in the 4th for the win.

July 16 @ The BallPork - Wahoos win 1-0. Verlander outdueled Tomlin, aided by the double-fucking-play, which reared its ugly head 3 times. The Wahoo win brought them within a game of 1st place with 5 to play, but it also clinched at least a playoff berth for the Hoos.

July 17 @ The BallPork - Warpigs win 6-1. Thank God for Rich Hill's last 6.2 innings. Plus, the Wahoos were still a little hung over from the playoff-clinching celebration the day before. The Pig lead is back to 2.

September 15 @ The Reservation - Wahoos win 8-6. The Wahoos slammed 4 more homers, 2 by that Mahtook guy. Bastard. The Wahoos are again within a game of 1st place with 3 to play.

September 16 @ The Reservation - Warpigs win 7-5. This time it was the Pigs hitting 4 homers, two by Jarrett Parker. But even after scoring 7 runs in the first three innings, the Pigs had to whether a 5-run 4th by the Wahoos, and then find a way thru the final 15 outs using a battered bullpen. The 2-game lead in the division with 2 games to play means the Warpigs have clinched a tie for the BUD title.

September 17 @ The Reservation - Wahoos win 10-9 in 10 innings. What a game... With Arrieta on the hill again for the Hoos, the Pigs decided to bump Garrett Richards to tomorrow and spot start Jake Peavy, who only had 1.1 innings remaining. And Peavy was just about the only pitcher in the game who didn't get spanked. Even Arrieta blew a 5-1 lead. The Warpigs took an 8-5 lead in the top of the 8th, but the Wahoos scored 1 in the bottom of the 8th before Justin Turner hit a 2-run homer in the bottom of the 9th to tie the game. The Pigs scored in the 10th on a single by Ian Kinsler, but the Wahoos hit back-to-back solo shots to lead off the bottom of the 10th for the walk-off win. I hate this park.

September 18 @ The Reservation - With the division title riding on game #162, having Garrett Richards on the hill with 6 innings left in his season gave the Pigs some hope. And when the Pigs scored 9 runs in the first 4 innings, that hope was rewarded. The Warpigs won 12-2 to win the BUD championship.

The bad news is, the probable first round opponent for the Pigs is... the Wahoos. Oh good. At least I only have to play in their park 3 times. And hey, if he sweeps me, I only have to play there TWICE more. Woohoo!

Transaction

Inmates send Eugenio Suarez and Eddie Rosario to the Goofs for Jon Gray.

Inmates 7, Goofs 3

All games via TeamViewer:

Inmates 9 – Goofs 8 (18 innings, Baptist Bowl): Both teams do their best to rest the bullpens, so only 18 innings were played. Both teams tatered four times, but Rizzo (1e9) committed three errors in a stellar display of fielding ineptitude. He also homered twice, including the game-winner, for a game that could best be described as “it was the best of times; it was the worst of times.”

Inmates 7 – Goofs 2 (Baptist Bowl): Pineda tossed a CG for the Inmates to offset the exhausted bullpen; Rosario was a single(!) short of a cycle, and Cespedes followed his 0-9 performance in game one by being benched. Nothing close about this game.

Goofs 3 – Valbuena 1 (Baptist Bowl): Great Goof pitching by Tanakakakaka and Storen held the LDMF at bay. Valbuena  homered in the Inmate 7^th to prevent the SHO.

Valbuena 2 – Goofs 1 (10 innings, Magical Kingdom): Phil Hughes pitched a complete game, allowing only two runs, but suffered the loss because both runs were solo homers by “Babe” Valbuena, while the Goofs couldn’t muster more than a single tally. All of the runs for the Inmates for the last two games came from solo cranks by Valbuena.

Goofs 3 – Valbuena 2 (Magical Kingdom): While the LDMF did manage to score twice, Valbuena hit still another solo jack. Alas and alack! It was not enough to counter the great pitching of DeGrom and Street as the Goofs pulled out another win.

Inmates 6 – Goofs 1 (Baptist Bowl): Valbuena hit yet another homer and the Inmates scored five in the 6^th in support of excellent pitching by Quintana. The Goofs avoided the shutout in the 9^th when Kang drove in a run with a cheesy-assed ground out.

Inmates 3 – Goofs 2 (Baptist Bowl): In a game that featured a grand total of eight hits, a Cargo HR in the 8^thproved to be enough for the Good Guys to pull out the win. DeGrom pitched well in the loss. Valbuena went 0-1, walking twice.

Inmates 9 – Goofs 1 (Magical Kingdom): Charlton Heston took one for the team, pitching all nine for the Goofs. He also allowed nine runs and eleven hits. Pineda countered with his own slightly more successful CG win. Kang’s tater was the only Goof run of the day.

Inmates 1 – Goofs 0 (12 innings, Magical Kingdom): An epic all-staff scoreless pitching duel ended after 12 innings. Reminiscent of the Gabby Hartnett “Homer in the gloamin’,” Lawrie hit a “single in the shit” to score Rizzo with the winning run off of loser Roark, who pitched 6 2/3 innings of relief.

Goofs 1 – Inmates 0 (Magical Kingdom): Not to be outdone, the Goofs return the favor and shut out the LDMF behind Hughes’s four-hitter and Ah Choo’s suckrifice fly.

The HEAD INMATE

Mavs 2, Tweeners 2

With the Tweeners out spending time at the hospital with the future Wildcat cheerleader and breaker of bluegrass boys’ hearts, the Mavs are playing the last four vs. CM.  League thoughts are prayers are with the Tweeners while we try to whip up on them.  Life is full of conflicting objectives.

7/30:  Sonny Gray vs. Cookie Carrasco.  It is ARod PED Detection Prevention Night here at the Rastadome.  Masking kits will be provided for all high school athletes.  We can play some football here in Texas.  The Tweeners score in the top of the first on an Arenado gbC.  Then they score in the third via a single off of a catcher X, a stolen base, a grounder and an infield hit.  The Mavs have shaver nicks all over their face and are bleeding to death.   Not content with nicking us to death Jonathan Schoop tags a tater in the fourth.  3-0 Tweeners and the Mav fans are doing body shots in left field with Bernice Brewer.  In the eighth Carlos Correa made his 29^th error and Kendrick added one as well and once all the runs were all unearned, Carlos Martinez gave up a double and homer.  The Tweeners win 10-1.  Sonny Gray and Carson Smith combine on a two hitter.  Nolan Arenado drives in four times as many runs as the Mavs score to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.

7/31:  Shelby Miller against, gasp, Jason Hammel.  Hammel enters the game having given up 30 homers in 134 innings.  Nolan Arenado is smiling fiendishly at Hammel.  The first two Tweener batters go yard (Colabello and Springer).  Make that 32 homers in 135 innings.  In the top of the second Steven Vogt triples (yes Steven Vogt) and scores on a grounder.  Gee this hobby is fun.  In the fourth Nelson Cruz triples (yes Nelson Cruz).  If only I could get into more leagues so I could spend even more time doing this.  But then just as I’m reaching for EQA Harper homers and we pull within one.  Lucroy drives in the tying run with an infield hit and we kiss our framed picture of Hal Richman.  And then just when we’re feeling good again Harper drops a fly with runners on second and third.  The Tweeners win 7-5.  George Springer goes 1-3 but scores 3 runs to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.

8/30:  Gallardo vs. Gray.  Yovanni enters the game with a 15-3 record and a 2.81 ERA and still the Mavs are overwhelming underdogs because we can’t touch Sonny Gray.  True to form the Tweeners triple (Ethier) and score a run in the bottom of the sixth.  The Mavs tie it on a Lucroy homer in the top of the seventh.  Harper adds a ballpark homer and the Mavs lead 2-1 after the seventh inning stretch.  Gallardo shuts down the Tweeners in the bottom of the seventh and the Mavs use six pitchers to get six outs as the Tweeners had three runners on in the last two innings.  Mavs win 2-1.  Harper’s game winning tater is the Betty’s Brothel Blow of the Game.

9/1:  Carrasco against Miller.  Through the first three innings the two teams have combined for 13 strikeouts and 1 hit.  The Mavs finally push across a run in the fifth on a walk and a pair of singles. The Tweeners tie in the bottom of the sixth with an Ethier double and Springer single chasing Cookie.  In the top of the eighth Russell walks, Heyward singles and steals second.  Up comes Lucroy.  The Tweeners infield and Dalier Hinojosa both come in.  1-7 + hit for Lucroy.  Wong walks.  After an Upton out, Harper walks.  Brad Miller walks.  Wait we’re out of bases, that is a run.  Davis rolls an Arenado X but the split must have been a one because all he could get was a force.  Another run.  5-1 Mavs after the seventh inning stretch and the playing of My Old Kentucky Home.    Arenado homers off of Alex Wilson but the Mavs get it back on a Valencia single.  Mavs win 6-2.  Lucroy goes 3-4 with 3 RBI’s to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game.

Demerit Update

Only the Sidewinders came up short this month - and only by 2 games. The current demerit situation:

Bees 5
Wahoos 2
Rhinos 2
Warpigs 1
Tweeners 1
Sidewinders 1

All 162 games need to be completed by the end of October. The actual deadline is Sunday, November 6th. However, the sooner we can wrap this season up, the sooner the playoff teams can start making arrangements.

There are already 5 teams with 90 wins, and there could be as many as 9 before it's all said and done. At the moment, nobody has a playoff spot guaranteed. So make plans to get those games played - especially if you have games to play against a CM.

Final stats are due the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Oh, and just a heads-up, at this time next year, our regular season will already be over - same final day as MLB. But then again, we will be drafting in March.

Fungoes 7, Drillers 3

Fungoes beat the demerit man with a team viewer session vs the Drillers.

Fungoes won 7 0f 10 and improved to 92-56.  Kershaw went 2-2 vs Drillers and

improved his season record to 22-8.  This series would have been a lot closer except 

the Driller middle infielders played the series bare handed!