Mavs 4, Rhinos 1

5/17:  The Mavs open up an all you can eat seating section near the visiting team dugout to distract Rhino starter CC Sabathia.  The Mavs counter with another pitcher on the disabled list, Matt Cain.  Alas the strategy did not work as CC through a complete game six hitter striking out eight to win the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds player of the game.  Gordon Beckham fell a triple short of the cycle and his first inning 5-9 off of Cain’s card wins the Betty’s brothel blow of the game.

5/18:  Matt Garza against Clay Buchholz on Juan Gonzalez Steroid Appreciation Night.  In honor of the JuiceFest, the Rhinos hit three home runs in the first inning to take a six to nothing lead.  Management announces 10 cent beer night hoping for a riot and a forfeit.  The Mavs answer with a Davis solo shot and a two run homer by Justin Upton (who also missed a BP homer).  Elvis rolls a BP homer (alas he is weak) but Harper follows with a two run dinger.  The Mavs hand it all back with a two base error by the pitcher followed by a two star single on pitcher X.  I kid you not.  The Mav’s general manager is seen chugging Jack Daniels and hollering for a couple of broads in his best Frank Sinatra imitation.  The next inning Matt Dominguez hits the only hit on Jesse Crain’s card to drive in another run.  The Mavs General Manager is seeing snorting cocaine and hollering for teen age hookers.  Meanwhile despite allowing ten hits and six runs Hal sticks with Garza in the ninth.  After three straight hits Hal brings in Tyler Thortburg to face Elvis as the tying run. Whoa, Elvis singles.  Now it is Bryce Harper as the lead run at the plate.  But in what is only a Strat-O move the Mavs pinch hit Lucroy for Harper.  Whoa, Lucroy singles.  The Mavs pinch run Eggs Ackley for the wheelchair bound Lucroy.  Hal stays with the clearly effective Thornburg against Country Breakfast (Billy Butler).  Butler hits the tying sacrifice fly.  Bringing up Chris Davis.  Will Hal go to the lefty?  No and Davis misses a BP homer.  Hall knows all.  The Mavs go to Greg Holland.  He strikes out two in the top of the tenth.  Hal sticks with Tyler Thornburg.  Hal knows all as the Mavs go quietly.  Holland gives up a walk and a single but holds the Rhinos scoreless.  Bottom the eleventh.  Hal sticks with Thornburg.  Hal knows all as the Mavs go quietly.  And then Hal goes on a bender.  Gomez leads off the twelfth with a triple.  Gordon walks.  With no one out, Hal attempts a double steal.  The Mavs go for the runner at home and get him.  Hal leaves Thornburg out for a fourth inning of relief.  Thornburg gives up two hits but the Mavs can’t score.    Hal leaves Thornburg out to pitch a fifth inning.  Thornburg gives up a double to Elvis, looks into the dugout expectantly and throws his arms up in despair.  Pinch hitter Justin Maxwell gets the 4-5 walk off hit.  The Mavs win 10-9 in 13.  The Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game is Elvis Andrus who went 4-6.

5/19:  Gerrit Cole takes the mound against Jeremy Guthrie in the getaway game.  The Rhino’s jump out to another first inning lead of 2-0 this time.  That makes 10 first run innings in the three games.  I hope their fans got to the game on time.  The Mavs bounce back with three in the bottom of the first.  But in the top of the second the memories of steroid days continues as Markakis cracks a homer 1-5 fly with a man on board.  The Mavs tie it in the third on a double and single.  Getting 6 and a third out of Guthrie the Mavs go to the pen.  Meanwhile Hal sticks with Cole.  We sail along into the tenth.  The Rhinos go quietly.  Butler walks, Davis whiffs, Upton singles.  The Mavs pinch run Matt Cain for paraplegic Billy Butler.  Will Hal make a move with the game on the line?  No and Cole responds with two strikeouts.  Hal knows all.  Doolittle walks Joey Votto.  Hal pinchruns Escobar who gets tossed out trying to steal and the Rhinos go quietly.  Hal points a gun and Cole and sends him out to start the eleventh.  Kendrick misses a ballpark homer. Headley doesn’t winning the Bertha’s Brothel’s Blow of the Game.  Mavs win 5-4 in 11 innings.

 8/11:  Sabathia and Cain in the DL rematch.  It is a very different game from the rest of the series.  The Mavs make two sacrifice bunts pay for a run in the fifth and sixth both.  The Mavs tack on a run in the bottom of the eighth as Markakis lets a ball drop in front of him for a single with Elvis on second and two outs.  Four Mav pitchers combine on a four hitter.  Lucroy wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds (“You ring, we spring”) player of the game going 3-4 with 2 RBIs.  Only eleven hits by the two teams and all were singles.  The Mavs win 3-0.

8/12:  To close the Rhinos visit to the Rastadome out, Trevor Cahill takes the mound against Yovani Gallardo from Ft. Worth’s Trimble Tech High School.  In the bottom of the first, Tulo makes an error and then fails to turn two on the SS X to Billy Butler.  Davis follows with a two run homer.  Clean living pays off for the Mavs.  In the second Elvis singles, steals seconds and Markakis again lets a ball hit by Harper bounce in front of him for a run.  Harper steals second goes to third on the Avila throwing error and scores on a Butler single as the Rhinos show signs of the party the night before.  Harper adds a solo homer and five Mav pitchers combine on a five hit shutout.  Harper wins the Grumpy’s Bail Bonds Player of the Game with a homer, stolen base and two RBI’s.  Mavs win 5-0.