DVs at Zaps

Zaps 4, DVs 1

Game 1- Johnson throws a 2 hitter and Zaps win 2-1

Game 2 – Greinke throws a 3 hitter and Zaps win 2-0

Game 3 – DVs get to Rodriguez and win 7-3 behind Liriano

Game 4- Zaps win 8-6 as Cabrera and Martin both get 3 hits and Johnson wins again

Game 5 – Zaps ride fatboy Fielder’s 2 run HR in the 8^th ( I KNEW I should have walked him) to win 4-2.

DVs at Drillers

DVs 4, Drillers 3

Rhinos at DVs

DVs 3, Rhinos 2

gm 1 - DVs win 7-6
gm 2 - Rhinos win 7-3
gm 3 - Rhinos win 5-3
gm 4 - DVs win 9-2
gm 5 - DVs win 6-5

Trade

The Warpigs trade Trevor Cahill and Leo Nunez to the Rhinos for Hanley Ramirez.

Warpigs vs Inmates

Inmates 3, Pigs 3

INMATES 3 – WARPIGS 1 (Ballpork): Colvin’s HR in 5^th puts the Inmates ahead, while six pitchers hold the Porkers to 6 hits. (PigNote: Pigs suck.)

INMATES 6 – WARPIGS 2 (Ballpork): Inmates have three sac flies in two innings, Billingsley pitches a 7-hitter, and the Pigs can’t generate any offense. (PigNote: I can't decide if my favorite thing about this game was my e4 at 2b booting a ball that led to 2 unearned runs, or the runner we threw out at home that was called safe because my catcher apparently didn't block the plate. What kind of shit is this?!?)

WARPIGS 6 – INMATES 3 (Ballpork): Porcine Powerhouse hits 4 taters (three off of Wood). Francisco and Gonzalez go deep for the LDMF, but it’s not enough. (PigNote: Two of the Pig taters were by Magglio Ordonez. Delmon Young and David Ross had the other two. Clayton Richard got the win. Sean Marshall the save.)

WARPIGS 15 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Pigs were riding high after a three-run 2^nd, but Francisco hits a Salami in the bottom of the inning to put the Inmates ahead 4-3. Pigs score two more in the 3^rd, but Betemit hits pinch tater in bottom of the inning to tie. The Pigs are really pissed by this time. All hell breaks loose. Warpigs get 20 hits, steal 6 bases, and leave the LDMF glad they brought Vaseline. (PigNote: Correction: The Pigs stole 7 bases. Pujols and Stephen Drew knocked in 4 runs each and Ryan Sweeney went 4-4.)

INMATES 4 – WARPIGS 1 (Baptist Bowl): Billingsley and Perez toss a 2-hitter. Pigs threaten a lot but can’t hit in the clutch. (PigNote: @#$%!*%#)

WARPIGS 4 – INMATES 3 (10) (Baptist Bowl): An interesting well-managed and played game until SphincterBoy (Poo-holes) homers in the 10^th. Inmates are now 1-10 in extra-inning games. (PigNote: Back when we played the first four games face to face with dice, the HEAD INMATE rolled 1 after 1 with that MF 20-sided die. In the top of the 10th of this game, Pujols rolled a BP HR (1-5) and rolled... the 1. Resulting in this exchange:

Pigman: 1

HEAD INMATE: eat me

It was Pujols' 2nd homer of the game.)

The HEAD INMATE

(Pigman)

Wahoos vs Rhinos

Hoos 4, Rhinos 3

Wahoos go 3-1 at Rhino Park and 1-2 at home.

New Amarillo Gold Sox Mascot

He's very happy to see you.

Buckeyes vs Fungoes

Buckeyes 6, Fungoes 4

Buckeyes go 6-4 in 10 games versus Fungoes. Buckeyes go 3-2 at home and 3-2 on the road.

at Buckeyes

April 10 Buckeyes 3 Fungoes 2

April 11 Buckeyes 6 Fungoes 4

July 3 Fungoes 4 Buckeyes 3

July 4 Fungoes 4 Buckeyes 1

July 5 Buckeyes 2 Fungoes 1

at Fungoes

May 23 Fungoes 5 Buckeyes 2

May 24 Buckeyes 2 Fungoes 0

May 25 Fungoes 7 Buckeyes 1

August 18 Buckeyes 9 Fungoes 2

August 19 Buckeyes 3 Fungoes 2

Inmates vs Buckeyes

Buckeyes 4, Inmates 3

Netplay at its most magnificent enjoyable fucked. Inmates LDMF score once in the four losses. No losing team scores more than two runs, with four shutouts thrown.

Buckeyes 2 – LDMF 0 (Testicle Park): Carpenter shuts out the LDMF on 3 hits. Shit.

Inmates 8 – Buckeyes 1 (Testicle Park): Betemit and Gonzalez go yard; Billingsley Ks 12 in a CG.

Buckeyes 1 – LDMF 0 (Testicle Park): LDMF gets all of 2 fucking hits, while the Shriveled Testicle Gang gets walk-off win in 9^th on a single with everyone in.

Buckeyes 3 – LDMF 1 (Testicle Park): LDMF gets 3 more hits, while Anderson gives up two cranks to someone. FUCK!

Buckeyes 3 – NoDickMotherFuckers 0 (Baptist Bowl): Another fucking 2-hitter. @#&&^#^*@$&@^(&!! (read: FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!)

Inmates 8 – Buckeyes 0 (Baptist Bowl): At least we return SHO the favor. Wood goes the distance.

Inmates 4 – Buckeyes 2 (Baptist Bowl): But we only got 3 fucking hits. Back-to-back doubles by Francisco and Gonzalez in the 2^nd, and a pinch tater by Colvin in the 7^th.

The HEAD INMATE

DVs at Rhinos

Rhinos 3, DVs 2

gm 1 - Rhinos win 9-4
gm 2 - Rhinos win 5-4 on a pinch hit, walk off single in the bottom of the 9th.
gm 3 - Rhinos win 5-2
gm 4 - DVs win 4-2
gm 5 - DVs win 8-4

Tweeners at Warpigs

Tweeners 1, Pigs 0

Just one game to keep the Tweeners demerit-free. Tweeners win 3-1 behind a solid performance from Dallas Braden.

Rhinos vs SuperGoofs

Rhinos 7, Goofs 7

Rhinos go 4-3 at home and 3-4 on the road.

Buckeyes vs Wahoos

Buckeyes 5, Wahoos 5

April 15: Buckeyes 6, at Wahoos 3

April 16: Buckeyes 5, at Wahoos 2

May 28: Wahoos 2, at Buckeyes 1 (16 innings)

May 29: at Buckeyes 2, Wahoos 1 (11 innings)

July 10: at Wahoos 5, Buckeyes 4

July 11: at Wahoos 4, Buckeyes 3

July 12: Buckeyes 2, at Wahoos 1

Aug. 23: Wahoos 9, at Buckeyes 7

Aug. 24: at Buckeyes 3, Wahoos 2

Aug. 25: Wahoos 6, at Buckeyes 4

Buckeyes outscore Wahoos, 37-35. Wahoos ERA: 2.85. Buckeyes ERA: 2.48.

Buckeyes hit .224 as a team. Wahoos hit .225 as a team.

Justin Morneau was 2-for-17. Kevin Youkilis was 7-for-34. Wilson Ramos was 9-for-15 (with 2 non-throwing errors). Dustin Pedroia led the team in RBIs with 5. However, he only hit .176 in 17 at-bats.

Gabby Sanchez was 1-for-2 with a game-winning extra-inning homer for the Buckeyes (off Fuentes). Martin Prado hit .326 in 43 at-bats. He tied for the series lead in RBIs with 7. David Ortiz only hit .216 but had 7 RBIs. Alex Rios, Jorge Posada, Chipper Jones and Yunel Escobar were all regulars and all hit .188 or under.

Uehara pitched 7 innings of 1-hit ball out of the bullpen. Evan Meek burned 11 innings but was super tough to get on against.

Warpigs vs Rhinos

Pigs 8, RhinoSultans 6

The first 7 were played at Rhino Park.

Gm 1 - Pigs win 1-0. Great battle between Anibal Sanchez and C.C. Sabathia was decided in the top of the 9th on an RBI double by Donnie Murphy.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 10-7. Ross Ohlendorf gets the crap knocked out of him, but somehow hangs around long enough to get the victory. Magglio Ordonez hits 2 homers and knocks in 5 runs.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 8-1. Cliff Lee goes 8 strong innings and the Pig bats beat up on Josh Beckett.

Gm 4 - Pigs win 9-2. Clayton Richard throws the complete game. Josh Beckett gets beat up again. Jim Thome and Carlos Santana combine to go 4/6 with 2 homers and 7 RBI.

Gm 5 - Pigs win 5-4. Cliff Lee bests C.C. Sabathia when Albert Pujols hits an 8th inning 2-run homer.

Gm 6 - Pigs win 2-0. Anibal Sanchez only goes 6, but the bullpen is masterful in holding on to his second straight shut out of the Rhinos. Brett Cecil tosses a complete game but takes the loss.

Gm 7 - Pigs win 7-4. I was wrong about Ohlendorf having the crap knocked out of him earlier; he apparently had more crap left. And AGAIN it was knocked out of him and AGAIN he came away with a win.

And yes, for those of you scoring at home, the Warpigs won the first 7 games of the evening. The Rhinos commented, "We just got Wahoo'd!" And then...

The final 7 games were played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Rhinos win 7-1. Edwin Jackson proves unhittable in the complete game victory. Troy Tulowitzki homers and drives in 5.

Gm 2 - Rhinos win 4-1. This time it's Sabathia and the bullpen that keep the impotent Pig bats impotent.

Gm 3 - Rhinos win 7-6. Some shodding fielding by the Pigs led to 3 unearned runs and an early 6-0 deficit. The Pigs came back to tie the game, but Alex Gordon hit his second homer of the game in the 8th inning for the win.

Gm 4 - Pigs win 9-1. This would be the only game out of 14 that the home team won. The win goes to the now crap-free Ross Ohlendorf, who held the Rhinos to 4 hits over 8 1/3 innings.

Gm 5 - Rhinos win 4-1. Trevor Cahill surrenders 3 homers, and Sabathia goes the distance for the win. A Pujols homer helps the Pigs avoid the shutout.

Gm 6 - Rhinos win 5-2. Pig hurler Clayton Richard pitched well, but his bullpen blew a 2-1 lead when little used CF Lorenzo Cain, a September call up, not only allowed a routine fly ball to drop in for a bases clearing double, but then also drop-kicked the ball into the stands while Joey Votto circled the bases for a Little League Home Run. The 8th inning gaffe changed a 2-1 Pig lead into a 5-2 Pig deficit. We tried to interview Cain after the game, but he was nowhere to be found. In fact, he is now listed as a missing person, or as the Pig PR director called him, a missing piece of shit.

Gm 7 - Rhinos win 7-3. Fuck this fucking game.

Fungoes at FFTs

Fungoes 2, FFTs 1

WTF-ers traveled to FFT-land for a three game set. Fungoes win games one and three. Here are the highlights:

Game one:

Fungoes 011 201 301 - 9 13 0

FFTs 000 100 010 - 2 9 0

Catcher Matt Wieters slammed a home run and had 4 RBI as the FUNGOES topped the FFT'S by a score of 9 to 2 at FFT Stadium. The FFT fans didn't appreciate the big day Wieters had. He ripped a one-base hit resulting in a run in the 4th inning, smacked a three-run homer in the 7th inning and stroked a base-hit in the 9th inning. The FUNGOES kept the pressure on throughout the contest as they scored in 6 different innings. The winning pitcher was Brett Myers who allowed 2 runs in 7 innings. Ervin Santana was the losing pitcher. He allowed 7 hits and 4 walks in 5 and 2/3 innings.

Game two:

Fungoes 000 000 010 - 1 6 0

FFTs 200 000 03x - 5 9 1

Josh Hamilton hit a home run and had 3 RBI as the FFT'S topped the FUNGOES by a score of 5 to 1 at FFT Stadium. The FFT fans enjoyed the offense provided by "Hammering" Hamilton. He tripled which plated a run in the 1st inning, lashed a single in the 3rd inning and popped a two-run clout over the fence in the 8th inning. The FFTs ended up with 9 hits for the game while the FUNGOES had 6. The victory was credited to James McDonald who went 7 and 2/3 innings, allowing 1 run. Mariano Rivera earned the save, his 32nd. David Price suffered the loss.

Game three:

Fungoes 000 020 001 - 3 4 0

FFTs 000 000 001 - 1 6 1

Clayton Kershaw and Jered Weaver treated the FFT fans to a fine
pitching duel at the Ball Park. The FUNGOES eventually emerged as
victors over the FFT'S by the score of 3 to 1.

The FUNGOES tallied 2 runs in the top of the 5th inning when they came up with 3
base hits. They would prove to be the difference in the contest. The FUNGI had
only 4 hits for the night.

Joel Zumaya recorded the save, his 1st.

NET PLAY WORKED!!!!!!!!

Inmates vs FFTs

FFTs 4, Inmates 1

Several wild games, with a return to LDMF normalcy:

FFTs 5 – LDMF 2 (at FFTs): A non-descript, B-flat game with the FFTs jumping out in front early and hanging on for the win. Betemit misses two 1-15 HR chances (where’s that “1” now?) and settles for doubles.

Inmates 9 – FFTs 3 (at FFTs): Inmates get hits in only four innings, but bunch together 5 in the second, 5 in the fourth, and 4 in the seventh for all of the runs. Billingsley tosses a complete game.

FFTs 7 – LDMF 6 (12) (at FFTs): LDMF score 3 in top of the first to look like they’d get another easy win. Then, heeding advice from Inmate management, Floyd keeps the ball in the strike zone and allows the first 8 FFTs to reach base in the bottom of the first. 6 runs score. To add insult to injury, LDMF pitchers hold the FFTs scoreless until the 12^th as the LDMF caught up. A throwing error by Suzuki aided in the total meltdown in the 12^th.

FFTs 6 – LDMF 4 (11) (Baptist Bowl): A 3-run homer by Howard in the 8^th, followed by a solo shot in the bottom of the 9^th by FuckYouDome allowed the LDMF to give the game away in extra-innings again. Not only did the pitching staff pitch 23 innings in two days, but lost them both.

FFTs 6 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Floyd pitching BP again. LDMF are shut out on 10 (!?!) hits. Among the three DPs hit into by the losers was one that went 1-2-3, and another that went 8-3.

Go figure.

The HEAD INMATE

SuperGoofs at Sidewinders

Snakes 3, Goofs 2

April 10 - Goofs 0 SSW 4 Jimenez complete game 5 hitter. Branyan's HR drives in 3

April 11 - Goofs 2 SSW 3 (20 innings!!!) Wright doubled and scored on Bruce's single. It was a game that would never end.

July 3 - Goofs 4 SSW 12 Sanchez throws a complete game. SSW knocked out 13 hits

July 4 - Goofs 12 SSW 10 Goofs finally start hitting. Choo drives in 3. Hunter and Phllips 3 hits each

July 5 Goofs 5 SSW 4 Hunter with 3 more hits. Johnson had 4 hits. Garcia and 2 relievers hold on for win.

SuperGoofs at Tweeners

Goofs 4, Tweeners 1

April 13 - Goofs 3 Tweeners 2 (14 innings) Johnson's double scored Overbay in the 14 inning

April 14 - Goofs 5 Tweeners 3 2 Goof runs in 9th win it for Garcia

July 7 Goofs 9 Tweeners 6 Ramirez 4 RBIs. Lewis gets the win

July 8 Goofs 4 Tweeners 2 (13 innings) Another extra inning game. Hunter's 2 run homer in 13th wins it

July 9 Goofs 4 Tweeners 5. Hernandez complete game win salvages one for Tweeners

SuperGoofs at Mavs

Mavs 3, Goofs 2

April 15 Goofs 7 Mavs 2 - Choo with 3 hits and Denorfia a key triple. Hunter and Huff homer as Lewis gets the win

April 16 Goofs 2 Mavs 3 (12 innings) - Torrealba's double in12 th wins it for Mavs

July 10 Goofs 1 Mavs 2 Bucholz goes 8 with 5 hits. Upton and Butler with RBIs

July 11 Goofs 1 Mavs 2 - Haywards hit offAdams in 7th scores winning run

July 12 Goofs 3 Mavs 0 - Piniero and 2 relievers combine for shutout. Choo has 3 hits

Warpigs at DVs

DVs 2, Pigs 0

Netplay. September games. Debacle.

Gm 1 - DVs win 10-9. Riddle me this... A relief pitcher goes 1/3 of an inning. He allows 0 hits and 0 walks. There are no batters hit by pitch. There are no errors, wild pitches, or passed balls. He strikes out 1. And yet... he allows an earned run. How does this happen?

The DVs' Aramis Ramirez continues to dominate the Warpigs, hitting a grand slam that leads the DVs to a 9-1 lead after 6 innings. But then Jim Thome hits a grand slam of his own in a 7-run 7th inning to get the Pigs back in the game.

Part of the DV onslaught was an inning that saw Rafael Soriano achieve the scenario listed earlier. Here's what happened. The first batter Soriano faced struck out. The second batter attempted a squeeze bunt. The result was "defense" and the runner going home was 1-4. We threw home. He was safe (naturally). Soriano came out and Sean Marshall allowed a grand slam to the pinch-hitting Ramirez.

Gm 2 - DVs 17, Pigs 4. The [fucking] DVs scored 14 [fucking] runs in the 3rd [fucking] inning on 12 straight 2-out [fucking] hits. That is [fucking] all.

DVs at Warpigs

DVs 1, Warpigs 1

NetPlay snags solved, the doubleheader at the BallPork was finally completed.

Gm 1 - Warpigs 9, DVs 8 - The Pigs rallied from an early 7-2 deficit. Jonathan Lucroy and Aramis Ramirez both homered their first two times up for the DVs, but it was a 5-run 7th that won it for the Pigs.

Gm 2 - DVs 5, Warpigs 2 - Francisco Liriano shut down the Pig bats for the win. Matt Holliday homered. Albert Pujols homered in both games of the double header.

DVS vs Warpigs

Pigs 3, DVs 1

More netplay fun. We only tried to get a netplay connection maybe 30 times. And when we lost connection late in the 5th game, we could not finish the series. Maybe later (the DVs led in the 5th game, so I think we should just forget that one and start it again.)

First three games were played at DV Park.

Gm 1 - DVs win 7-2. A 5-run first off of Anibal Sanchez was enough. Brian McCann homered twice.

Gm 2 - Pigs win 5-4. The DVs were in command in this game as well, with the Pigs bumbling and fumbling their way (3 errors!). Then the Pigs erupted for 4 runs in the top of the 9th for the win.

Gm 3 - Pigs win 4-1. In a game in which no one drew a walk, Andy Pettitte, with late help from Heath Bell and Joakim Soria, gets the win.

The final game today was played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Pigs win 4-2. In the loss, DV John Lackey returns to his old stomping ground and throws a complete game without striking out a single batter.

FFTs vs Warpigs

FFTs 6, Pigs 2

Finished our series via netplay today. It was NOT fun.

The first 3 were played at FFT Park.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 3-2 in 10 innings. Manny Ramirez hits a 2-run homer and then in the 10th, lays down a sacrifice bunt to move the eventual winning run into scoring position. This game is obviously not realistic.

Gm 2 - FFTs win 4-3. A 3-run homer by Josh Hamilton in the 3rd holds up.

Gm 3 - Warpigs win 7-6 in 10 innings. The FFTs rally in the 9th to tie, but strand the winning runner at 3rd. The Pigs win in 10.

The next 3 were played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 13-2. This was the only game out of our 10 that wasn't a 1-run game. Cahill gets his ass handed to him, but he's a trooper and stays in for 8 innings.

Gm 2 - FFTs win 3-2. Jered Weaver goes the distance and the FFTs come from behind again to win.

Gm 3 - FFTs win 7-6 in 13 innings. A 3-run homer from Michael Young brought the FFTs back from an early 5-1 deficit.

The last 2 were played at FFT Park with full rosters.

Gm 1 - FFTs win 5-4. A 3-run bottom of the 8th brought the FFTs from behind one more fucking time.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 4-3. I seriously think the FFTs threw this game. That's about the only way to explain a Pig win.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;

But there is no joy in Mudville — because the Warpigs suck.

DVs at Warpigs

Warpigs 2, DVs 0

The Pigs sweep a pair of Netplay games.

Gm 1 - Pigs 6, DVs 5 - The DVs scored 4 in the top of the 9th when Andy Pettitte finally tired. Sean Marshall got the save. Magglio Ordonez, Geovanny Soto, and Angel Pagan all homered off of Francisco Liriano.

Gm 2 - Pigs 7, DVs 1 - The Pigs hit 5 homers off of DV ace Roy Halladay, including 2 by Carlos Santana. Anibal Sanchez goes the distance for the win.

Trade

The Killer Bees traded Tommy Hanson to the Zaps for Prince Fielder.

FFTs at Warpigs

Pigs 2, FFTs 0

We finally got NetPlay to work for us, and we were so pleased that we played 2 games to celebrate.

6/16 - Pigs win 3-2 in 10 innings. Jered Weaver allowed only 2 hits in 7 innings, but Jamey Carroll chased him off with an RBI single in the 8th. Then Angel Pagan squeezed home the tying run in the 9th. After Ichiro's cannon arm nailed Stephen Drew at the plate for the 2nd out in the bottom of the 10th, Ryan Sweeney singled home Albert Pujols for the walk off win. Anibal Sanchez went 9 innings, but got a no decision. Sean Marshall pitched the top of the 10th for the win. Josh Hamilton led the FFTs with 3 hits, including a homer.

6/17 - Pigs win 5-4. Jim Thome tripled home 2 runners in the 8th inning to extend a 3-2 lead to 5-2. Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton, and Joakim Soria then hung on for a 5-4 win. Stephen Drew hit a 2-run homer in the third. Andy Pettitte got the win and Ervin Santana took the loss.

Buckeyes at Killer Bees

Buckeyes 3, Bees 2

Buckeyes 3 Bees 2 in 5 at Bees

May 1 Bees 9 Buckeyes 6 Hudson winner, Verlander the save. Cano, Barajas, Edmonds all homer

May 2 Buckeyes 4 Bees 1 D. Lowe throws a complete game 4 hitter outdueling Verlander. Nix and Chipper get 2 hits each

Sep 7 Buckeyes 4 Bees 3 (13 innings) Buck hits homer in 13 for the win. It was his second of the game as he drives in all 4 runs.

Sep 8 Bees 5 Buckeyes 4 Wagner shuts us down to get the save. Weeks 3 run homer of Lowe was the difference

Sep 9 Buckeyes 5 Bees 4 Carpenter the win and Meek the save. Big Papi with a homer and Pence 2 doubles to beat Cueto

Wahoos vs Fungoes

Wahoos 4, Fungoes 1

Wahoos and Fungoes rolled dice this morning. Here's how it went.

Game 1:

Wahoos win, 4-1, at the Fungoes. Youkilis hit a 3-run homer in the fourth inning and a solo shot in the sixth. The Fungoes scored their only run in the first. Tommy Hunter gave up 6 hits and a walk while going all the way.

Game 2:

Wahoos win, 3-0, at the Fungoes. Nolasco throws the 10-inning complete game shutout. He allowed three hits and one walk. He struck out 10. Austin Jackson hit a 2-run double in the 10th and then scored on a Johnny Damon double.

Game 3:

Fungoes win on the road, 5-3. Wahoos scored 3 runs in the first but squandered chances throughout. Fungoes scored 2 in the seventh to snap a 3-3 tie.

Game 4:

Wahoos lean on the bullpen for four shutout innings in a 5-4 home victory. Bases-loaded walk to Dustin Pedroia was the winner in the sixth inning. Tim Stauffer continued his struggles vs. the Wahoos. Jed Lowrie homered for the Wahoos.

Game 5:

Fausto Carmons goes all the way in a 4-0 home victory. He allowed 4 hits and 3 walks but was helped by 3 caught stealings. Wahoos only managed 5 hits.

Wahoos outscored the Fungoes, 19-10 in the series.

And from the Fungo:

It doesn't seem as bad hearing it from the Wahoos perspective......Fungoes have now lost 9 of the last 12.........ouch!

DVs at SuperGoofs

Goofs 3, DVs 2

DVs avoid the demerit police while watching a "Best of THE VIEW Marathon".

Goofs take the first 3 games 2-0 (Volstad and Adams combine on a shutout), 6-5 (DVs never led and Garcia pitches like the 1^st round pick he is) and 6-5 (a 10^th inning walk off walk by Cust wins it). DVs win games 4 and 5, both by the score of 5-1 as Ka’ahihue goes 4 for 4 with 3 HR’s in the first game and Halladay sends the Goofs home crestfallen in the last game.

DVs are just glad that The View offers such great, insightful points of view - especially now with Oprah having retired her show.

Rhinos at Fungoes

Rhinos 2, Fungoes 0

Fungoes and Rhinos complete the season series with a double header today at WTF. Here are the crappu results!

Game 1 @ WTF.

Rhinos 0 0 1 3 2 0 0 3 1 - 10 13 1

Fungoes 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 2 0 - 7 11 1

Right fielder Alex Gordon rocketed 3 homeruns and had 4 RBI as the FUKING RHINOS
outscored the WTF FUNGOES 10 to 7.

Gordon propelled the victory. He ripped a solo home run in the 4th
inning, lifted one out of the park for a two run home run in the 5th inning
and smashed a solo-shot out of the park in the 9th inning. DEREK scored in 6
different innings, but their shaky pitching kept them from victory.

The win went to Brett Cecil who allowed 5 runs in 6 and 2/3 innings.
Jonny Venters got the save, his 1st. Clayton Kershaw was the losing
pitcher.

'It's almost like the ball was trying to hit my bat,' Gordon said. 'Whenever I
would swing, the ball found the sweet spot.'

Game 2 @ WTF.

Rhinos 0 0 0 0 0 1 2 0 0 - 3 8 0

Fungoes 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 - 1 6 0

In a game for the baseball purist :( , Jeff Francis and Jon Garland
squared off in a tense pitching duel, the RHINOS finally emerged victorious
over the WFTers, 3 to 1.

The Losers never recovered after the Rhinos took the lead in the 6th inning plating an
isolated run. The game was a scoreless duel until the 6th inning.

Francis got help from John Axford who earned his 1st save.

How much fun was that!!!

Inmates vs Warpigs

Inmates 3, Warpigs 1

Warpigs 5 – Inmates 3 (Ballpork): Three Pig taters are enough to wup the Beakless Chicken Gang.

Inmates 11 – Warpigs 3 (Ballpork): Five Inmate homers and a strong performance by Santana puts the Pigs away early. The “1” die makes more than one evil appearance.

Inmates 13 – Warpigs 4 (Baptist Bowl): Inmates blast 18 hits, including a slammer by Howard, to obliterate Pig pitchers. Pig management is convinced of satanic influences on the demonic “1” die.

Inmates 8 – Warpigs 5 (Baptist Bowl): “If that die rolls another one, it’ll be out in that pasture behind us.” Within an inning, Fukudome pinch hits a triple on, you guessed it, a TR 1/Si 2-20. For good measure, another “1” roll on an outfielder X-chance is wasted, since it was hit to Pagan.

Un-fucking real die rolls. Not necessarily in the clutch, or when close (several “1s” were on 1-16 type of rolls), but uncanny to say the least.

Inmates vs Fungoes

Inmates 3, Fungoes 2

Fungoes 5 – Inmates 2 (10)(Baptist Bowl): Gonzalez can’t score on 1-17 play at the plate, forcing game into extra innings. Closer Perez comes on for Inmates with 0.87 ERA, and promptly gives up 3 hits and a homer without getting an out.

Inmates 8 – Fungoes 2 (Baptist Bowl): Howard, Gonzalez, and Suzuki (“don’t call me pussy”) hit homers for the Inmates, while Santana pitches 7 strong innings.

Inmates 16 – Fungoes 1 (Baptist Bowl): The vaunted Inmate “1” begins its insidious (and somewhat embarrassing) run. Inmates score 4 in each of the first three innings; Floyd Ks 10 in a CG.

Betemit 3 – Fungoes 2 (WTF): A pair of taters for Betemit and all the ribbies, coupled with 8.1 from Santana give the Inmates another W. The “1” die continues its quest for world domination.

Fungoes 4 – Inmates 2 (WTF): Fungoids salvage Tweener Split, despite more statistically preposterous “1” rolls by the Inmates.

Fungoes played a Memorial Weekend series at WTF vs the Inmates with the following results:

Game 1 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 000 100 100 3 5 11 0

Inmates 000 000 200 0 2 9 0

Kershaw gets the start but Dessens picks up the win in relief. Frieri nails down the save for the Fungi. Nelson Cruz hits the 3-run dinger in the top of the tenth for the winning runs.

Game 2 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 010 000 010 2 8 0

Inmates 024 100 10X 8 9 0

Garland gets the shellacking at the hands of the Inmates (and the 1-sided die)! Inmates score early and often and then hold on to win.

Game 3 @ the Baptist Bowl.

Fungoes 000 000 001 1 6 2

Inmates 444 000 40X 16 18 1

Porcello gets rocked by the Inmates (and we can't blame it all on the 1-die) but hangs in there for the complete game loss! Ouch!!

Game 4 @ WTF.

Inmates 000 001 020 3 7 0

Fungoes 000 100 001 2 9 0

Down 3-1 in the ninth the Fungoes squander a bases loaded no out situation only scoring once. Kershaw takes the hard luck loss.

Game 5 @ WTF

Inmates 010 000 010 2 8 2

Fungoes 100 010 20X 4 11 1

Garland picks up the win and Frieri grabs another save earning the Fungoes the Tweener split!!!

As a small footnote; the Inmate 20-sided die must have about 19 ones, though to be fair in game one he couldn't roll a 1-17 to score and win it in nine innings..........Cruz repaid that kindness with the three run dinger in the tenth.......

Go Fungoes!!