News from the West Coast

Pigman,

King Bee asked me to have you post this on the Big Innings blog.

Bulletin from Strat0matic: Prince Fielder's sixth error so early in the season has Strat0matic programmers working on a patch to increase the maximum error rating for firstbasemen from e25 to e30 with e35 a distinct possibility.
In other news the Tigers new language instructor reports daily progress teaching Prince to say "glove."

Later, Zapper

Computerized HAL

Computerized HAL sucks. As long as there has been a computer baseball SOM (and as much fun as Strato is), I still can’t believe that the game has so many glitches in its software that computers crash left and right . Of course, it’s not the game’s fault, but all of us uneducated and uneducable boobs who insist upon using our personal computers for other software applications besides the baseball game (you know, Windows and stuff like that).

After playing several netplay games between the LDMF and the Buckeyes, the Shriveled Testicle Gang’s computer became inoperable due to an SOM error, resulting in a trip to the PC infirmary.

Two or three years ago the Inmates had the same thing happen, except that our hard drive fried. Several of you have had similar malfunctions.

When the initial 2012 game patch came out, I had problems downloading the damned thing. An email to the PC-heads at SOM has resulted in no response – not even the usual snide comment about how I must be a total nitwit regarding computer operation.

Soooo…a SOM baseball wish: Long live the game and its creator. May we continue to have fun playing SOM baseball forever. And may the rectum-heads who do the computer programming for it have HAL roll “20” on every 1-19 HR chance when they play; may their beer always be flat; may their women always be ugly and bitchy; may their music always be rap – at least until they get their collective shit together.

The HEAD INMATE

Buckeyes 5, Inmates 1

(all via netplay)

INMATES 2 – BUCKEYES 0 (Baptist Bowl): Classic pitcher’s duel. Norris/Perez/Ziegler combine for the shutout; Espinosa hits solo HR.

BUCKEYES 7 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Heisey hits 3-run tater and Inmates are down 4-0 before ever coming to bat. HRs by Suzuki and Howard, along with an error by Escobar, allow the Inmates to get close but not close enough.

BUCKEYES 6 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Beachy allows three hits – HRs to Ortiz, C. Jones, and Heisey – as both teams get only 5 hits. Inmates suck.

BUCKEYES 10 – LDMF 5 (Baptist Bowl): Shriveled Testicle Gang scores 6 in the first off of limp-dicked Chacin and never look back.

BUCKEYES 5 – LDMF 1 (Buckeye Dome): Heisey reams Beakless again with another HR and 3B; LDMF hitters miss two ballpark homers (but it wouldn’t have made any difference in the result because the LDMF are homos and the Buckeyes cheat).

BUCKEYES 6 – LDMF 5 (Buckeye Dome): Billingsley is bitch-slapped again, allowing 9 hits and 2 walks in 4 2/3. Dickweed Ortiz thinks his sphincteral emanations lack odoriferousness because he hits three doubles and gets 4 RBI.

The HEAD INMATE

Official Scoring

There are several things that bother me about scoring rules, and here are two that have been on my mind lately.

First, the one that says a runner took 2nd (or 3rd) on "defensive indifference." The guy stole a base - he should get a stolen base. It's not his fault the defense was indifferent. And while we're at it, I hate it when the defense is indifferent. If the score is out of hand, that's fine. I still disagree with the strategy, but I understand the thinking. But if the score is 3-1 in the 9th and the leadoff batter gets on, why just give him 2nd base? Wouldn't you rather keep the double play as a possibility. But it happens all the time. Now, if the guy wants to steal 2nd in a 12-1 game, it should still be a SB, but one that comes with some sort of retaliation down the road.

Anyway, the strategy is not my point here. It's the scoring decision to not give a stolen base. I think the runner should be rewarded for taking the base. Screw the indifference. If you don't want SBs added to the stats of your pitchers and catchers, stop being indifferent.

The other scoring decision that bothers me is the one that says, "you can't assume a double play." Why can't you? Runner on first, grounder to 2nd, and the ss drops the ball during transition. If the scorer can determine it would have been an easy DP, give the ss an error. The pitcher earned the DP, and the shortstop screwed it up. The other day I saw a ss field a grounder, step on the bag and then throw the ball in the dirt past the firstbaseman. The runner would have been out by several strides. The ball didn't leave the field of play, so the batter couldn't advance past 1st, but he SHOULD have been out. Bad throw. Error. Except, no, you can't assume a double play. Stupid rule.

And I've never looked it up, but... IS it a rule? Or just one of those unwritten rules?

Extra Reserve Contest Update

Thru games of May 5th, the standings in the contest are...

Tied for 1st: Sidewinders and Mavs with 147 wins
3rd: Rhinos with 144
Tied for 4th: Drillers and Fungoes with 143
Tied for 6th: Warpigs, Buckeyes, Inmates, and Tweeners with 142
Tied for 10th: Zaps and Wahoos with 140
12th: FFTs with 138
Tied for 13th: Bees and DVs with 135
15th: Goofs with 132

The Mavs are soaring on the strength of the Dodgers (+5 over the SSWs' Giants) and the Snakes are keeping pace thanks to the Blue Jays (+5 over the Mavs' Red Sox). Their other 8 teams are the same.

By the way, Albert Pujols has played 1 game at DH so far.

Rhinos 4, Warpigs 0

All games played at the BallPork.

Gm 1 - Rhinos win 4-2. Cano, Tulo, and Avila go back-to-back-to-back in the 4th inning to lead the attack. Tim Hudson gets the win, Axford the save.

Gm 2 - Rhinos win 14-5. Now this is more like what we expected. The Rhinos get a 6-run 5th inning and a 7-run 9th. Kemp goes 4-5 with a triple, a homer, and a stolen base. Alex Gordon gets 3 hits, including a homer. C.C. Sabathia didn't last long enough to get the win, departing after 2 innings and trailing 5-0.

Gm 3 - Rhinos win 11-5. This time it was an 8-run 1st inning for the Rhinos. Kemp hit 2 of the 5 Rhino taters. Matt Garza goes 7 for the win.

Gm 4 - Rhinos win 3-1. The Rhinos mustered only 4 hits off the Pig pitchers, but two of them were homers. Edwin Jackson goes 8 for the win. Kenley Jansen gets the save.

FFTs 3, Inmates 3

INMATES 7 – FFTs 5 (Baptist Bowl): Pennington drives in 4 to pace the Inmates in an ugly game.

FFTs 7 – INMATES 4 (Baptist Bowl): Pooholes hits 2 taters; Rivera gets the save.

FFTs 3 – INMATES 2 (10 innings – Baptist Bowl): Rios makes costly 3-base error in the first. Pooholes taters and Rivera gets the save. Same old shit.

INMATES 4 – FFTs 2 (FFTville): Floyd pitches well and keeps Pooholes and Rivera out of the game.

FFTs 3 – LDMF 0 (FFTville): Sanchez/Rivera shutout.

INMATES 9 – FFTs 6 (FFTville): UUUUGGGLLYY game. Inmates get 16 hits and hang on after taking 9-1 lead.

The HEAD INMATE

Rhinos 5, Warpigs 2

The Warpig hurlers held the powerful Rhino offense to 24 runs in 7 games but couldn't get any offense of their own going. The Rhinos swept the final 4 games at Rhino Park with 4 straight walk-off wins. The scores of those four games were 3-2, 3-2, 3-2, and 3-1..

Gm 1 - Rhinos win 5-2. The Rhinos staked Tim Hudson to a 4-0 lead with a 4-spot in the 3rd. A 2-run homer by Mike Moustakas was all the Pigs could manage.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 6-5. Hanley Ramirez homered twice off of C.C. Sabathia, but it took an rbi single by Dustin Ackley in the bottom of the 9th off the lefty Sean Marshall to get the walk-off win.

Gm 3 - Warpigs win 4-2. Blake Beavan held the Rhinos to 1 run thru six innings, but left trailing 1-0. It was still 1-0 when the Pigs exploded for 4 runs in the bottom of the 8th. Mike Moustakas hit a 2-run homer in the rally.

Gm 4 - Rhinos win 3-2. The series moved to Rhino Park. The Rhinos again led 1-0 in the 8th when pinch hitter Brett Lawrie smacked a 2-run triple to give the Warpigs the lead. Robinson Cano answered with a 2-run, walk-off triple in the bottom of the 9th for the win.

Gm 5 - Rhinos win 3-2 in 10 innings. Hanley Ramirez missed a 1-15 homer chance that would have given the Pigs a lead in the 6th, but Dustin Ackley made up for it by hitting a HR 1, flyout roll. The 2-1 Pig lead held until the 9th inning when the Rhinos rallied to tie it. Troy Tulowitzki then homered in the 10th for the win.

Gm 6 - Rhinos win 3-2. The Rhinos win by the same score for the 3rd straight game, and all 3 were won in their final at bat. Alex Avila's ballpark (HR 1-5) homer in the bottom of the 9th ended the game. Jordan Zimmermann went the distance in the loss.

Gm 7 - Rhinos win 3-1 in 12 innings. A great outing by Blake Beavan was wasted. Beavan went 7 innings and allowed only 2 hits, but 1 of them was a game-tying homer to Matt Kemp in the 7th inning. The Rhinos won in the 12th when Joey Votto homered off of Dillon Gee. The homer was only the third hit of the game for the Rhinos. The losing pitcher was Mark Melancon, who went 3 innings without allowing a hit or a walk. He exited the game after Cameron Maybin dropped a ball for a 2-base error to lead off the 12th.

2013 Draft Picks Lost and Gained

I'm pretty sure not all of the trades made at the draft were recorded into the Google Doc page for trades, and I don't care so much one way or the other, but... if they involved picks for 2013, you might care eventually. Regarding 2013 picks already moved, here's what I have...

Bee 2nd  >  FFTs
GPB 1st  >  Wahoos
Rhino 4th  >  Inmates
Rhino 3rd  >  Inmates
Bee Reserve  >  Wahoos
Bee 3rd  >  Wahoos
Bee 5th  >  Wahoos
GPB Reserve  >  Inmates
Bee 1st  >  Warpigs  >  Tweeners
Rhino 1st  >  Wahoos
Fungo 3rd  >  Inmates
Fungo 2nd  >  Tweeners
DV 3rd  >  Warpigs  >  Rhinos
Zap 9th  >  Warpigs
Warpig 9th  >  Zaps
FFT 9th  >  Wahoos  >  Nads
Nad 6th  >  Wahoos
Warpig Reserve  >  Rhinos
DV 9th  >  Warpigs

Let me know if there are any changes to be made.

Welcome to the Heartland

Teams visiting Logan County may have a new distraction for their players, much like the Petticoat Junction of Hooterville. The Tenn-Tucky may also be close enough to Nashville to lure teams visiting the Bees. You can't make this shit up, including the fact that the Logan County Judge Executive is named Logan Chick, and the public hearing was held at the Red River Fish & Game Club. Welcome to the heartland.

Article: Chick holds pole dancing hearing

DVs 4, Sidewinders 1

DVs go 4-1 at home against the Snakes.

No game reports were kept to protect the fragile Snake psyche.

Proportional Response

When you wear your hat like this, fines aren't enough. We're talking suspensions. Long suspensions.

Drillers 6, Warpigs 4

The Drillers moved back into the race for the lead in the HWD by manhandling the Pigs in a Netplay series.

Gm 1 - Drillers win 13-2. The Driller bats pounded Mike Minor and two relievers for 18 hits. James Shields threw 6 innings of 3-hit shutout before Scott Baker came on for the 3-inning save, allowing only a 2-run homer to Jeff Francoeur. Jacoby Ellsbury had 3/4 of the cycle by the 4th inning, but couldn't get the double in the next three at bats.

Gm 2 - Drillers win 6-5. A closer game, but the same result. For the second game in a row, three different Drillers homered. Dan Haren got the win over Erik Bedard. Cristhian Martinez recorded the save. Freddy Freeman went 4-4 for the Pigs.

Gm 3 - Drillers win 5-3. The next 5 games move to Driller Park. The Drillers exploded with a 2-out, 3-run rally in the bottom of the 8th inning for the win. Bill Bray got the win in relief while Martinez got another save.

Gm 4 - Drillers win 7-2. Ricky Romero goes all the way for the win. Paul Konerko hits 2 homers. Blake Beavan gets hit hard early but manages to throw a complete game.

Gm 5 - Warpigs win 7-2. The bottom of the Pig lineup scores 5 runs in the 2nd inning, capped off with a 3-run homer by Cameron Maybin. Mike Minor gets the complete game win. Brandon McCarthy takes the loss.

Gm 6 - Warpigs win 9-3. The Pigs beat up on James Shields, and Erik Bedard goes 5 for the win. Mike Leake gets a 4-inning save.

Gm 7 - Drillers win 9-3. The Warpigs' effort to get back into the series with the Drillers ended the moment Edinson Volquez was announced starter. On the plus side, Volquez only allowed 2 hits in his 3.2 innings. The bad news is, both were homers AND he managed to walk 7. Asdrubal Cabrera homered twice and drove in 5.

Gm 8 - Drillers win 5-3. Back in Hooterville for the final 3 games, the Drillers hit 4 solo homers. Bray gets another win in relief, and Martinez gets another save.

Gm 9 - Warpigs win 7-6. Ricky Romero fails to get an out in the 3rd inning, thanks in part to a 3-run homer by Geovanny Soto. Mike Minor gets the win, but watching this bullpen hang on to the lead was excruciating. The Drillers scored in the 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th innings. Jason Hammel got the save.

Gm 10 - Warpigs win 7-6. In the bottom of the 1st, Stephen Drew led off with a homer, and 1 batter later, Dustin Ackley hit his first homer of the year, a 2-run shot. But the 3-0 Pig lead was gone by the 7th. Trailing 6-3 in the 7th, the first three Pigs reached base, loading them up with no outs. Brett Lawrie came on to pinch hit against Joe Nathan but was retired on a weak popout to shallow left. John Mayberry then pinch hit for Omar Infante against Brian Fuentes but struck out. That brought up Ackley against the lefty, and since Infante had been hit for, Ackley could not be removed. No problem, he just rolled 2-4 to take the lefty deep for a grand slam. Mark Rzepczynski and Dillon Gee somehow managed to not get scored on in the 8th or 9th for the win.

Goofs 3, Drillers 2

Buckeye Jr lays a Tweener Split on Drillers

6/4 James Shields pitched a complete game as the DRILLERS defeated the SUPER GOOFS 8 to 6 at AT&T Park.

6/5 Shin-Soo Choo had 2 base hits and 4 RBI at AT&T Park as the SUPER GOOFS beat the DRILLERS by the count of 7 to 3.

6/6 SUPER GOOFS easily handled the DRILLERS by the score of 5 to 1.  Kyle Kendrick gave a fine effort for SG.  He went 5 and 2/3 innings and surrended up 5 hits and no walks.  Both teams' bats went to sleep after the 3rd inning with no runs scored after that point. 

8/30 SUPER GOOFS defeated the DRILLERS by a score of 4 to 1.

8/31 DRILLERS nipped the SUPER GOOFS 4 to 3 at AT&T Park in a hard fought contest.

Buckeyes 3, Drillers 2

Drillers suffer Tweener Split at home vs Buckeyes.

5/18 Shields spanks Hamels behind 14 Driller hits to take game one 9 – 3. Ellsbury and Molina each have 3 hits. Baker gets a 3-inning save.

5/19 Carpenter was too much. Haren had good stuff, walking none and striking out 10, but Driller bats went silent in this 2 – 0 Buckeye win.

8/11 Buckeyes win 2-1 behind 3 hits. Drillers have 8 hits but only a loss to show for it.

8/12 Drillers take another Buckeye ass whippin by the score of 6 – 2. Some guy named Wells had 3 hits…

8/13 Drillers salvage a Tweener Split by winning the last game 3 – 2. Buckeyes had the score tied at 3 in the 6^th, on an apparent sac fly to left, but an appeal to third discovered C. Pena had left a bit early.

Zaps 4, Drillers 1

Zaps go 4 and 1 in Mudpit Park

May 25 The VIVAZAPASTAS nipped the DRILLERS in 10 innings 4 to 3 at Mudpit Park in a hard fought contest.

May 26 Zaps win 8 to 7, again in 10 innings, in a game where we started "saving ABs" after 6. Of course we rally and score 6 runs in the next two innings with our "scrubs" in. Maybe I can't read a card and have the wrong guys starting?

August 19 Max Scherzer came through with a solid 7 innings and Andrew McCutchen went yard and had 3 RBI as the VIVAZAPASTAS defeated the DRILLERS by a score of 8 to 0 at AT&T Park.

August 20 It took 12 innings, and out hitting the Zaps 14 to 6, but Drillers finally get into the win column via a walkoff tater by Longoria taking this one 5 to 4.

August 21 Shields get hammered 9 - 1. Drillers suck...

Zaps 3, Pigs 2

Zaps take three of five at home from the Pigs.

Game 1- Pigs score two in the top of the 9th to break open a tie game. Pigs win 5-3.
Game 2- Zaps bats explode as Cabrera & Bautista drive in 3 each. Zaps win 13-3.
Game 3- Bautista's two taters backup Nicasio's solid start. Zaps win 9-3.
Game 4-Scherzer and the pen stymie the Pig bats while Bautista taters again. Zaps win 5-1.
Game 5-Beaven shuts down the Zap's bats. Pigs win 4-1.

FFTs 3, Warpigs 2

Gm 1 - FFTs win 7-3. Albert Pujols comes back to Hooterville, and it's like he never left. Pujols goes 3-5 with 2 homers. Anibal Sanchez goes 9 for the win.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 4-3 in 11 innings. Delmon Young homered off of Matt Belisle in the 11th inning for the win. Albert gets two more fuckin' homers. Bitch.

Gm 3 - FFTs win 8-4. This time it's former Pig David Ross who homered twice. I am never trading again.

Gm 4 - Warpigs win 5-1. With the Pigs clinging to a 2-1 8th inning lead, Brett Lawrie pinch hit a 3-run homer. Jeremy Hellickson threw a complete game.

Gm 5 - FFTs win 6-5. Mariano Rivera gets the last 5 outs for the save.

Buckeyes 3, SSW 2... Buckeyes 4, Bees 1

Buckeyes 3 SSW 2 in 5 @ Buckeyes

June 13 - Buckeyes 8 SSW 5 - Buckeyes 5 run 1st off Pineda. 4 homers - Duncan, Chipper, and 2 for Posada.

June 14 - SSW 7 Buckeyes 5 - Boesch with 2 homers driving in 4. Morrow with the win and Kimbrel the save

July 25 - Buckeyes 7 SSW 6 - Big Papi with a 3 run pinch hit double off Kimbrel in 8th is the big blow. Koji wins in relief

July 26 (1) - SSW 5 Buckeyes 1 - Peavy CG 5 hitter. Thome and Smith homer

July 26 (2) - Buckeyes 4 Ssw 2 - Pence's 2 run walk off homer in 9th breaks the tie.

Buckeyes 4 Bees 1 in 5 @ Buckeyes

April 28 - Buckeyes 12 Bees 2 - Dickey a CG. 4 Buckeyes homers (Wells (2), Chipper, and S Rodriquez)

April 29 Buckeyes 8 Bees 7 - Fielder ties it in 9th with 2 out 2B only to have Ramos single home Escobar in botton of 9th.

September 4 Buckeyes 6 Bees 4- Buckeyes tag Verlander for 6 runs in 5 2/3. Buckeyes with 3 homers (Pence, Chipper, and R Johnson). Tyson Ross gets the win in relief.

September 5 Buckeyes 16 Bees 9 - Buckeyes with 16 hits including 3 HR's (2 by Duncan). Bonifacio, Pena, and Duncan each drive in 4.

September 6 - Bees 7 Buckeyes 3 - Santana 4 for 4 with 3 RBI's. Tomlin gets the win and Putz the save.

Warpigs 6, Tweeners 4

Well... Netplay sucks. But we all knew that. I bet we had to reconnect maybe 20 times. It still beats playing against a CM.

Wonder of wonders, miracles of miracles... the Warpigs took 6 of 10 from the Tweeners. The rundown...

Gm1- Warpigs win 3-1. Jeremy Hellickson endured the indignities thrown at him from the Tweener dugout and then proceeded to shut them down. A pinch hit homer by Brett Lawrie in the bottom of the 8th broke the 1-1 tie.

Gm2- Tweeners win 7-3. This was more like what we have come to expect. Gio Gonzalez got the win.

Gm3- Warpigs win 6-4. The Merry Mentor of Mediocrity was kind enough to schedule an off day between games 2 and 3, allowing the Tweeners to enjoy the ambience that is Hooterville. Daniel Hudson appears to have enjoyed the festivities the most, as he was scored on in each of the first 4 innings. The Tweeners hit 3 homers, but couldn't overcome the early deficit.

Gm4- Tweeners win 13-2. Back in Logan County for games 4 & 5, the Tweeners treated the home crowd - at least 4000 strong - to an offensive onslaught. The Tweeners scored 8 runs in the first off of Hellickson and led 11-0 after 3.

Gm5- Warpigs win 9-3. Cameron Maybin stole 4 bases. Jordan Zimmermann wasn't sharp, but went the distance for the win.

Gm6- Tweeners win 6-2. A 5-run 1st spelled doom for Mike Minor. Daniel Hudson got the road victory.

Gm7- Tweeners win 9-4. A clutch single by Victor Martinez in the 6th inning got the Tweeners within 2-1, but more importantly tired Hellickson. The Tweeners then put up an 8-spot in the 7th and cruised to victory.

Gm8- Warpigs win 6-4. David Freese hit a 3-run HR in a 4-run 1st inning for the Pigs. Mark Melancon got the final out of the game, saving it for Jake Westbrook.

Gm9- Warpigs win 7-0. Jordan Zimmermann went the distance, scattering 8 hits in the shutout win.

Gm10- Warpigs win 10-2. Leading 2-0 in the bottom of the 5th, Pig hurler Erik Bedard reached his POW with 2 outs and the bases loaded. Derek Jeter was at the plate. Bedard was allowed to face Jeter and got him to pop up. The Pigs then erupted for 4 runs in the top of the 6th, and the Pigs had a 3-game sweep in Logan County.

The unlikely hitting stars for the Pigs were David Freese (12/24, 3 HR, 9 RBI), Cameron Maybin (13/31, a HR, 8 SB), and Hanley Ramirez (10/30, 3 HR).

Michael Morse led the Tweeners, going 13/39 with 2 homers.