Least Likely to be Traded

Some teams trade all the time, and some rarely make a deal. Some players bounce around from team to team, and others are locked in. And it doesn't help that some teams (like the Fungoes) almost never make a trade. And Nad players become untouchable once somebody asks about them.

*Our beloved commissioner has agreed to award a demerit credit to any team who manages to trade for anybody on this list in the next 3 months AND to the team who trades them. So you'd both start the year with a negative 1 demerit. Trade them to the Buckeyes or the Warpigs and get FIVE demerit credits!

Anyway, to while away the winter, here is a list of the least likely players to be traded in NASOMA:

20. Andrelton Simmons, Killer Bees - He can't hit a lick, and he was recently traded TO the Bees... but he's a Brave and quite possibly the best defensive SS since Ozzie Smith. Oh, and he's a Brave.

19. Adam Jones, Inmates - He wasn't ALWAYS an Inmate or he'd be rated higher.

18. Yadier Molina, Warpigs - The Pigs trade as much or more than anybody, but this guy is a Cardinal, he's the best player at his position, and he was the main reason the Pigs won in 2013.

17. Jose Fernandez, Warpigs - Young and talented, with a great card. You'd have to be a fool to trade this guy. Oh wait, how'd I get him in the first place??? :o)

16. Yasiel Puig, Drillers - Might have been higher before he started getting arrested for driving 110 mph. Super talented, but there is some risk here, too.

15. Buster Posey, Drillers - It's hard to imagine that there are 14 guys less likely to move than this guy.

14. Carlos Gonzalez, Inmates - He can hit. He can run. He can field. He's not going anywhere. Like Charles Manson, he'll die an Inmate.

13. Matt Holliday, DVs - Holliday has played for the Rockies and Cardinals, the DVs' two favorite teams. Half of the DVs' wardrobe is made up of Holliday jerseys. Much to the consternation of Matt Holliday, he'll always be a DV.

12. Joe Mauer, Sidewinders - The Snakeman recently took his Joe Mauer SOM card collection to his priest and had them blessed.

11. Troy Tulowitzki, Rhinos - Other shortstops have and will come along thru the Rhino system, but Tulo is still there and still in charge. The Rhinos have occasionally made blockbuster deals, but don't expect Tulo to ever be part of one.

10. Dustin Pedroia, Wahoos - The Chief recently confessed that he has a Pedroia poster on the ceiling above his bed. Too much information, in my opinion.

9. Elvis Andrus, Mavs - He's a Ranger, he's good, and he's a good guy. Short of the Rangers trading him, he'll stay a Mav.

8. Miguel Cabrera, Zaps - He's the second best player in baseball. His move back to 1b is the only thing keeping him from being ranked in the top 3.

7. Joey Votto, Rhinos - More valuable to the Rhino front office than anybody else on the team, and why not? He is an onbase machine.

6. Yu Darvish, Goofs - The Goofboy is a huge fan of Ranger players, and Darvish has become the face of the franchise.

5. Clayton Kershaw, Fungoes - Actually, every player on the Fungo roster could make up the top 20, but there are 4 guys ranked ahead of this Kershaw despite the fact that he's the best pitcher in baseball and is still only 25 years old.

4. Mariano Rivera, FFTs - This year's card will be his last, and the good doctor is nothing if not loyal. I wouldn't be surprised if he used a reserve to keep him in 2015.

3. Andrew McCutchen, Zaps - They just don't get any better than McCutchen. The Zapper once traded Josh Hamilton after his best season, but that won't happen with McCutchen.

2. Shin-Soo Choo, Goofs - A few weeks ago, it might have been possible to get Choo from the Goofs, but now that he's a Ranger, he's locked in.

1. Mike Trout, Fungoes - The best player in baseball plays for the manager who makes the fewest trades. That's why he's #1 on this list.

* - This is a lie.