Round 1 - Fungoes vs Rhinos

Game 1 @ The Rhino Preservation - Fungoes won 6-1. The Rhinos struck early with a solo HR from Tulowitzki, but the Fungi exploded for 5 runs in the 4th. Berkman homered to tie the game; then Clint Barmes came thru with a 2-out, RBI hit. That was followed with an error by Tim Hudson that plated 2 more runs and a run scoring hit by Daniel Murphy. Clint Barmes homered in the 6th to complete the scoring. Clayton Kershaw pitched 2.2 innings out of the bullpen to get the win. The 7-8-9 spots in the Rhino lineup went 0-11 with 11 K's.

Game 2 @ The Rhino Preservation - Rhinos won 4-2. The Fungoes took a 2-0 lead in the top of the 5th with 2 unearned runs thanks to a 2-out, bases loaded Tulo error. But Kemp and Cano went back to back in the 6th to tie the game. A sac fly by Braun in the 7th put the Rhinos ahead for good, and Polanco knocked in an insurance run in the 8th. John Axford in relief got the win; Sean Marshall recorded the save. Steve Cishek took the loss for the Fungoes.

Game 3 @ WTF Field - Rhinos won 9-1. Edwin Jackson goes the distance, and the Rhinos pound out 14 hits. A 7-run 5th inning sent the Fungo Fanatics to the exits early. Alex Gordon in the leadoff spot went 4-5.

Game 4 @ WTF Field - Rhinos won 11-2. Matt Garza threw the second consecutive complete game for the Rhinos, losing his shutout in the 9th inning. Robinson Cano came up in the 9th needing only a triple for the cycle, but could only manage a grand slam, falling woefully short of the desired cycle. After the game, Rhino manager Colonel Rhino said, "We'd kinda like to close this out at home, so I think I'll send Kemp, Cano, Tulo, Votto, and Braun home a day early."

Game 5 @ WTF Field - Rhinos won 3-0 to advance to the 2nd Round. Alex Avila tripled and homered. Tim Hudson and three relievers combined for the shutout. The Rhinos advance to meet the #2 seed Buckeyes.

Playoffs Preview

This weekend at WTF Field in Waxahachie, the top six NASOMA teams will spend some time trying to remember how to roll dice and find the results on their cards. They've spent this past week trying to FIND their cards.

Here's the lowdown on the six playoff teams...

Seed 6 - The Fungoes. The Fungoes have won a title before (2006), so he's lost all the motivation to win again. And it's a good thing. To win this, the Fungoes would have to beat, in order, the Rhinos (105 wins), the DVs (112 wins), and most likely the Buckeyes (109 wins). Fat chance. The team had no one score 100 runs, no one drive in 100, no one hit 30 homers, and even no one hit 30 doubles. Apparently, Clayton Kershaw carried this team on his shoulders to the post season. He can set down that load now; the season ends with a first round loss to the Rhinos. It's probably for the best - he can spend his weekend being host and keeping the rest of us from rummaging through his collection of sex tapes.

Seed 5 - The Drillers. To answer the most frequently asked question, "Yes, the Drillers are still in the league." It's been more than a decade, but the Drillers have won two titles. And while the Tweeners are flying in from Kentucky, they will still get to WTF hours ahead of the Driller Dude. The Drillers are led on offense by Jacoby Ellsbury, Evan Longoria, and Yadier Molina. The Drillers open against the Tweeners, and actually won the season series 6-4, but at least half those games were played via the Quick Play option. Now he has to find that cheating white die.

Seed 4 - The Tweeners. The sentimental favorite to win it all. The Tweeners have finally reached year 30 of his 30 year plan. Michael Morse, Pablo Sandoval, and Victor Martinez lead the offense while King Felix is the top pitcher. The Tweener/Driller series might be the most entertaining of the weekend. The cheating white die vs the Mud Die. And while the Tweeners know the rules as well or better than anyone, there is sure to be a lot of, "Hey, does anybody know this... there's runners on the corners, he's back but holding, what happens on a gbA to the pitcher?"

Seed 3 - The Rhinos. Destined for greatness, the Rhinos have used the draft and the trade wires to put together the best lineup in NASOMA history and set the stage for their first title. The question at the beginning of the season was how many records would they break. But the Rhinos "only" won 105 games and didn't even get a bye. Does this mean doom for any team getting in his way now? Or do the Rhinos leave the weekend disappointed, overhwhelmed with questions about his game strategy and filled with self-doubt about his manhood and sexual preference?

Seed 2 - The Buckeyes. As 7 titles can attest, nobody can match wits with the Buckeyes and come out ahead. In the past, he's won with speed, he's won with pitching and defense, and now he's completely come full circle and returned to his overpowering, bandbox homer bashing strategy. Plus, Humber and Hamels both won 20, and Carpenter won 18. David Ortiz anchors (literally) the offense. But the real question is... How the hell is Hunter Pence a major league ballplayer? Have you ever watched him swing a bat? Or run? Or THROW? He throws like a girl! Or worse, he throws like John Wall!!! Anyway, a Buckeye/Rhino second round series would be fun to follow.

Seed 1 - The DVs. After years of spending playoff weekend either playing golf at home or playing with himself in the bathroom after getting spanked in the first round, the DVs are loaded for bear. Unfortunately, they won't be playing the bears. Still, he'll show up with stacks and stacks of every possible match-up involving every possible team. None of it will matter of course, but it WILL slow the game to a crawl, which works in the DVs' favor. They aren't strong on the boards, so transition offense is non-existent. If they're knocking down the 3's, they'll be fine. Otherwise... someone will need to ride back to Tulsa with him. Actually, you'll need to DO the driving. And you'll need to have the suicide hotline number saved on your phone... just in case.

Predictions...

Round 1
Rhinos beat the Fungoes 4-2
Tweeners beat the Drillers 4-3

Round 2
DVs beat the Tweeners 4-2
Rhinos beat the Buckeyes 4-3

World Series
Rhinos beat the DVs 4-1

Hope to see you there!

Polling Problems

The polling gadget is not allowing me to add more than 4 options, so I just added a second poll. Please pick the team you think will win it all this weekend.

Menage Á Trois

Inmates give up Darwin Barney, Brad Ziegler, Antonio Bastardo, Devin Mesoraco, and Jeff Karstens.

Wahoos give up Mark Teixeira, Luke Gregorson, Edward Mujica, and pick 99.

Warpigs give up Stephen Drew, Delmon Young, pick 37, and pick 52.

*****

Inmates get Mark Teixeira, Stephen Drew, Delmon Young, and pick 99.

Wahoos get Devin Mesoraco, Jeff Karstens, pick 37, and pick 52.

Warpigs get Darwin Barney, Brad Ziegler, Antonio Bastardo, Luke Gregorson, and Edward Mujica.

Killer Turkeys and Warturkeys trade

The Bees send J.J. Putz and Jeremy Affeldt to the Pigs for the Goof 4th (pick 49) and the FFT 5th (pick 69).

Goof and Pigs trade

The SuperGoofs traded Melky Cabrera, John Jaso, their 1st round pick, and their 4th round pick to the Warpigs for Josh Hamilton.

Inmates and Snakes trade

Inmates traded Ryan Howard to the SSWs for Michael Pineda. Given our propensity for drafting/trading for pitchers and having them get injured, we decided to by-pass the wait and get one already hurt.

The HEAD INMATE

I still can't believe I traded Jay Bruce for that worthless piece of shit.

Snakeman

Gold Gloves

19 Gold Gloves were awarded by MLB. In NASOMA, the Inmates led the way with 4 fielding winners, including LF, CF, 3b, and 2b. If the Inmates are going to become a team that relies on defense, hell will really freeze over. The Wahoos had 3 GG winners, followed by the Mavs, Warpigs, Rhinos with 2 each. The teams with 1 representative are the Fungoes, DVs, Sidewinders, FFTs, and Zaps. One GG winner, Adam LaRoche, is currently not on a team in NASOMA.

C: Matt Wieters, Fungoes
1B: Mark Teixeira, Wahoos
2B: Robinson Cano, Rhinos
3B: Adrian Beltre, Inmates
SS: J.J. Hardy, DVs
LF: Alex Gordon, Rhinos
CF: Adam Jones, Inmates
RF: Josh Reddick, Wahoos
P: Jeremy Hellickson, Warpigs
P: Jake Peavy, Sidewinders

 

C: Yadier Molina, Warpigs
1B: Adam LaRoche, Free Agent
2B: Darwin Barney, Inmates
3B: Chase Headley, Mavs
SS: Jimmy Rollins, FFTs
LF: Carlos Gonzalez, Inmates
CF: Andrew McCutchen, Zaps
RF: Jason Heyward, Mavs
P: Mark Buehrle, Wahoos

Tweeners 2, DVs 1

Tweeners take 2 of 3 at home vs. DVs to finish the regular season for both teams. Game #1 was a pitching duel, with Gio getting the win over Weaver. We inexplicably failed to comply with instructions to pull Weaver after 7 innings, and he went 8 innings for the complete game loss. If the final stats show Weaver exceeding his season limit by one inning, the penalty should be assessed to the Tweeners on the ensuing kick-off. Gio and Romo fanned 14, Tweeners won 2-1.

Game #2 came straight from the "shit can happen" file. It began as another pitching duel, with Felix Hernandez taking a 3-2 lead into the 8th inning, when the DVs exploded for 6 runs off Felix, Romo, and Hanrahan. Tweeners began saving dwindling at-bats, pulling Sandoval and Morse in the bottom of the 8th. Then in the 9th Ogando, Madsen, and Elbert took their turn as The Three Stooges. Hal's re-cap said "The big moment was provided by Victorino who thrilled the crowd when he lofted a three-run 'big-fly'", but that was actually early in the inning. The final blow was a 3-run walk-off homer by Mark Reynolds, capping a 7 run 9th and a 10-8 Tweeners victory. Not quite as epic as the Randy Higdon belly-flop comeback, but epic nonetheless. Allen Craig had 5 singles, Madsen pitched a third of an inning, allowing 2 hits, a homerun, 2 earned runs, and was credited with a "hold". 'That was exciting!,' Victorino said. 'I would have paid money to watch this one.'

In game #162, Hal finally got it right when reporting that "Madison
Bumgarner(14-13) got hammered, allowing 6 hits and 4 walks in 3 and 1/3 innings." Tweeners actually out-hit the DVs 15-9, but Halladay and the DVs won the game by a score of 8-5. Shane Victorino hit his 24th triple, so maybe the league leaders listed in the yearbook will not be completely devoid of Tweeners.

2013 Draft Order

The draft order of the non-playoff teams (and without regard to any trades) is...

1. SuperGoofs
2. Sidewinders
3. Wahoos
4. Warpigs
5. FFTs
6. Inmates
7. Mavs
8. Zaps
9. Nads
10. Killer Bees

Playoff Pairings Set

With the Drillers' 8-2 series win against the lowly Wahoos, the playoff match-ups are set.

In the first round, the Fungoes (6) will square off against their old friend (and future divisional foe), the Rhinos (3).

In the other first round series, the AWD champion Tweeners (4) will face the Drillers (5).

In the second round, the Buckeyes (2), who won the MFD, will face either the Rhinos or the winner of the LCT/OUD series.

The overall best record belongs to the DVs (1), who will face either the Fungoes or the winner of the LCT/OUD series.

The games will be played at WTF Field on December 1-2.

Could this finally be the Year of the Tweeners? Could the Rhinos finally find a way to win with THE GREATEST LINEUP IN THE HISTORY OF NASOMA? Could the Buckeyes somehow find a way to win another title? Could the Fungoes shock everyone by beating the Rhinos and Buckeyes back to back to reach the Series and win their second title? Could the Drillers add to their list of championship years? Could the DVs finally allow their bean to be flicked by someone else?

The answer to one of these six questions is YES. But which one?

Good luck to all. (Okay, that's a lie. Good luck to everyone except the Drillers and Buckeyes - they've won enough already.)

:o)