Drillers 8, FFTs 6... Drillers 3, Goofs 2

Drillers go 8-6 with FFTs in the annual battle of Super HAL EQAs!

May 9^th Kuroda out duels Shields in a 2-1 Driller loss that saw the Drillers roll 20s twice on single 1-18 chances with tying runners on third…

May 10^th Lilly takes a beat down at the hands of Ellsbury and Longoria each having 3 hits. Drillers win 12-3. Baker gets a 3-inning save.

May 11^th Where have you been Driller offense? Drillers pound out 18 hits in this 10-2 victory.

June 18^th A bases loaded walk-off single from Abreu propels FFTs to the 4-3 victory.

June 19^th Shields beats Lilly in a fairly decent pitcher’s duel. Drillers win 5-3.

June 20^th Ellsbury shows up with a 4 4 3 6 line as he blasts 3 homeruns while Haren spins a complete game. Drillers win 10-2… again!

June 21^st Santana gets rocked allowing 10 hits and 5 walks in 5 1/3. Drillers finish with 14 hits and a 9-2 victory.

July 31^st David Murphy and Jay Bruce combine to go 7 for 7 while Vazquez goes 9. Drillers win 7-2.

August 1^st FFTs got all they needed with a 5 run 5^th fueled by a Pujols 3 run tater. FFTs win 5-2.

August 2^nd HAL finally pulls Lilly after giving up 13 hits, 10 ER, and 3 walks in 4 1/3 innings. Drillers take this one 11-3. Encarnacion goes 4-5 raising his average to a robust .216

August 3^rd Sanchez, Guerrier, Rivera is too much for Romero to overcome. FFTs win 4-1.

Sept 17^th Driller bats return to silence. FFTs win 4-2.

Sept 18^th Every Driller records at least one hit and Shields goes the distance in a 7-0 shutout.

Sept 19^th All the offense for the game was recorded in the 2^nd inning as FFTs score 2 and Drillers score 1.

Also got results from Goofs:

Drillers 3 Goofs 2 in 5 at Goofs.

Inmates 2, Sidewinders 0

INMATES 7 – SSWs 3 (Snake Pit): Snakes hit two HRs but have sucky defense; Inmates play like they know what they’re doing. CarGo’s 2-run tater ices the game in a 3-run Inmate 7^th.

INMATES 2 – SSWs 1 (Snake Pit): Billingsley allows one unearned run (off his own error), despite allowing the Snakes to load the bases twice – including the 1^st, with no outs. Pineda pitches infinitely better, but he gives up a 2-run HR to Howard for all of the LDMF runs. SSWs are unlucky bastages.

The HEAD INMATE

Tweeners 3, FFTs 3

Tweeners (somehow) split 6 games with FFTs. Games 1-3 @ FFTs. #1, neither team manages an extra base hit, but FFTs score 3 in the 1st inning and win 3 – 0. Game #2 Roy Oswalt (again) beats his former mates , Tweeners get out-hit 12-6 and lose 4-2. Game #3, we avoid a sweep on the road as Shane Victorino carries us to a 4-3 win. Shane homers, then triples, then singles, and then on a DO13-SI he rolls 14. His contract calls for a bonus of a 40 oz. Colt 45 if he hits for the cycle, and this was close enough that Tweeners' management honored him with a fifth of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill. Games 4-6 move to the Hooverdome. Game 4, FFTs score a run in the 1st, but MadBum carries a no-hitter through 7.1 until Pujols rolls a SI*, Tweeners win the one –hitter 4-1. After 4911 regular season tries (plus a smattering of post-season games), Tweeners again fail to throw a no-hitter. In game #5 a 4-run 2nd chases Lilly (3-run homer by Rosario) but FFTs peck away and win 5-4, Mariano with his 3rd save in 3 chances. Tweeners win game #6 by a score of 3-1 on the strength of a Corey Hart HR and a quality start from Ivan Nova. No late-inning drama in the series, as Mariano and Romo (2 saves) and Hanrahan (1) all do their job.

DVs 4, Killer Bees 1

DV’s take 4 of 5 from the Bees, with EVERY game being a one run game. Game summaries:

Game 1 – DVs 5 Bees 4 – DVs ride 4 and 1/3 of scoreless relief as Maholm sucks, and DVs come through with men in scoring position as Stanton, Ramirez and Trumbo all have 2 out RBIs

Game 2 – DVs 6 Bees 5 – Craig hits the walk off in the bottom of the 9^th as Bees HAL slides in Andrew Bailey to relieve JJ Putz – and BAM- ballgame! Bees had built a 5-1 lead after Rickie Weeks hits a 3 run homer after the DVs intentionally walk Beltran to get to him.

Game 3 – DVs 1 Bees 0 – Classic pitcher’s duel between Latos and Verlander sees the Bees only get 5 hits, but the DVs manage only 3. The only run scores on a Granderson triple, then a suicide squeeze with the corner’s in by Kinsler.

Game 4 – Bees 4 DVs 3 in 10 innings – Bees score on a Bourn single and Motte shuts the door in the bottom of the 10^th for the save.

Game 5 – DVs 4 Bees 3 in 12 innings. Here’s the call: “Granderson hits one far, he hits one deep, he hits one OUT OF HERE. If you are wondering if someone can end this in extra innings - The Grandy Man CAN!”

Long story short – I’m glad I’m done with the Bees- at least for now.

DVs

Warpigs 5, Inmates 5

Made the long drive down to Waco today. Got to watch the Baptist Bowl Choralairs sing "Sit on My Face." Got to see George and Gracie. Got to win 5. Got to lose 5. Rolling dice at the Baptist Bowl is not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Gm 1 (Baptist Bowl) - Warpigs win 4-2. Mike Minor goes 7 innings for the win. Mark Melancon got the save. Omar Infante homered for the Pigs. Carlos Gonzalez homered for the Inmates.

Gm 2 (Baptist Bowl) - Warpigs win 5-1. Erik Bedard went 8. Bedard and three relievers held the Inmates to 4 hits. Melancon got the save again. Dustin Ackley and Cameron Maybin homered for the Pigs, resulting in complete and utter embarrassment for the Inmate staff.

Gm 3 (The BallPork) - Warpigs win 5-3. Blake Beavan went 7 for the win with Melancon saving his 3rd straight game. The Pigs got homers from Jeff Francouer, Geovanny Soto, and Maybin.

Gm 4 (The BallPork) - Warpigs win 3-2 in 11 innings. In a game no one wanted, the Warpigs eeked out their 4th consecutive win. The Pigs had 11 baserunners in the last 4 innings, but didn't score any of them until Freddie Freeman drew a bases loaded, 2-out walk to end it. Omar Infante hit a 2-run homer in the 3rd inning, but the real story was the Mike Minor no-hit bid. Minor kept his perfect game going thru the first 17 batters before issuing a 6th inning walk. He lost the no-hitter after 1 out in the 7th. The shutout was still intact with 2 outs in the 9th when Kosuke Fukudome got a single 1-4 off of Mark Rzepczynski's card to keep the game alive. Adrian Beltre then hit a 2-run homer to tie the game. The LDMF's had only 5 hits, and all of them were by the 3 & 4 spots in the lineup.

Gm 5 (Baptist Bowl) - Inmates win 4-3. The ImpotentMates began to perk up, scoring the tying run in the 8th and the winning run on a bases loaded, walk off HBP in the 9th.

Gm 6 (Baptist Bowl) - Inmates win 11-8. Ugggggg Leeee. The two teams combined for 27 hits. The Inmates scored 4 times in the 8th, the last three coming on a 3-run double by Brian Bogusevic.

Gm 7 (Baptist Bowl) - Inmates win 3-1. Chad Billingsley gave up a lead off homer to Stephen Drew, then allowed pretty much nothing else.

Gm 8 (The BallPork) - Inmates win 5-3. I have no idea what happened in this game. We lost. That was enough. I think Billingsley pitched again. Series now tied 4-4.

Gm 9 (The BallPork) - Warpigs win 9-2. Edinson Volquez won his first game of the year. Dillon Gee went 4 innings of 1-hit ball for the save. Seriously, if Volquez and Gee can shut you down, you don't deserve to win.

Gm 10 (The BallPork) - Inmates win 9-1. I throw Volquez in game 9, and the Inmates can't hit. I throw Jeremy Hellickson in game 10, and they kick his ass. This is a weird game. The Inmates pounded 4 homers (in fairness, only 1 was off of Hellickson). Jhoulys Chacin looked like Cy Chacin. And frankly, if Chacin can shut you down, you don't deserve to win.

There were lots of fun stuff, too. The Inmates had an inning in game 5 that started triple, single, double... but they only scored 1 run, didn't attempt a steal, and left no one on base. The batter who singled was thrown out trying to score on the double. The runner who doubled was then doubled off third on a flyball-x to the outfield that resulted in a rare play. In the 11th inning of game 4, the Warpigs went walk, walk, sac, intentional walk, and then Ackley pinch hit and had a single 1-16 shot to end the game. Missed it. Then Freeman drew the 2-out walk. In game 8, Mike Leake pinch ran, and then stayed in to pitch the 9th. I've never had that happen before. In the bottom of the 9th inning in that game, the Pigs had 3 starting pitchers on the bench who could not legally play. There was no dh to hit/run for, and no bench players left to cover any positions. Cliff Pennington homered twice in the final game. It was that kind of day.

DVs 5, Wahoos 0

DVs sweeps 5 from Wahoos at home in handsome fashion, leading for all but 2 ½ innings and outhitting the Tribesmen .301 to .193.

Game 1 = DVs 7 Wahoos 3 = Trumbo, McCann and Helton homer

Game 2 = DVs 6 Wahoos 2 = Weaver goes 7 strong and Downs, Montero and Helton get 2 hits each

Game 3 = DVs 7 Wahoos 6 = Wahoos actually lead for an inning and a half behind home runs by Ianetta and Ludwick, but 2 Granderson homers bring the DiamondVision back

Game 4 = DVs 4 Wahoos 0 = Grandy homers again and DV pitchers stifle any ‘Hoo hopes

Game 5 = DVs 11 Wahoos 5 = Wahoos jump out to a lead that lasts an inning before a 5 home run onslaught dooms the series.

News from the West Coast

Pigman,

King Bee asked me to have you post this on the Big Innings blog.

Bulletin from Strat0matic: Prince Fielder's sixth error so early in the season has Strat0matic programmers working on a patch to increase the maximum error rating for firstbasemen from e25 to e30 with e35 a distinct possibility.
In other news the Tigers new language instructor reports daily progress teaching Prince to say "glove."

Later, Zapper

Computerized HAL

Computerized HAL sucks. As long as there has been a computer baseball SOM (and as much fun as Strato is), I still can’t believe that the game has so many glitches in its software that computers crash left and right . Of course, it’s not the game’s fault, but all of us uneducated and uneducable boobs who insist upon using our personal computers for other software applications besides the baseball game (you know, Windows and stuff like that).

After playing several netplay games between the LDMF and the Buckeyes, the Shriveled Testicle Gang’s computer became inoperable due to an SOM error, resulting in a trip to the PC infirmary.

Two or three years ago the Inmates had the same thing happen, except that our hard drive fried. Several of you have had similar malfunctions.

When the initial 2012 game patch came out, I had problems downloading the damned thing. An email to the PC-heads at SOM has resulted in no response – not even the usual snide comment about how I must be a total nitwit regarding computer operation.

Soooo…a SOM baseball wish: Long live the game and its creator. May we continue to have fun playing SOM baseball forever. And may the rectum-heads who do the computer programming for it have HAL roll “20” on every 1-19 HR chance when they play; may their beer always be flat; may their women always be ugly and bitchy; may their music always be rap – at least until they get their collective shit together.

The HEAD INMATE

Buckeyes 5, Inmates 1

(all via netplay)

INMATES 2 – BUCKEYES 0 (Baptist Bowl): Classic pitcher’s duel. Norris/Perez/Ziegler combine for the shutout; Espinosa hits solo HR.

BUCKEYES 7 – INMATES 5 (Baptist Bowl): Heisey hits 3-run tater and Inmates are down 4-0 before ever coming to bat. HRs by Suzuki and Howard, along with an error by Escobar, allow the Inmates to get close but not close enough.

BUCKEYES 6 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Beachy allows three hits – HRs to Ortiz, C. Jones, and Heisey – as both teams get only 5 hits. Inmates suck.

BUCKEYES 10 – LDMF 5 (Baptist Bowl): Shriveled Testicle Gang scores 6 in the first off of limp-dicked Chacin and never look back.

BUCKEYES 5 – LDMF 1 (Buckeye Dome): Heisey reams Beakless again with another HR and 3B; LDMF hitters miss two ballpark homers (but it wouldn’t have made any difference in the result because the LDMF are homos and the Buckeyes cheat).

BUCKEYES 6 – LDMF 5 (Buckeye Dome): Billingsley is bitch-slapped again, allowing 9 hits and 2 walks in 4 2/3. Dickweed Ortiz thinks his sphincteral emanations lack odoriferousness because he hits three doubles and gets 4 RBI.

The HEAD INMATE

Official Scoring

There are several things that bother me about scoring rules, and here are two that have been on my mind lately.

First, the one that says a runner took 2nd (or 3rd) on "defensive indifference." The guy stole a base - he should get a stolen base. It's not his fault the defense was indifferent. And while we're at it, I hate it when the defense is indifferent. If the score is out of hand, that's fine. I still disagree with the strategy, but I understand the thinking. But if the score is 3-1 in the 9th and the leadoff batter gets on, why just give him 2nd base? Wouldn't you rather keep the double play as a possibility. But it happens all the time. Now, if the guy wants to steal 2nd in a 12-1 game, it should still be a SB, but one that comes with some sort of retaliation down the road.

Anyway, the strategy is not my point here. It's the scoring decision to not give a stolen base. I think the runner should be rewarded for taking the base. Screw the indifference. If you don't want SBs added to the stats of your pitchers and catchers, stop being indifferent.

The other scoring decision that bothers me is the one that says, "you can't assume a double play." Why can't you? Runner on first, grounder to 2nd, and the ss drops the ball during transition. If the scorer can determine it would have been an easy DP, give the ss an error. The pitcher earned the DP, and the shortstop screwed it up. The other day I saw a ss field a grounder, step on the bag and then throw the ball in the dirt past the firstbaseman. The runner would have been out by several strides. The ball didn't leave the field of play, so the batter couldn't advance past 1st, but he SHOULD have been out. Bad throw. Error. Except, no, you can't assume a double play. Stupid rule.

And I've never looked it up, but... IS it a rule? Or just one of those unwritten rules?

Extra Reserve Contest Update

Thru games of May 5th, the standings in the contest are...

Tied for 1st: Sidewinders and Mavs with 147 wins
3rd: Rhinos with 144
Tied for 4th: Drillers and Fungoes with 143
Tied for 6th: Warpigs, Buckeyes, Inmates, and Tweeners with 142
Tied for 10th: Zaps and Wahoos with 140
12th: FFTs with 138
Tied for 13th: Bees and DVs with 135
15th: Goofs with 132

The Mavs are soaring on the strength of the Dodgers (+5 over the SSWs' Giants) and the Snakes are keeping pace thanks to the Blue Jays (+5 over the Mavs' Red Sox). Their other 8 teams are the same.

By the way, Albert Pujols has played 1 game at DH so far.