Rhinos 3, Zaps 2

Game 1- Zaps bats go off as the bottom four batters in the lineup drive in 12 runs in a 15-6 win.
Game 2- Andrew Jones took CC deep in the 7th and the pen makes it stand up in a 4-3 Zap win.
Game 3-Votto is the only Rhino hitless in a 10-5 mauling of the Zaps.
Game 4-Garza strikes out 12 in a complete game gem 3-1 over the Zaps.
Game 5-The Rhines smash 18 hits and score 17 runs in a getaway ass kicking of the Zaps.

Zaps 4, Killer Bees 3

Game 1- Zaps win 4-2 behind Cabreras two taters.
Game 2- Zaps win 8-6 in 10 innings as Cabrera hits a two-run 10 inning tater for the win.
Game 3-Andrew McCutchen's three-run shot outduels Chris Denorfia's 5 for 5 day at the dish in an 8-4 win.
Game 4-Zaps score six runs late to make the Bees sweat out a 9-6 win.
Game 5-Verlander gives up four taters in five innings and the Zaps hang on for a 9-8 win.
Game 6-Cueto goes a strong six and Denorfia is the hitting star again with 3 RBI's in an 8-4 Bees win.
Game 7-The Bees tattoo "wait'l next year" on Fielder's fat ass after he gets 6 ribbies in an 13-1 shelling.

DVs 4, Fungoes 3

DVs and Fungoes hooked up via netplay in 7 unremarkable, rather mundane games as none were closer than 3 runs. The Fungoes “Spay and Neuter Your Pets” campaign was put to good use as the DV big dogs- Holliday, Stanton, Kinsler and Granderson were a combined 14 for 100 with only one homer (which was wind aided). The Warpig advance scout in the press box was overheard remarking that “the DVs must think this is the first round of the playoffs. Just a matter of time before he starts regaling us with tales of past DV lore”.

Regardless, the DVs avoid a losing season (can YOU say that Pigman?) as they move to 81-43, while the Fungoes hold on to a wild card spot at 70-65.

The rather plain results –

Game 1 (first 3 at DVs): DVs ride a 3 run Blanco HR in the 7^th to win 6-3

2 = David Price is awesome – and Nelson Cruz goes 4 for 5 in a 6-2 Fungoes win

3 = DVs rough up Kershaw with 5 in the third and a total of 14 hits in a 14-6 win

4 (at Fungoes WTF Cavern) = Weaver and Storen combine on a 5 hitter in a 4-1 DV win

5 = Latos, Luebke and Clippard combine on a 2 hitter in a 3-0 DV win

6 = Fungoes get pissed as Myers and Papelbon hold the DVs to 4 hits in a 6-2 win

7 = Fungoes really get pissed as they pound out 16 hits on Ogando and crush the DVs 10-1

Killer Bees 2, Sidewinders 1

3 words - Lonnie Fuckin Chisenhall! Smashes 2 Taters off the guy that ripped the heart out of Texas. BTW...remarkably, there were no pitcher errors or hit batsmen this game.

Holla

Buckeyes 3, Fungoes 2 (again)

Buckeyes 3 Fungoes 2 in 5 @ Buckeyes

May 20 - Buckeyes 6 Fungoes 4 - Big Papi with a HR. Dickey goes 8 1/3 for the win. Smith the save.

May 21 - Buckeyes 4 Fungoes 2 - Big Papi homers again. Uehara the win in relief. Smith another save.

May 22 - Buckeyes 8 Fungoes 4 - Hamels the winner. Pena, Heisey, and Rodriquez with homers

Aug 15 - Fungoes 4 Buckeyes 2 - Kershaw throws CG 4 hitter. Berkman drives in all 4.

Aug 16 - Fungoes 8 Buckeyes 3 - Fungoes rock Dickey for 7 runs in 3 2/3. Napoli and Hosmer with HR's.

Buckeyes 3, Fungoes 2

Fungoes and Buckeyes played five at WTF today, here are the results:

April 7. Fungoes erase a 3-0 defecit with a 4-spot in the 5th to win 4-3. Derek Holland gets the win while Papelbon picks up the save. Cole Hammels gets the loss. Yunel Escobar drives in all three runs for the Buck a roos! Daniel Murphy slaps three base hits for the Fungi!

April 8. Fungoes score first but the Buckeyes plate three in the 4th inning and three in the 5th inning to cruise to a 6-4 victory. four RBIs for Ortiz. Carpenter gets the win for the Bucks, while Eduardo Sanchez nails down the save with the bases loaded in the 9th. Stauffer suffers the complete game loss for the Fungoes.

June 30. Buckeyes score four runs in the 1st inning and never look back winning 8-4. Carpenter picks up the complete game victory while David Price is saddled with the loss. Three hits and two more RBIs for Ortiz. Stellar defense for Yunel Escobar and the Buckeyes.

July 1. Buckeyes break open a close game with a 4-spot in the 7th inning and win it 7-3. Humber picks up a complete game victory for the Buckeyes while Kershaw takes the loss. Yunel Escobar drives in four for the Bucksters!

July 2. Fungoes have to go extra innings to claim the Tweener split winning it in walk-off fashion when Clint Barmes (of all people) drives the ball to the wall to plate the go ahead run. Fungoes win it 2-1. Hamels pitched a gem and went the distance (9 2/3) and is handed the loss. Papelbon picks up the win in relief.

Fungoman

Games Remaining

There is a new link on the home page that shows how many games you have left with each team. I think it is up-to-date, but not 100% sure. It is highlighted to reflect the probability that the games are played FTF, Netplay, or CM.

Many teams are way ahead of schedule, as always. Good job there. But there are a few teams needing to get games played. Make sure they aren't waiting on instructions from you.

For games that are going to be played with CMs, those instructions should have already been sent out. If you haven't heard from the other team, give them a call or an email. Worst case, let Glenn know.

Please continue to update the Input W/L Records google doc when you play games, and then send me an email with the results so I can post them. A big thanks to all of you who are doing such great game stories of your games. Those are fun to read.

It should be an interesting post season. Hey, Fungoes, will you be hosting? Even though the Pigs won't be playing, I'm looking forward to the DV antics when he gets ousted in the first round. That never gets old.

Wahoos 8, Goofs 6

Here's what was reported about this series...

[this space intentionally left blank]

Inmates 4, Goofs 1

Goofs 1, Inmates 4

FFTs 7, Wahoos 3

2 clutch singles in 7th inning of game 1. FFTs win, 4-3.
Recently traded to the FFTS, J-Ro homered off Rivera in Game 2. Seemed innocent enough until Quintero singled and Swisher walked. Then Dustin Pedroia hit a BP homer 1-16 and got the 16 for a walkoff 7-6 win.
Game 3 at the FFTs seemed innocent enough. FFTs jumped to a 12-5 lead. Wahoos got back in the game and had 2 men on in the 9th after J-Ro homered off RIvera (again). Pedroia popped up to end the game this time. FFTs win 12-11. FFTs win Game 6, 14-0. To show the game isn't all that realistic, Michael Young had 4 hits. Albert Pooholes managed just 1 hit in the onslaught.
Wahoos win 3 of 7 overall.

Rhinos 4, Fungoes 1

Fungoes and Rhinos squared off today and played five games at Rhino Uni-Horn Stadium. Here are the results:

Game one:

April 23, at Rhinos.

Fungoes jump out to an 8-0 lead and hold on to win 8-4. Tulowitzki hits an 8th inning Grand Salami in a losing effort for the Rhinos. Myers gets the win for the Fungoes with Papelbon claiming the save. Jackson takes the loss for the Rhinos.

Game two:

April 24, at Rhinos.

Hudson and Janson combine for the shutout as the Rhinoids (gross) win 5-0. Derek Holland takes the loss. 3 RBIs for Votto.

Game three:

July 17, at Rhinos.

Rhinos erase a 4-2 Fungo lead with a six spot in the bottom of the 7th. Fungoes score one in the 8th and one in the 9th, but find themselves on the short end of an 8-6 Rhino win. Friery takes the loss for the Fungoes. Hudson picks up the win for the Rhinos and Jansen gets the save.

Game four:

July 18, at Rhinos (game one).

Rhinos cruise to a 5-1 win. Sabathia picks up the win for the Rhinos and while Porcello takes the loss for the Fungi.

Game five:

July 18, at Rhinos (game two).

Rhinos sprint out to a 7-0 lead and hold on to win 10-7. Garza gets the win while Holland takes the loss. Blah blah blah Rhinos kicked some Fungo ASS, blah blah blah! Fun fun fun!

Derek

Mavs 3, Drillers 2

Mavs 3, Drillers 2

Rhinos 6, Inmates 4

Col. Rhino made the trip to the Baptist Bowl for a bizarre series (“Keep Waco Wacko”). Among the weirdness:

“Cut the throw,” uttered by the Head Inmate when confronted with a Rhino 1-19 steal attempt with a runners on first and third and a catcher with a 1-7 T-rating. Col. Rhino was just a temporal shade behind this managerial gem and rolled a 20…shitfuck.

“I guess you’ll throw,” uttered by the Head Inmate several games later when the situation was reversed and the Inmates were stealing with 1-19 odds. Not giving the Colonel an opportunity to respond, a 20 was rolled, followed immediately by “I was gonna let you have it.” Shitfuck again.

RHINOS 8 – INMATES 2 (Rhinodome): Ugly game in which the Inmates turned four double-plays, both teams made two errors (has anyone noticed the farcically good Rhino defense?), and the Inmates won 2-1. Except for the 5^th inning, when the Rhinos blasted Billingsley for seven runs.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 1 (Rhinodome): Inmates get two triples on Tr-1 chances, Chacin Ks 10, and Sabathia takes the loss.

RHINOS 8 – INMATES 7 (Rhinodome): Inmates score six in the 1^st, then grease up and roll over as there was no stopping the Pointy Schnozzola Gang’s offense.

RHINOS 5 – INMATES 3 (Baptist Bowl): Inmates hit three homers and turn three double-plays and get the same number of hits as the Rhinos. And lose anyway.

RHINOS 1 – LDMF 0 (Baptist Bowl): Floyd Ks 11 and allows only three hits, but an error by Hanigan on an overthrow in the 1^st allows an unearned Rhino run. Inmates get three hits in the 8^th with nobody out - and don’t score. We hate this %$!^%^!@ Rhino defense. Always X-chance die roll followed by “he’s a one with an e-0” or some such tripe and then the 1-6-7-3-5-6-3 double-motherfucking-play. Or the rare play ball-bounces-out-of-his-asshole-into-the-glove-DOUBLE-PLAY! roll…

RHINOS 4 – LDMF 1 (Rhinodome): LDMF extend their inability to score streak to 16 innings as Garza and Axford keep things in check.

INMATES 7 – RHINOS 3 (15 innings)(Rhinodome): Both teams empty their benches and bullpens in this 15-inning yawner that featured a total lack of ability to hit in the clutch. Taters by Cargo and Beltre in the top of the 15^th helped put everyone out of their misery.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 4 (Baptist Bowl): It took three singles, a double, a sac bunt, and a safety squeeze to do it, but the Inmates push across two in the 8^th to ice this one. Venters and Salas consider ritual disembowelment for the embarrassment.

RHINOS 5 – INMATES 2 (Baptist Bowl): In game one of a doubleheader Garza tosses a complete game victory. Three Rhino homers provide more than enough offense to best the LDMF.

INMATES 5 – RHINOS 1 (Baptist Bowl): Only two of the Baptist Bowl Choralaires stayed for this one, but they witnessed de la Rosa striking out 14 and throwing a complete game. Woohoo!

The HEAD INMATE

Rhinos 6, Buckeyes 4

Apparently. No details yet. You would think a big series like this would have a full report. Inquiring minds want to know.

Fungoes 3, Goofs 2

Fungoes and Goofs met today for 5 games at WTF. Here are the results. Fungoes win 3 of 5.

May 1:

Designated hitter Michael Cuddyer touched them all and had 2 RBI as the FUNGOES defeated the SUPER GOOFS by the score of 10 to 9 at Pac Bell
Park. Tim Stauffer had a steady outing. He went 8 and 2/3 innings and surrended up 8 hits and 5 walks and served up 2 'big flies'. PHIL -SG tried
unsuccessfully to come back in the 9th. David Robertson recorded the save, his 3rd. Matt Harrison was tagged with the loss. He was unable to control the Fungi offense and allowed 9 hits and 4 walks in 5 innings.

May 2:

Clayton Kershaw and Kyle Lohse locked horns in a pitcher's duel with Kershaw coming out on top of the SUPERGOOFS 3 to 1. Kershaw pitched well for the Fungoes in their victory. He allowed 8 hits and 1 walk in 7 innings. The Fungoes totaled 7 hits on the night. Jonathan Papelbon got the save, his 23rd.

May 3:

Carlos Quentin ripped 2 homeruns and had 4 RBI at Pac Bell Park as the SUPER GOOFS beat the FUNGOES in 11 innings 12 to 10.

The score was knotted at 10 after nine innings. PHIL -SG won it in the 11th inning. After two were out Quentin kicked off the action when he blasted a
solo shot. Jesus Guzman stepped into the batter's box and he drew a walk. Melky Cabrera then doubled. Alexei Ramirez dug into the batters box next,
but he struck out. The game was a wild affair with the lead changing hands 5 times. Mike Adams went 3 innings allowing no runs for the win. Steve Cishek was hit with the loss in relief. He pitched 1 and 2/3 innings allowing 2 hits and 1 walk.

'I had a big day, but there's a lot of credit to go around' Quentin said. 'We played well together as a team.'

September 7:

Designated hitter Daniel Murphy had 2 base hits and Tim Stauffer pitched 8 strong innings as the FUNGOES topped the SUPER GOOFS by a score of 2 to 1 at Pac Bell Park.

The Fungoes tallied 1 run in the bottom of the 6th inning. Orlando Hudson drew a walk. Hudson took his lead and swiped second. Jason Bourgeois then laid down a sacrifice bunt. Murphy came up and he delivered a one-base hit. Lance Berkman stepped into the box and drew a walk. Bobby Cassevah then threw a pitch that the catcher muffed. The Super Goofs threatened in the 9th but Papelbon was able to put down the rally and pick up the save. Stauffer was the winner allowing 1 run in 8 innings. Kyle Lohse ended up with the loss.

September 8:

The SUPER GOOFS had an easy time of it at Pac Bell Park defeating the FUNGOES by a score of 6 to 1. With the Fungoes batting and bases loaded trailing 2-1 in the 7th Eric Hosmer hit into a TRIPLE PLAY!! That pretty much says it all!!!

Derek

Fungoes 2, Tweeners 0

Fungoes take two from the Tweeners at home!

August 26:

Five Fungo hurlers throw a shutout at the Tweeners while Fungo batters find some timely hitting as the Fungi gang wins it 3-0. Porcello picks up the win whild Hudson takes the hard-luck loss. Hudson only allowed 3 hits in 6 1/3 innings. Porcello delivered a fine performance for the Fungoes. He was reached for 4 hits and 1 walk in 5 innings. Fungoes won despite being out-hit by the Tweeners 7 hits to 4. Jonathan Papelbon gained credit for the save.

August 27:

Tied up 3-3 after nine innings this marathon ends in walk-off fashion with Cruz mashing a mammoth blast in the 18th inning! Glen Perkins picked up the victory, allowing no runs in 2 and 1/3 innings. Vance Worley took the loss in relief. He gave up 3 hits and no walks in 2 and 1/3 innings. Morse hit two HRs in a losing effort for the Tweeners.

Wahoos 1, Warpigs 1

Dice and cards...

Gm 1 @ The Reservation - Warpigs win 9-6. David Freese hit a 2-run triple in the 8th inning, breaking a 5-5 tie. Jason Hammel got the win with 4.2 innings of relief.

Gm 2 @ The BallPork - Wahoos win 6-4. The Pig bullpen failed to hold a 4-2 lead, giving up 2 runs in the 8th and 2 more in the 9th. Mike Leake took the loss.

DVs 5, Warpigs 0

Pretty fun stuff, lemme tell ya...

Gm1 @ DV Dome - DVs win 8-7 in 11. DVs get a walk win off in the 11th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 10th.

Gm2 @ DV Brothel - DVs win 3-2 in 10. DVs get a walk off win in the 10th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 8th.

Gm3 @ DV Glory Hole Field - DVs win 8-7. DVs get a walk off win in the 9th after the Pigs missed a 1-15 ballpark homer in the 9th.

Gm4 @ The BallPork - DVs win 13-3. DVs get a walk off win in the 1st with a 4 spot off of Volquez. Fun stuff.

Gm5 @ The BallPork - DVs win 11-4. DVs get a walk off win in the 1st with a 7 spot off of Hellickson, including back to back 5-2 homer rolls to start the game (they'd get another 5-2 homer later on).

The DVs hit 10 homers in the two games at The BallPork and 16 overall. This is such a good team. It'll almost be sad when they lose in the 1st round of the playoffs.

Wahoos 1, Warpigs 1

Cards and Dice...

Both games at the Reservation.

Gm 1 - Wahoos win 3-2. Thanks to a booted ball at 3b, the Wahoos score twice in the bottom of the 9th for the come from behind win. Kevin Youkilis singled in the winning run off of Jason Hammel. Mike Leake took the loss.

Gm 2 - Warpigs win 13-2. The Pigs hit 6 homers, 2 by Geovany Soto. Erik Bedard struck out 12 in 6.1 innings. Dillon Gee struck out another 4 for 16 total K's by the Hoo batters. The Pigs had 15 hits.

FFTs and Warpigs trade cuts

The FFTs trade Brendan Ryan to the Warpigs for Geovany Soto.

Earth shattering.

FFTs 3, Warpigs 2

The end is near...

All games played shoulder to shoulder at TM's house.

Gm 1 @ FFT Field - FFTs win 5-1. Albert homered. Big, fat, hairy deal. It was the only pitch Mark Melancon threw. In the battle of the Jeremys, Guthrie bested Hellickson. Heath Bell went 3 innings for a save.

Gm 2 @ FFT Field - FFTs win 8-1. Kyle McClellan totally embarrassed the Pig batters, tossing a 3-hitter. David Ross hit a homer. Jake Westbrook allowed 15 hits, going the distance in the loss.

Gm 3 @ FFT Field - Warpigs win 5-1. Jordan Zimmermann went 6 innings for the win. Mike Leake earned a save by shutting out the FFTs for the final 3 innings. Geovanny Soto blasted a 3-run homer. Roy Oswalt took the loss.

Gm 4 @ The BallPork - Warpigs win 7-6. The Pigs hit 4 home runs. Mike Leake got the win in relief. Marc Rzepczynski retired the final 2 FFT batters for a save. Matt Belisle took the loss when he allowed a 3-run homer to David Freese. The FFTs did not strike out a single time in this game.

Gm 5 @ The BallPork - FFTs win 5-1. Josh Hamilton hit an 8th inning grand slam off of Dillon Gee making a winner of Jeremy Guthrie, who went the distance.